My Head Knows It's Time, but My Heart Keeps Saying "What If"

It's so hard. I had to do this for our 14yr old lab last Jan. It's hard, it will be hard and it won't get easier. You will cry the whole time, but you have to accept that it's the right thing to do and you have to push through with one foot in front of the other, one step at a time with blurry teary vision. I made the appt and then tried not to think of it for the next two days, but I did and cried often. The morning of, I cried from the moment I woke up and the entire rest of the day. It was hard to drive there (seriously, if you have someone to drive you, you should), hard to put him in the car for the last time, hard to get him out and let him sniff grass for the last time before we went in. Hard to hold his head as his breath slipped away.
You do it because you love them so much, you don't want them to suffer anymore. You do it because you ARE strong, strong enough to deal with it and don't care who sees you cry because you are strong and doing it for your beloved friend. You will feel like your heart is breaking, it's painfull. But it's only by embracing these feelings of love and loss that you can do what you know you should and come out the other side feeling at peace with your decision. Your heart will heal, your tears will subside and you will always have the great memories together.
Sorry I can't sugarcoat it, it sucks. You do it out of honor and respect for them and deal with the pain it brings you...........(hugs)

Oh Stephanie, I am so sorry.

Our pets trust us to care for them and to make these decisions for them. If your loved dog is not walking and is suffering then it is time. Of course her eyes light up when she see you - you and your family are her world. No matter how bad she feels that love for you all will still shine in her eyes. But you must consider her quality of life - it sounds really bad now. She, and you all, have fought a good battle against the lupus, but it is time.

Call your Vet's office - and tell them that it is time. Also, ask them about aftercare - I have my pets cremated so that we can take them home. There are other options.

As for your 8 year old - let him go with you. My son has been helping send off our pets since he was younger than that. For my son it helped close the circle.

Sending you many hugs and love.

My first initial response was tears. I can remember my mother calling me at work , telling me that it was time to say goodbye to Pearl. I think what you are doing is a very selfless thing to do, and just as hard to do it.

You have to do it. My mother told me that she just picked up the phone and dialed. No thought to it. She just made herself do it. Once that was done, she called me from work and we spent some very special time with my cat. I adored this cat. She was 12, and we knew it was time. So did she. Pets just know. I am sure Daisy-Mae does too. It's always such a difficult decision, but know that it is for the best.

I think if your 8 year old wants to go with you, you should allow them too. It's just as much closer for them as it is for you. I also think it is a very sweet gesture.

Hugs to you. You will get through this, and know that so many others have been where you are now.

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry about your doggy. We had to put our 11 year old Golden Retriever down a little over a year ago it was awful.

It's ok for your kids to see your grief. It's natural and healthy since they will also see you heal and continue to love them the same through this great loss.

If your 8 yr old would like to go, you can both hold her and feed her her favorite snack (maybe something really decadent she isn't supposed to have) until she falls asleep. That's what me and my kids did with our dog.

I'm sorry, I just don't know what else to say. Except I'm thinking about you, and sobbing right along with everybody else.

:(

Putting a beloved pet down is a heart wrenching decision.

I recently had friends faced with this. They kept thinking the dog would finally just go in his sleep, but he held on even though he couldn't even get up and lost control of his bladder and bowels. His tail wagged and he still wanted to be loved on. He was in too much pain to walk or move at all other than his tail.

Finally, they spent an evening loving on him and laying with him and saying their good-byes. He had to be carried out to the back of the van. The vet actually came outside and administered the injections to save the poor thing from being transported inside. It was a sunny afternoon and all very peaceful, really. For the dog.

My friend said that had she known how gently and peacefully it would have been handled, she wouldn't have waited so long. They were holding on for themselves. She said she felt so much better finally letting the dog know it was okay for him to go and that he was so loved.

It's not easy to let go of a pet. It seems that it would be so much easier for nature to just take it's course, but if the animal is suffering, nature isn't always kind.

You will find a way to resolve this in your heart. I do think you should let your 8 year old go with you. I think you should be open about your sadness and sense of loss, but also instill in your children that pet don't live forever but we never have to forget them. My son still talks about his favorite dog ever. Sheba. She was really wonderful and we have lots of photos of her. We talk about her all the time and she's been gone a while now. He didn't want to let her go, but he didn't want her hurting anymore either.

In a way, she's still very much with us.

I know this is a hard time and I wish you the very best.

Hi Steph,

My heart goes out to you. It's so hard to know when is the 'right time' for pets, but it sounds as though you've reached that place.

You take that last step as you have to, one foot in front of the other. You do it because you are not just Daisey Mae's Mom-Human, but because you want to be a good steward to her in both life and death. This is a difficult path and an overwhelming responsibility. I say this with love, and will pass on the good advice someone gave me recently about a similar circumstance: Embrace this time. You do not have to love it, but do live in it fully. Providing palliative care means that we do what we must to give comfort, and sometimes that means helping them die. It is difficult and blessed work of our hearts and spirits.

Would you be interested in having a vet come out to your home to do the service of helping Daisey Mae die? There may be some vets in your area which do home visits, and it would be worth calling your vet and asking about this if it's an option you prefer.

If it were me, I would let my older child be there, no matter where you choose to do it. Perhaps a good adult friend your son is familiar with could come, too, so that if your son needs to leave the room, he'd have a familiar person to be with him.

Give yourself, and your family, lots of time to grieve. My heart goes out to you.

Sending you hugs and strength,
H.

I would let the kids say good bye but I'm not sure I'd have my 8 yr old with me. That would be too hard. I was not able to stay with my pets as an adult. Everybody is different and there is no shame, IMO, in knowing your limitations. If he does come, have him say good bye and then wait in the grieving room.

It is by far the hardest pet owner decision I have ever had to make but when my DH refused to make this call for the cat they'd had before we were married, seeing the cat in pain was worse than having had let him go. I would rather say good bye before the animal is in terrible terrible condition than wait too long, follow? Not that it's easy, but if we'd let the cat go a few days earlier we would have spared HIM some pain and death without us there. If the end is soon and inevitable, then it's time to say good bye.

Hugs.

When and if I've had the option, I've always wanted to give my pets a special "last day," where they get pampered in every way possible before it's time to let them go.

It sounds like it's time, in this case. There is no way to put an animal to sleep without some guilt and second-guessing - I think it's natural - but you don't want the animal to suffer.

Yes, let your 8 year old go. When we put our dog to sleep 6 years ago, he was suffering badly in the middle of the night so I woke up all my kids and we all went to be with him in his last moments.

I disagree that your 8 year old shouldn't be in the room. As someone who had a brother die when I was 5, I can tell you that I wish I'd been able to see him before he died. I think just having a loved one disappear on you is terrible. An 8 year old can handle it, if that's what he wants. Death is a natural part of life.

I am sooooo sorry!! I feel your pain. In December 2008, we put our beloved Obi down...our boys were 8 and 6. We did NOT take them with us.

Obi woke up the day after Thanksgiving (at the ripe old age of 14.5) and smelled REALLY bad...he had had growth on his tail that really exploded overnight...went from a popped popcorn size to a golf ball....it turned out to be cancer. The Vet said he could do surgery and cut it out..but at his age he might not make it through surgery...we couldn't make the decision right there on the spot so the vet gave us "feel good medicine" and we came home...he gave him the meds and he was like a 6 year old dog again! And God blessed us with a beautiful weekend...we went over to the park (something he hadn't been able to do for about 3 years) and played...as soon as the meds wore off - he was back to old man again...

On Monday we made the appointment with the vet. We told the boys that the vet was going to work on him but would most likely not make it...they said their goodbyes and my girlfriend took care of the boys. at the time and their ages, they would not have understood putting a dog down....now? they would.

You know it's time...if she can't get up...it's time...as hard as it is...it's time...our vet allowed us to stay with him the whole time and gave us a good 15 minutes afterwards...we went to a bar and I had a drink (I don't drink so Bob and my girlfriend knew I was upset)....

How did I make the dreaded appointment? I looked at my puppy dog who, still had bright eyes, but in horrible pain...and giving him a bath didn't help with the smell...he was ready.

I was afraid my kids would walk in on him dead in the bathroom (he moved to sleeping in their bathroom pushed up against the cold cast iron bathtub and ceramic floor...I would much rather have it on my own terms than my kids walking in on a dead dog...

My heart and prayers go out to you!!! It's not easy..but you can do it!!

After working with animals most of my adult life, I can say with out doubt. Which ever you chose is the best thing. As long as your beloved dog is with you every step, she will do what she can, until she can not. I have fostered, and rehabilitated so many dogs before my kids came along. Some of them I had for only a short time and some became my pets. There were a few that stuck with me in my mind for a long time. Its never easy to make a decision that requires you to end a life.
One was a basset/lab mix named Rain. Rain was one of the saddest, heartbreaking cases I ever had to go on in a neglect call when I was working for a Humane Agency in my state. A couple got Rain as a small puppy. They couldnt seem to house train her right, and so she stayed in her kennel. All day, every day, sometimes laying in her own filth and pee. After she started stinking up the house, they put her in a shed in the backyard. She was lucky to eat daily, sometimes maybe 2 times a week. She had a large rabbit bottle of water and sometimes that was filled sometimes not. She passed her first 2 years of life this way. Only getting out of the kennel for them to scrape poop out and spray it with some water. Then to be shoved back in for weeks. They had a bonfire party one night, and she was barking. So they poked her with burning sticks from the fire.
Some one there felt bad enough to call. We took her from her kennel. She was terrified and aggressive. I muzzled her and carried her in the car. We saw what years of being in a small cage had done. She had chewed her own toes off both her front feet. Her back legs were so weak from never getting up or walking, her hips were deformed, and so she was only able to drag her back legs along. She had burns all over, horrible ear infection, and three rotted teeth. She weighed about 20lbs. Vet estimated she should weigh 55. Everyone said, put her down, put her down... while she laid in my arms trying to eat me (not in the nice way) I just felt this dog doesnt deserve that! I paid to fix her to the vets best ability. I did physical therapy every day. Swimming, walking with a towel around her hips. She was able to regain the ability to walk, but she was a emotional and behavioral mess. I stuck with her for 4 more years. She was never my favorite dog, heck I didnt even really like her as a dog, but I LOVED her if you understand that. When my kids were born, I was scared she would be too aggressive for them, but she surprised us once again. She disliked my husband and I, but babies and kids. Completely different animal. Sweet, protective, loving. One more year passed. She was growing on me, when I noticed something growing on her. A tumor. She had cancer, and had spread through her whole body. When we got the prognosis of what we were going to have to do, it was grim and expensive. After a LONG discussion. We decided to make her comfortable, give her pain meds, and let her pass on her own. When the pain meds didn't seem to cover her problems any more we decided to put her down. On the table, for the first time since I got her, she lifted her head, she licked my hands and face, and she wagged her tail. I honestly think she knew what we were doing and she thanked us for it. It was peaceful, quick and I didnt feel as much guilt as I thought I would. She will always be in my heart and head forever. She didnt have to be super dog for that.
Its a very hard decision. You have not taken it lightly, you have weighed the options. She is ready to go. I want to be clear, that sometimes they do do things unexpected during the procedure. There will sometimes be tremors, crying (yelping), residual breathing, and movement. It could happen, and for some, it can be traumatic. Usually its just they fall asleep and that's it. I just want to prepare you for it, cause the sedative they give generally makes them sleep before they expire, but sometimes its not always the case. I have been on hand for more euthanasia than I care to count. I have seen almost everything....

I feel your pain. I still feel that pain very deeply every time I think of the day I had to take my 16 year old Corgi/Heeler mix (Tipsy) to be put to sleep. She had bone cancer and, looking back, I should have taken her sooner but I was in such denial.

Hands down, that was one of the worst days of my life. Like you, I prayed she would die in her sleep the night before we took her to the vet. However, I could see the pain in her eyes and knew she needed to be free.

All our kids went with us when she was put down. I wanted them to see the realities of responsible pet ownership. I wanted them to know that, while pets bring great joy to our lives, at some point we might face difficult decisions. I sobbed through the whole thing and just stroked her and told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her (I just choked up writing that). However, that painful day was worth it for all the beautiful memories she gave me. You too will get through it and the sobbing will subside. And, you'll be left for the beautiful memories.

That is so sad and such a hard thing to do. It does sound like it's time. I would have someone come with you if you can. It's hard to do by yourself. My husband did. I wouldn't have your 8 yr old in the room to the end but that's just me. You want them to remember the dog happy and alive, not the image of the end. I wish you the best during this hard time.

we just went through this in June w/ a 16 year old dog....the hardest part about pets is doing the right thing when it is time.

when the bad days outweigh the good ones and nothing can fix that, then it is definitely time.

yes, it is okay for your 8 yo to be there. my 8 yo insisted and I was really, really worried about it because she is super-sensitive. she decided not to be in the room and God bless that receptionist because she handled her very well. but, it would have been much worse had my 8 yo stayed home.

on a positive note, because it was time adn we'd seen it coming for a long time, the grief was actually less and easier than for the last 2 animals. doesn't mean I don't miss her and don't look for her in her special spots still but it was the right thing to do and that made it so much easier. not that the last 2 it wasn't the right thing to do. but they were younger and for both it was very sudden.

you have the strength.

I am so so sorry you are losing your dog. You have to be strong and think of the best decision for her. You have done all you can and beyond. Make that appt so she isn't in pain anymore. She will only go downhill and feel worse---so do it while she is still happy, loving and able to be comforted by you. Do it soon so she doesn't have to have any more pain. Best wishes. I know this is so so hard.

i wouldnt take the kids with me, period especially if it will be hard on you, what i would do though is have dad dig a hole and bring her back with you and make a grave for her and have the kids decorate something to put on her grave. this way she is always with you. it is best to let her go. she is in a lot of pain. dont let her suffer anymore

It is a really hard decision. We found a vet who would come to our home. Our last 2 dogs were put to sleep in our home. It was much better than taking them to the vet. They weren't anxious or scared.

It is time for you to let her go. Her good days are outnumbered by her bad days. Besides you and your son will be there for her when she goes to her special spot (Rainbow Bridge).

Take a special picture of her for your memory book and write notes from each of you.

I had my Sidney ill and prayed she would hang on until I got off from work but she couldn't and I didn't get closure with her. A few months later, we had to put our Daschund down because of a back injury and my daughter and I were there when the vet gave her the shot. It is very quick and quiet.

You will miss her but you know you did the right thing and her memory will live on in your hearts for as long as you all live.

The other S.
Still missing Sidney 6 years later

I am praying that God gives you the strength to do what you need to do. It is very difficult - I had to put my guy down after 14 years! I was there until his last breath. My face was the last thing he saw and my voice the last thing he heard. I think it was consoling for him; he was suffering; he was ready to go. Oh, now I'm crying!

Do let your son go with you. It's not traumatic - it's very quiet.and peaceful The vets are very respectful.

I am so very sorry.

I know I'm a little late and I don't want to "scare" you with our story...

Our Lena Bear had a re-growing tumor in her throat. We had it removed three times, we had made an appointment with a surgeon to see if he thought he could finally get the thing out with out it growing back. If the doctor was going to say no we had planned to let her go peacefully that day. As she was having a hard time breathing.

On the way to the appointment she passed. It was a painful passing. I would take everything we had to back to a few days before that and let her go peacefully vs the way she did.

I would let my seven year old go with me, at the time she was four or so and no I wouldn't have then but she never got to say goodbye to "not Abby" and she still talks about that.

I guess please tell your heart that it will be harder if she goes in pain.

I wish you the best...