My Best Friend Thinking About Leaving Her Husband. I Need Advice.

Do they have children? If they do tell her to stop being a selfish brat and think of the children she brought into this world. They deserve a mommy and a daddy.
If they don't have children tell her that beauty fades, but a good man is hard to find. She's loving what she missed in highschool, but she needs to grow up. She made a commitment to this man, and she should keep it. If she absolutely refuses to grow up and be a good woman then her good man needs to find someone worthy of his affection.

What an awful thing to happen to a girl. To go from homely to beautiful in a year, especially in your senior year of high school, is a horrible thing to happen to a nice girl. Its like winning the lottery. To go from abject poverty to winning millions. But if you read about what happens to those that win the lottery, most end up in abject poverty again because they never learned to handle money and there are hundreds of people that will be so happy to take that money away.

There are hundreds of guys that will be happy to use her and her beauty for a moment of pleasure. When she wakes up in abject homelyness again she will curse the beauty she was given and all that it cost her.

It was hard for one of my daughters to handle the beauty and playboyish figure she was given. She was constantly approached for "fun and games". Fortunately she married a grade school crush who loved her before she was beautiful. He got to marry a beautiful girl and he treats her very well. She now has 4 delightful kids. But it was hard for her to reject some of the varied "offers" she was given by some very handsome and some very powerful men. We spent some time talking about the pluses and minuses and I'm glad her mom and I were there for her to help her keep her head on her shoulders. The Disney style storybook ending could have been a Shakespearian Tragedy instead.

"There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home." I hope you can help your friend keep her head on her shoulders and help her realize that a loving husband and good kids are what is really important in life. The fair weather friends that come by for "fun and games" will be fleeting and she may wake up some day and realize how much her Lottery-beauty has cost her.

Your friend really needs to confine her "flirting" to her husband.

Good luck to you and yours.

So your friend is 23 right now. She's very young and hasn't had any dating experience before settling down with her husband. Sometimes you need to get the flirtatiousness out of your system and date a couple of guys before you are ready to settle down and commit your whole life to just one particular guy, no matter how nice he maybe. What you are seeing right now is probably your friend's having been overlooked pretty much all of her life and now she has everyone's attention. Marriage is a huge committment and this is why I think that most people should wait until they are 28 before getting married. You do a lot of maturing and coming into your own during your 20's. It sounds like you know what you want and may have had a chance to date around a bit before settling down but I'm just telling you all this to help you get some perspective on what maybe going on with your friend.

I say, for now, just be a good friend and not get involved in her marriage. Good guy or no good guy, your friend was pretty young and inexperienced when she got married at 19 or 20 and she probably wasn't emotionally ready to make that sort of commitment when she did. Sounds like she has somethings that she has to work out for herself.

D.,
You don't know someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. You have told a nice story about what you think is happening internally with June, but only June knows what can make June happy. Are you sure she said what she did seriously and that she meant divorce? I think you can definately give her your opinion, but in the end it is her life and you can't save someone from themselves. That is, you should not feel like it is up to you to save their marriage because it is not about what you want.
C.

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Are you kidding? Why do you need advice? She is messing up her life because she is currently beautiful. I suppose you could remind her of the part that as we age all sorts of things happen, our bodies change, our faces begin to sag, perhaps that would help, but I don't think so. You don't need advice. She needs to grow up.

it's very hard NOT to get involved in something like this, especially since your dear friend is wanting to dish with you and obviously wants your support.
but you really do need to get out from the middle. blandly change the subject when the topic comes up, and if she presses you, be honest about your discomfort with her current attitude and explain why you wish to remain in neutral territory.
hopefully she'll come to her senses soon, but she married very young and then had this huge, heady life change happen. women older and more mature than her may find this irresistible to taste as well.
don't judge, and maintain a safe distance.
khairete
S.

Tell her STD's are not fun to live with.

Dating or sleeping around aimlessly is not all that it's cracked up to be. It's a pretty lonely life. To find happiness within yourself and your life with the one you love IS all that it's cracked up to be. To have someone that loves you for exactly the way you are and have always been... There's no better feeling. She will be used and abused for her beauty rather than loved for her soul if she chooses a life away from her husband.

I'm pretty blunt. I recently had a friend tell me that she was contemplating cheating on her boyfriend because she found this other guy super attractive. I told her that she was absolutely being a crazy b*tch for even thinking like that. I asked her if she wanted to throw away a wonderful man that treats her like a queen and puts up with her crazy bi-polar @ss and her crazy @ss family, treats her son wonderfully and like a dad should (kids dad isn't in the picture and his dad is a (insert nasty foul name here)), all for a one night stand because this guy is flirting with her and he's hot.....

She decided against it.

Sometimes you must put things into perspective in a blunt way to get their attention.

Good luck.

Tell her that she should find a counselor that will help her like her for herself. She could go chasing after other men, but she has already found one who excepted her as she is. Life isn't always easy and our bodies do change. Will the next guy stay with her through thick and thin. Not to mention AIDS.

If you believe in prayer that is the best thing you can do for her.

Take care
J.

There was a bluegrass song I heard long ago (I can't think of the name):

"You can't live on looks for too long
You might think life's easy, but you're wrong
Later on in life you won't be looking so fine
The things you count on now will seem to tarnish with the time".

Your friend sounds very full of herself right now.
Looking beautiful but acting ugly is no asset as far as I'm concerned.
If she's not interested in being in a committed relationship, her husband would be better off without her and with someone who can commit to him through all the ups and downs life brings.

I think you should remind your friend how lucky she is to have a husband who loves her for not only how she is on the outside but the inside too. Her husband cared for her before she got her new look. One thing she needs to remember is one day, she's going to get old and wrinkly and then who's going to be there for her? Not these hot looking guys that will leave her for a new younger model. Honestly though, it doesn't sound that she deserves to have such a great man. She sounds very superficial.

Yikes- sounds like a mid-life crisis! I would see if you can get her to open-up about why multiple relationships seem appealing. She may have a need to be appreciated and appealing to others that she can accomplish in a different way. Sounds like she may feel as though she "settled" for the first guy who made an offer and is hoping that there is someone more interesting/exotic out there!

The reality is that she is fortunate to have someone who loved her before the "new look" b/c the looks will eventually fade. I would reinforce this with her and encourage her to really think about the long-term implications of leaving her husband so that she can date others.

Mom, your friend sounds pretty immature and self centered . Personally, I would greatly distance myself from someone like this. Please tell me that she and her husband don't have any children?. If they I would tell her how wrong this idea is and that she needs to think more about her children than herself. Is this someone you want to keep as a friend?????

This whole thing is very tragic sounding...at least for this nice husband. But you can't make June pretty on the inside. She feels like she "settled" and has no idea how good she has it. So other then talking to her about how lucky she is to have someone love her and how empty these relationships she is seeking are going to be, you can't do much. You might want to tell her that you liked her a lot more when she wasn't so hung up on her looks because at least then she seemed like she had some depth. You can't make her love her husband...which she obviously doesn't. Very sad.

ohhh some people get corvettes, some get divorced when they go through 'midlife crisis.
you may tell June, grass is not always greener on the other side, and that she should think really hard about getting a divorce because she may find herself lonely for a loooong timeee