Time to Go

Tell him the dog is sick and needs to go to the Dr. He can go with you if he wants but don't punish the dog because hubby is being stubborn, nieve, or in denial.

If the dog is suffering, it is only fair to take her in to be seen. As a dog lover myself, and dealing with the later years, I know it is hard to face the options. But with all the medicine out there, they might be able to help her! Please take her in at least to see what her options are. Good luck to you.

It allways hard to let go of someone you love. My dad was always a tough guy that rarely showed emotions however every dog we ever had instictively knew my dad's soft spots. He put down his best friend of the last ten years and cried for several hours. I had a cat for almost twenty years. I never relized how bad he was, he had been deterorating for awhile when one day I came into the living room after putting my son down for a nap and found he had pooped on the sofa. I was extremely angry until I picked the cat up and I knew something was wrong with him. I sat down on the sofa and told him how much he meant to me and that it was time for him to move on. With that he died in my arms. I feel that it is with love that we have to let them go. Our friends deserve the kind of unconditional love that they have given to us. It is far kinder to let them die with dignity surrounded and with someone who loves them. If you are in columbus I would recommend House Calls for Cat and Dogs. Dr. Taylor does in home euthanasions (sorry for the spelling) her number is ###-###-####. If not try a local vet. Also Shoedinger does pet cremations at a fair rate. I had them cremate my cat. I just could not stand not knowing what happened to his remains so I still heve him with me in a way.

Nothing should be done behind your husband's back. He is NOT going to be able to understand that you were doing what you thought was best. If he's not ready, then you need to give him more time. Tell him you'll give her another month or so, and then you'd like for him to come with you to the vet to see what he recommends we do about her health problems.

I am so sorry. I have went through this same thing with a few dogs of mine and it is terrible. For my last two pets, I have used a Traveling Vet. She came to my house, assessed my dogs, and put them to sleep right in their own dog bed with me lying there petting them. It was much, much more peaceful than taking them a veterinary clinic where they are scared anyway. Not to mention, it cost just about the same as taking them to the actual clinic.

It is the hardest thing in the world, but if you decide to put your pet to rest, I would suggest researching to see if you can find a Mobile Vet.

Also, I think you taking the dog and putting it to sleep without your husband's consent is a bad idea. It could cause major resentment in years to come, especially if he lives Libby so much. If the Traveling Vet came in the presence of your husband, and the vet suggested that Libby was suffering, maybe your husband would at least hear her.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

Taker her to the vet for an opinion without him. Let him clean up ALL accidents and give her pain meds for a week. Tell him he can either go and be there or not, but it's time. If it's not enough, then take her without him but tell him that you are going (don't just take her one day without warning him).

Sadly it is time to see the vet and he will tell you in my opinion that it is probably best to put her out of her pain.
Your hubby has never been through the grieving process of a lost pet, it won't be easy on him. He is in denial and that will not make his dog better. It hurts,I just had to put my 22 1/2 year old cat to sleep a few months ago and it hurt terribly. I will always miss him but I did get another little male and he is now the light of my life as far as animals go.

You and your husband should watch the movie Marley and Me. We just rented that last night. I thought it would be a good family movie. Its actually not for kids. Its for parents of dogs & children. Our dog turned 13 in January. We were just talking about how she's been really slowing down. We know that death is a part of life and its hard to let our fur babies go. But even putting them down is still parenting them. They can't tell you what's wrong, if they are in pain, if they are sick. Some people think putting them down is "killing" them. It humane but hard to do. You have to get your husband on board with this, if it is your dog's time. Do not do it without him, the resentment will last forever. Some people still choose to let their dogs go naturally. If he does decide this, the vet can do all they can to make your dog more comfortable. Have you been to the vet to get a diagnosis of any kind yet? Our dog had vestibular disease (like a stroke) a year and a half ago. She got over it in a month and only has a head tilt since. We were ready, if need be, to put her down if we had to, but veterinary medicine has come a long way and they told us, even though hers was severe, that she had a good chance to be okay. I really hope your dog will be taken care of as well in end of life as she has through the rest. Talk to your husband first.

Dear S.,

My heart is breaking for you, your family, and especially for your husband right now. It's so hard to see our best friends deteriorate to this point, and to know the end is in sight.

I have been a volunteer on a pet loss forum for the past 5 years, since losing our little Bengal Cat to intestinal lymphoma. Pet loss is unique in that so many people in our day-to-day lives just don't acknowledge it as being valid. That makes it extra hard to deal with the feelings of loss and loneliness. Please feel free to send me a private message any time you need to. I understand the sorrow your husband is feeling now, and I'll do all I can to help.

Please take Libby to the vet. It's possible that she might still have some time left with you. If she's eating and getting joy out of life, it might not quite be her time yet. No matter what, as long as you make your decisions based on your love for her, and with all the information you can gather, you are doing the best that is humanly possible. She will always know that. Our animals friends feel our love, and they continue to protect us, even when their health is failing.

Many of the members on our pet loss forum begin visiting before they have had to say goodbye. You might suggest to your husband that he visit the site and sign up on the pet loss forum there. We will do all we can to help him through this sorrowful time. the site is http://www.rainbowsbridge.com Once you enter the site, go to the "Pet Loss Support" area, and to "Pet Loss Forum." I am registered as S. Squillions there.

I am going to send you a private message with some poems, and a few links to visit regarding making this difficult decision.

Bless your family for giving Libby such a warm and loving forever home.

S.,

This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.......and it is really tough......Don't take her in without him knowing, he will be hurt and very upset that he didn't say goodbye. Call the vet and see if maybe you can get some pain pills for her. He has to see this on his own, you can't make him do this. He needs time to sort it out.......and it's very hard. You and I know that the best thing it to tell her goodbye and let her go. But the heart knows that it hurts and it is so hard to do........try to talk to him about her quality of life. Talk to him about what he would want if he as in pain like this and wasn't able to live like he wanted. He has to make this decision. It's his first dog and if you do this, he will forever be mad at you about it. Talk to him about the good times with her and how she is now......have the kids tell him that they don't like her being in pain.....it hurts them to see her that way. Be patient, I went through this with my husband when his german shepherd had a stroke. He'll figure it out........just give him some time and try to make Libby as comfortable as possible........If you or your husband needs to talk, let me know.........I've been there many times. I had my dogs cremated. He might like that idea as well. It's like losing a family member. Hang in there. Let me know if I can be of any other help.

S.,

Tell your husband what you are going to do, and then go do it. Give him the opportunity to accompany you if he wishes, but do not insistent on him going. Allow the children to be there if they want. You know what is right. Do not make the poor loving dog suffer any longer. My vet once told me that often it is women who have greater strength than their husbands when it comes to doing the right thing. Let Libby go with some dignity. Be there with her, tell her it is OK to go, and pet her while she dies.

You have my utmost sympathy at this painful time in your live.

Best wishes,
K.

Put that poor dog out of her misery! Poor baby! I think it is inhumane to keep a dog that is suffering (and she is if she's got tumors, falling and blood in her stool) just because we, as her caretakers, are too selfish to say "Goodbye" to a loved and adored pet. She is depending on you to take care of her and to let her go when it's time. And it sounds to me like it's time to let her go. She's given you 12 wonderful years! Please don't make her suffer any more! If your husband can't see that she is suffering, have some friends over to see the dog and TELL him the same thing! If all else fails, take her to the vet w/out your husband knowing. It would be nice if he could tell her goodbye and be with her when they put her to sleep, but if he can't bring himself to do it, then Libby will depend on you to do it.
Good luck to you. I have dogs too and would rather put them down than to let them suffer needlessly.

I wouldn't go w/out telling him. I would just put it like this:

Libby is NOT going to get better. She is only going to get worse. I do not want my last memories of her to be have a seisure or dying on the kitchen floor, nor do I want that for my children. HOW TRAUMATIC. HE obviously isn't ready to let go of her yet.

I would make the appointment, tell him and give him the option of going. IT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE!

THEN.....find pictures and have the kids note memories w/ her. Make a scrapbook.

You could even go to someplace like MENARD'S and buy a dog statue or something like that. Bury her in the yard w/ the dog statue, if you have a place to do so.

If you have a "ceremony", make SURE to talk about the great things you loved about Libby. Keep as much trauma out of it as you can.......for everyone. Best way to do that....don't wait.

First and far most is the pet needs! seeing you Husband had never had pets as a child and this was his first he does not understand the real need of letting her go.

His love is so deep for her, he wants to keep her forever maybe the best thing to do is just take her to the vet and let him know a day in advance and let him say his goodbyes and just take her in . I have always been a firm beliver in staying with our pets until the vet is finished and just hold and stroke her and let her know how important her live was to you as the she passes .it is not only good for her but it is also good for you because you are getting all your feelings out also.I often think how some pets feel when people take them in and let the vet do thing without the pets love ones there (I know I would want my family with me if I go ) maybe take a picture of your husband and her together so he can have it . that would help . and in a few weeks maybe for fathers day surprise him with a new little puppy . some people just have a very hard time with death !what ever your desion good luck and so sorry for your loss .

Personally, I would tell my husband that I am GOING to take her to the vet to be put down. That way, he's aware and can say good-bye. Explain your reasons for doing it, but don't budge in your decision. You're right that she is suffering and you have an obligation to take care of her in the most humane way possible. It's not fair to her (or to you and your kids) to keep her going on that way. I had my doberman pinscher for 16 years before I had to put her down. She wagged her little stump of a tail and kissed me as I held her head in my lap during the procedure. Your husband needs to understand that your dog will ALWAYS be happy to see you - even when she's suffering. If he TRULY loves her, he will do what is right for HER.

Maybe he just can't bear to part of the decision to put her down. I know that if I have to put any of my pets down soon, my husband won't agree that we should, but he wouldn't stop me either. He just doesn't want to have to make that decision.

Good luck. This is the most heartbreaking part of having pets.

Libby will always be happy to see everyone when they get home. And yes, the tumors can be removed (but will she make it through the surgery?), and there are things that can be done for the "accident" issues...it could be she has a urinary tract infection or something (chances are it's old age, but you never know). The only way to find out what's going on is to take her to the vet.

I do understand where you're coming from, BUT if you take Libby to the vet without your husband knowing, he's likely to blow a gasket. Secondly, what happens if you take her in, and the vet says, "We have to do this now..." and he can't get there to say his "goodbye's" to Libby? It may not go that way, but if it does, he won't get over it.

At the very least, call the vet and let him know what Libby's going through, and you'll likely have to set up an appointment to have her checked out. Then you can approach your husband telling him you were just so worried because you've been through this sort of thing before, you're worried about Libby, you don't want to get to the point where she's suffering, and you just felt better getting the vet's opinion. Then let him know what the vet said, that you need to take her in for an appointment, and hopefully you two can have a reasonable discussion from there.

For what it's worth....and good luck!

I will be honest with you, I haven't read all the responses, but here is my advice. I am a vet and have had to work people through this. I would definitely not go without telling your husband. If I know the story, then I usually refuse to put the dog down unless the family is in agreement. It is hard enough without the blame and guilt that will follow with you making the decision without him.
Not everyone agrees that euthanasia is the best option. It is a very difficult decision to be the one to end your dog's life. The best way to look at it is this the last loving gift you can give your dog to end its pain and suffering and to give its peace.
I would take the dog to the vet to see if they can let you know what is happening. I have not always agreed that the dog has to be put down and we have sometimes talked about things that could be done to keep the dog more comfortable. Maybe your vet can find some medication to help with pain or with the bloody stool that will help to keep her more comfortable until your husband comes around.
Good luck to you, I know this is a very difficult thing. Please though, do not put her to sleep until your entire family agrees on it. This is not something you can undo and you do not want to do it without his consent.

I would take the dog in, but explain and explain...the thing is I believe he is afraid that they're gonna wanna put her to sleep and he don't want to lose her. Because he's so close to her. Kind of like a kid, you might have to talk until your face turns blue before he really gets the point. Some people just don't want to believe it at all. So sometimes it might be a good Idea to do things behind their backs and explain to them later.

Hi S....today we had to give our dog away. We are moving and can't take her with us. We just got home actually, and I saw your post and I thought how ironic. I know it is not the same as she is alive and well with her new owners, but it is a loss all the same. We loved her madly and it broke our heart to have to part with her. Coming home to an empty house was so hard. I just want to cry. This is how your husband is going to feel. It is going to be very hard the first few days for him. I suggest getting a new puppy right away. Everyone thinks they don't want another dog ever again, but a new dog really does help the pain. We have had to put a few dogs down over the years, and a new dog always helped. Just tell him the truth. Make an appointment for like a week away, tell him he has a week to say goodbye, give him the option to come to the appt too if he wants. It is going to be very hard, but it has to be done. The poor dog is obviously ready to go, but men have a hard time showing emotion. I am sure your husband knows how hard it is going to be and he is just trying to put it off. But don't do it without him knowing. That is mean, and he will resent you. Give him a weeks notice and maybe line up a new puppy or dog in the meantime. Good luck and I will pray for your family.

Don't do it without communicating with your husband! My neighbors had two large dogs that were getting to the end of their road about 7 years ago. The dogs were the wife's life and she didn't want to put them down. One day the husband took them to the vet without her knowing and put them down! She didn't have a chance to say goodbye to them or anything. She has resented her husband ever since for doing this. I'm not saying that Libby shouldn't be put out of her misery, but this is a time that your family will need to support each other through and someone having hard feelings is going to make that so much worse. Approach your husband sympathetically... this is a hard time for him seeing his only dog suffering. It would be an excellent idea to go to the vet to see if the vet can prescribe anything that will make the dogs live easier in the meantime or see if there is anything you can do to help your dog get better. If your husband will go with you to this appointment and the vet really feels like Libby should be put down, your husband will hear it for himself.
Sorry you have to be going through this! I've been there and know how you feel :(
Good luck in the days ahead.

I understand how hard it is to have a beloved pet put down. It is not an easy decision. You might suggest to your husband that the pet should go for a check up to see if there is anything they can do for the pain and make your pet more comfortable. Hopefully this will get him to the vet and then let the vet tell you what is best. You might also suggest that it might not be the best thing for the kids to come home and find their beloved pet lying on the floor dead.

I am so sorry that your dog is sick. Losing a pet you love is very emotional and can be hard to get through. My suggestion is to not take your dog into the vet without telling your husband. He will only take his hurt and frustration out on you then which will only make matters worst. Sit him down and talk to him heart to heart. If he won't listen, then tell your husband that if he's not going to agree to put him down, then he is going to have to clean up after the dog's accidents and take care of the dog. Explain (in a caring way) on how this is affecting the children watching this dog be hurt like this and the dog is in pain. The pain for the dog will only get worst (they have a very high tolerance for pain to begin with). I hope you work things out and I am so sorry your family has to go through this.

Aww the poor sweety! I know how your husband feels, we just had to say goodbye to a dear dog who was 18 years old. Your hubby obviously loves his furry friend & is working through the stages of his grief. Unfortunatly denial is one of the first. I don't know your relationship with your DH but what does your heart tell you? Will he be resentful if you go to the vet behind his back, or be glad you took charge? You'll be in my thoughts

This is a very difficult situation. We just put our dog down the day after Christmas. My husband was doing the same as yours, denying her serious condition. I wouldn't do it without him knowing. I would consult the vet, take her for an evaluation. Bring the dog home and explain to him exactly what the vet recommended. You will have to take the lead and make the appointment for her to be put to sleep. I was in this very position. Make the day before it happens special. My whole family went for the appointment. It was sad. My husband cried as much as the rest of us. I will be thinking of you. This isn't easy.

I understand your problem. My Grandma had a dog like that. My Aunt went over one day and took her to lunch. While they were out of the house my Uncle went over and got the dog to be put down. She never forgave them. She said if they had taken her and the dog to the Vet and the Vet had told her how bad it really was for him then she would have consented to having him put down to ease his suffering. She didn't drive so it wasn't like she could take him herself. Make the Vet appointment to have her examined. Make your hubby go with (after all it is his dog) just tell him she needs to go for a checkup. Then once he's there have the Vet outline everything that is wrong with her and give his opinion about putting her down. Maybe you should try approaching the final decision to put her down like this. Tell him that you know he loves her very much. And because he loves her so much he needs to do what's best for her. If he fights the idea of her going for a checkup point out to him that he would make his kids go to the doctor if there was something wrong. Don't know if that would work but in my family our pets are like our children. You might need to be firm with him because his emotional attatchment to the dog is clouding his logic. Good luck!