My Best Friend's Wedding

How traumatic for her to have to participate in a ceremony that all about love and romance when that was not happening in her life right then. I can only imagine she couldn't cope with a wedding right then. If she has been a good friend except for that one instance I would forgive and let it go.

Maybe she's trying to heal the relationship? Maybe she was in a bad place and couldn't function/didn't want to bring you down?

But why is she planning her own shower? That's not kosher at all. If you think she's just being selfish, you have a problem.

You've agreed to be matron of honor so you kind of have to do the shower with the maid of honor, but I don't know why the bride is planning it.

If you sincerely want to be there for her, then be there, with all your heart. If she starts racking up bills for you, you can say, "I know you can relate to wanting to keep expenses reasonable and I know you will be understanding." If you get any kind of flak from her, then recognize that she has already given you an "out" and that you aren't really such great friends anymore.

Your call. Just ask yourself how much you can depend on this relationship, and how much you will miss it if it's gone.

About 4 1/2 yrs ago I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my "best friends" wedding. I had to back out because i couldnt afford it. I had just had a baby, my husband (fiance at the time) and I were living in my parents house trying to save up money for a deposit on an apartment and I was out of work. She expected me to hand over money for a dress but I just couldnt! She didnt offer to get me a dress, but she did offer to put a dress on her credit card and said I could pay her back...but I honestly didnt see how I would have the money later either. We were struggling. She didnt empathize with me AT ALL. We are no longer friends and havent spoken to each other since.
Maybe your friend was going through a hard time and honestly couldnt afford it and didnt feel right taking a hand out from you. I dont know. I would say take the high road and give your "best friend" another chance.

GL

You say she's your best friend... well, best friends do forgive and let the past say behind them... Let it go, forgive her, be happy that you have the funds and she asked you to be in her wedding... Don't waste time on the past, what was done, is done, over, move on... enjoy life, not just this, but life... don't pass up a great opportunity because of the past.

If she's your best friend...
... you would have respected the fact that she declined your invite to be in your wedding
... and you wouldn't continue to hold it against her
... you would happily agree to stand by her on her wedding day
... you wouldn't put quotes around "best friend"

If you don't want to do this, then don't. But please don't agree to be in the wedding and then have this negativity surrounding it. She will pick-up on it and that's not fair to her, regardless of what has happened in the past.

You don't sincerely want to be there for her, that's pretty clear/

I think maybe, with her marriage crumbling, money was just the excuse she used. Weddings are full of romance and hope and everlasting love, blah blah blah. She probably just couldn't face all that while her dream was dying. I know when I went through my divorce I cried hysterically through weddings, not joyfully, but a bitter sadness about broken dreams and broken promises. She may have bowed out because she knew she mentally and emotionally just wasnt up to it, and would just put a damper on your day. I'll give you an example... my bff and I got pregnant at the same time. She had a miscarriage and I carried to term. For some odd reason, she thought she should throw me a baby shower. Well, it was terrible. She cried all the way through it and had to excuse herself several times. My shower become all about her. I had terrible guilt for having a heallthy pregnancy whereas she didn't. That was unfair to both of us. I wish she had never put either one of us in that position. But, when she did get pregnant a few years later, I was over the moon for her and was happy to throw her a shower.
Look at it this way, Perhaps, you were so happy to be in love and planning a wedding that you forgot to be there for her? You didn't realize she was going through something major of her own. But that's understandable and she forgave you. She didnt begrudge you your happiness, she just stepped aside. Now she's in a better place and happy again, and wants you to be a part of it.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. If you forgave her for backing out than you should be fine being your "best friends" matron of honor.

That's a tough call. Here's the thing if you are still hurt regarding your wedding tell her you need to get something off your chest...and then tell her your feelings and being hurt by what she did. I am sure it was done that way because of her peronsal problems. I would say I need to clear the air because I want to support you with your wedding and don't want any hard feelings.

if you can't be upfront don't participate in the wedding. Show up and attend the wedding and BTW..Why would you need to plan a shower. She's been married before..

When I tell someone I am going to do something, I do it. Period.

So, to answer your question, no, you shouldn't back out of being in the wedding. If you didn't want to do it, you should have told her no in the first place.

Did you two ever talk about what was going with her that she didn't stand up in your wedding? Was she too stressed at the time? Was she going through an emotional breakdown? Does she have social anxiety disorder? A million things could be going on. I would clear the air now - tell her she hurt you and move on.

Why would you want to make her feel the same way she made you feel? Be the better person and stand up in her wedding. As far as continuing the friendship, now that really is a call only you can make.

Good luck!

I would up front tell her your reservations, just get the drama out of the way. Have you two worked out what went wrong and why she did that? How long ago did it happen and has your friendship resumed since then? Was she just majorly depressed and couldn't function? If so, I would let it slide, but I would still be honest with her.

I would still be the matron of honor... in title only, but I wouldn't take on any responsibilities or foot the bill for anything if she starts getting pushy. Leave that to her and the maid of honor.

My sister had a friend who was a professional singer, she was going to be a bridesmaid and also sing during their ceremony as her wedding gift. She didn't even show up to the wedding. They never spoke to each other after that.

Two wrongs don't make a right. You probably heard that one before.

Question for you is did you two ever talk about your wedding and that situation? Maybe that's the first step.

I think you are a good person to be in her wedding but really you two need to talk about your wedding and get that situation resolved. It sounds like there was a lot of hurt on your part and your friend. It would be hard for me to be in my best friend's wedding when my engagement ended.

Hope everything works out for both of you.

I'd still be in it. No need to look as silly and petty as she did when it was your turn. What's the golden rule? Do unto others and you'd have them do to you. Not do to them what they did to you already... :) If you have any interest in being this woman's friend, show her how a true friend acts. That would be with love and grace towards her. You did say "I sincerely wanna be there for her". If you allow yourself to dwell on the past you're going to be resentful. Be the bigger person and let it go!

I only advise people to not be in a wedding if they have strong objections to the marriage itself.

Sorry hubby is unsupportive, but it sounds like he's just holding a grudge. Time to move on.

Best wishes!

Err, why does she have a maid and matron of honor? You only get one, the title changes depending on your marital status. Which one of you gets to stand next to her a fluff her dress? :(

That would tick me off more than the back story.

Sounds like she doesn't realize how her behavior during your wedding festivities effected you, especially since you have remained friends and she wants you to particpate. If you are still her friend...BE her friend and be honest with her. Don't just say no because she did it to you.

If she's your best friend (sounds like she's not really - sounds like she is more like a fair-weathered friend) you should be able to tell her anything....

Tell her your reservations...tell her how she hurt you at your wedding...but you really do want to be there for her...get the reservations and expectations out there....you can then better deal with it.