Daughter Pierced Her Septum - How Should We Handle This?

I don't think you should worry about it. If she has been a good kid and does not get into trouble be happy that's all she has done. Really, at 19 there is not much you can do.
Lonie

It's a phase, I was very rebellious as a teen/young adult and living at home. As soon as she gets out into the real world and realizes that you can't wear that kind of stuff to get a job, and not anyone else is wearing it at school, she will take it out. Don't worry, I hated my mom untill I was 23 and married, then I could relate to her but up till then, I didn't even want to understand her.

I hope this helps!

She is living at home and should abide by the rules. However she is 19 and you did not indicate that she is normally an unruly child. If this is out of character for her to go against the grain then I would suspect she is just trying to spread her wings a little and find a few things out on her own. To be honest I wouldn't worry about it unless you notice her hanging with a different crowd and/or exhibiting "anti-social" behavior. You can talk to her and let her know you are not happy with her decision and that you hope she will realize that it may be hard to find a normal job or be accepted as an adult if she chooses to continue with this behavior, but also tell her that you love her and want her to be happy even if she makes mistakes (she's 19 in college....we have all been there). I hope this helps! My motto is always that open communication is the best.

It is better than a tat. At least this one can come off. I say, if she is a good girl let her have it and laugh it off. I had a piercing when I was her age and I don't anymore. I am sure she will shed it soon. Just let her be her! :)

I won't say this is just a phase...I'm 30 and still have my nose pierced! It is very thoughtful of her though to wear a retainer when she's around you. I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it; she knows that you really don't like it but it is her way of expressing her independence. Also, it may not seem like it now but you probably won't even notice it after a while. Some of my relatives that were so shocked when I first pierced mine don't even notice it any more. Pierced nose or not she's still your girl!

Hello...I am 26 now with two small boys and when I was 18 living at home, I pierced my tougue. My mom and I are close, too. She flipped out and she didn't like to look at it either. I guess she learned to live with it. After about two years I was finally board with it and I took it out and the whole grew back. I beleive that as long as your daughter is being responsible I would just leave her alone. This is probably a phase and she will grow out of this. If it bothers you really bad, then I would pray about it and leave it to God. Good Luck!...M.

I pierced my belly button at 18, which has now been through 2 pregnancies. I still love it and am glad I have it. I was not living at home when I got it. I was supporting myself and puttin gmyself through college. I asked no one's permission and don't regret it. I was raised by my grandparents. My granmother threw a fit. She called my a sneaky liar and all sorts of nasty things, cried the whole 9 yards. All it resulted in was breaking down our relationship. I had to call my (younger) sister on her cell phone and did not call or visit home for well over a month. It still effects our relationship. There are many times I can feel the strain when we have a disagreement because I know that no matter what, If I don't do it her way, she thinks less of me and my abilities as a mother. Your daughter probably did this only because she wanted to. A nose ring can come out and it is her body. She's expressing herself. Don't let that expression ruin your close relationship. You still wouldn't like it if she wasn't living in your house. At least she is being respectful enough to put an invisible stud in when she's around you. Good luck!

That is awesome that you and your daughter are close!! My mom and I were close also and I did things to see if I could get a reaction out of her. Since she is 19... it may be a phase or she could just think she looks cute~ Either way, you just love them and pick your battles. If a nose ring is the worst thing she is doing right now...well, I would call that an accomplishment these days.

Hi T.,

I can understand where you are coming from.....But, seeing as your daughter is 19,legally an adult, and it is her nose, she made her own choice. Kids grow up and one of the most difficult things, we as parents have to do, is allow our children to make their own choices and their own mistakes.

Is it a phase? *Shrug* only your daughter can answer that. She is trying to be understanding of your feelings by wearing a stud that can she can "hide" from your view. The best thing I can tell you is to try and be understanding of her feelings, too and keep an open line of communication with her.

Best of luck.

Blessings,
J.

Hi there, Im 23 with a wonderful hubby and a two year old. I was the girl that followed the rules and did the right thing and I can tell you now that i really regret not doing some crazy things. Piercing the nose is not permanant like a tatoo or something so eventually she may decide she doesnt like it. Anyway, I guess the thing is that it probably is a phase but if you skip it, it just comes back later to haunt you. Like now, I stay up all hours of the night watching anime and I am dying to dye my hair pink and get a tatoo on my back. I probably cant do any of those things though because I have a kid and a job and a hubby so I say more power to your daughter for expressing herself before its too late. Also, my mom is 52 and she is going through the same phase; she bought a sports car, and is planning to get her naval peirced. So I guess you have to just decide at some point to do what you want to do instead of what everybody else things is what you should do. It may be frustating to you as her mom, but it is way more frustating to not find out who you are before you have to make bigger decisions. Good luck and help her along the way.

I've been where you are.

My oldest 20 years ago!!!! had piercing everywhere, tatoos everywhere. I was sick at heart and stomach.

I knew she was still the same sweet baby girl (albeit 17 years old) that loved to please and be kind to everyone. But all that visual stuff got in my way.

Now that she's 37, I can see that those tatoos and piercings didn't change her at all. She's an amazing mother and wife. She is very active in my grandsons' school, PTA (do they still call it that?),

Both boy are in gifted classes, one is in the Children's Choir of Greater Dallas, I could go on and on about all her achievements. Oh, did I say she's been married to the same man for 15 years????

Don't place walls between your daughter and yourself. Those are simply visuals. See past all the stuff, and hold on to her, she needs you now more than ever before.
-FAFA (what my Grandsons call me)

I have several nieces who are around that age as well as know several college age girls, this is just the "thing" girls do this day. It doesn't place them in the "bad girl" category. Only you know if your daughter is in the wrong crowd. If that is the case the issue needs to be with who she is influenced by. I am not justifying the fact that she went against your wishes living under your roof, but at the same time she is 19 years old and she needs to find her own identity. At this age it is more crucial for you to build a relationship with her where she can come and talk to you about how life is, not be condemned for something so minor. My mother-in-law absolutely can't stand the holes in jeans because of "how it looks" to others, well it's the style for today. Just as the holes in jeans are in style so are piercing the nose. I am a strong Christ follower and a mom of 4, and I believe that if in my heart that I personally know Him and by my actions others can see Him in my life, if I have my nose pierced it isn't going to send me to hell and I am not a bad person for doing so. You need to ask her why it is important to her to have her nose pierced. Too often parents judge without asking why first. Also, is it so bad that you would rather be at odds with her over this than look past it and maybe gain some friendship with her. The issue shouldn't be the nose piercing, but rather the disobedience to you for asking her not to get it while living under your roof. That can be addressed. She has the right to have an opinion of her own regarding fashion, just as you do, but scripture doesn't budge on disrespecting parents. If you only dislike the nose piercing because you don't want to look at it, you may want to ask her what she doesn't like looking at that you wear and both of you give up that item. There are numerous girls wearing the small diamond in their noses and that has become an acceptable fashion today.

Well your baby has grown up. This is her being independant. Try not to harp on her about it, because it might her have hard feelings and want to do more. Support her on her decisions. My daughter is 18 and has her belly button peirced. Not sure why she wanted to do it b/c she never will show anyone it. She is one of those that never wears bikini's and if she does she wears a t shirt over it. She has a great figure but she is modest. THANK GOD. I have always let her make her own decisions on things like that. She has been a wonderful daughter and we have talked about alot of things before she decides to do them. She always understands the out come of a decision so my advise is to support her on any choice she makes but also let her know that no matter what there can be a bad out come of it. Just make sure she takes care of it and doesnt let it get infected.

Hi T....sorry you're taking this so hard. I went to college in New Orleans when I was 18 years old. While there, my best friend and I decided to get "tatted." We went to a local tattoo artist that ran specials for college students. We got our names on our legs and we LOVED IT--we still love them!! I know leg tats aren't as severe as pierced noses but it's all the same. Young adults are always looking for ways to leave childhood behind and make their our paths in life. Piercings and tats are small rebellions that make us think that we're now making our own decisions in life. Don't take it too seriously. Just pray that she doesn't show up with her boyfriend's name tatted on her neck!!! Just Kidding!!

Well, I may not be much help as I am a mother with a pierced nose and I am also a successful business owner. I would not say she is trying to be rebellious I would say that she is wanting to express herself in a certain way and she is an adult. However, she IS living in your house and you have every right to have rules and have them followed. It is not unrealistic to say look, as long as you are living here these are the rules you must follow. Just ask yourself, is a nose ring really a battle you want to fight. She could be doing way worse things. Give it some time, you might just grow to like it!

This is coming from a mother who in the past has had a total of 13 peircings all together. Don't worry I'm not a total freak, 9 of those peircings are in my ears. At the age of 19 we are confused about ourselves, our images, our direction in life and our future. Experimenting is only normal. Although you are repulsed by her new addition,(now listen cause this is very important) do not let her know how much you hate it. By you rejecting it, more than likely will make her love it more. This doesn't mean you need to tell her how cool you think it is. If possible just try to ignore it. And YES!!! It's probably just a phase. When I had my libre(a peircing right below the lip) I only left in for about a year. Honestly I would have removed it sooner, but I couldn't stand the idea of taking it out so quickly after I had went through the pain and used my own money to pay for it. Plus people would tell me all the time "Your face is just to pretty to have that thing in the way of it". So just be patient and try to think positive...after all it could have been a tatoo.

Picking battles are difficult decisions, you mentioned your daughter is 19 so she is obviously old enough to make grown decisions although they may not be in line with what you think is appropriate. Hopefully she wears one small enough to not leave what resembles a giant blackhead on her nose once the novelty wears off. She could be making worse decisions LIKE A TATTOO! Back off and hope she stops at the one piercing because there are a lot worse things she could be doing yes...I feel your pain! Our children pain all of us when they do things we know are not in their best interest be it the people they choose to hang with, choices they make regarding their education... my list goes on. I say pick a bigger battle but lovingly tell/remind her things like this come and go out of style therefore encourage her to select small piercings which when she no longer desires to wear them don't leave a big hole in her nose!

Hey T. C (my name too!),

She is 19 and it's your house. It's up to you to decide what you want to do. She is no longer a minor and doesn't have to be living in your house anymore. She should be very respectful of your wishes in your house, especially if you have younger children you want an example set for. It's all up to you guys to decide how much it bothers you and what you want to do about it. If you find that you are fine with a nose piercing, then try to let it go. But if it REALLY bothers you a lot, it is your house and you deserve to have a say in what happens there. You can ask her to remove it or move out (not suggesting that is what you should do, just saying you can since it's your house - only you know what you should do). I know it sounds really extreme, but we all are affected by things differently than other people and maybe this bothers you more than it bothers lots of other people.

A couple of my sisters pierced their noses, but they knew there was no way they would be allowed to do that at home. They had an example to set for their younger siblings. So, they didn't do it until they moved out.

Anyway, so I'd suggest seeing how much it bothers you. If it bothers you, but you're fine with her being there, then maybe try to adjust to it? If you really can't stand it, it's up to you guys to choose what to do. You do have the say because it is your house. She may be an adult now - but she is living in YOUR house and should respect your rules.

Good luck!

I am 19 myself and I always wanted to peirce my tongue either though my parents hated the thought of me even talking about it. Well I ended up moving out and guess what, I peirced my tongue. I'm a mother now, and within less than 5 months of having it in, I just took it out and put it in a drawer. I believe it actually is thoughtful of her to hide it when you're around,unfortunatly most teens believe that when they turn 18,they dont have to listen to anyone anymore, especially their parents! Just sit back and watch her get tired of having to hide it during job interveiws or when you're around,she'll eventually find out it isnt worth the trouble! -tabby

My sister is in her second yr of college. She has pierced her tongue, tha lil piece in ur ear. She already had her belly button done.Which i paid for dat, an our mom knew an was ok with. The other 2 we found out after she did it. She wanted her eye brow done,an mom said No. 2 weeks ago she called me an said she was thinkin about gettin a tattoo.With ur DH,can't say if its a phase, she only has that one. I know my sister said her an her friends were bored on a sat night. An decided to go get their tongues pierced. I told my mom to look at it this way she could be havin sex with some creep who has been with have of her dorm. An she calmed down.

I say if this is the worst of it, then count yourself lucky. She's going to college right? That already puts here ahead of the majority of people in the world. I even think the fact that she's wearing a "retainer" around you is incredibly thoughtful of your feelings (while still maintaining her own independence). This is just the age where she needs to establish her identity and reaffirm that she is an adult now who can make these decisions about herself.

If it makes you feel better, when I was younger I pierced my belly button, tongue, and eyebrow. Oh how my mom cried when she saw me, just convinced I was ruining myself.

I did all of that when I was in *law school* :) You'll laugh about this later!

Welcome to over 18 and they do what they want. Yes, it is a phase, my now 22 year old daughter did it when she turned 18, and when the stud came out - she had scratched her nose in the night and didn't know it, she figured, OK, done that, now what - we went through more piercings, and they get over it and everything grows back. It's the tattoos that are permanent. She knew before she did it that it would push your button - that's their independence showing. Pick your battles carefully, keep the talking going ( I found out restaurants are great places for this, they usually don't make a scene in a public place, way too embarrasing when you're there, MOM ) remember your own growing up, and say lots of prayers. Good luck !

My 23 year ok daughter did the same then she went to the denist and the dentist show a film to her about how all the infections and deasese are easier to go thru your nose and lips and showed the after effects, and let me tll you she took that off and has never put it back in. Every infection goes directly to the brain with infection on the nose and lips and causes deformation of the face and can cause brain damage.

i too was the 19-year-old who got tat's that ticked off my mom, but i was an 'otherwise' good kid, great grades, no trouble, etc. i pierced my nose at 27! it's gone now b/c i got tired of messing w/it, but i still like the look of it...

i PERSONALLY don't care so much about wild hair color or even piercing (tattoos are more permanent) or punk clothing ... to me that's easy stuff to handle.

i guess i can see how you'd be hurt she'd be so into something you're not, but this is right about the age when that stuff will happen. i wouldn't take it so personally AND if it is just to get a rise out of you, ignoring it is the best thing.

Hi T.! With some people, piercing and tattoos are a phase. On the other hand, I began piercing when I was 19, and have not quit. I won't let you now how old I am, but my eldest is 18. The benefit of piercing is that they can usually be taken out when the phase ends, and you can barely see where they were. I figure when I'm 90 or so, I may opt to take them out.

Hi T.,
I understand your disappointment in her actions, but be glad a piercing can be taken out once it's coolness has worn off. She could have done much worse, also once she starts working - depending on the job she may have to take it out anyway. She is 19 and considered an adult even though she is still under your roof - if that's the worst she's done feel lucky - I'm 32 and when I was 18 I got my first tatoo, my mom was not too happy, but you get over it - it's an expression, and like I said she can take it out once she's done with it - I have the tatoos forever, but I like them.

Bless you! I have three grown daughters who pierces many strange areas (all above the hips, thank heavens) and yes, this will go away. Once she hits the job market, gets a MAJOR cold or allergy attack (actually that was quite funny for me to watch and not say "I told you so"). Breathe, light cented candles and soon, she will be telling you what a crazy idea that was. By the way, all 3 of mine survived, married and are leading wonderful lived without nose rings :)

My son got a tatoo on his 18th birthday, also against my wishes. I was upset at the time, but now I see it differently. At least he asked me about it and told me he did it, as your daughter did. Treasure the fact that she does care what you think since she is wearing a small earring so you don't have to see it. She didn't do it behind your back and neither did my son. We have to face the fact they are trying to find themselves, whether we like it or not.

I feel your pain, my 19 year old daughter pierced her upper lip and we told her she could not wear the earring in front of her younger brother 13, and sister 8, at home...now she is off at school and probably wears it all the time..i feel that it is a phase, one they will regret when they go off and try to find a job....I am all about having rules in your home, its yours and they are going to have to abide by them...it's really shocking to see on their beautiful face, i hate it....one day they will look in the mirror and realize that there is a hole in their face...yes, it is their face but society does not accept that when looking for jobs and such.....

Oh T.! I definitely know what you are talking about. Both of my daughters decided to pierce their nose once they were 18. But thankfully, within 6 months they were both tired of it and took let it grow up. Maybe your daughter will get tired of it.

Is she responsible? If so, give her the benefit of the doubt. Trust her.

Did you do anything weird when you were 19?

Will the nose piercings affect her life in a very negative way? No. It can and will heal when she is finished with the novelty of it.

I'm 43 and I have noticed lots of unusual things our young ladies are doing now. A nose piercing is not the most problematic. Chill.

My son had his tongue pierced when he was seventeen after a visit with his dad. He also started getting tatoos, and then his eyebrow. I just kept talking to him. We talked about how society views this and how if at all it would hinder his goals. As he got older he has tamed it down some. He is care as far as the hygiene and no longer has the eyebrow, only wears one earring per ear, and keeps his tongue out of my view. Not sure if this helps but may be comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Don't sweat the small stuff! She could have come home with several diseases or even pregnant! It could be worse. She is 19 so I suppose the other option could be for her to move out of your home and into her own place.