My Divorced Parents Competing over My Kids

Well, I think your mom is being a bit of a baby. Sorry, but my opinion.
And I don't think it's right for you to enable her to do it by expecting a 4 year old to NOT talk about seeing his grandpa and be excited about what they will "do" together...he'll probably talk about grandma's week to him so it will all even out.

As for getting him to be aware of "enjoying the moment" I think that comes with a little more time. All you can do is to interject things like "Hey--I'm having so much fun right now--what about you?" or "On a scale of 1-10, how much are you enjoying this right now?"

In no way should you censor your child about his excitement, his love and his own feelings for his grandfather.

Your mother is the one with the problem. I would speak with her and remind her, being a grandparent is from the heart, not a competition. Let her know you NEVER will allow her to speak poorly of your father to your son.

Zero tolerance for her shenanigans.

You are the mother of your child. You are his best advocate, and he should not be exposed to any of this silliness from an adult, ESPECIALLY in his own family.

OK-gonna be blunt. Your mother and father have to grow up and cut it out. It's not your job to censor your son. It's not your son's job to not talk about how excited he is to visit grandpa. You need to tell her to stop trying to out-do granpda - being a grandparent is NOT about her "out doing" her ex. It's about her LOVING her grandson. If your dad is the same way, tell him to stop also.

Being in the moment is a separate issue. Don't try to change him to make your mother feel better.

Patricia G to a point is right, but you may want to limit WHEN you tell your son things also. My step dtr is special needs (15 but mentally 5) but you can't tell her anything or you will here every single hour, "are we going to CA now, are we going to CA now????". It will freaking drive us batty. So maybe next time, go to your moms and on the last day say to your kids, "guess what? tomorrow we get to go see grandpa!". That way your mom doesn't have to say anything and your son isn't anxious about it. Maybe that will work for you. But yes, your mom and dad need to get a grip, you have a long haul with this with the kids being so young. Good luck.

Your parents have been divorced for 14 years. That's practically 3 times the length of your son's life.
Why in the world would you, your mother and stepfather prefer that your son not talk about getting to see his grandfather?
Your mom wants to outdo your dad, but your son shouldn't mention grandpa. Is he also not supposed to mention what he did with grandma during the second half of the vacation?
I'm sorry, but this seems bizarre to me.
If you have the kind of kid that knows something is coming up and won't quit talking about it like a broken record, then don't mention the grandpa part of the trip until you're in the car and on the way. But I wouldn't take that approach simply to spare your mom having to hear about grandpa.
You need to talk to both of your parents about competing for a child's affection. It's really not a healthy thing to do when the child loves both of them. It's the same for young children of divorce if each parent jockeys for the kid to like one parent more than the other. It's not a healthy thing.
It's okay for a child to love people equally and you should know that being a child of divorce yourself.
The competition needs to go. Your son needs to feel safe loving ALL members of his family, whoever they may be.
Animosity is an adult concept and there's no room for it in a little kid's world.

That's just my opinion.
It hope it all works out.

Ditto what Denise said! :)

Definitely talk with your parents about this.....you are 33 and these are YOUR children. The best way to help teach your children is the way you handle the situation. Be positive in the approach as you know they all love your children, but it may not help to spoil them with all the competition either....The divorce was between your parents not you and your children. If your mom is bitter, she needs to handle it without your help or casting her bitterness on the children in the form of competition. Sounds like there was some sort of "ugly" there or they wouldn't be divorced and competing for your children's attention/love. They may be trying to "fix" the damage they did to you which they have buried in their minds and hearts. Talk it over and be loving....you love both of them. Try to understand "why" this is happening instead of completely reacting....It always helps me to look at it from another perspective. Best of luck!

Don't cater to the "competition." It's not your job nor your childrens to make your mother feel better about whether or not she's doing more or better things with your children than your father is. That's just ridiculously immature behavior from both of them. You have no need to censor your son or yourself in talking about your plans with either grandparent.

With my middle daughter (she has Autism) we can't pull any punches. She relies heavily on routines and schedules so when we veer from a routine we have to create a script for her so that she can know what to expect. She can't tolerate surprises very well and needs to be able to plan in her head and with me what behaviors will be acceptable and not acceptable, what she can expect to occur, what sort of social situations she might be put in, how other people will behave, etc.

Many children without Autism rely heavily on routines and schedules the same way my daughter does, and the younger they are the more reliant they are on them (in my experience). It seems that maybe your son is a child like this. He can enjoy the moment, I promise you, but he needs that script ahead of time when he's not in his established routine because he NEEDS to know what to expect so that he can mentally and emotionally prepare himself. It reduces his anxiety and insecurity. Springing it all on him as a surprise could backfire and you could end up with a highly anxious child/ren.

So my feeling on this is to warn your mother that her comment on "outdoing" your father bothered you and you hope that she was just joking about it. If she wasn't then you might want to reconsider how much of your vacation time you want to spend with her. She might not be able to change who she is or how she behaves, but you can change how much of her behavior and attitude you and your children are exposed to.

EDITED TO ADD: I just want to make it clear that I'm not suggesting that your son has Autism or any other disorder. Only that he benefits greatly from routines, schedules, and scripting in unknown/new situations.

I have not read the previous answers. My immediate reaction is that your children need grandparents, not competitors.

I hope you can let both your parents know that YOUR goal is for your children to love and appreciate all of their grandparents (and step-grandparents), and that you want neither to teach them nor to have them taught to have favorites. If your parents want to be opponents, they should do it on the golf course, not in your family.

You'll have to plan what to do if, by chance, either or both of your parents don't agree with this. They may not have thought before about where you're coming from. A counselor may be able to help you with this.

If your parents are friendly to each other, perhaps they could come up with a way to cooperate in impressing their grandchildren instead of competing. How can one set encourage their grans to appreciate the others?

As for your far-thinking four-year-old, it's a little like anticipating Christmas, isn't it? How are you teaching your children at Christmas to love the givers and not just the gifts?

I've had friends who told their children up front that some of their relatives go overboard - and although it may be nice for them, it isn't the way to measure love. You'll have to model that for your kids. Keep helping them pay attention to (and look for) the wonderful things in each grandparent's heart, not just what he/she gives them. For one reason or another, the fancy gifts could stop next week, but the love can still go on and on. That is what your children want to learn to look for and love. (And that is what your parents really want them to know, I'm sure.)

Tell your mom to grow up. When your son says, "Hey, I'm really excited to see Grandpa next week." She can respond, "I know! Isn't it great you get to spend time with him!" and redirect him to the next thing.

im betting that your little guy will be so cought up in what gma is doing with him he wont mention gpa once!but if he does oh well hes 4 they need to grow up! do what you do with your children ignore the bad behavior and reinforce the good lol!