My Daughters 9 Week Old Kitten Died

Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant is a great book for kids who have lost a cat. She's old enough and she deserves the truth. It's better than giving her false hope. See link, below:

http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Heaven-Cynthia-Rylant/dp/059010...

Be honest with her and tell her that the Doctor tried to help the kitten but it was so sick that it died. I feel that animals go to heaven when they die so if you are comfortable with that you can tell her that too. If it is a possibility tell her that when SHE is ready you can get another kitten. A.

It is a difficult thing to do, tell your child that their pet has died, I had to do the same thing when my kids were very little, first with the cat then with the dog about 3 years later. I do not know your religious background but after I told them I gave them a poem that the Vet gave me. If yours did not give you anything here is one, it's not the same but it may help...

The time has come I think you know
the Lord is calling so I must go
I love you so much; I wish it wasn't so
I wish I could stay; I don't want to go

You're the best family a cat ever had
so kind and gentle, never mean or mad
I'll never forget the day that we met
I was so lucky to become your pet

You opened your door and showed me your heart
I'll never forget you; we'll never part
You loved me and cared for me through some tears
you taught me everything and took away my fears

The Lord is calling now I must go
but before I go I want you to know
I know it hurts to lose a friend
but I'll always be with you even to the end.

How sad! I am sorry that the kitten died. At 8 years old, your daughter is old enough to be told the simple truth, that the kitten died, it was born with a defect and could never have lived. Hiding or avoiding the truth is never a good idea and is more a tactic for preschoolers. An 8 year old should know and understand what death is, and while she will be sad (I'm sad hearing about it, and I'm 41 and it wasn't my kitten), death is a part of life. When you have pets, at some point they die. It's very unfortunate that the kitty died so soon, but we've had pets since before my kids were born, they were exposed to this at an early age and have always known that pets die.
Good luck. I would follow her lead on whether she prefers to get another cat or not.

Hi C.,

I would tell your daughter the truth. She is old enough to understand. Let your daughter know that when she is ready, she can pick out another kitten. She will be ready quicker than you think. Good luck.

M.

just be upfront and honest with her. she is trusting you to do that with her. The longer you put it off the worse it gets and you want to keep the trust in your relationship. just be prepared for a lot of tears. she will be ok. Kids are resilient and will bounce back faster than we do. We lost a child in 86, my younger daughter was 3 and my older daughter was 7. They both handled it better than I. I still have nightmares 22 years later. They bounce back. T.

C.,

I have a nine year old, and if this happened to him I would just tell him the truth. They are old enough to know the truth. It is an excellent opportunity for you to talk about sickness, death and dying with her. There will come a time when it will be a person, not a kitten, and it is better to be able to "condition" her to understanding the life cycle now, with the kitten, than have her completely confused if some person close to her was seriously ill or passed away.

My mother in law is in the hospital in the process of dying right now, and I am very open with all of my kids about what is happening to her. Of course my 3 and 1 year olds don't get involved in that conversation, but the 6, 9, and 16 year olds all are able to ask questions and process it before she passes. Sickness and death is a fact of life that we all need to learn to deal with.

I know that it is a very hard conversation to have, but you can do it. She will trust you if you tell her the truth. Pretty soon she will need to hear truth from you about drugs, sex, and other serious topics. Establish that conversation and honesty now, I'm sure it will benefit both of you and help you to draw closer together.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this all alone. We are all here to support you.

D.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your daughter too. I think you should be honest with her and allow her the grieving process. As a relatively new mom, my daughter is almost 19 months, all I want to do it protect her all the time, but what I need to do is to allow her to blossom and to grow and to have her own experiences, safely of course. Maybe you can have a little kitten funeral or memorial for her so she can say good bye. Mostly, just be there for her. Hope that helps.

Hi C.,
I think you should tell her the truth. I lost my mom young actually around your daughters age. But I had a dog since I was 3 years old and I am guessing it was probably soon after my mom died that my dog started to get sick. (sorry I am not sure on how long in between) but anyways my dad had to put the dog to sleep. I am sure it had to be so hard for him.. but he told me he gave the dog to a old lady that could care for a sick dog. I was so mad I didn't talk to him for weeks.. but as I got older maybe in high school, we were talking about my dog and he finally confessed that he took my dog in to be put to sleep. Well I felt so crushed again.. I know he meant well but I hurt over. plus the fact my dad lied to me.. Like I said now that I am almost 40 I understand but as a kid you don't. So I hope this helps and I didn't read if you did anything yet.. Sorry you brought back some memories.. Well good luck D.

I don't think that dying animals should be used as a 'life lesson' there will be plenty of death in all of our lives..spare her this one. Tell her that the kitten is sick and is being taken care of by the vetrinary staff and they want to keep it and take care of it and you may not get it back because it is too sick. Then immediately go get another kitten..or two. Later on, after she's not so bonded with it, if she asks, tell her that the kitten died....that's what I'd do.

C.,
I am so sorry about your daughter's kitten, it is so hard to loose a pet, especially one that is so young. I use North Haven Animal Hospital and when our kitten passed away from a severe case of FIP and Carona virus they sent us a card about Rainbow Bridge. At the time my little one was only 6 and took it really hard, Desi used to lay on my waterbed with Derek and watch cartoons; she was only 18 months old when she passed away. Dr. Jolly told me to tell Derek that Desi went to Rainbow Bridge to be able to be with all her friends and be pain free and now she can look down and see everything we do. We followed his advice and it did help. We also have 4 other older children, the next one in age at the time was 9 and read the Rainbow Bridge card every night for about 6 months. If you can get a copy of the card it would help a lot to help your daughter deal with the loss.
Talking about Desi has gotten easier and she will be in our hearts forever. Every year when the breeder goes to the cat show at the Expo Center my kids want to get a group to go and stand in front of the breeder and let everyone know what she did; she knew full well the line had FIP and Carona Virus.
Let me know if this helps and if I can be of any other help to you.
Hugs,
T.

I hope no gets upset, but can you get another kitten that looks the same. I could not do that to my daughter, tell the kitten was dead.

Once our cat got out and I started to go out and look for him, but before I went out my 5 year old looked up at me and told me MOM you could do it. I know you will bring him home. I cried the whole time looking for him for almost an hour. When I drove up my drive way looking at my house knowing I would have to tell her I could not find him and have to look in her eyes. I cried even harder. But just before I parked my car I notice the front door porch was open and a cat looking in, I scared it off and notice my cat under our bench trying to get away from the other cat. Thank GOD! When I walked in I was the hero.

I could not imagine having to do what you may have to do. GOOD LUCK! I know what its like. If it was me I would get another cat. Sorry :(

I think you should tell her in a kind way, just the truth, she's old enough to get it. But tell her that it's such a relief the kitten is no longer suffering, and you were lucky to have him for 3 weeks, you gave him a good life for that period of time. Alot of parents lie, and I think they underestimate their kids. It's part of life, and to know that she helped make the 3 weeks you had it happy, is important, she'll learn to cherish life.

Tell her the truth today. At 8 she can certainly handle it. It's a good life lesson to learn, albeit a sad one. your daughter deserves the truth, she will surprise you, I'm sure. In a little while get a new kitten, go to your local shelter, and let her pick out her new "lovey".

Best wishes to you...it's a sad time, but you will prevail.
J.

Hi C.,
As tough as it might be, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to tell your daughter the truth. I would suggest you have some sort of ceremony to acknowledge the kitten's life. Also, if there is a cat rescue/ adoption place in your town, go by there and let your daughter choose a new kitten. This is a tough time for adoption agencies now because a lot of people are on vacation and not wanting to adopt at this time. It is also a time of year when there are numerous kittens available. Maybe you could find one that is just like the one your daughter knew. I wish you the best.
L.

That's so sad. I've had cats forever and my children have had to deal with the death of many of them. While it's never a pleasant conversation it's definately a necessary one. Don't put it off any longer or you'll make yourself crazy.

i'm so sorry to hear the kitten didn't make it. you've already forwarned your daughter that it wasn't looking good for him. just tell her the doctors tried their best but he didn't make it and he's not in pain any longer. see what questions she has after that. she may just accept that answer as it is. at her young age, getting another kitten will most likely help her put the loss of the other behind her. let her talk about the other one as much as she wants. kids tend to be very matter of fact about the death of animals. good luck. i know this is not an easy thing for you to do. better to get it over with though.

hi C.,
sorry to hear of the loss of your kitten. i think i would just come out and tell her that the kitten was very sick and passed away. i think it would be best to be honest with her, in a very gentle way.
this is a long shot, but i have 2 cats that i'm looking to give away. both are 6 years old. the black and white one is EXTREMELY friendly, the black one is a little shy. my son seems to be developing an allergy to the cats so we are looking for a loving home for our cats to go to. just thought i'd throw it out there. we are ok with splitting them up. if you're interested, let me know.
again, sorry for your loss.
M.

Hi C., Your story is so sad. I remember when we had 2 kittens born in our house (too early) and when they died we were all so sad. You will have to tell her as hard as that may be. Use it as an opportunity for a life experience. Things die, people die. Tell her about heaven if that is what you believe. Wait until you have settled it within yourself and maybe some day you may want another kitten, only have it checked out before you bring it home. I hope this helps, Life really stinks sometimes:-( Grandma Mary

Hi C..
We brought our 14 yr. old dog to the vet thinking we could fix her too but she didn't come home. I think the truth is the best especially for an 8 yr. old. I told my girls that the dog went to heaven where she would always be well and have fun with other pets. If you don't think that is the best route, maybe just replacing the kitten would be a good idea.
Good luck!

Tell her.

You can cry.. it's part of what people do when they're sad.

I'm guessing your daughter hasn't lost any people from her life yet? And I say "yet" because she will... It happens to every living being.

Besides, I'm sure she already suspects it. If you keep lying/evading, it will be harder, and she'll lose trust in you.

As a parent it's challenging to do the tough stuff. But after all, it's our job.

Dear C.,
First I am very sorry for your family's loss. I too had to explain the passing of our family dog to my then 3 and 1 year old. I too was worried about how to do it and what to say and as many of your responses have said the truth is the best way to go. I sat down with the kids and explained that the dog was old and it was his time to go to heaven. While doing this I was crying I felt that that was ok to show them that it was ok to feel sad and cry. My 1 year old did not get any of it and still asks about the dog but is starting to understanding but my 3 year year old took it as well as he could. This was his first loss so he did cry and didn't understand why but I answered all his questions honestly and told him when he missed the dog and wanted to cry I would be there for him. However, your situation is a little different b/c of the fact that it was only a kitten but tell her the truth about the intestinal deformity. She is going to be sad and will cry just be the shoulder she may need. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
C.

Sorry this has happened. It would be best for both you and your child if you don't procrastinate with this any longer. Be honest and tell your child that the kitten couldn't be fixed and died...that the kitten is now in heaven with other animals who also died but in heaven they are all happy and well again. Answer all questions keeping it as simple as possible. Allow your child to mourn the loss in her own way and be as supportive as you can. It might be helpful to start with lighting a candle and say a prayer with her...a way of saying good-bye and to put some closure on this...

Death is part of life and although it's not pleasant we all need to learn to deal with it.....

When things seem better, your child might ask for another pet. But know, before adopting a pet be sure to take it to a vet first to be examined. Then at least you understand what the problems are before deciding on keeping it or not.

C.,
It is okay for you to be sad. It is okay for your daughter to be sad. Be simple, straightforward, sit her down and tell her.

I don't believe there is any way to soften something as final as death. There are ways to cope with the feelings of sadness, though, and one of these might be making a collage of your happy three weeks together.

There are other ways to commemorate this tiny life, too. Ask your daughter how she thinks the little guy should be remembered. I think you'll find she's stronger than you think she is.

So sorry for your loss,
M.

Dear C.: I had the same situation with my children. They wanted a cat for a long time. My husband and I finally got them a kitten that was 5 weeks old. A few months later we found out she had lukemia. We took her to the vet and they did all they could do. The best thing is to be honest. Let her know that they cat is in a better place and will not be in any more pain. You will never forget the cat and it will have a special place in your heart. We told our children if they wanted another cat to let us know when they were ready for it and we will get them one. A few months later we were blessed with our cat Mista and he is the most lovable cat you will ever meet. We just finished celebrating his 3rd birthday. Good luck. Remember our children are stronger than we think they are.

S. P

You need to tell her the truth, the whole truth. She will cry or maybe not outwardly, but inside she will mourn for that kitten. I did a reading on that the other day becaue my mother just pass away recently and I am reading different books to understand about my grief which I am still but not in tears all the time. I have three boys and unable to grieve but time will come where hopefully I get it all out. I get it out here and there. The book said that children grieve and they may do it differently. They act normal and playful, but inside they're grieving. I don't know if you believe there is a Heaven, if you do use that and if you prefer, talk about Heaven and Jesus and so forth, but use the Bible to get the correct message about Christ and Heaven or explain that some animals are meant not to live and many of us don't know the answers, but we need to know that the kitten is no longer in pain and that is what we want best. Sometimes people and animals are meant to live a short time to touch our hearts and we are meant to care for them and love them while they live but it doesn't mean they aren't in our hearts. Explain there is a special place in her heart for that kitten and remember the funny things he did while he was there. God will give you wisdom. Be honest with her so she can trust you to tell her the truth about other things. Let us know how it turned out, please and I'll pray for you all. I am sooooo sorry about that kitten...

Be honest with your daughter and tell her that the veterinarian did all that he/she could, but the cat was too ill and died. There are books about this at the library and book store. My favorite is "Cat Heaven". You should also be honest and tell her that this upsets you too. She will learn a valuable lesson -- that grownups can cry and it's ok, and that part of grieving is moving on when you're ready. If you are willing, please go to an animal shelter with your daughter and rescue another cat or kitten. There are many who need as loving a home as yours must be.