Daddy Is Going to the Army!!

my son was 2 when my husband was deployed he was too little not talking to have to explain. I would just say daddy had to go out of town to work a while. give them a calander so they can count down the days. I don't think in boot camp they can call everyday so when he does get to call have him say I have x number of days left. have him ask them if they are marking the calander. I would suggest get both girls special stickers for the calander and they both get to put on one for that day.

another suggestion save that calender and give it to him for fathers day one year. you can explain to them he has been gone this long and has this llong before he comes back. they cant understand time concepts yet so this will help alittle with time concepts. and have the girls plan a big welcome home party for him so when they are missing him they can have something to distract them. and they will feel close to daddy while doing this.

The single piece of advice I have is this:

- Always talk well of their daddy, and there won't be hardly any distance between them at all.

My dad was deployed at least 6months a year chasing Russians. This was ages before I could IM friends quite literally in foxholes, or skype with friends on the frontline. When the boat (submarine, so boat is the appropriate word) surfaced sometimes mail got out, sometimes it didn't. We always got calls from ports (infrequent), on phone lines so ancient that one had to shout to be heard, and that was without the cacophony in the background. Only my mum got to talk, but we weren't the worse for it. He DID always bring us each a trinket home :) :) :) Yay! Presents!!

But my mum was always happy with our dad, because for US daddy was never really gone. No tearful goodbyes, no mum ranting about dad not being there... just "Your daddy would LOVE that picture" or "Your daddy LOVES seeing you girls jump in leaves/ dress up/ be so polite/ etc."

Every day our daddy was in our lives through our mother... and he was always cast in the best light. Yes she got upset, I know as an adult, but for US... daddy was a shining light and always in the room so to speak. When we'd "miss" him, she'd tell us about what he was doing... or have us write him a letter or draw him a picture or tell us a story about him. So he was never, really, ever gone.

I'm sure there were times we cried, but I don't remember. What I do remember is how much she loved him... and how happy loving him made her... and in return, how much we loved him.

Note: The BIG "farewells" & "welcomes" (the types where a news crew might be... whether it's at a depot, dock, airstrip, or airport) are really pretty traumatic to kids, and generally should be avoided at all costs. If you want to go, by all means... but it's like anti-disneyland or 5am christmas sales with tons of pushing/grabbing people) for kids (even the welcome homes). Overstimulating, scary, and VERY overemotional. Babies can generally handle it, but even adults have a very hard time. In a word : Babysitter.

First of all, please tell your husband that he has my thanks and gratitude for giving time to serve our country!! My husband spent 30 years in the Army and I can tell you that even though it sometimes has it's challenges it is a wonderful life!! You will also find that being an Army Wife is a proud and awesome responsibility too...you will learn independence, self reliance and pride in your country that you never experienced before! Please go into this phase of your life with a positive attitude and help your children feel pride in what their Daddy is doing!!
As one of the other Mamas has already said, the ways of being able to keep in touch now is SO much better than it used to be. When I was engaged to my husband he was stationed in Vietnam, we had maybe 3 phone calls the entire year that he was gone, each of them limited to 5 minutes and it was made via a short wave radio operator who was listening in to be able to switch the conversation back and forth as we each remember to say "over".!! Today, our Son has just returned from his 3rd tour in Iraq and he was able to talk with us via Messenger or Skype whenever he felt like it. Emails were instant communication and of course Skype even gave us the thrill of seeing him!!! Now during basic and advanced training he will not be able to be in contact with you on such a regular basis but there are still things you can do to help your children adjust.
Have your husband record some of your childrens favorite books, either on audio or video so that they can hear Daddy's voice and know that he is still "there". Have picture of him with the family for the children to view and for you to talk to them about their Daddy. Don't worry too much about how long he is going to be gone....children at that young age really have no concept of time...but maybe a calendar would be a nice idea for them to be able to mark off the days until Daddy comes home. Most importantly, you stay positive, I am not saying to be untruthful ith them about your feelings, they need to see that it is alright to be sad that Daddy is gone but reassure them that it is alright and he WILL be coming home just as soon as he can!!
Most importantly...don't forget to take care of yourself...do you have a good friend that you could go out to dinner with once ever couple of weeks? Find a good reliable babysitter and you and your girlfriend have a girls night out...laugh...talk and recharge your batteries. You will be a better Mom because of it!!
Good luck and God Bless you
R. Ann

There are some really good books out there on the subject and there is a Sesame Street video out there for military families as well. Do an internet search and there are tons of great resources out there that will help explain this in a way that they will both understand. There are also places that make "daddy pillows". You could probably make two yourself, you need an iron-on picture and a pillow. I have friends who used these pillows as a way to have the parent "there" at bed time or other times when the child needed them. Both of you need to sit the kids down and explain that daddy is taking a new job and that he is doing it to help the family and that even though he has to go away he is not doing it because he "wants" to and he still loves them and will come back safe in a few months. It's not easy, but many children are currently dealing with deployed and active military parents and with a good support team behind them, they will get through it. There will be rough days, but you and yours can and will make it through them. Good luck to you.

My husband is deployed right now to Iraq. I tell my daughter that Daddy is at work. Be prepared for alot of aggression from your kids. I never realized how much an to what extent it would affect my daughter as she was 18 months at the time, but she was really upset and very aggressive for a while. When he came home for R&R she fell right back in with him, but when he left it was the same cycle again. It broke my heart every day when we would come home because she would get really excited and say Daddy's at home! I would have to tell her again that Daddy was at work and watch her heart break again. This lasted about two weeks. Just be prepared because it could be a very hard experience for the kids and for you.

Is his boot camp close enough (i drove from NJ to AL for my husband's graduation) to where you will be able to attend that with him, or will he be going straight to AIT where you really wouldn't be able to see him?

Although we didn't have any children yet when my husband enlisted, I have learned that throughout my daughters' lives they enjoy corresponding via the postal service, email & stuff. Maybe you could begin a journal of a scrapbook for your husband of all of the things you do while he's away. I know that Dennis & I wrote a whole lot while he was away and talked on occassion. I'd try to keep things as upbeat as you possibly can and just reach out to people when u need to. My husband was laid off last April and was honestly considering re-enlisting, but he didn't want to uproot our 12 yr old and was able to find work again. The absence that you are going to feel may seem never-ending, but seriously, try to find other women in your same situation so you can support eachother and maybe even come up w/some type of co-op program where it enables you to have time to yourself for grocery shopping and such. Good luck!

when my niece was about the same age, her dad went to iraq for a year. My sister explained it that daddy was at a class and wouldn't be back for a long time. He recorded several CDs of her favorite bedtime stories, and my sister would play one for her at night when she went to bed, so that daddy was still "there" reading her bedtime stories like he always did. it worked great, though my niece would still have nightmares sometimes. But the CDs definitely helped a lot.

The ideas of having your husband record the kids favorite books is the best idea! Another idea is to have him give the kids something special to sleep with before he leaves. Talk about it with them, tell them that daddy is going to learn to be a soldier. There are book for children out there, although there main focus is deployments and since they are not yet familiar with military life you may have to get creative. They won't be able to talk to him on the phone, but while he is gone they can write/color him bunches of pictures or letters. Our son is 3, he was born during a deployment and Daddy came home when he was 11 months so I really didn't have to explain things to him. My husband is in the Guards so he goes once a month and than has to leave for two week periods. He knows that his daddy in in the Army and he is very proud of him.
Just to give you the insight of what to expect during basic training so you yourself can be ready as well. While he is actually in Basic Training there will be very limited contact with him, I think I talked to my husband 3 times over the 3 months the phone calls were under 5 minutes and were very controlled by the drill sergeants. He did write letters and I wrote him tons! I was able to go to his graduation and was able to see him for a 24 hour period before he left for AIT which was for the next 3 months. There he had his cell phone and we were able to talk almost every night for 20 minutes or so. Being an Army wife is bittersweet.... we have had our tough times, but out of it has come a lot of great things. Like my best friends! Best of luck with your family's new adventure!

I used to be a full-time nanny and left the kiddo's for an entire summer to do missions work in California (I live in WI). Months before I left we talked about when I would leave and when I would come back. I got a map of the US (you would need a world map..lol!) and we charted out a line from CA to WI and the kids put plane stickers along the line so they knew how I would get there and back. I also made them calendars with a picture of me waving on the day I left and the day I returned and a pack of stickers to put one on each day as they counted down. It ended up being a really fun project! I sent them lots of pictures and postcards as well which they loved (not sure how much your husband will be able to do this). Thankfully their parents were very supportive and helped me explain it to them. When I got back it was like I never left (except for the fact that they were a whole lot taller!). Good luck to you both!