My daughter has lied about being raped. She told her friends the story with lots of details about how she had to identify the person in a line up. Once it came out that it was a lie she wanted to change schools because her firends didnt want to speak to her. I did not let her change schools. Now she has done it again. This time she has told people that she has cancer. I also found on her laptop where she has opened up a second facebook account where she is saying she is someone else and posting things back and forth to herself between her two accounts. Some of it is really really bad. I really thought after all the fall out last time she wouldnt do this again. Im so worried I dont know why she is doing this, and I dont know how I can make her understand how bad this is.
You may want to get her a therapist that can evaluate why she is doing this. I could give you a mess of reasons but that would only make things worse so I won't.
Please consider bringing in a professional. :)
She could be crying out for attention, she could be a pathalogical lier - either way she needs professional help.
I'm with the other mamas. She needs a professional. She may have Schizophrenia and she doesn't even realize one personality is making these things up. She could be a compusive liar. Maybe even just jonesin' for attention. No matter what, she's making up quite impactful stories. I would talk to a therapist and see what's going on. Good luck.
Computer gone
Phone gone
Therapist on their door step today! Call her doctor and ask for a referral. They can point you in the right direction.
This is something that a professional needs to deal with. Your daughter has issues that need to be addressed ASAP.
This is something you should see a professional about.
That is very bad and it sounds like she wants some attention, even if it is negative.
The ramifications of these lies could haunt her for years because not only is she hurting herself, she is bringing in others to hurt.
Please go get her help and have a professional find out why she is doing this.
I'm so sorry this is happening. There is definitely something deeper going on. You absolutely need to have her talk to a therapist to get to the bottom of this. Don't be overly alarmed, though. It is obviously serious, but don't let the posts about schizophrenia scare you (it doesn't work like that, btw). There is something deeper and serious going on, but something you all can work out. But please get help- asap. Good luck.
Counseling seems to be in order. Asap.
Oh no, poor thing. Definitely see a psychologist to get to the bottom of this and find the real reason. Good luck, keep us posted!
Please get her some professional help, something very serious is going on!
Get rid of the computer - ASAP.....the schools and libraries have them, she can use them there for homework needs.
Get rid of the cell phone - she can use a old-fashioned, regular phone.
Take her to your doctor ASAP and get a referral to a child psychiatrist or astute child psychologist. And bring in a printed off copy of your story above.
This is very alarming pathological behavior and it's going to take serious commitment on you and your family's part to get to the root of this, if you can.
Sorry about all the turmoil and stress this has got be causing you. You are smart to seek advice.
Can you try to elaborate as to why or help us understand WHY your daughter is seeking attention is such extreme ways?
The only positive I can think of is that she might become a great non-fiction writer one day and she's trying out pathological personalities?
GL!
Definitely get her in to see a professional psychologist. If you're not sure how to go about finding one, talk to her doctor first and they can help you get a referral. This sounds really serious -- way beyond normal kid lying. Good luck!
This is a way to bring on attention. Some people like the "poor me" attention that they get when something bad happens.
I would highly recommend getting her to a profession so this does not become a life long habit. Maybe if they can get to the root of why she feels the need to lie you can break the cycle. I wished my in laws had done that with my brother in law. You can not trust a single thing he says, and we all know it. So if he ever really got himself in a bad situation (highly likely) he won't get the help he needs because no one would believe him.
I would get a referral from her pediatrician for a psychological review--something is seriously wrong, which talk therapy might fix or she might have a mental illness.
In the meantime, you need to keep tabs on what she is doing, and no more access to a computer without you there. Also, if she has a cell phone, you need to probably start tracking who she is calling & texting.
I think your daughter needs some serious therapy to find out why she is lying about these things and to work with her on how to stop.
I had a friend who did stuff like that in high school, and he turned out to be Bipolar I. During his manic phases, he would make up these elaborate and extreme lies. Get her to a therapist immediately for an evaluation. Sorry you are having to deal with this...
I haven't read any of the other responses yet, but it seems that the lies that your daughter is telling is to get attention/sympathy, and it's obviously crossed a line where it's become pathological. You need to figure out WHY she seems to need this kind of attention and WHY she seems to think it's okay to tell lies of this nature in order to get it. And WHY after the first time, she didn't learn her lesson. This is where you need the services of a therapist with experience working with teenagers. She needs some serious professional help, and I hope that you will get it for her. I also hope that you will shut down her FB accounts and block her access from the computer until she can get help for her issues and be trusted again. If she must be on the computer, keep it in a central location where you can monitor what is going on - not in her room.
I suggest getting her help and have a sit down talk with her.Also I know its hard to do try to track what she does online. Funny thing is my 13 yr old did something of the same with the Facebook junk with 2 accounts but he was emailing a female at his school & I found out when the school police called< sigh > But enough about me. She sounds like she is crying out for attention or is beginning to develop some sort of disorder where she needs treatment. Since most of the actions are more towards the shock factor I would go more towards seeing what type of reaction she will get / How you will react sort of thing. Make her write a letter saying sorry to the people she has lied to. If she can not be trust on Facebook do as I did for my son's 1 account I wrote Facebook itself and had account deleted. Do you have any sort of scared straight program? Take her through a children's cancer ward with permission from the nurses to see what its really like and show tough love. Its rough but if she gets away with it now it will keep happening again
My first thought when reading this was - take her to a doctor. This is not normal behavior.
I agree with InMyThirtiesAlready in that your daughter needs counseling AND a fresh start. The other kids are not going to forget what she did which may have an adverse affect on any progress she makes in counseling. I think there are deep-rooted issues that she needs to address with a professional.
Please look into counseling right away and perhaps ask the counselor about changing schools.
Good luck to you and your daughter. I can imagine how heartbreaking and confusing this is for you.
First of all get rid of the phone and computer asap! 2nd get her to a psychiatrist also ASAP! the sooner the better!
I don't know either but IMO, counseling AND a change of schools is necessary! She is never gonna be able to come back from this at her current school...she is going to NEED a fresh start.
Kids lie. They just do. Sometimes it just happens. Even big lies. I have never had any personal experience with this big of a lie but I bet you anything she doesn't even know why she did it. I would venture a guess that it was just an attention seeking thing but you need to find out why and what you can do to give her the attention she feels she is lacking.
Does she do any extra curricular activities? I would suggest a sport or two to fill some time and exert some energy and then set her up with a good child therapist....like ASAP!
There is something off, she will need professional help. This is attention seeking behavior, the need for that pity, to be the center and she is going about it in a self destructive way. Talking to a professional may help her get a hold of this now otherwise it could follow her throughout her life (I have not lied about anything that big BUT the lies haunt me because I think it would be "easier" to get attention by telling them... I have found that being myself is much better). Having a professional talk with her might help her handle the changes in her life better and see that she does not need to have something serious happen to her to get attention. Maybe there is something that has happened that she thinks is a big issue but is not telling anyone so instead she acts out these lies to get the attention.
I would suggest having the computer/laptop kept in a public area in your house (kitchen, living room, a place where you are a lot) so you can keep an eye on her internet activity. Same with a cell phone if she has one, when at home kept in a public area and can only be used in that area. This may help hold her in check, you can remind her to be honest if you see/hear something not in line with what you know.
Not sure about your one on one relationship with her, if you do not do it already maybe once or twice a month have a time set aside where just the two of you go do something specail (eating out, movie, shopping, whatever the two of you will enjoy) so you can give her some of that attention she seems to be craving. I know at this age it is hard because many pre-teens and teens do not want to spend that quality time with a parent.
totally agree with Stacey B below! I would add to the list...cut off extra-curicular activities.
I would also add TV Gone...and I would not change schools...she should have to suffer the consequences of lying....otherwise you are taking away the natual consequences of her actions...
After counseling...maybe try to get her into drama classes.
I empathize. It's hard on you bc you're responsible. You have lot's of good advice already. The very first responder has a good point.
Here is something for you: find the book "Parenting Teens With Love & Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood" by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay at the library or on Amazon and READ their fantastic advice. Oh, and check out their loveandlogic dot com website.
Hang in there!
Reading your post was like reading my past with my daughter. Without help it only gets worse. My daughter went to three high schools and each one she and her lies were discovered and she was friendless. And even out of school she told such lies not only about herself but of we her family, horrible lies. I confronted her but it continued. I would discover her lies and she was so ansy and lied to me saying it wasn't true. She even got fired from her job.
I thought she was bipolar and I took her to the doctor. But it seems at the time that no one was getting what I was sharing. I felt so alone. I couldn't even find anything that seemed to come close to our problem. Everyone had heard of lies to build oneself up, but not to destroy one's self and family. But I feel it is spoken more about these days. We went to a bi polar group who shared that they felt my daughter probably had anti social personality disorder. It made a lot of sense.
I encourage you to to get your daughter into a doctor who also can make any referrals you need. And even get some help for yourself. My daughter put me through the worst times and pain of my life, but today we are so good and she is really doing well. Our relationship is a miracle, and this for the two of you can also come to pass.
Your daughter is screaming for attention. There is something she isn't getting to fulfill that need so she is branching out and finding other ways to get attention. You really need to open the lines of communication between the two of you. You need a counselor to help.
T.,
Your daughter needs help NOW. This is a path of self destruction and I believe she is crying out for help. You need to call a psychotherapist now and get her in ASAP. This is a serious problem and needs to be handled immediately. Godspeed!
She is struggling and is at a very hard age. There is something going on at school with pressure that is making her feel that she has to lie would be my guess.
Definitely calls for counseling and she may need a change of schools to try to start fresh.
Hang in there and be involved and give consistent boundaries. She should no longer have facebook or computer access except to do monitored homework.
She's got to understand that she loses credibility when people catch on
that they have been lied to. It is almost impossible to regain credibility
once it's gone. Therapy and prayers for her. Good luck.
