My Grand Daughter Feelings

I agree with the observation of the age gap and with Cheerful M's suggestion of taking Bella aside and asking her to be considerate of her little friend's feelings. It might be that she really can't master that impulse to run right out to the other kids she has more in common with, so if you see that she's really not good at helping to 'end' the play in a friendly way, you always have the option of intervening politely "Oh, we're having family time now. Maybe another time." I think it's hard for kids (even 7 year olds) to understand that they have an obligation to help their younger friends feel okay about the playtime ending, so if she continues to do it abruptly, know that this is just her level of ability.

I think that there is a big age gap there so it sounds like Bella is coming over to play when she's bored, but then wanting to play with other kids (maybe her own age) when the chance comes.

Talk to Bella alone when she comes over and let her know that while it's okay for her to go play with other kids, she needs to "end off" with your granddaughter first. This means not stopping a game in the middle of it just to leave, etc. She should help clean up and make sure she says "goodbye" in a positive fashion.

Just let your granddaughter know that Bella will only play for a little while and then she will have to leave. If Bella ends off the playtime well, your granddaughter may be less hurt. Young kids often need transitions, or their feelings get hurt.

Good luck!

There's a decent age gap there, it doesn't mean the girls can't play but it does need to be recognized that if Bella comes over for an hour and then see's kids closer to her age playing she's most likely going to leave.

Yes, that might hurt the little ones feelings, but people do leave when they are done playing. Teach the little one to just have fun while Bella is there and when it's time for Bella to leave to say good bye graciously and move on to something else.

Reality is, this happens in my own home, with my own children. It's the age gap.

is your daughter going to run every friend out of her child's life if they don't measure up? bella's not doing anything wrong. she's 3 years older than your GD which is HUGE in kid years.
while it would certainly be okay to tell bella gently 'glorianna is sad when you leave her so quickly. it would make her so happy if you would just finish up your game with her before you go play with someone else.'
but she's only 7. it's not her job to cater to your GD. the right child to work with is the little one. all 4 years olds get upset when their friends leave, and need help in dealing with it appropriately. it's not logical or appropriate to 'teach' them that they can't have friends because playdates don't always end cheerfully.
khairete
S.

I think when this happens, you should acknowledge your GD's feelings - tell her you are sorry her feelings got hurt and then try to distract her.

I also think you should tell your daughter to leave it alone. I know it hurts us, as parents, when our children's feelings are hurt, but she is not going to be able to protect her from hurt feelings all the time and learning to deal with hurt and disappointment is a good life lesson.

Your daughter is doing what a lot of moms do: trying to protect her daughter from negative experiences. The problem with that is that it isn't reality and her daughter will never learn the tools to manage real life. It is important that we teach our children how to feel their feelings appropriately and to problem solve and look for solutions rather than trying to control the uncontrollable experiences of living life. We all have bad/hurtful things happen. We can't stop this. The question is whether we develop the skills to move through these situations and use them for our growth and learning or whether we become victims to them.

There is a great children's book out called "Tiger, Tiger Is It True?" by Byron Katie. This book will help your granddaughter put into perspective Bella's behavior. It will help her shift her "hurt" feelings to understanding and feeling better.

Your daughter is just trying to protect her daughter. I would probably say the same thing because this is chaos for your granddaughter. Why don't you entertain her when she comes over? Play a game. Color. Is she too young to play cards? Play with dolls. Watch a good movie together. Make it fun so she doesn't care about the other girl. Isn't this supposed to be your time with your granddaughter. Why is this other girl there? You are not a babysitter, you are the Grandma.

If sounds like Bella is just filling the time until she finds friends her own age. A big girl used to come to my house to play with my daughter and son. She got bored after a dozen visits and then she never came around again. My kids missed her and went to her house a few times looking for her. She always said she was busy. My kids were so upset and kept trying but they eventually got the hint.

Regardless of age difference or not, this is an important life lesson. Friends WILL want to play with other friends, and they're entitled to do so. Friends are not your possession. A girl may see another group of girls doing something more fun, or feel closer to those girls than your granddaughter and whenever they're around, she may decide to ditch her. It is sad, but it happens, it's life. In the adult world, it happens when dating too, if your partner finds another person to be more fun or compatible, you risk losing that person.

Best thing to do is to learn to play by yourself and be creative. She can play with some dolls, a tricycle, a coloring book, or decorate something, do arts and crafts, play with you, sing, dance...you cannot expect people to want to be around you and entertaining you 24-7, so it's good to learn to have imagination and find ways to keep entertained until someone comes along that is willing to play.

I used to have this problem growing up all the time, and I used to get jealous and accuse kids of taking my friend away from me calling them friend stealers, until my mom explained to me that my friends are free people and can play with whoever they want, whether I liked it or not. I had to learn ways to play alone until someone else came along, or I'd play a sport or join a group of kids doing something and whenever I was bored or tired, I'd leave the group.

I wouldn't forbid Bella from playing with your granddaughter, just explain to her that Bella wants to share herself and her time with other kids. Tell her to cherish the time she had with Bella and learn to share her with other girls who enjoy her company and don't get too upset about it.

I'm guessing the issue is age difference. Your granddaughter is an acceptable playmate only so long as one of Bella's more age-appropriate friends is available.

I am sorry that your granddaughter gets sad about it. That is a normal response and one she can learn to deal with. Banning Bella entirely would take away the learning opportunity.

Bella isn't being mean, just thoughtless, which is normal for her age. Perhaps you can suggest to Bella that she should tell your grandchild straight out, "I can play with you until Jenny gets home." so that she isn't surprised with an abrupt departure. Your granddaughter can then make the choice - play for a little while or not at all.

When my daughter was young (5 and 6), we had a girl across the street who would do the same thing! She'd play with my daughter for about 5 minutes but as soon as someone "better" was available, she'd ditch my daughter and leave her feeling bad. I think it's best not to lecture a 7 year old neighbor about friendship, and leave it to her mom to do that. It may be that the age difference between the girls is too great, and a 7 year old really does not want to play with a 4 year old unless nobody else is available - and in that case, she's not a real friend. She may just not be mature enough to consider your granddaughter's feelings. Maybe there are some children in the neighborhood who are closer to your granddaughter's age?

Picture it...Waltham 2013
12 year old boy plays random game of catch with 5 year old neighbor in the back yard of apartment complex....12 year old friend comes over & 12 year old son goes to play w/ him...5 year old boy wants to play with him all the time. 12 year old son is nice but gets bored w/ 5 year old as they have not a heck of a lot in common...5 year old's mom wants my 12 year old to play with him all the time (more like babysit him so she can drink but I digress).
OK...so the moral of my Sophia Petrillo moment here is that at 4 and 7, the age gap is huge and they don't have much in common. Are there other 4 (or 5) year olds for her to play with?

My opinion is that the way you worded the question, a stranger reading it would think your daughter and grand daughter are both selfish and self centered. I think it's a life lesson that perhaps your daughter didn't learn. The world doesn't revolve around one person. Kids are kids and most have the attention span of a flea. She shouldn't take that personally.
I would be outraged if a mother approached and corrected my daughter because she felt that she wasn't catering to her kid. Your daughter can't go around correcting other people's children. Time to grow up and act her age.

There are going to be plenty of times in life when your granddaughter gets her feelings hurt by a playmate. If her mom bars every one of them, she's not going to have anyone to play with.
Bella is not obligated to spend the whole day with your granddaughter. Tell your granddadughter that she isn't Bella's only friend, Bella has every right to go play with her other friends too, that she should just enjoy the time she and Bella have together and then when Bella leaves, find something else to do.

The difference between a four year old and a seven year old is huge. Bella is bored so when she sees your granddaughter she figures better than being alone. I would tell a Bella that if she comes to play, she cannot up and leave when someone else more her age appears. If she can't play by the rules, she does not stay.

I'd keep your granddaughter inside or take her somewhere to play so she can play with kids her own age. It's really hard for kids this far apart in age to play together for very long.

Ask the Bella if she'll play for half an hour then go home or an hour. This way if she sees her friends outside she won't just leave your granddaughter high and dry.

Can your grand daughter go with them? Assuming their supervised?

Either that or can you invite the other girl over?