My 5 Year Old Got Kicked Out of His Vpk/school NEED ADVICE

Did his school at least give you any advice or suggestions when they kicked him out? Any insight as to what they think might be going on?
Make an appointment with his pediatrician. It sounds like some serious impulse control issues. He probably needs some kind of therapy, or maybe he has some kind of disorder or disability you are not aware of. The first step is to talk to his doctor.
I do NOT think this is a parenting/discipline issue because even kids who come from homes with a lack of order and discipline still manage to learn how to function at school. I think something else is going on. Good luck!

y

We need more info, What type of discipline do you use? Besides taking away his TV --do you mean he had his own in his room or do you mean you took away his TV watching privilages?(can't spell that.) What books about 4 yr olds have you read to try to understand him and be proactive? He sounds difficult, maybe you could find a parenting class with a good teacher. Since the discipline system at his old school didn't work, being good for an entire day was overwhelming for him, he needs a sticker or star for being good for one activity, look for a school prepared to deal with him. Does the public school have a pre K program? Meet with the school system and be honest about his behavior issues, they will have advice and suggestions and may be able to help you find a suitable PreK. He's still very young and with some hard work this doesnt have to be his school experience all his life.

Well, first of all...please be honest with yourself here...he did NOT get kicked out with NO warning. You say in your post that he has a history of bad behavior in school. There had to be some sort of escalation process before expelling him.

Have you talked to his pediatrician about the behavior problems? If not, I would start there. Perhaps your ped can refer you to someone that specializes in behavior problems in young children. Secondly, have you tried a reward system with him? Meaning , is there something that he REALLY, REALLY wants? Can you set goals for his behavior with that something as his reward?

Of course it hurts when you child acts badly...no matter what, we as mothers will take that as a reflection on our parenting skills. Please take a deep breath and schedule a visit with your pediatrician.

sweetie it is so easy to get all defensive and blame the school. but they deal will kids all the time they have seen boys being boys, and rambuncious kids. but your son is hurting other kids. a group setting like that is NOT what he needs.

I would suggest a one on one type of nanny/ or in home care for him. at most one or two other kids of similar age or older.

someone needs to teach him how to behave and if you aren't there to do it you need to find someone that doesn't have to focus on a large group of other kids while they are doing it.

what's the whole home picture? Does he have a dad that spends good time with him? Does he have chores to help YOU with at home? are you spending time talkng with him everyday? does he eat mac and cheese and doritos for every meal? what drinks does he get- water and milk? is there a history of any mental disorders in the family ? what time is bed time etc etc etc.

you arne't a bad mommy but you son needs somethign differnt than what you are doing and youll have to afind it.

Reading your post, I assumed your child was 2 or maybe 3 years old because of the behavior you describe (playing when he's supposed to be doing something else, not following directions, etc) and was about ready to tell you to just keep him out of preschool for another year or so, because he wasn't ready.

However, I just looked back and saw that he is FIVE. Wow. He is old enough to understand directions and consequences, old enough to understand that putting SAND in a child's mouth can make them SICK, HURT THEM (I hope you explained this to him and did more than take his TV away, because what does THAT teach him?)...if I were the school, he would've been kicked out after the sand in the mouth episode.

Not trying to be harsh, but I think you need to step back from preschool for awhile and work on discipline at home with him. Does he LIKE school? Then you need to explain WHY he isn't going back (YES, he should feel bad...you shouldn't be protecting his emotions on this one), and that he can never go back to that school. Tell him you will find him a new school, but he can't go until his behavior changes. Again, he's old enough to correct the behavior himself, with the proper motivation and consequences.

I know some people may say this is a parenting issue or be quick to judge. I am not one of those people, as I have been in a similar situation. It feels very alone, and our system makes it hard to advocate for your child.

You need a few things very quickly:
1.) an appointment with his pediatrician to discuss his behavior issues,
2.) an appointment with an OT to test for sensory and motor planning issues....the inability to follow directions or follow through is a sign of motor planning deficits as is the inability to sit still, etc.
3.) an appointment with a play therapist or behavior therapist (check your insurance to see which they will cover).
Your pediatrician may refer you to a psychiatrist instead of play/behavior therapist, and that is fine. However, do NOT allow them to make medication their first or only treatment recommendation. A LOT can be done with behavior modification, occupational therapy and diet modification. Medication may not be necessary or may be helpful in enhancing results. Medication doesn't work for every situation or every kid.

Your son may also need more structure at school, and he may really benefit from having different disciplinary measures at school and a different teacher, too. Your son does need some help, and you want to set him up for success in school next year. If his behavior is driven by sensory processing issues, motor planning issues, or any of the alphabet soup diagnosis, then he truly does not have the tools to control his behavior right now. It's unfair for you to punish him for behavior that is beyond his physical control right now. He needs to learn the right tools and coping mechanisms to be able to behave appropriately inside the classroom. The great thing is that with help, you can see results very quickly.

In the meantime, a few books that may be helpful to you to look at:
- The Connected Child
- The Out-of-Sync Child
- The Parents Handbook to Everything Sensory Integration
They should be available at your local Barnes & Noble or library.

I know that it hurts, and it's also so hard on your ego. As the mom, you have to put all that behind you and advocate for your child to get him the help he needs. Also, spend some extra time with him letting him know you love him, as this change is hard on kids. Plus, sometimes in all this, we're made to almost feel guilty for loving our own child that others reject.

Update:
Someone said to let him know this is all his fault that he can't go back to school, etc. I absolutely would not do that to a child, even if on the surface it appears true. If he has an issue where he cannot control his impulses, then it is not his consious fault. Why put that kind of shame on him? It will NOT make his transition to a new school any easier, either.

R....with "no" warning??

i understand the emotions that go along with this. my son started kindergarten when he was a month away from turning 6 - almost the oldest in his class. at first he did great, he is super smart and caught on to everything with no problems. but going from preschool which was just a couple hours per day, then a lot of running and playing the rest of the day, to sitting still for kindergarten- his behavior and getting in trouble at school just got worse and worse. and he is SUCH a great kid. i knew he was energetic and spontaneous and rambunctious - i never had a problem getting him to do as he was told. HUGE heart, means well. he just COULD NOT BEHAVE AT SCHOOL. couldn't stay in his seat, couldn't control his impulsive behavior, couldn't raise his hand or wait his turn....before long he was CONSTANTLY getting in trouble. i was crushed, especially since we have so few problems with him. but i don't have him in a controlled, structured environment for 8 hours a day like school does.

we had him evaluated and he was diagnosed with ADHD. i'm not saying that's what your child has, but i think it's worth talking to his pediatrician and seeing what they recommend - it might be some kind of therapy, or a specialist, or maybe a simple medication would help. we don't know, that's the point. but as the mom - i would do anything in my power to fix this.

and don't blame the school. it's possible you didn't catch the warnings. but what is undeniable - these people work with kids ALL the time. they know what they're talking about. it's unfortunate that the teacher was not willing to sit down with you and really HELP - but it is what it is. it is probably also a sign that this was not the right place for him to be.

do what YOU need to do to help him. start with his pediatrician and share your concerns. get HELP. don't let this be his life. research online, keep asking questions here (these mamas know what they're talking about!) and LEARN as much as you can about your child and his particular situation. every child is different - be the expert on YOUR child - and be his advocate to get him what he needs. there's no guarantee anyone else will. it's our job as the mommies. good luck!

WELCOME TO MAMAPEDIA!!!

Your son needs help. As do you. Call your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a therapist that offers parenting classes...then get your son evaluated.

Most times when i hear about children "not caring about consequences" IN MY OPINION it stems from the parent not following through on their end. In other words - caving when the child asks for something repeatedly instead of sticking to their guns and stating "you can ask me a MILLION times and the answer is not going to change - No." there's so much more....

giving him attention - ANY attention when he hurts someone else...is only going to give him the indication that it's alright to do it - he's getting what he wants - ATTENTION...if it happens again - put him in time out for 5 minutes. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY ATTENTION...then simply discuss that his behavior is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated. If it means taking something away - great.

if your son is doing things to hurt other people - without fear of consequences - he has a serious problem. You can no longer make excuses for him. You can no longer stick your head in the sand and say "it was an accident" or "he didn't mean to..." or "he's young...he's learning"...please know I am NOT trying to be mean. I understand you feel bad right now. You are NOT a bad mommy. This is the point where you need to step up. Your husband needs to be on the same page - no more excuses and get your son help. Get him evaluated - tell the doctor what is going on - it is NOT normal to shove sand in another child's mouth.

Ask the doctor to give the forms to the teachers from the school that just kicked him out - they will mail them back to him - they will give him/her direct, honest answers about your sons behavior while with them.

I doubt VERY SERIOUSLY the school was tired of his bad behavior. They probably were scared that the next outburst might SERIOUSLY harm someone so they took him out of the equation. STOP MAKING EXCUSES. Now is NOT the time for excuses.

He needs help. Sorry!!

GOOD LUCK!

To be honest it sounds like his beahavior goes above and beyond the realm of 'normal' bad behavior. Deliberately hurting other kids and putting sand in their mouths is very off. I am betting the other parents all complained-I absolutely would have if my son was in class with him. I suggest you take him for an evaluation as soon as you can to make sure that nothing more is going on. He is still young so intervention will most likely work.

Have you taken him to a child psychologist yet? If you haven't, why not? Putting sand in another child's mouth? Surely you know this isn't normal. Three months ago when he did this, you should have sought help then.

PLEASE get him evaluated. You need professional help!

Dawn

I strongly agree with Love and Logic, but I also think you need the "right" school. A school that will not set up your son to fail. If he is learning different or ADD there are certain things he cannot accomplish. Like sitting still all day. I think you probably should have your boy tested and see what type of schools are in your area that could accommodate him. Possibly private if that is affordable for you. Either way, The testing will help you to understand what your sons needs are so that you can help him succeed. The constant reprimands are crushing his self esteem and that can be very damaging.

Side note: whatever happens at school........ I suggest keeping the consequences at school. Make home safe, positive and loving. 3 months consequence is too much. Make it more reasonable. Talk to the testers and possibly a counselor for some tips.

What is VPK. I am thinking he's in kindergarten or prekindergarten since he's 5. Did the school say he couldn't come back? I would think that they would work with you while you actively look for solutions.

I would start with having the school district do an evaluation. Federal law requires that they evaluate and provide treatment if needed for any condition that interferes with success in school. In my area the office is called Intermediate Education Service District and is a part of the school district.

Your description of his behavior fits with having ADHD. He can't focus. He's full of energy and can't sit still. Or he may have something else going on. You need to find out why he's acting this way. You can either start with the school district, even if you take him out of this school or you can start with his pediatrician.

About discipline and consequences. The purpose of the discipline is to teach. Taking away his TV has no relation to putting sand in another child's mouth. Taking his TV away is punitive and does nothing to teach him to be better behaved. It may have just made him more angry.

At 5, I suggest that it would be better to talk with him, really listen, about why he did this and how to not do anything like this again. I don't know your family and so I'm having difficulty thinking of a natural or related consequence. But it might be something like not having a play date or going to the playground so that you can observe and coach him while playing with other children.

You're not a bad mommy. You're a mommy who has a high needs child. Asking here for advice shows that you care and want to learn how to manage your son. Your son needs something different than what is happening now. That is not a negative reflection on you.

I suggest that with professional help you will be able to figure this out and learn what your son needs and be able to provide it.

There are books that will help with learning discipline techniques. I'm a big fan of Love and Logic by Foster Cline. And many moms on here recommend 1-2-3 Magic.

I'm not going to dump on you about this; just repeat the suggestions of getting a behavioral evaluation and if it is appropriate, getting your son into therapy and a therapeutic play group, so that he can work on those all-important social skills with someone who knows how to correct the behaviors, in the moment, which is what will do the most good and be most instructive.

For what it's worth, I've seen a small handful of kids who were very sweet and affectionate with parents and very difficult at school. Something to ask yourself is -- are there times at home that are tough, which you choose to ignore? I have met a few parents who have over-accommodated their parenting style to fit their child (in order not to trigger upsets) instead of having age-appropriate expectations of their children. I am not saying they were bad parents, either, this was just their way of coping. If you do some soul-searching and find that perhaps you are fitting into this category, getting some support will help.

And do seek some information to help your son before putting him into a new situation, if you can. Otherwise, it's likely to repeat itself. Even an NAEYC accreditation does not guarantee that a child will excel if the parents and teachers aren't on the same page, working as a team. I tend to want to gather up all the information before deciding that it's a parent or teacher issue, because the information will determine the best way to go forward.

Talk to you pediatrician, and talk to the school. You need to clarify if his behavior is JUST a behavior issue that needs work, or if its something more. You may even be able to ask the school district to help evaluate him as well.

It wasn't without warning. Most schools have a progression that is followed, and some behaviors are instantly suspended. He put sand in a kids mouth- if you don't mean by accident, then that is a big deal and it was a behavior mark. Physical violence is not tolerated. Many kids push, but stomping on kids is again a bit further than normal.

Do what you canto find out what's going on with him. You would only be a "bad" mom by pretending everything's ok and not working on figuring this out.

What did the school give you for advice? The staff should be trained in early childhood education and be able to give your some indication what they feel might be going on. If they have the color system you describe, they must have documentation regarding the behaviors that caused your son to change colors. I would ask for that documentation, and share it with your pediatrician. How does he behave at birthday parties, at the mall, at the playground, in the library, does he listen to you but not others or also not to you, does the bad behavior always happen before lunch when he is hungry or after lunch and on a sugar high or allergy to something, or later in the day when he is tired? The pediatrician can check for physical issues - is his hearing blocked and he does not hear the request until it is shouted, is he sleeping well, eating well, does he have an allergy, are OTC meds he is taking for a cold perhaps causing behavior, etc, etc. I am allergic to additives in food (msg mostly but others as well) and they give me a panic-attack type of feeling that I cannot control, so perhaps he reacts to something if it can be pinned to a certain time of day (even just tiredness). In our town the year kids turn 6 they have to go to Kindergarten, so it is time to get some answers now and start keeping records incase you need to get Special Ed accommodations or modifications for him. Also in our town, most kids we know started preschool 2 days per week at age 3, then 3 days per week at age 4, then pre-K at age 5 and Kindergarten at age 6. If this is his first effort at following a routine the school may be comparing him to kids his age who have had a much more lenient path into following school structure, i.e. the classes are smaller, the "curriculum" is total play with only short bursts of having to follow guided activities, etc. Lots of info missing for us to advise you, so talk to your husband and the pediatrician and together decide on a path forward.

He sounds like children I work with. And the good news is that is what I said. I work with children like this and we love them. Some schools have great special ed departments and your son sounds perfectly normal, just has what they all say is impulse control issues. He is probably top of the charts in brilliance, kindness (well, the sand was annoying to the recipient I know), but here I am to say he is a normal child who yes has a hard time pulling back his own elbow so it doesn't bump into someone's face. Wish you lived here, but check out a school where the people LOVE this kind of child. They are fun and loving and maybe they do have ADD, they are normal. Sometimes they can be medicated. and sometimes little charts or goals or parties work. That said I am wishing you luck. Anddd....might I throw this in: the punishment needs to fit the crime. Three months ago, no tv, means you need to notice what actually will impact him. Sometimes just not having macaroni for dinner if he loves it works. Telling a child they won't get to go to Europe won't work because Europe is a concept not something he is able to picture that he will attain. Good luck and I know yes it's hard, but that's why people like me love these little people.

Okay, here's where you're going wrong. What does a TV have to do with a child at school? Nothing what so ever. That's why it doesn't work.

5 minutes of something taken away means more to someone who has NO CONCEPT of the passing of time than a week of something. That has no meaning to him.

So your consequences have absolutely no effect to him in any way.

The school should be doing his consequences at school. Yes, you should be reinforcing them at home but if he acts up at school and they don't do anything because they are waiting for you to handle it, well, no one is learning anything like this.

A young child like yours needs instant consequences that last for a little while, maybe 5 minutes to half an hour. Otherwise he's already moved on mentally and has no concept of what is happening now as it relates to something that happened half an hour ago.

He isn't an adult, nor is he a teenager who has abstract thinking ability. This little guy is just starting to develop his concrete thinking ability. He will not learn or respond to this type of parenting.

I suggest you rethink how this is going and try to find a school that will deal with this in the classroom.

Such as:

If you put sand in someone's mouth you sit on the bench by the teacher for 5 minutes then cannot play in the sand for the rest of recess.

If you get up and go play with toys during lesson time you have to sit by the teacher....that's a given and I don't know why they didn't do that to begin with but I guess we don't know what all the school has tried. You have to sit by a grown up the entire lesson time. They should have tried getting him an aide of some sort if this is public school. It's their job to keep kids in school and they have resources to make sure the kids are staying in school and have what they need to be able to do that.

If you get an orange thingy for the day you don't get to go to the park as soon as school lets out. You might get a small thing extra at snack time for not getting red.

If you get a red thingy for the day you have to go straight home with nothing extra for snack.

If you get green we go straight to the park for half an hour, something he loves, it might be going to McDonald's to the play ground. Orange days might mean no ice cream cone when you leave or no cookie, that sort of thing.

Kids this age respond to rewards for what the DID DO. Getting orange means he worked at not getting a red, that deserves some notice.

If he gets green it's big fricking deal!!!!

That sort of thing.

**************New topic

Now, that said. Our guy got kicked out of Head Start close to the end of the year. There were extenuating circumstances though. They had been investigated by child welfare for abusing him, the worker has been in my home while investigating my daughter once upon a long time ago. She also testified for us in the court hearing where we took my daughter to court for guardianship for 2 my grand kids. I saw the little card from child welfare that they give to kids who they've visited with during an investigation. They have to notify the parents. SO each child in this classroom had one so the workers nor the parents would know what was being investigated.

I called her right then and asked what happened, I thought we had been reported or something. She laughed and said no. Then she did tell me the whole investigation was because a teacher at Head Start had reported my grandson was being abused during nap time and she had seen questionable treatment at other times too.

The whole school was almost in crisis mode this whole year. Teachers getting hurt and off work, in wrecks and not able to work, the substitutes getting hurt and off work, they were almost at the point of having to close down the 2 3 year old classes just so they could have enough staff to work the 4 year old pre-school classroom. Since it was associated with the public school system they had to keep it running or else those kids would not have received credit for passing the pre-K program.

So he got kicked out because he was "un-controllable". Wouldn't you be acting out if you were being treated badly and unfairly all the time, all day?

So we did not put him there for the 4 year old program, we put him in the public school pre-K program that fall. He got his own aid after the first few months of school, he's on Ritalin and Depakote now and the Kindergarten teacher doesn't even have an aid in the classroom with 25+ 5 year olds.

The point is, we're not perfect by any means. BUT we are working a plan that is appropriate for his cognitive ability, he is not a small adult, he is a little pre-school kids trying to learn how to do stuff and make better choices.

Isn't it better to experience life that has a lot of good stuff instead of a life of punishment and negativity? That's why rewarding him for even the tiniest, smallest thing he accomplishes will have so much more influence in making him work harder to do better.

So all in all, reward him for the right choices he makes.

Let the school dole out the consequences of stuff he does at school. Talk to him about it at home but the consequences will have no effect if done at home at this age.

I"m sorry this happened.

It's interesting that you immediately called around to find another school the very same day.

Must he be in preschool? Is it a matter of work schedules and needing preschool as a form of day care? (Is it truly preschool you're talking about here, or all-day day care? Not clear.) Because he sounds too immature to be in a preschool setting right now.

If you do mean preschool, where it's not a matter of day care but you have him there to learn and prepare for kindergarten -- I would not place him somewhere else immediately. First I would spend serious time finding out why he seems, at five, unable to listen to adults who are not you. I also would work on discipline at home -- you say "everything you try doesn't work" but have you tried the same thing very consistently? If you have tried many different things, then he has no idea what consequences any one action brings down on him because the consequences change all the time.

It also sounds like you don't really know exactly what got him kicked out. Can you swallow your pride and anger enough to meet (without him there!) with the teachers and director and calmly tell them, "I know he is done here but I want to learn from this and find out in detail what he has been doing and what in his behavior needs to change if he is in a preschool setting."

Is he a young five? It sounds like it. Definitely do not even think about kindergarten until he is much better able to control himself. Again, I would not rush to stick him into another preschool. If you are home with him, I'd keep him at home and work on his behaviors by taking him to playgroups (shorter duration, you are there to monitor behaviors), reading time for kids at the local bookstore and library (working with him on how to sit still for short times you can control), etc. -- In other words, do some retraining by taking him to things that are shorter than a preschool day.

If by "preschool" you mean day care so you can work full-time, that's another issue and you will need to get some serious help from the new preschool staff.

Was this school a public school? Did they ever talk to you about an evaluation for him to determine why he isn't able to 1) sit still 2) follow directions etc. I hate that schools immediately blame the child for "bad behavior" when there is always a cause behind it. It seems like the school didn't try to figure out how best to help your child in a school setting. In today's world, there are many many kids with learning differences and any good school would realize that and be proactive on how best to help the student. The school let you and your son down by giving up.

I would get a referral for a child psychologist to evaluate your son. Your psychologist needs to rule out adhd/add/aspergers or SPD (sensory processing) etc. or are we talking behavioral issues related to something else. Once you know where you are at with your son, then you will know how best to help him and advocate for him. That means at his next school getting him the services he needs so he can function in a school setting going forward. You get the services in the public school setting by getting an IEP written (research this). You are not a bad mommy! You are a good mommy for realizing that your son needs your help and you must do all you can to help him. In my opinion it is not your son's fault either. He probably doesn't realize what is happening to him or how to control his body. It is my belief that getting a child help at an early age would help him live a full life later. Best of luck to you and your son.

Usually, if you've tried everything you can think if & nothing works, it's time to get some expert help & advice. Start with your pediatrician.
Good luck!

Advice? First things first, stop feeling like a bad mommy! None of us are perfect! Secondly, now that you have found him a new school, STOP making excuses from here on out.

In your very first sentence you state that the school kicked him out 'with no warning'....which is not entirely true.

You state "Usually when he gets red or orange"...so there is a 'usually'...so you have had plenty of notice that your child has a problem.

You state "It's only been a few times he's done really bad things.."...so there have been more than a couple times when he has done something *really* bad? Honestly the way you gloss over this like it's no big deal makes me wonder what 'really bad things' are in your opinion?

The fact that you state "Consequences don't matter to him" means to me you have tried them right? Consistency is the key! You need to get on him every time he does something unacceptable...like seriously every time! Just b/c it appears that consequences don't matter to him doesn't mean that is true. Can you honestly say you have tried the same consequences for any legit length of time? I am guessing probably not. You need to pick a consequence to his not listening and and follow through with it from here on out EVERY time until his behavior improves. Period. End of story.

**I always get skeptical when parents get on here asking for help with their kids' behavior and they make the statement " Everything we try doesn't work"! Your child is so young. You do not need to try everything you can think of and just stop trying one idea and go to the next idea when the first one doesn't work! That is not how it works!!! You pick one consequence and you administer it EVERY TIME until your child figures out that you mean business!!!

~Try to look at this change of schools as a positive. You guys get to start fresh. Use this to your advantage! Sit your son down, lay down the law, explain to him how things are going to work from here on out, pick a consequence you know you can follow through with, tell him what it will be and then follow through with it without fail. EVERY TIME!

You need to pick a consequence that is going to disrupt his day/routine, so think about what he likes to do when he gets home from school?
+If it's watch TV, or play his DS or Wii or computer or Xbox or whatever, his consequence for getting in trouble at school should be NO electronics of any kind for the whole rest of that day on days when he gets in trouble.
+If he likes to stop at the park on the way home from school, his consequence would be NO park on days when he gets in trouble.
+If he likes to go to his friends house or have a play-date after school then his consequence would be NO play-date on days when he gets in trouble.

Do this same consequence EVERY day he gets in trouble for at least a couple weeks and then and only then if it isn't working add and additional punishment along with his consequence. So since you can't stop getting in trouble you are going to now have NO electronics this day + you will practice quietly sitting still and listening OR you will write an apology to whatever child you put sand on today? You know, make the 2nd punishment fit his daily crime. So you will have a consistent consequence for getting in trouble plus an added punishment that matches his daily infraction, i.e not listening, being mean etc.

You can do it, you just need to commit!

A lot of schools are just not willing to take the time to help children who really need it. Try looking for a school that is NAEYC accredited. NAEYC (the National Association for the Education of Young Children) is I think the top organization advocating for young children in the country and they have super high standards. It really sounds like your child just needs better teachers who know what they are doing and are really willing to work with him. You can search for schools at http://www.naeyc.org/academy/accreditation/search. Depending on where you are, there are a few great ones I know of in Boca (I'm in Coral Springs and also have a VPKer so if you need more guidance, feel free to send me a private message). Also search the FL DCF site at http://204.90.20.58/PalmBeachPublic/ProviderSearch.aspx and view each childcare center's inspection reports which I have found extremely helpful in my preschool search.

Good luck in your search and I hope you find a program that fits your child better!

I would seek the assistance of a family therapist. My friend and her husband went because their son was out of control. As a family they had some pretty tough conversations and had to face a lot of uncomfortable realities. No one wants to hear that they're not doing something right. It's embarrassing and painful. However the counselor provided a really safe and nonjudgmental environment where the parents could get some real help with parenting. We all need help sometimes. I think this is the best avenue for both you and your husband. Good luck!

Does he HAVE to go to daycare or preschool?

I would not assume he needs meds. I would not put him in K next year.

I know my husband and I don't agree on punishments and such, but we had to force a compromise to be consistent.

not sure what a v p k kindergarten is . is that a daycare? public school? preschool of some sort? if it's a public school they can't kick him out with out some protocol being followed. if it's daycare they can. I would get him evaluated.

My child was told she couldn't go to her twee Christian pre school anymore. This was 2 years ago, when she was 2.5 years old. She wouldn't listen, and she cried during naptime. I don't get it, she is not the only child like that, you would think they had the experience to deal with children that are a little more difficult.
I put my daughter into a montessori school, I am so lucky it is only $390 a month with free meals, and 6-6 if I need it.
Here is why I think it works, and I may be slated for this but here goes...
It is in a very poor part of town. A lot of the kids are very badly behaved, and from impoverished backgrounds, and are given very little attention by their parents. My daughter still behaves the same way, but in this school she blends in. Not only that, they know how to handle her. If she misbehaves, she goes to the office and sits facing the wall until she behaves. In the twee christian school she stood out among the upper class Christian yes Mam no Mam kids. It's the truth, it sucks. But find a preschool that is used to dealing with kids who are difficult

Sorry you son got kicked out of VPK. No one wants that for their child.
As far as him not listening, you need to figure out his currency & use that. Change your discipline plan. Take things away & reward good behavior.
I read that you took his tv away. I seriously hope he doesn't have his own tv. That's part of the problem, if he does. A 5yo shouldn't have his own tv.