My Almost 6 Year Son's Behavior

Floor-dropping tantrums at five are not OK. My son is five and if he tried that his bottom would be stinging and he'd be in bed early every night for a week NO playing before-hand, no favorite snack treats in the afternoons, etc. If he did it again within that day or week: Same sequence each time and also removing favorite items each time. He doesn't need to cope, he needs to behave. He's old enough not to do that if you don't allow it unless he's got a medical disorder. Be firm! Warn him in advance what will happen if he tries that. SWOOP the moment he does with one final warning and if he proceeds for even two seconds longer: Boom. Consequences activated. Keep calm and do not allow. And yelling at you not to say stuff? No. Same deal. Explain and enforce.

Well, this actually isn't funny or behavior that an almost six year old should be doing. He should be making strides toward not throwing tantrums and not impulsively saying things out of turn like he does rather than escalating this type of behavior or choosing to do this if you are disciplining him. He sounds very strong-willed and lord knows....I have one like this too. The difficulty with kids who challenge you like this is that they drive you nutty when they are in a mood or trying to control their own environment at the tender stages of "I know nothing but want to do everything and the ever-famous Don't tell me how to live my life!" Headstrong kids usually bring a lot of challenges and a lot of defiance to the picture. You have to really change up the way you deal with them. I learned this quickly as my little headstrong honey was child #1. By the time child #3 came into the picture, I knew there was a vast difference in personalities and how I had to manage them. You need to be very direct, very consistent, and don't bend the rules or consequences much at all. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Until you get this behavior under control, when you tell him "No" or that his behavior is unacceptable, don't give three chances or warnings for him to stop. Give him one. The minute he talks back or even starts to tantrum....you remove him from the area, isolate him from everything and everyone and he stays in this area until he can control himself completely. No contact and no floor show. You tell him he's out of control and that you don't listen to back-talk and don't need tantrums. Disengage him and leave him to have it out with himself alone. If he tries to approach you or won't stay in the designated area, either keep placing him back there until he stays put or close him in a safe room until the whole racket stops. You tell him that no one will talk to him or see him until he's quiet and ready to control himself. He needs to grow up and get past using toddler-like behavior to make a point. He also needs to learn respect for you and what you say....his actions alone tell me he does not regard what you tell him as law, so he tests it. Kids are always testing us, but it's how we react to the test that either gives them cues to stop or reinforces negative behavior as a way to get things done. This is a phase but has possibly now become a habit for your son. I can assure you that shutting down his floor show of power will help him regain control and make better choices and also give you the respect you deserve. I know ow you feel, Mom. I have one that is headstrong as well and she was quite the little pill as a young child. The good news is that consistency and expectations of needing proper behavior out of her did work. She finally learned that I am mom and the less she challenges me on stupid things, the better off she will be. Now she's 19 and I hear her tell her younger sisters...." you guys better cool it with mom and start showing some maturity around here." OMG! PRICELESS! One day, this will be yours to revel in too!

My question to you is how does he respond to discipline in other areas of his life; such as pre-school or daycare? This is not 'normal' behavior for a 5 or 6 year old. The question is - do you need some help and guidance in how to better discipline/communicate/follow through with your son; or does your child have a behavioral issue that needs some outside medical behavioral courses for you and your child?

My guess is that if he behaves appropriately at school or when other supervisory people are disciplining him, then it's you who he has figured out how to manipulate and you may want to consider some of the books people have recommended in this post. You may also want to consider checking with your local children's hospital for parenting classes - they're often free or very low charge.

If the school is also having the same issues, you may want to speak with your pediatrician about what you and others have experienced and have them refer you to a behavioral/occupational therapist.

Best,
S.

You need to find a punishment that he absolutely hates. And the moment he has a bad attitude, punish him. No question, no arguments. If he gets mad, then punishment is worse. You need to punish him calmly with no bad attitude yourself or he will just be learning from you how not to act.
He is obviously getting something out of this that he likes. Maybe you have given into his demands at some point and he is expecting it again. Don't ever give in. After his punishment, and his attitude has changed, then talk to him.
MOST IMPORTANT. Teach him how you DO expect him to act. This is what is often forgotten about. Parents punish their children for bad behavior but don't actually teach (not tell, it doesn't work as well) them how they do want them to behave. It's like if you were put in front of a computer on you very first day of a job with no training and every time you mess up you get written up. Wouldn't you be telling them to just teach you what you need to know. Children are new to all of this and it your job as a parent to train them.
For example. When my son was about 4 it was a nightmare to take him to the store. He walked away from me all the time, he constantly stopped to take things off the shelf. I had him set up several of his toys on the couch and we pretended we were in the store. I practiced with him walking right next to me and not picking anything up. IT WORKED. The next time we went to the store he behaved exactly how I had taught him to.

Two books you should try right away: 1-2-3 Magic, and Playful Parenting. Both helped us tremendously with similar behaviors. Good luck!

My daughter is 10 and still has those temper tantrums. She was diagnosed with ODD which is Oppositional Defiance Disorder and she is overly sensitive. How is your son in class and among his friends. Talk to your pediatrician about it and they might have a solution. But for us, concise consequences for bad behavior work really well. I tell her what the consequence is and only once and then I walk away. The behavior stops. The consequence is applied and things are better until the next explosion. It's hard but love him no matter what.

Because its natural doesn't mean it's normal. We all want our own way, it's natural. We all have met with the idea that we cant have our own way and have changed our responses accordingly. That's normal.

You need to get from natural to normal. You have about a month to get there before he gets a very rude awakening at school.

What's his currency? What's his favorite thing to do or place to go or he looks forward to? There needs to be levels of these. You can decide. He tantrums, he looses.

Tantrums are not acceptable. You need to quit equivocating. You can't be ambivalent about it. Let this be your moment in time, your permission to do what it takes to stop this behavior, now.

Most kids will cope only when they have to. There are few that have actual conditions that do make it so much harder to gather themselves but even then there are techniques that can help. But you don't give an indication that he has a problem that way.

He can have a fit but it has to be in his room and the min. He starts to tantrum then it's a gaurentee that he will not get his way, period. Never give in to whining. You can not hear his whinny voice. If he asks you nicely, you will consider, but if the answer is, no. It stands.

Please, for all his classmates and teachers, get help and put a stop to this.

Try Love and Logic or 123 Magic. The books will help you with a game plan.