What Do U Tell a Child About a Passing Pet?

I would go the "doggy/kitty heaven" route personally. I routinely explain death to my kids so it's nothing scary or saddening for them (I have an outdoor cat who sadly has a penchant for bringing dead/dying rodents into the house, so we have a fair amount of mini-funerals here) and explain that the pets made you very happy and was very good and he/she will be happy in heaven (or leave off the heaven part if you want)

I can't tell you what to actually do, but I can tell you what we did. Unfortunately we lose many cats as they have a tendancy to cross the road, alot! When our first Morgan was killed my oldest was 3. We told her that God needed a friend for person that died and soo the kitty went to cuddle with that person to help them. So her kitty was now in Heaven.

I know that they don't really understand about Heaven or God at this age, but they have to understand that the animal is gone and not coming back and that they will never see them again. It made my faughter feel better thinking that her kitty was helping someone and who knows, he might have been.

I'm sorry for your lost I feel your pain, I really do.
Tell him the truth. We lost 3 pets this past summer. My 4 year olds bunny then her 10 year old brothers bunny. Then we lost our 6 month old puppy (who also belonged to the 4 year old). She was very upset and cried and it was along time before she would even look at a puppy and she loves all animals but she wanted nothing to do with them for awhile while she grieved but she got over it and although she still remembers it in detail she is ok with it. Don't lie about it because eventually he will want to know why koko isn't coming home. Kids are resilient and also very intuitive. They can sense your grief and will want to know what is wrong so you might as well tell them. Try to be specific about why koko died (for example... our puppy had a hernia, had surgery, got a blood clot and died.. I had to explain that not all pets or people will die from surgery or even blood clot and for sure not from a hernia but something went wrong) she asked alot of questions knowing that my grandmother has had bloodclots and surgeries, also the new puppy was spayed and so we went through a little bit of panic during that time as well.
Kids need to learn about death and pets make great teachers in all things including this subject. Also it is ok and even good to let your child know you are sad too, let him see you cry about this. Talk about it, grieve with him. That way he will learn that these feelings are ok. My parents always told me my pet had run away or got lost. I was searching forever for those beloved pets, then when my grandfather died I didn't know that what I was feeling was ok.
Again I am so sorry for your lose. Hope this helps:)

I told mine that God needed them in Heaven to be with the little kids there since animals can't have babies in Heaven.

Seemed to work.

D., I'm so sorry for the loss of your pet!
But I must say, telling him that the pet is "visiting" family? That's ridiculous. The pet didn't go "visit" aunt and her boyfriend. He died. Your son isn't 18 months old and unable to understand. He may not quite know what "died" was but at 4 years old, it's time for him to be introduced to the concept. My kids always knew when the pets died, they came to the burials and were sad. If you don't want to tell a non truth, then don't. It would be a bad idea. He will need for you to explain what died means. He may not 100% understand if this is his first exposure to the concept but he is certainly old enough. People don't tell their kids those kind of lies anymore.

Our kids were 4 and not quite 2 when our dog died. The 4 year old grasped the concept of a place where Moose was no longer in pain (he'd been achy for a couple of months prior...), and I told him about Rainbow Bridge, and he got it. It was a LITTLE different for us, in that we actually had to put Moose to sleep (he could no longer walk, so we knew it was time), and they got to say goodbye (but we didn't tell them he was put to sleep - we just said he died at the vet...). I know he got what we told him, because when my Mom died 18 months later, he instantly said "She's with Moose".

L.

Hi D., I am so sorry for your loss! We just lost our dog "Mack" to a very quick sickness. We told our three year old that he went to doggie heaven. She has lots of questions and still asks when he is coming back but I think it is best to introduce them to death even at this age when the situation has risen. Life is a cycle and we are all living things and we will die. I am not sure where your beliefs stand and I am not even sure there is a pet heaven but I wanted her to know that Mack did die and will not be coming back. It is life. I know is sounds like a lot for such little minds but give them the benfit of the doubt. They are more intelligent than we credit them to be. Also, I did not hesitate to cry and show emotion infront of her and she was comforting! It was cute actually and helped me. At one point she even said Mommy he is just a dog. Hope this helps and again sorry for the loss.
B. M

I am sorry for your loss. One of the good things about having pets through out childhood is that they help u understand and cope with death in the future. While telling your son that Koko died will be difficult for him it will give him something to relate his feelings to when a person in the family dies. Unfortunatly he will eventually have to cope with a family member dieing and he will remember how the family dealt with the death of koko and have an idea how to feel. Explain that Koko was good so now he gets to go to heaven and have all the treats he wants and now your family has an angel to look after you.

The pet must have been sick or very old. I would tell him the reason the pet died. I told my daughter (same age) her pet died because of an infection and couldn't get better (the truth). I said that his soul/spirit went immediately to heaven and that it was MUCH better for him there since he no longer hurt. We had a "funeral" (very important) and buried the pet in the backyard.
Definitely do not say the pet just left or went to stay with someone else. I had a friend whose parents did just that when she was about 8 yrs old. She's 40 and still has not forgiven them! For days she looked for her deceased dog and felt terrible and couldn't understand why he left her.
There are some good books on this topic for kids.
I'm really sorry for the loss of your pet. However, death happens and although sad it is a learning experience for your child.

Dear D.,

I agree 100% with all the advice you've gotten so far. I just wanted to chime in by recommending some books: Cat Heaven and Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. (I mean, they're two different books: I just wasn't sure what kind of pet Koko was). They really help children accept this kind of loss in an age-appropriate way.

And I'm sorry for your loss as well! Losing a pet is sad for adults too.

I have always been honest with my son about pets. Just use age appropriate terminology. It is difficult either way, but being honest helps them understand the "circle of life". Just think what it will be like when a person they love passes. If you start out now with elaborate lies, it will be harder to explain later. Just be honest, and stress that your beloved koko is in a better place now. My sincere condolences for your loss. If you are an animal person and inclined to have them, it is suggested that a new pet helps with the loss of the old. Not as a replacement, because no two are ever alike and that isnt a lesson we want to teach, that pets are replaceable. But a new pet can help. Take care and I hope you have a happy holiday despite your situation!

I went thru this when my now 12 year old was 3. Best thing I ever did was to tell him the truth in terms he understood cause shortly after that he lost 2 grandparents & an uncle. Couldn't tell them they went to visit someone...it helped him grieve & understand about God & heaven plus I got him a kids book about death & heaven that teaches them it ok & they r all in a better place.

When my beloved cat died I asked my mom why animals don't live as long as we do and she wisely said, "So that we can love lots and lots of them." Although I was still sad that one statement has always resonated with me and gives me peace till this day.
I am so sorry about the loss of your pet.

So sorry for your families loss. We lost our husky and my sons were 3 and just over 1 when it happened and we told them the truth that he got old and it was his time for him to go to heaven (which is what we beleive) and that he would happier there he could run and run and play all day. After many nights of crying and asking for him they are able to talk about memories of him with no crying. Hope this helps but you know your son and what would work best for him. Good luck

This is the perfect oppurtunity. I would explain to him your belief. He isn't to young to not understand the truth. I think it was easier for my son to understand that everything dies when his fish did, rather then having to explain it when my dad died. My son was 4 when his fish died. And we explained it, and we had a burial and everything. So he will understand. Explain to him your belief system. If you believe in heaven and an after life (if you believe that), or if you don't know tell him that too. But I would tell him the truth.

Tell him the truth. I personally fdon't believe in heaven, but I told my son, when each animal has died (I live on a farm), that they die and go to heaven. In heaven they can play again and visit each other. He is now 4.5 years old and understands that death is perminent. That when something dies, it is not coming back. They may cry, but it is always better - especially at 4 yrs to tell the truth. then they will continue to ask for the pet. He may ask again several times over the next coming months, but you remind him -the pet is in heaven.

Also if Koko is still home (freezer) not buried, you may be able to let him say his goodbyes to koko. My son has even more recently gone with me when we had to put my dog to sleep. He said his goodbyes, and I told him it was the last time he would see Max and then I brought him in the back and we gave him a shot. When I came back to to the waiting area he asked to see Max, and I told him, Max was dead and as I remind him what we discussed earlier... he is fine knowinghis pets have died.

I'm sorry for the loss of your pet. It's always hard to deal with a loss yourself but having to explain it all to a young child is an added difficulty.

Tell him the truth. Explain it in simple terms. If koko died after being sick make sure you tell your son that koko had a disease so he doesn't think he'll die if he gets sick. Same about not saying koko died in his/her sleep (because your son could think that he might die if he falls asleep). If koko was old and died you might want to think about saying koko had a disease so he won't think that every one of the elderly people in his life with suddenly die.

Be prepared to explain the loss over and over again for several months. Little ones seem to need to hear and discuss several times. Your son may or may not be upset. Or he may be upset a couple months from now.

My father died a little over a year ago and we had to tell my grandchildren ages 2-5 about it. The 3 yr old wasn't all that concerned until one of my cats died a month later. Suddenly the connection was made that when something dies it means you can't see it anymore. It's been over a year and we're still answering random questions. It was hard but I'm glad we were truthful.

I had to dela with this last year while also pregnant and in a partial hospital program dealing with depression. I spoke with my therapists in program and asked about what to do. They said to wait until she asked me and then keep it simple but do not lie. I ended up telling her that our cat was very old and sick. The vet did all they could to help but God decided to take Midge to heaven and live with Him. Up there he is happy and plays a lot and is taken care of. That explanation worked for her. Every once in a while she says she misses Midge, but she seems Ok with my explanation. I don't know what your faith beliefs are, just that its what worked for us.

If you tell him KoKo went to your sister's he may be upset when he can't find Koko and be mad that you lied. Kids are stronger than wegive them credit for being.

Ask his teachers (If your son is in preschool) for some books as well.

Condolences to you on your loss

I remember losing my dog when I was around 12, my parents were honest, but because of that loss, I just don't have the heart to have a pet other than a fish while my kids are still young. When the fish died, we said a little prayer, told the kids all toilets lead to the Ocean and he was going back to be with his Mom and Dad and made the flush heard around the world ;-). They were sad for a few minutes and then asked if we could get another pet - "a dog perhaps" LOL. They were 3 and 6 at the time so it's very hard for them to fully understand but I think honesty is the best policy. Good luck to you, you really can make it a "happy" occation by saying it's going to live with it's parents/family in heaven.

Hi,

My pet bunny who we've had since she was 6 wks old until a mobth ago when she was 11 years old passed on. My kids loved playing with her, petting her, feeding her and miss her a lot!!
I told them she was not feeling well and we gave her to the animal doctor who has a lot of bunnies. All the bunnies will take care of each other bc we couldn't take care of her anymore.
And I reiterated that we won't ever see her again. She needs to be with other bunnies, mommy bunnies.

They were ok with this story...they ask me every few days but its easier than explaining death to a 2 year old and 4 year old!!!

I'm sorry for your loss. Its ok to tell them you're sad and miss your koko. Maybe you can make a card together.

Hi D.,

I am sorry to hear that you lost your beloved pet. When we lost our cat, we read to our daughter CAT HEAVEN. I am sure that there is also DOG HEAVEN, BUNNY HEAVEN etc..., the book was great it really put her mind at ease. The story was about a cat that went to cat heaven and got to do all the fun things that a cat enjoys, it is very light story with beautiful illustrations. (This is a kids book, not a religeous book). The book gave my daughter the tools to make some sense of what happened. I bought my copy at Borders, but I am sure you can find it anywhere including Amazon.

You have received a lot of good advice. The MOST important is not to lie to him. Death is a part of life just as birth is and if a young child learns about the death of a pet and learns to grieve then when a loved human dies (probably a grand parent) it will be easier for them to understand. Shielding them from death makes it harder for them when they get older and will eventually have to cope with the loss of a human being.
Personally I believe in Heaven and that our pets go there, because I would not want to exist forever without animals. But I wouldnt dwell too much on the pet going to heaven and frolicking and being happy forever, since kids are very impressionable and dont fully understand the mystery of Heaven. Quiet often they want to go there also to be with the pet and be "happy" forever.
He will understand the truth for the most part. Im sure he has seen some movies in which a character has died. Or seen a dead bug that no longer moves. Please dont shield him from this unpleasant fact of life. Prepare him as you would his vaccines or anything else unpleasant.

Life and Death go hand in hand. Don't lie to your child. Tell him Koko died.

When the sensational six were ages ranging from 10 to 4, our cat died the cat was 18. We were honest with the children about death and that people, plants and animals die. A family friend hosted a funeral for the cat and buried the cat in his backyard (a bit extreme) but less than five months after that their great grand mother (whom the all knew and loved) died. The children were prepared because we were honest with them, had attended a funeral and a burial. God prepared them.

At every stage of development we prepare our children for life, death is a part of that too. Quiet as it is kept we all come with an unknown expiration date. Share your beliefs on death and life after death with your child. Don't be afraid be courageous and your child will be too.

Tell him the truth. He is old enough to start a conversation about death. You may want to check-out the library too- they often have great children's books on the topic. I use the book "Always and Forever" when I am working with young children following a death. You would be surprised by what he probably already knows!

Just don't lie to him... he will eventually find out the truth and will be very upset with you and mistrusting next time you have to address this topic with him.