My 7 Year Old Daughter Is Often Disrespectful and Ignores Her Instructors.

I agree with M H that some kids do better in individual activities. Group activities are great at teaching team work and cooperation. However, these can be acheived through different means (i.e. play dates, game nights...). Maybe doing these types of group activities in a smaller setting will lead to more success. Also, it would give you the chance to guide the interactions for positive results. You are on the right track allowing her to try activities that she is interested in. Maybe you can guide her toward more individual type activities (i.e. music lessons, tennis, swimming...). It doesn't sound like the issue is quitting, but learning how to deal with group situations. Kudos to you for continuing to give her these opportunities.

Looks like you had two issues today... I have a 7 yr old stepdaughter who has had both things going on too. What I have been told and figured out is she is a one on one kid and doesnt do well in groups. She likes the attention she gets from one friend at a time. Groups can be scary or embarrasing. We did the ballet thing and she lost interest real quick, but she was in piano alone and saw it the whole way thru to a recital. She plays better with one friend and stays to the side at parties. She is disruptive at school but does well at stay in recess to get her work done. AT this age they are afraid of being made fun of, which seems to start around this age. We try to play a simple game a cards and take turns losing and show her its ok to lose once in a while, its doesnt make you a loser, its just that there is always a winner and someone who looses. I was a one on one kid too so I can relate. I grew up to be well adjusted and "normal". Try some individual sports and activities and see if you see a difference. Maybe talk to the teacher if its at school.

Hi M.:
Well,It appears,as though your daughter has developed a pattern here.You and her father have been gracious enough to fork out the fees for these extra sports and activities,and she continues to flake out. She gets bored,and knows, if she disrupts the class or acts up,you will pull her out. You make it so easy for her to (quit) What type of individual is your daughter going to be, if you continue to allow this? Before you know it, she will expect you both to bail her out of class,because shes bored with a teacher or subject shes taking.It's obvious, that you both are tired of seeing her do this, and it must be discouraging,to virtualy throw away money,on these whims.She is old enough,to learn,that once you start something,you finish it.I can understand, her being undecided as far as where her interests or talents lye,but...it sounds like shes gotten carried away.I would tell her, that she better be serious,about the next activity she wanted to sign up for,because, once I pay for it, she will be expected to complete it.(NO MORE QUITING)This is an important lesson for a young person. They need to understand,the meaning,and importance of (commitment) wether the (Money) is coming out of (your) pocket or not.The very best to you M.

Our children love to play soccer. They have also done cheer, music lessons, tennis & t-ball. In each case, we talk with them about the dedication and committment to this they are going to be required to have, as well as us to (getting them there). Once they agree to the committment, they are signed-up. In each case, anytime something is being breeched (grades slipping or homework not done, behavior etc..), they get one warning. We have taken one out once. They were not signed up for again. It needs to be a clear sign that they either commit or they don't get it. In your case, I would wait another year or two and let her mature some more. Then, if she is ready to commit to whatever it is she wants to sign-up for, do it! It can be really fun and rewarding for both parent & child. It shouldn't feel like dread & a chore. Good luck & God Bless!

It sounds like you might want to step it down to one activity of her choice and explain to her that she cannot back out of it or be disrespectful because if she starts to act out you will sit/stand beside her to make sure she completes it. If she is getting along well in school and wants to join in on an activity she is capable of getting along in the activity. If you are seeing the same response with school as you are seeing with activities...you are dealing with something totally different and it would be a good time to have the behavior analyzed by a professional. Ultimately if she cannot stick to an extracurricular activity and all is well at school she shouldn't have the option of trying any others. Think of it this way…let’s say you sign up for some classes at TMCC and you just decide that they aren’t working for you, do you continue to sign up for more the next semester?

M.,
I would have your daughter choose the activity that she wants to participate in. From there, express to her the importance of followthrough and completeing the class.
(Sounds like you may also need to address the importance of respect for others and not being rude. But I think that gaining more self confidence in herself will help this issue) I would not encourage quitting! This quitting mantality will follow her into adulthood, and I am sure that you dont want her to be a quitter when the going gets tough as a teenager or adult.

People are successful at things they enjoy to do. Letting her have a choice and she may find something that she is passionate about. Another question, I have is: Are you involved in the activity as well. She may be seeking your attention with negative behavior. She needs to know that she has value to you and that you love her unconditionally, and that you are interested in her , her life , and what she is doing.
I understand the feeling of wanting to quit and not sign her up for any more activities. But by doing this, It may send a signal to her that you are 'giving up' or 'quitting' on her. I dont think I would do this.
Take Care! Heidi

Often behaviors like this are learned from adults. Do adults in her life treat others in this way? Do they quit when things become difficult? If, to the best of your knowledge, you and your husband and any other key adults in your daughter's life treat others (and each other) with respect and usually persist in difficult activities, then I would tell her "If you can't try hard and be respectful to your teacher in _______ activity, then you can't do any more." Perhaps she is just so used to the fact that you will sign her up for something else that when the newness wears off and things get hard she decides to quit and choose another one. Let her pick something that has a commitment built in, like a sports team with a start and end of season, and tell her ahead of time that she has to finish the season, no matter what. This may cure her of her flightiness. And I hope that you have told her that treating any adult with disrespect and ignoring authority figures is rude and unacceptable.

M.,
I completely agree with the previous women. However, I would also suggest that you and your husband look at your own behaviour's, as well. Do you find yourself "quitting" when something gets difficult? Do you finish things that you start? Children often mirror their parents behaviours - what is she seeing? You may have to sit with her in the classes that she has gotten bored with. When my daughter decided that she didn't want to do dance anymore, I made her go to the class and just sit there, even if she didn't want to participate. Eventually, when she realized that they were going to perform a dance, she jumped back in and enjoyed the rest of the class. However, we didn't sign back up for any additional sessions after that one was finished. I have also told my children (my daughter is close in age to yours) that if they quit, they will pay me with money they receive as gifts, since my paying for these classes is a gift from me to them. That usually snaps them out of that!
J.

I have a 10 year old and 5 year old boys and also involved in several activities. I have read several of the responses and agree with them but I wanted to add that my boys are interested when we bring more of the extened family or friends to their practices, events and make them also a part of the experience. Also, to make them aware of how much things cost. We negotiate how much the classes will be how much do they have to pay out of their birthday or allowance money if they want to be part of the class and explain that they will be committed to the activities. This helps them own the activity because they had to pay for it and have to be accountable not only to mom and dad but other friends and families who come and see them.

I suggest signing her up for activities that she said she is interested, and ask for a commitment - say 5 classes / 2 months. Sometimes it takes a while for a child to get used to something new and liking it.

Anything is does she have friends who can do these activities with her ? Friends are always a big draw and perhaps even offer up a playdate or visit to ice cream shop after the activity with her friend. When my child is losing interest in an activity, the "friend" aspect helps them to keep going.

My daughter is 6 and I have the same problem. I only sign her up for sample classes 5-9 weeks, so I don't feel bad making a long term commitment or wasting much $$.

I don't have any answers. I am having my daughter evaluated for ADHD. My older daughter just doesn't want to do anything. She refuses to do anything that is hard for her, which due to neurological issues, is about everything.

Good luck getting ideas.

Children need to be exposed to different activities to learn where their true interests and talents lie. But one of the main reasons we involve our children in activities is to teach them life skills. I completely agree with Julia. Quiting is not an option. When you commit to something, whether you like it or not, you must follow-through. A couple of the activities you mentioned are team sports. If your daughter quits, she's letting her team down. It's not fair to the rest of the team. Additionally, it's not fair to the team to not try either. Your daughter is old enough to have a serious conversation about this. She needs to make a decision about what she wants to do and the expectation needs to be set BEFORE she starts that she will not be allowed to quit and she must try her best throughout the season/designated timeline. I also feel consequences should be set beforehand as well if she is disrespectful to instructors. She should be taught to respect adults and do as she is instructed. If you don't enforce this, it will set a much more difficult challenge in the future. I've experienced a similar situation with my son. It was challenging to get him to the function, but I made him carry through his obligation. This life lesson is very important. And, you're doing no one a favor by letting your daughter bail out. Good luck!

Don't sign her up. Let her grow up a little more, tell her that you have allowed her to try many things and she is always disrespectful to those kids who want to be their and learn and who pay good money to be their. They aren't paying for your child to be a problem. Try again in a year and she might be ready. Good Luck. J.

I'm a girl scout leader with 18 brownies ages 6-7. We have a couple of girls who have this issue, and this is what I do. If I am being interruped or ignored I will take a moment (less than one minute) to explain to the girl that her behaviour is not okay, and make a suggestion on how to improve it (Sally, I will not accept you dancing in the middle of the circle, why don't you sit over here by Jane?). If the behaviour isn't modified I will pull the girl out and have her sit by herself for a few minutes and explain to her that she needs to control herself. Maybe, as the parent, you could as for cooperation from the teacher of the activity (or coach or whatever) and see if you can sit inside the class for a couple of sessions. When you daughter acts up remove her from the class, but her only option is to sit quietly on the floor for a few minutes next to you. When she has regained control of herself she can rejoin the group. It works pretty well for me!

You need to set some firm rules for your daughter about her activities. When she asks if she can join an activity, talk to her about what to expect. Tell her there will be some hard things she will have to learn/do, talk to her about the amount of practice and time it will take, explain to her that she will have to listen to her instructor and be respectful. Then tell her that it is her choice. If she chooses to join, but then wants to quit later you can again have her make a choice. Tell her that if she wants to quit she has to stay with the activity, listen to the teacher and practice as expected without complaining for one month (the length of time is up to you) and then she will be allowed to quit without consequences. If she will not behave as expected for that length of time or demands to quit immediately tell her that there will be consequences (like that she will not be allowed to join another activity for a year -- again, length of time is up to you). Then again, let her choose. She will be learning that she has the right to make her own choices, but that all choices have consequences. As she gets older, you can discuss those consequences with her before she joins the activity. For example, if she wants to join the volleyball team you can tell her that she will be expected to stay in volleyball and do as she is told (practice, pay attention, follow the coaches rules, and do her best) until the season is out. After that she will be allowed to quit.
Lastly, don't allow her to set the rules, she is the child and you are the adult. If she makes bad choices, she has to learn to accept consequences that won't make her happy. Be firm about consequences, but also don't ever tell her that you will do something that you are really unwilling to do. When I was young, my mother used to get angry at a behavior and tell me I was grounded to my room for one week. I would be out of my room, watching TV or asking to go to a friend's house in hours. I didn't learn anything from this except that my mom didn't do what she said.