My Five-year-old Is a Slacker

My daughter was like that when she was younger. I would try not having her do the activities in the first place - you will save time, money and frustration. Kids at that age don't know what they want and to push them is asking for more trouble down the road. She will likely grow out of it and will learn to stick with things as she gets older and finds something she really is interested in. Also, these activities...are you interested in her doing them or is she interested? From my experience, it's better just to not do them and let her form her own ideas about what she would like to do when she is a little older. Good luck to you!

M. -

Everyone is wired differently. Some people are team players, some thrive in individual sports like golf, but bottom line, if she signs up for something, she commits to it and must see it through with her best efforts. If you allow her to "slack" now and quit whenever things get too hard, that is the life lesson she will walk away with. I can say that with authority, as that is what my parents did for me. They didn't do me any favors. Teach your sweet child that she must give her best to all she does...that she must discipline herself to always work hard and apply herself. This will serve her well in school, home, work - you name it. Although 5 is kind of young for organized sports, if she insists on signing up for it, she needs to see it through and give it her all. That's just my two bits. Best wishes!

Warmly - J.

I'm not sure if this was meant to be funny, but it cracked me up!!! No advice here, just wanted to thank you for the belly laugh.

Hi M.,

My daughter was the same way. No matter what she wanted to do it would last a time or two and she would want to quite. Until they try something for the first time they really don't know if they are going to like it or not. Now she is 10 and has decided to take up violin lessons. My thought was, here we go again. She actually loves it and plays all day long. She is able to learn a new song the very first day it is introduced. Don't worry to much about your daughter. When she finds what she likes there won't be a problem. Also, remember that kids all develop at different rates. She may not be ready to focus as much as you would like her to. Besides, T-Ball is a lot of standing around at that age. Not really to interesting for them. Good luck.

I understand and appreciate that you don't want your daughter to learn to quit. I feel the same way with my children. Your daughter is 5 so that is a little young for a team sport. Developmentally, many children are not ready to play team sports until the are 6 or 7. That could be part of the problem. If you want to find a sport that she will like and stick with maybe, if there is some way, you could explain to her that you are going to do a day or a week, whatever time you decide upon, as a trial period. Then whatever sport she chooses she has to stick with until the end of the season or for 6 months or something along those lines. That way she could explore her options and maybe find something more interesting to her but at the same time, she will learn that once you commit to something you stick with it. If that still doesn't work it may just be that she isn't ready to play a sport. The only thing that I would say to her directly is to maybe explain that when you play on a team, everyone is counting on you to help them win the game and that her team needs her to concentrate. Good luck with it.

Hi Mylana,

I agree with Trysh. Your daughter is too young for that type of responsibility and there is absolutely no need to be disappointed in her attitude.

Five year olds would much rather be chasing a butterfly. That's a stage none of us would want to miss!

Regards,

M.

Um, I say let the girl have some fun. Sounds like this could be a case of parent gets TOO involved and over excited about sports. She's FIVE for goodness sakes, my six year old played baseball last year. He was the outfielder twirling around and pulling his bubble gum out of his mouth and sucking it back up. BUT he had fun!!! And Im sorry but that's the important part. You're gonna break her spirit and the love for the game if you are hard on her. She's five and this is her first time playing, let her be her age. She's not a teenager who is slacking off, Im not even sure five year old know how to be slackers. Don't be ashamed of her, cheer her on, get her excited about it and maybe she'll put some effort in it. Go out and practice with her, get involved with her, help her get excited about it. If she feels your attitude about it, she's not gonna put effort in it. You've alredy written her off and she's only FIVE. Lift her up, speak positive into her.

I think she needs some tough love, ground her put her in time out, whatever you do at your house. We had some attitude trouble with my daughter with soccer , she kicked the ball out of bounds and decided to throw some attitude around and refused to play after that point , had a total melt down. When she decides shes not going to play put her on the bench , make sure you rub it in about how much fun the other kids are having playing. Kids dont like it when other kids are having fun and they aren't that may help her turn her self around, tell her you dissapointed in her, tell her how she's let her team down. Kids like to please people , if they dont know they arent pleasing someone then they dont know how to fix it.
and make her appolagise to the team and the coach for not being there for them.

This is a difficult age. My 6 year old is in his second season of T-ball and he's a little better at paying attention now but just like yours-- most of the team is putting dirt in their hats, digging in the dirt, rolling around on the grass and my son is doing cartwheels!! It's hard not to get upset because you're an adult and you know what is happening. The kids even in a game don't usually know if they're winning or losing so they have no concept. T-ball can also be boring-- there is a lot of stand around time. I know of a lot of parents have tried soccer after realizing their kids were bored because they're moving all the time. At the end of the first season when my son got a trophy with his name on it-- it clinched it and he wanted to do it again. It is sometimes still a struggle-- wanting water every 10 minutes, then needing to go to the bathroom but he knows that he is committed to the team and he needs to finish the season because he is on a team.

You might want to try something less committed. The park systems offer short classes where the kids can see if they are interested in it and it's not a team so if they're not having any fun anymore, you can stop-- ballet, gymnastics, karate-- that kind of thing. My 5 year old daughter started out that way and I don't have to fight with her to go. When I realized she enjoyed ballet, I signed her up for something that lasted the whole school year and has a recital at the end and she loves it. Every child is different and you don't want to push. I hope this helps! R.

I had the same problem with my 5 year old and basketball. I told her right up front, that if she signed up, we were going until the end. She would do ballerina moves in the middle of the court while everyone was going after the ball! We had several discussions about what she would rather be doing and that apparently basketball was not her sport, but we needed to finish it thru since her teammates were depending on her. She made several attempts and even surprised herself when she did really well at dribbling the ball. In the end, she was happy that she stuck it out (yes, still doing ballerina moves in the middle of the court), but realizing that basketball was not her thing, but that did not make her a failure - especially because she stuck it out and got her medal, picture and certificate. She is pretty proud of herself and we learned something about our daughter - we are going to try gymnastics next - she is very excited!

I have a teenager who at a young age picked daisies in the soccer field while the rest of the team played ball. She wanted to play. But, she didn't want to run. That took effort. She was older than 5 at the time. I have been consistent with the attitude of "whatever you choose, you stick with it". I always told her this before we started the activity. As for the concern over education, I have always told her to give 110% of her ability to a class. I expected more than what the teacher expected from her. Now, she expects it of herself. She won't always like the class, but, she will find it easier as she grows older with how to handle matters.

I have since learned that my oldest child is not a team sport player. She is not necessarily an athlete like my second child. However, she has found a talent or many that I'm excited to see the directions of their development.

I guess I'm saying to be positive and consistent. If your child wants to participate in an activity, let her. But, make sure she completes it to the end of its course or to a specific date if there is no end. Teach her at a young age what responsibility is even if it is just a little bit at 5 years old. The older she gets, the more responsibilities she will acquire, the easier it will be for both of you.