My Child Misses Her Dad

I wouldn't have her call right before bed. I would have her call after dinner. You don't want her sad before bed and maybe if she talks to them earlier in the day she won't miss them as much when it's time to settle down for sleep.

Just a thought but does she do this at bedtime to stall? I'm not saying she doesn't miss them, but why does she only really get upset at bedtime? My daughter did this for a few days. I let her call her dad one night. Next night it was grandma. Next night it was dad again. Next night I told her she can call anybody in the family she wants, but no more at bedtime. She needs to call before bedtime. She hasn't asked again.

I ditto the not when she's tired - that will make it way worse. But I think she should be able to call whenever she wants each day - before the bedtime routine starts.

One note - I'm not sure if you do this, but PLEASE validate for your daughter that it's OK for her to miss daddy and grandma and that they love her. Even if they are not the best (don't know your situation) it makes you the better parent and it makes your daughter feel loved.

An "I know that you miss daddy and you will see him soon" will do wonders for making her feel like her feelings are validated.

Good Luck.

Let her call them! There is absolutely no need for her little heart to be aching in the age of cel phones, Skype, email, text messages, etc. This is when the parents act like grown ups, put their conflict aside and do what's right for the kid(s).

I went through the same thing with my son. It was really hard and I felt such guilt. He is 8 years old now and it has gotten easier. I recommend being consistant and supportive. Lots and lots of love. I would also recommend that you and the father try to have a healthy relationship (easier said than done.) That takes time too.

Is there anyway she can call them before bed? Maybe a quick "I love you" from daddy and grandma might help her calm down a bit.

She should see her dad more than that as long as he is willing and a good influence on her. If he is a good father I would do everything in my power to live in close proximity so she feels she can see you both when she needs to. Even if your relationship with him isn't perfect you should do everything you can to make sure she has the best of both of you and as often as possible. I say this assuming he is a decent guy in general and not knowing any specifics about him. Your judgment has to speak to his character. I understand how hard it is to comfort them. My husband is an infantry Marine and gone often. I keep lots of pictures around and I have videos of him reading her a favorite book. I keep her busy drawing pictures and collecting treasures to give him. Your situation is more complicated because of the relationship breakdown between the adults. Just try to focus on making it better for her even if it means swallowing your pride a bit and putting up a picture of him etc... Try to see him from her eyes and help her include him in her life more.

Have her write a "letter" to daddy and grandma before bed every night. Maybe this would be her drawing a picture, or you helping her write "good night daddy and grandma" on a piece of paper. Then you can keep them all together and let her take them with her when she goes to visit. I have always been told that if you can't sleep because something is on your mind, keep a pad of paper by your bed and write it down to get it out of your mind. This concept could apply to children as well. By writing this to daddy and grandma, it could be her way of getting a little closure at night. If possible, get a picture of them you can keep in her bedroom by her bed and she can give the picture a good night kiss before she goes to bed. It is so hard to see their little hearts hurt like that - it is just about all you can bear.

I agree with A.G.....anyway she can talk to them at night??

is there any way she could stay all weekend every other weekend or even see them a day or two more a month and talk to them at night when she is at home like right before bed?

My daughter does this too. I talk to her about about how much daddy loves her and we talk about how we carry people in our heart. We go through all the people that love her, how love feels in our heart and how lucky we/she are to have so many wonderful people in our lives. We talk about how exciting it will be to see daddy again. During the day (not at night when she's tired) we call daddy so she knows she's not far and can talk to him any time she's like, within appropriate boundaries.

We also talk about how we know how much we love someone because we may miss them when they are not there. Missing someone is normal, good (shows her attachment) and a feeling to be honored.

She may be sensing your discomfort with her missing daddy/grandma. Separate what is uncomfortable for you (painful) and what is simply natural. Kids are smart, so as others have said, the most important message for her are her feelings important and normal.

Best!
Jen

Just to add a little to what Brenna said. You should NOT try to distract her from her feelings. You should acknowledge her feelings - whether you agree with them or not. Your job is to be there when she is upset (or whatever other feeling), not to make her not be upset. She is going to be upset about many things in her life, you can't prevent that. What you can do is let he know that you are there for her during these times.