My Ex Wants to See My Kid as a Way of Forcing My Husband to Adopt

I would allow my husband to adopt and shut the door on the negative in my life and that of my child and husband. However, this is only my humble opinion.

G.

I personally would not accept money from my daughters' biological. My husband is the only dad she knows as well and the best thing i could do for my daughter is give her a stable family without an 'outsider' having any say. In my opinion if he did contribute financially he would have a voice in her life. Better for the mom and dad to be the one voice in the girls life, especially at a young age. When she is older, let it be up to her, to know her biological or not, for now it sounds like you've given her a good dad. If you could make it without the money, i would tell him to bugger off. Hope that helps. Blessed Love

I can't even begin to understand this "make him pay" point of view. I can't understand why this is even a question. You don't spend the rest of your life and your daughter's life punishing someone just because he is a looser. The only thing you should be thinking about is your daughter, hello? If her step day is her true father because that is what she knows and he wants to adopt, I just don't see what the issue is. If her biological dad is such a dead beat, cut the cord! You don't string him along and force him in her life just to get money. I'm not saying this to make things easier on him, I'm saying it for your family. Having this guy still in your life could end up ruining your new life, why risk that? Being a mom means you don't use your daughter as a pawn in a game to get money, it is just beyond my comprehension. Move on with your life and say good-bye!

I say adopt! If he hasn't paid and he hasn't seen her then why bother with fighting to keep him away. Think how much happier your family will be with out this stress in your life! My mother had 4 children 3 of which had the same father. He never paid child support and never cared to see his kids (they are the ones that force it). All three of them still struggle as adults with him. The resentment, disappointment of the father that he was and still is. He has never changed. I was the result of an affair. My father choose to stay with his wife and five kids (smart move :). I have always been grateful that he was not in my life. I didn't have to go through the emotional ups and downs that my siblings did. I did meet him later in life and he seems like a very nice man (which my older siblings said he was), but still he wasn't there and there fore not my father. So I would say if your current husband loves her like his own, let him adopt her. Nothing beats the love a child can get from a father figure and nothing can do more damage than the damage of a bad father figure. Good luck!

the courts will let your ex have visitation rights if he wants to. My friend has the same situation. He has custody of his 8 yr old and his ex just showed up and wanted visitation. not only was it granted but he had to drive to Orlando from tampa every other weekend. If your husband wants to adopt let him. stop trying to get money you will never see. Let him go and get on with your life. He can be a dead beat and behind in child support but the courts will give him the right to see his child. Sign the papers to get him out of your life and avoid confusion with your dau and having to explain why she has to spend the weekend with a stranger

yes unfortunately in the state of florida a dead beat dad can still see his children even if there is no court order,and disreguarding the fact you werent married does not matter. if you put his name on the birth certificate, he is the dad. if you didnt he can ask for a test. my daughter is going thru the same thing and she finally took him to court and they told us they dont care if he is behind he has a right to see his son and daughter. he is over $50,000.00 behind in support and my grandson is 17 and grand daughter is 14. they see mom working her tail off and doing the best she can and he just does nothing to try to help.
my mom had the same problem when i was young and she chose to let my step dad adopt me, i am still ever grateful, i had a daddy that loved me and wanted me.i am 64. i never saw my dad until i found him when i was 25 and introduced him to his 5 grand children, he let me know i had never been a part of his life and there for my children were not his. the woman he married had 5 children that he adopted and that was his family. i am very very thankful for my adopted father.
remember the decision has to be yours and your present husbands, GOD BE WITH YOU IN YOUR DECISION.

Even though he's a dead beat, he can still get visitation. He would have to take it court and since he's not paying child support, he probably won't go to court. My opinion is if he's not paying then let the only father she knows be her father.

I think that as objectively as possible you should look at the situation and do whatever is best for your daughter!

Being that my Godaughter went through the same scenerio a couple years back, my advise would be that you opt. for a legal adoption ASAP. I do not know the Florida State Laws, as I am originally from Nevada, so you may want to seek legal advisement.
Why have to be in and out of court just to get some cash from an "SOB"? Why not move forward in your life and not interupt the joy and happiness that your daughter and husband have?
Do what your heart tells you to do!
Good luck! May God send you wisdom and strength!

A., is your ex listed as the father on the birth certificate? If he is, then he does have rights to visitation. You should contact a lawyer of call the Child Services division run by the state to find out what kind of rights he really has.

L.

Hello Personally I went through something similar with my child's father. We were never married but he didnt' want to pay child support. When we did go to court he told the judge that he would like to give up his rights. The judge adv him that giving up his rights does not excuse him from the support owed the only thing giving up his rights does it remove him from any say so in the childs life. He doesn't have a voice or opinion with anything I do to her such as visitation or what school she goes to if it's private or public and so forth. Now if you let your husband actually adopt her I dont know how that affects it but if your husband is willing I say let him. Seek legal advice b/c your ex might just screw himself by giving up his rights. As for my ex he chose not to give up his rights and he is now stepping up to the plate.

I don't envy the position you are in at all. I can't tell you what to do because what would work for me might not work for you. If your daughter has only known your hubby as Daddy and your hubby has always treated her as daughter then therein may lie your answer. You could make him pay, the angry mom in me says "yeah stick it to him!" but in the process it may tear you and your happy family apart. So I guess you just need to look into your heart and ask what is most important to your family. I will say a prayer for strength and hope for your family. Good Luck in whatever decision you make.

I can't really tell you what to do because I don't know what your situation is. I can tell you from experience that even if he never pays you a dime of child support(my ex was over six grand behind and it was only thirty dollars a week), the courts will still grant him visitation if he files for it. According to the courts, child support and visitation are two seperate issues. The only way he might be denied visitation is if he has a record such as DUI or something like that that would endanger the child. And again, speaking from experience, they might still grant him supervised visitation. That means that he could visit her at a public place with a court official or guardian adlitem present. If you can survive financially to do without the child support payment, then it might be best to let him out. Your daughter would be protected and you wouldn't have to fight with your ex anymore. But, alot of times, they are just idle threats. If he doesn't want to pay child support, then he won't want to pay a lawyer either, and a retainer is on average, about $2,000.

I went through the same thing with my now 14 year old when he was younger. I was never marrried to my son's father, and we never had a court order to allow him to visit nor did we ever have legal custody established (which you should do), but, if your ex takes you to court to establish visitation, he will be granted some sort of rights to do so (even if he does not pay child support, which is a seperate issue). I was always scared that my ex would snatch my son from school (as he so many times threatened to do so), becuase in Florida, even if you were not married, if you have court ordered child support, that DOES NOT grant you full custody of the child. You would have to take your ex to court to establish full custody (what you have, is physical custody). The school will tell you that unless you have custody papers, to prove you have full custody, they can not stop the biological parent from taking the child (and believe me, not divulging the info on school papers won't stop the school or your ex on finding out who he is or if he tries to go there)

My son thinks the same thing about his step dad, he thinks that his step dad, is his real dad (he has raised him since he was 4). Unfortunately, your ex does still have all the rights as the child's biological father (as disgusting as it is). My ex, also intimadated me, until I did better myslef and started working in a law firm, and found out the truth and what my rights were. Plus my ex figured that he couldn't use scare tactics anymore, as I did become more educated. I started to call the shots and he could not stand it. Unless you are seeing court papers and any attorney letters, DO NOT believe one word he says, he is trying to intimadte you into believing he will take you to court. Call his bluff, and tell him you need the name of his attorney, so that your's can contact his, to arrange correspondance. If it comes down to court, the judge should weigh certain factors into his decision, (on full, joint, limited visits)such as no birthday cards, phone contact, visits, etc..but he will get some sort of visitation rights, if he takes you to court for them (unless you can prove beyond a resonable doubt that he is totally unfit and unsafe). I thank my lucky stars that I called my ex's bluff and that he never bothered us again. Part of that is also because I never took him to court for lack of never paying child support. "Let a sleeping dog lay, and do not wake them up". I just started to ignore the calls (and he never came to the house anyway. Eventually, he quit bothering us. He has not seen his son in 10 years! My husband has always wanted to adopt my son, they are thicker than thieves, so that has never been a problem. Like I say, God gave me the son I was not supposed to have, so that he could have the father he deserved! If you need free advice, call Florida Rural Legal Aid Services. They are in the phone book, or just Google the #.

I wish you the best of luck! Only you know what is best for your child, and that will help you make your decision. For us, it was distancing an unstable, in and out person from our son's life.

My advice could be totally wrong but b/c I have never been in this situation....but I feel that if he has nothing to do with her then to let you husband that has been there for her adopt her and not worry about the little bit of money you might get! Her well being is more important than any amount of money! Also if you haven't seen any money yet who to say he will ever pay you know what I mean! Personally I wouldn't put your baby girl through all of it and see if he will sign his parental rights over to your husband! Good luck and God bless I hope it all works out for you!

i would let your husband adopt her. the other guy obviously this guy doesnt give you money anyway, so its not like its gonna be a big loss. goodluck.

Believe me the child support is not worth it. I wish my daughters dead beat dad would have signed off all his rights. We were married at the time and I still didn't get the child support I had coming but he got his visitation rights. It's not worth the hassle. If I were in your shoes I would allow my husband to adopt her if he really wants to and your marriage is secure. Yes, as long as he pays child support he can force visitation. He can also end up getting to keep her every other weekend, every other holiday and six weeks out of the summer. Also if your not careful he can try to prove you non fit and get DCF involved in your lives. What are you waiting for? Get that adoption done as quickly as possible. Good Luck!

Hi,

You need to get all the paperwork you have together and find a good attorney. I know one in Lakeland, but I don't know where you are located. Gregory Ruster is great and he does family law. This is a situation for an attorney. There are legal battles here and he very well may have to visit with his daughter if he wants to. It is very difficult. Good luck!

The child's father does have a right to see the child and can be allowed by the courts to do so depending on the situation. If he does pursue this he will be opening himself up to being forced to pay his back child support so my guess is he won't actually do what he is threatening to do. Personally I would not do the adoption, I would make him pay for his responsibilities. Remember that when your child becomes an adult your ex can have a relationship with her and he will have gotten away with never paying his obligation. Don't let him bully you. Congratulations on finding a real man! My husband is one of those wonderful men who also stepped up to be a father to another man's children. You and your children have been blessed. Good luck on making a decision. Beverly

My Husband adopted my son. It is the best thing for your child. Especially if he (bio dad) is the nut you make him out to be. TRUST ME it is not worth the fight, you and your family will be better off.

You can also do the adoption yourself and it will not cost you alot. If you want more information like that let me know and I will point you in the right direction.

Take Care.
K. J.

He can get visitation because it is his daughter, regardless if you two were ever married. However, I agree that he won't go to court to get visitation if he owes child support. But another question- is the child support court ordered? If it isn't, If he does go to court to get visitation, they'd also set child support for him too... At least you'd think so- that seems logical. And he'd more than likely have to pay back support too.

I say sign the adoption paperwork. Is it because your husband isn't willing to do so that this is an issue? You'll spend a LOT of money trying to force child support to get a little bit from him, and the courts will more than likely force visitation. If your husband is the only dad she knows, why not make her legally his? You've done without child support and visitation issues for this long, why not make it legally done and over with? It's in your daughter's best interest.

Hi, my cousin had the same experiance and finally came to the decision that any money he might give her just wasn't worth the trouble. Her new husband adopted the kids and her ex signed away his rights. She said she's glad she just let go of the child support issue because you can't really rely on them paying like they should anyway. Now are a happy family and have no worries that the ex will pop into the picture. Good Luck!