My Daughter Doesn't Want Me!

She cries for mimi because she's not the one upset with her at that moment. My kids do that when I get onto them. They call for "daddy". I would suggest spending some extra cuddle/bonding time with her at home. Give her something to look forward to. Do some things that she loves and remind her that when you pick her up, you get to play with *it* when you get home. Remind her again when you pick her up. These are only suggestions. I hope they work. Good luck!

This is totally normal. My grandma has told me stories of me running and hiding under her bed when my mom came to pick me up not wanting to go home. The little girl I babysit during the day will fuss when her mom gets here. I went to her parent's wedding and she wanted nothing to do with any family members. As soon as I walked in the door she started screaming my name and ran for me and then wouldn't let anyone else hold her all night. The good thing is that you know she is somewhere that she enjoys being. If she cried when you dropped her off and ran out the door as soon as you got there you would have another worry completely. I know this has to be heartbreaking....but it will get better. Maybe ask Mimi to have her make something for you....a special picture or something or talk to her about something you are going to be doing that night...a special thing for dinner or trip to the store, etc to pump her up about the trip home. Maybe it isn't just leaving mimi....maybe it is the car ride home or something else that she needs help adjusting with. Sorry I am not much help. Have a great week. Best of luck. C.

Well I am kind of in the same situation and have been for quite sometime. However, mine is a little different. My mom lives with me and has for 3 years now. My youngest son is 2 and she has been taking care of him since he was 6 weeks old. Sometimes my husband and I work 10 - 12 hours a day and sometimes overnight. So we deal with favorites here too. It is like he has 3 parents and he plays the "musical parents" game so to speak. If he does not get his way with one he just goes through each and every one of us. But until recently he would prefer my mom, she was the only one who could calm him, get him to sleep, etc. But there still are times that she tells me what to do like I don't know, or always comforts him when he is in trouble. It frustrates me a lot. Because I also have another child who is 8. I HAVE done this before. LOL
It does get better. But your child can and does understand how to play the fiddle, so to speak. It will work out. Does MIMI spend most of the time comforting her for EVERYTHING?

Long story short...if it wasn't your grandma it would be whoever else cares for her during the day. This doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. She just spend most of her day w/ your grandma. There's really not much you can do about that. I kmow it hurts the ego...but on the plus side of things your grandma is probably really good to her and that's why she cares for her so much.

I think it's completely normal for the amount of time that she spends w/ her.

A child that age is not capable of making a decision of not wanting you. It is similar to when a child goes to dad because mom said no. They know who they can get things from. It is likely easier for her to get by with more at grandma's. Your best bet is to not make a big deal about it to your daughter and make sure that there is consistency in how she is trained and treated. Her routine and how behaviour is handled must be the same at Mimi's house as it is at yours. Certainly there will still be room for special treatment that grandmothers sometimes give, but it is important that her routine and behaviour be handled the same wherever she is being taken care of so there is a basis for her to understand her own root structure.

When she cries for mimi, lovingly tell her "I know, I love her too and you'll get to see her again tomorrow when the sun wakes up." If it is appropriate you can even tell your daughter when you are "getting on to her" that her behaviour is not acceptable and both daddy and Mimi also feel the same way. As for making her departure from Mimi's less stressful, make her go through a ritual of how to say goodbye effectively. Plan to stay there at least 30 minutes so you can get her ready to say goodbye. Have her try to tell you about her day with Mimi and what they did together with Mimi's help. Tell her how exciting that sounds and how there will be more fun tomorrow. Make her say goodbye. If she says it, she feels more in control rather than a surprise of getting whisked out the door before she felt ready. We have used the say goodbye technique on everything including suckers (the few times my kids have had one), toys at a friends house or even at our house if we are getting ready to go and cannot take it with us and in many, many other situations. It works beautifully. Don't be so hard on yourself...I mean by feeling like your daughter doesn't want you. In all honesty your daughter would have much misery that she couldn't even understand in her heart if you weren't around. She is just showing that she really enjoys her time with her Mimi, and she probably is getting some good quality time when with her which is fantastic for her development. Relax and just help her work through it. You can do it! I know it feels hard espeically having the 2 kids so close together. That has an impact as well. Hang in there, mom. You'll do just fine and your daughter won't love you any less!

B. :)

I understand what you are going through. My 3 year old was like that with her Aunt and Grandpa. I know it is hard and heartbreaking, but trust me she will grow out of it. When my daughter would cry for them I would let her call them, even though at the time she did not talk very well, but it did calm her down when she heard their voices.

I would also try find something she likes doing and do that with her, we watch Dora or color together. I hope this helps.

I hope all works out well

Probably b/c your dau spends alot of time with mimi, she has attached herself to mimi emtionally. Mimi needs to let her know that when she gets in trouble, she will not "protect her",(take up for her.Of course being 18 mo old; how do you explain this? I would just let your daughter know you love her and you will always be there for her.

Dear M.,
That behavior is so totally normal! My mother also watched my daughter when she was very young. My daughter is 5 now, and occasionally (1 out of 10 times) still doesnt want to leave gramas! I think its because grama devotes the entire time to playing and spending time with her when she is there. Unfortunately, we as moms dont get that luxury, as we have to clean and work etc. I was very jealous at first, thinking my daughter loved grama more than me, but that was only my own insecurities manifesting! Grandparents have the sweetest deal with kids, because they get to be kids with them, as we the moms have to be the adults and raise them (so boring to the kids!!). Dont ever think that your daughter doesnt love you as much or more than grama! She worships you! The insecurity will pass. Be wonderfly greatful that grama is able to spend that quality time with her! She will always have fond memories of grama, and feel safe with her! There is only one mama tho, and thats you!
Best of luck!
L.

We went through the same thing with my daughter. For several months, she would flip out in the morning when I dropped her off at daycare, not wanting me to leave. Seven hours later when I would pick her up she would repeat the performance because she did not want to come with me! So it was a pretty frustrating and depressing time, even when I told myself "It is just a phase and has nothing to do with what kind of mom I am or how much she loves me." The good news is it won't last forever and the best news is that it means your child is happy and loved during the times when you can't be there!!

My girls are like that with their "ganny". It kinda upsets me but she made me realize why that is. When they are with her, especially when she just has one of them, she is all about them. She is able to set aside everything and spoil them with attention. Where as we mommies have to juggle. Especially you with a 2 month old? Whoo! Dont worry about it. I think it is very very common and they start to grow out of it with time. Don't let it hurt your feelings. I am sure you are a wonderful mommy!

This may sound bad but I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one. It takes me almost 45 min most nights just for my son to let me hold him.... He loves his daycare lady and I'm so happy for that but I want him to be happy to see me when I pick him up... all I can say is it sucks.. and I hope it passes soon.

Right after my son turned two my husband left to go to Kuwait. I was young and didn't want to be stay here alone and so I moved back home. Colten grew very close to my mother and when my husband came back we moved back here. Everytime he would get into trouble he would cry for Nonnna. Nonna is what my kids call my mom. Don't feel that she loves mimi more then you. Mimi spends a lot of time with your daughter. She spends a lot of one on one time with her. So when you have your daughter. Sit down with her and play blocks or read to her. Turn on music and dance with her. On your days off spend quality time with her. That is what I did with my son.

I have the same problem with my 3-yr old son. My mother watches him and has since he was 6 weeks old. He has been doing that same thing since he was around your daughter's age. It is a two sided sword. Since you are working, the majority of your daughter's awake time is spent with mimi, so it is natural for her to want to be there. Also, mimi has the advantage of being the grandmother and not the strict disciplinarian you must be as mom. It is probably more fun at mimi's because mimi can devote all her time to your daughter and do her chores and housework after you pick her up. That is how it is at my mom's. At home, I am busy doing all the housework and chores as well as taking care of my son.
On the other hand, wouldn't it be much harder to go to work everyday leaving a crying, devastated child somewhere she doesn't want to be?