My Daughter Lies

C.
I feel your pain. I have a 16 year old stepdaughter who came to live with us when she was 12 and has not stopped lying since. In fact, it's so bad that we don't believe anything she has to say anymore. I've told her the "crying wolf" story a million times. I don't know if it's just in her personality or what. I also have a 16 year old daughter who grew up with me and she has never told a lie in her life. In fact when my step daughter came to live with us I believed everything she said because I had never come across a kid who lies like her before! She really had no reason to lie. the only time she ever gets in trouble is for lying!! Then I kept catching her in the lies and eventually (4 years later) I know she is a liar. And when I say she lies about everything, I am NOT exaggerating. She will lie about eating her lunch at school. In fact I found 3 sandwiches in her backpack today that she had packed for school and then never ate. I don't know what she is eating at school and frankly at this point, I don't care. I used to pay for her lunch until she spent $150.00 in lunch money in the first three weeks of school! And yes, I did explain to her that it was for lunch only. Not breakfast or snacks or anything else they sell at school. She said she wasn't eating anything but lunch. Another lie. I had to call the school and I found out she was eating breakfast at home then going to school and eating breakfast again. And snacks and soda and whatever she wanted! It's just ridiculous. I told her the other day I was having a really hard time liking her at this point. It sounds mean but I can't wait for her to turn 18 and move out! I could go on and on and on and on about everything she's lied about. Good luck with your daughter.

There is an awesome book my mom bought me for Christmas as I have a 16 month old son and worry about discipline. It is a great book and great for pre-teens and teens as well as younger children it is called Love And Logic Magic for Early Childhood by Jim and Charles Fay, Ph.D. I think that will help you a lot!
Do you believe in God or Jesus and sin at all? I do NOT agree with the person who mentioned the Watchtower Jehovah witness stuff. But I do agree lying is a sin & she should be punished for it after she is explained why it is a sin and wrong.
I am a Christian who believes in God and Jesus but disagree with Jehovah beliefs please do not fall into their trap.
She may be lying about certain things to get out of things like playing or going some where with certain friends and she feels lying is easier than telling the truth? Sorry I could not be of more help but I don't have teenagers yet Thank God! I will have to deal with that soon enough I am also due in October and will have 2 kids 22 months apart. Good luck and God Bless.

I dont know whether you are religious or not, but sometimes children at your daugther's age learn that there is more to simply behaving; there is accountability and most children learn this through religion: a child does not simply obey for rewards, but because it is morally correct. You may want to address this issue with your daughter in terms of accountability. Of course, in order for her to be accountable to you, you must also be accountable to her. Find something that you would like to change about yourself, tell her, and share the responsibility with her; it will help her connect with you when you falter and allow you to do the same when she does.

I would also suggest putting her in thinking activities, like drawing/painting, writing, music. Sometimes children fabricate stories and excuses because they are "mentally" bored. Give her some brain-activity and see if she can indulge her imagination into those activities.

Unfortunately - I dont have any advice for you..... Sorry..... but I do have to give you credit for atleast being aware and keeping up on it.... its good parenting and I think you are headed in the right direction for solving this issue. Maybe she has to be "punished" more severely.. ie: grounding her for 2 days isnt enough - maybe taking away a school event (ie: a dance) or something along those lines. Just constantly make her aware that you know she has lied again and make it obvious to her.

I hope someone who has had to deal with this gives you better advice. good luck.

My daughter lies too...well she used to. She was a habitual lier. She lied from the day she moved in (adopted at age 5). This was her survival skill, I'm sure. Over the years, we worked on this plus all her other problem areas....plus, plus, plus. Finally, I had enough. Last summer when she was 10, I told her I would not tolerate lying any more. She is old enough to know better and we were going to work hard on breaking this habit. I told her it will not be acceptable with me or anyone. I also took her Gameboy away for 2 weeks for each and every lie she told. That is still her consequence today if she lies. (I needed to get serious and find something she REALLY loves).
It works very well. I had tried other consequences but until I found something she really didn't want to be without, I never got the results I was looking for. I have only had to take it away maybe 4-5 times since last summer. (She would lie daily and usually more than once a day)HUGE INPROVEMENT
Maybe you can find something in your daughter's life that has great meaning for her and remove it, whether it is a belonging or an event. Just be sure to always follow through with whatever you decide. The minute you forget or give in, you will have to start all over again because she will know she got one over on you. I am warn out from being so firm and strict and having to remodify every behaviour this child has, but the end result is totally worth it. Good Luck and hang in there. It will get better.

It sounds like she's looking for attention. She's trying to become more independent (she's at that age). Make sure she's getting lots of positive attention, and especially some one-on-one time doing fun stuff with you.