My 7 Mth Refuses My Comfort

Please take this how it's meant. Not being mean.

Some babies don't bond with their mother. It is an actual mental health diagnosis...well, it was in the DSM 3. I suggest you research that topic and see if you can find some ways to break through and get him to bond to you.

Has he bonded with anyone else? Does he snuggle/cuddle with anyone?

Then he may have some special needs that a psychologist could help you with.

Really, this isn't all that uncommon.

You might want to have him evaluated. Some kids don't like to be held when they are tired -- one of my kids was that way. I could not rock him to sleep, he needed to be alone to fall asleep.

However, avoiding eye contact is somewhat unusual in a 7 month old, so I think you should have him evaluated. Talk to your son's doctor about this.

OK - you need to get help for yourself, counseling or something, because you lost your 14 year old. You need to deal with that and not look to your infant to be your source of comfort. If you are in a lot of emotional pain, your baby WILL pick up on it and react because children are sensitive to the moods of their parents. You are depressed, desperately sad, and your baby is probably picking up on that.

And not every person likes to be cuddled a lot. If he is like that, you have to be ok with that. You can't try to fill the loss of your older child with your younger child.

Of course, you want to make sure he's healthy, so ask the pedi at his checkup to make sure he doesn't any issues.

Take care of yourself, so you can take care of him.

I find your perspective just a wee bit disturbing.
You're the mom. The caregiver.
Your baby knows that when he has a need (hunger, diaper change, etc.) mom comes to fulfill it.
It's unsettling to me that you are seeking approval and love from baby and are distressed that "he's not" fulfilling it for you. You can't place those expectations on a baby.
Talk, talk talk to your baby--all day! Sing, be silly, tell him what you're doing, etc. Take him out & about. Show him trees, animals, people, places.

Not every kid is a cuddler.
You need to cuddle but he might be touch sensitive and it's too much for him.
It has no bearing at all on how much he loves you.
Get yourself a baby sized teddy bear and cuddle away.
Every kid has their own set of needs - and you take care of them just fine - but cuddling is one he just doesn't have.
Try not to take it personally.

Not every baby, child or adult likes to be cuddled or cuddle someone else.

Stop pushing it with your baby. Just because he doesn't cuddle does not mean he loves you or not. He simply has different needs. Maybe you are cuddling him in a way that is not comfortable? Too bright, holding him too tightly, making him feel forced to cuddle. There is nothing wrong if a child is not a co-sleeper either. Maybe he just likes his space. Give it to him.

I do suggest mentioning it to your pedi just so he/she is aware and can be more watchful in the future as far as any eye contact, etc.

Your child is too young to love you or not love you! He doesn't make those distinctions! He's not rejecting you. He just has different needs - he may not like the cuddling, and that has to be okay with you. He may not need you to sing to him while he rocks in the swing either - all kids need to be able to put themselves to sleep and calm themselves. Yes, you want to have quiet time beforehand and have a bedtime routine (bath, story, dim lights, etc.) but don't get him in the habit of needing to be moving or having you sing to him until he drops off. You can't put a 2 year old in a swing, and you want someone else to be able to put him to bed (his father, a sitter, etc.). I'm not sure why you insist on doing all the feedings & baths and bedtime - is the father not willing? I'd suggest a change there!

Sometimes kids go through phases - but ask yourself if you are being too smothering here and if he just doesn't want it. Sometimes kids go through issues with movement - maybe he just needs to be calm and still and have quiet around him. Maybe he's got a little belly problem going on and needs to get in a better position. I wouldn't push the cosleeping - a mom just posted on this site a few weeks ago about how she has a much older child she can't get out of her bed, and the father is sleeping in another room. It's really okay for your child to sleep alone, put himself to sleep, learn to self-soothe after a dream, and so on.

It does not mean he doesn't love you! Sometimes kids prefer one parent over the other, but this usually rotates during the child's upbringing. It's more important that you get in sync with what your child needs. I'm not sure but this sounds like it's more about what YOU need and want. I know you want to cuddle and be the endless source of comfort to your child - but that doesn't actually help you raise a strong and independent child. Long term, you need to think about that. Short term, just experiment on what actually DOES soothe your child - quiet vs. a CD playing, nightlight vs. entirely dark room, stuffed animal or not, time with dad, etc.

Please, please, please contact your nearest Children's Hospital and get an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. These are the hallmarks of autism. And YES, it can be seen this early. There is a new study out (if I can find the link for the article, I'll include it) that says that there are things they can do now to help babies this age. It can't cure autism - there is no cure. But early intervention can be done that will help. Don't take no for an answer and don't let ANY doctor tell you it's too early. The new study bears it out.