The other day i noticed an earring in my daughters nose. I insisted on having a closer look and she admitted she had given herself a septum (between the nostrils) piercing when she was 10 (she is 13 now) and if she took it out it wouldn't close up. I am shocked and a bit outraged that she would do this to herself i also have no idea for a concequnce for her as it would not close up any time soon. Any ideas are welcome.
ETA Just to clear things up she has been wearing a small, black stud for the three years she says she had it and it is close to the front of her nose. I also have vision problems and have trouble seeing small objects.
I don't want to give you a hard time for not noticing a stud for three years, even with vision problems, so I won't.
If she's had it for three years and you haven't noticed -- let it go.
i'm still trying to wrap my head around this having been the case for three years.
three years.
at this point i don't think there's anything to do.
if the small black stud in her nose didn't bother you, why does the septum piercing?
khairete
S.
Z.,
Looking back over your four posts, I'm starting to think you're trolling this site. I have trouble believing any of it. If you're not, I advise you become more involved in your child's life because she is clearly looking for things to define herself and you don't seem to be one of them.
Problem here runs much deeper than just a consequence for this. She did it when she was 10. Now 13 put something in. I would suggest some counseling. If she is doing this now behind your back, the future seems pretty bleak IMO.
It took you three years to notice your daughter pierced her nose? And you're taking her word on the fact that it won't close up? I think perhaps your daughter is playing you. Sounds like she did it recently and not only is she doing stuff behind your back, she's lying to you too. So...
1. Make her take it out
2. Talk to her and find out why she's doing things behind her back. Do you two have other problems?
I double-pierced my ears at that age. I thought I was being very rebellious. My mom took one look at me, shrugged, and said, "Well, they're your ears." And that was the last she said about it. I think I stopped wearing the second set of earrings about a week later. ;) The bigger of a deal you make of this, the more she will dig in and insist on wearing the nose ring. It's her nose, and when she gets tired of the nose ring and takes it out, nobody will notice the piercing. No harm done.
okay I am a little confused. She did it 3 years ago and it won't close? The septum piercing should close in about 6 weeks without jewlery unless she has kept something in to keep it open (which I don't know why you would just notice that now) I pierced my bellybutton one day over at a friends house when I was in highschool, it closed but left a scar. You cant really discipline her now for something she did 3 years ago, except just tell her you are disappointed in her and she will have to live with a hole in her nose (which should be closed) I think she is lying and did it recently. Those holes do not stay open unless they have been stretched.
Punishment? for what? Have you noticed that YOU are the one that seems to create the drama? A dozen or more exclamation marks isn't the only red flag - you found out she'd stayed up *reading* and you're up in arms.
Setting the bar pretty high, aren't you momma?
What's the punishment when she sneaks out? Maybe work backwards from there, because otherwise you're going to have a whale of a punishment for historical crimes, and you're going to be stuck duct taping her in a closet or something for an actual act of disobedience.
If she's had it for 3 years and it hasn't been an issue then it's not going to be a problem. It's her nose....I wouldn't think it deserved any punishment at all. Ask her to not wear an earring around you if you don't want to see it.
You haven't seen her nose or looked her in the face for 3 whole years?
I'm guessing she did it a lot more recently.
Is a minor who self pierces in the same league as a minor who cuts herself?
Probably not but she'll be getting attention for it either way.
I'm the first to admit I don't understand why some people want to be pierced to the point that they resemble Swiss cheese.
If some piercing parlor did this on a minor they could lose their license.
I don't know what I'd do in your place.
Is she rebelling in other ways in addition to this?
I'd be tempted to cut off her access to pop culture but I'm not sure it would do any good.
Confiscating her jewelry wouldn't do any good - she could walk around with a paper clip in her nose and then I'd be tempted to make an appointment for her to see a psychologist.
Hi Z.-
I guess I am wondering what the history with your daughter has been like. I looked back into your questions...and it seems that only in the last few months that you have had concerns.
I am wondering...is she recently 'back' in your life? Seems like, many of your concerns would have been coming to 'light' over her earlier 'tween' years.
I am really NOT judging. Just seems to me that there is a part of this story missing.
If I knew what that was...I could perhaps respond more helpfully!
Best
You didn't notice it before now?
First warn her of the dangers she risked doing this herself. Have a gentle chat with her - yes to say you are disappointed - because she did this secretly without telling you. Don't be too heavy-handed or threatening.
Then explain she is older now and you would appreciate having a conversation about it if she has any similar ambitions in future. (Tattoos come to mind!) Tell her that such ideas seem OK when you are young and rebellious but can be a cause of great regret when you mature.
As for the septum piercing, what's done is done and it is unlikely to close now.
You can get her to take it out. I would take this as a bigger sign of trouble to come and start keeping a very close eye on her. I would probably secretly check on her at school and where ever she says she will be with her friends to make sure she is telling the truth. I just think a nose piercing at age ten is a big red flag.
She did it three years ago, never wore any jewelry in it for three years, and it didn't close? I call BS. Piercings close within a couple of months if they're not kept open with jewelry.
A septum piercing would not have stayed open for three years without jewelry in it.
This was done recently.
Quite frankly, I wouldn't have a problem with my thirteen-year-old piercing her nose, but I would have a problem with her lying to me.
You can make her remove the jewelry as punishment for the lie. The hole WILL close.
Um, it WILL close up. My nose piercing starts to close up in two days without jewelry in it. First rule of thumb, don't take a 13 year old's word as law!
If she takes it out it will in fact close. Ear lobes are different because it is just skin, but any were there is cartilage the piercing should still be able to heal shut. At her age I would still make her take it out either way. At 13 or 14 I would probably say yes to such a piercing if asked, but the fact she did it herself (could have gotten and infection) and did it behind my back would lead me to make her remove it.
Also, she could be lying about how long she has had it in order to get you to allow her to keep it. It seems unlikely she really had it all this time and you just never noticed.
