I'm not sure when it started exactly. My older son has always been on the sensitive side and would cry easily when his feelings were hurt. Only now he hits instead. Not me or my husband or other kids, just his little brother. Anything sets him off: a funny look, the slightest teasing. When he does this I ask him why and his response is always "he made me mad". I make him apologize but I suspect he doesn't always mean it. What can I do to make him use his words when he's upset and not his fists?? Any advice would be very helpful Thank you!
I am so thankful for all the wonderful advice that I was given! It turns out a simple time-out is all it took to knock out the problem (so to speak :) Anytime my son hit or pushed I put him in time-out starting with 7 minutes for his age. It was Unbearable for him!! And it WORKED! Now I can see his mind working when he gets frustrated and thinks about hitting, he stops and walks away - it's AMAZING! Of course there are times when he forgets and I have to use the time out, but I shortened it a little b/c I know he's trying hard. Thanks again ladies!
TIME OUT!!! I have a 7 year old, and they hate being taken out of the mix. Put him in time out for 7 minutes, and after his timeout, ask him what is on his mind. Make sure he feels loved and heard. Nothing frustrates a child more than not being heard. You'd be amazed at how open they can be when you just ask them what's wrong.
Hope this helps.
I second "Love & Logic!"
www.loveandlogic.com
I think it is important that he understand that his little brother is not "making him mad", but that he is choosing to get mad. I am having the same trouble with my 4 yr old hitting her younger brother. I ask her 3 questions when she does it. 1. What did you do wrong? If she tries saying, "he started it", or something like that, I tell her I'll talk to him in a minute. I want her to own what she did, not play the "blame game". 2. What are you going to do different next time? This way, I know she knows the right thing to do. The last is not really a question, 3. Go and try it. And of course, she has some kind of puishment because I will not allow her to physically hurt her brother. Most of the time she wants his attention, so I dont let her play with him for a while.
My daughter is the same way. I started to sit her in time out 'til she could use her words and talk to me. She eventually learned to talk to me.
I would suggest you try Love and Logic... where he would be removed to his room after every incident to cool down and then maybe his apologies would be sincere and the time to think might make him think of other ways to express his anger or frustration. With my older children ( now all grown ) we used to have only three rules.... You may not hurt OTHERS, You may not hurt YOURSELF, and You may not hurt THINGS.
That pretty much summed it up for them.
