My Ex Is Leaving Our Son for Hours a Day

Wow, there are so many factors that can play in to this question. Teenagers are able to watch younger children in the state of Texas. It depends on their ages, but the older they are the longer they can be left to be watched by the oldest. You can look this up on one of the official websites, sorry I don't have the link as I type this. However, being very familiar with your situation, I would not leave siblings by different parents alone unless their relationship is extrodinarily different than most half-siblings. You are right, many things could happen and why put them in a situation where the other(s) might feel the blame or to be blamed for something happening. Regarding this factor, if there is somewhere the kids can go to alleviate the time they spend alone with each other, offer it.

Regarding your ex... I don't know his situation with child support. But... if he is paying on all three, that is a big financial chunk taken out of his check. Many people do not realize this. Yes, it is their responsibility to do so, but this cuts back on the things he can do with them while they are with him. Please don't take this as a pity party on people that have to pay child support. I am married to a wonderful man that paid child support on 3 from day 1, until the 2 were old enough not to be paid for and the youngest lives with us and we have 2 little ones of our own. For years, we went without because it is such a big percentage taken out. Prior to my husband and I meeting, he had to live with his parents in order to take care of himself AND pay child support. We both have worked full time with decent salaries, and still had a hard time. The biggest thing you need to be aware of, many men in this situation can suffer from depression without you even knowing it. It sounds like at this time, anyone willing to help him out would be beneficial. The state of Texas does not care if a person (man or woman) is jobless, they have to catch up later with missed support. My husband's ex is faced with having to pay us child support now since the youngest lives with us. Whew, is it a different story.... she cried that she couldn't get by if she had to pay us. When we hit rock bottom financially, she went ahead and took us back to court for an increase since the 3 year review period came up. We nearly lost our house and cars, yet her support went up. God intervened and I was able to save my husband. I know this is lengthy, but there are so many factors that affect couples and ex-couples that we all don't think about.

It sounds like your relationships are not bitter. I hope this is accurate. You are all in the same boat together and one of the captains is in trouble. The care and safety of the children should be the most important thing. If you or the other ex can help him out, that is what I would suggest. Remember, the children will act and react to how you all handle this. I hope this helps!

I am a married mother of 3 step-children ages 20, 19, 15 and two of our own, ages 6 and 3 1/2.

I agree that if you feel they are in immediate danger then take it up with the ex. I would not get authorities involved unless there was a definite possibility of something happening to them. You may not agree with all of his habits but he is the father. Since he can't afford to take them anywhere on his watch have you thought about reducing his child support so that he would have some extra money to spend on the boys? Sounds like he wants to be involved but is really stretched financially. I'm not taking up for him but sometimes we have to look at the situation from another viewpoint. My husband pays his ex an ungodly amount of child support and unfortunately when we have the kids, we simply cannot afford to run around town trying to please them while they are in our care. we make sure they are clothed and fed but that's about all we can afford at the moment. Their mom won't even send a change of clothes or a toothbrush and she gets child support faithfully every 2 weeks! Just my thoughts...hope everything works out for the best.

Hi there E.,

I do not have a solution for you but I have a similar situation that causes me much stress and worry from the other direction. My Stepson's Mom leaves him alone and he is only 10. He lives 2 hours away from us which makes it hard to check up on him. She lets him pretty much do anything he wants including walking to the movies by himself. He has no supervision online or with watching cable tv. She comes home from work at lunch and checks on him, but other than that he is on his own. He lives right beside his school and often goes to the playground alone. I feel like he is walking around with a huge bullseye on his back. All of this is pretty surprising because his Mom usually seems dedicated to him. He is a very mature 10 year old but arggggg! When Summer arrives I stay stressed worrying about him until it is finally our month to have him, then I get to breathe again. :) I know this does not help but had to comment when I read your post. Maybe someone out there knows a solution or law that would help!

First, Talk to the other mom. Next talk to a lawyer. Then tell your ex that legally an 8 year old cannot be left unsupervised. Call your local PD to find out the specifics but I'm pretty sure that it's considered to be endangerment. If it bothers you that much try to get his visitation removed or get a provision stating that he can only have supervised visits. As for your ex not having money..why does that matter? Who cares if he's not taking them places and spending money on them entertaining them? To be perfectly honest, that's none of your business. What he does with the kids on his time is his business not yours. You definitely should get involved if you fear for your son's safety but otherwise you can't control what he does with the kids.Good luck with your dilemma.

Well Camila was harsh to say the least. Sounds like she has her own issues to work thru.

The state of tx doesnt have any laws against children being supervised by teenagers and do not consider this endangerment. I have searched this endlessly for my sister in a simular situation. Your ex doesnt sound like a looser maybe just coping poorly with life right now and makeing bad choices. Maybe you could suggest that until he is back on his feet it would be appropriate to suspend visitation rights for now. If he gets angry and doesnt like the idea than take the time to let him know that his actions are not consistent with someone who wants to spend time with your son. If he doesnt care than you dont want you son over there right now any ways where he is not being supervised. The step kids dont need to be babysat at their ages but definatly supervised and they may be lonley too. I think its nice you keep them from time to time its not there fault the dad is absent right now. Good luck, I hope its just a phase.

Just because you get along well with your ex doesn't mean that he is a good parent. Your ex sounds like a looser. It's just me talking here, but sounds like if you gave him the option of taking away his parental rights in return for him not having to pay for child support, he'd jump on it. Do you really think it's in your son's best interest to keep seeing him, even though he's not being a responsible parent? He's not meeting his emotional needs as a dad. And of course the other mom is happy when you take her son, free babysitting for her so she can go out and mess around, you're being a door knob, wake up and realize that it's your son's life, not yours, that's at stake.

It sounds like you and the other mom need to talk instead of you and ex. It also sounds like that you might need to talk to your lawyer.
But on a good note it is good to see that the boys are buddies.
Good luck.

If you have addressed this with him and still no sucess it sounds as if you might let him no he leaves you with no other choice but to call your attorney.And let the judge make a finaly word and that it will cost him this might get his attention.Its not a 14yr old resposiblity to watch them.