My 4 Year Old Is Mean to His Own Family Members....

Try asking advice from Dr Dobson and focus on the family.

As for the meanness at this age, correct him verbally, every time. Then when things cool down, love him so much, hold him, speak kindly always speak to him with great respect, pray over him, explain how it hurts inside people when he speaks like that and it embarrasses you. Tell him how much he is loved and ask him why and allow him to take his time to tell you then reward his openness with more hugs and maybe some ice cream.

Some kids are not really friendly or social. Do not take him to other people's houses until you get a handle on this. No making excuses. Just tell the truth. You do not know how to correct this behavior. If he is mean to grandma, he doesn't get to go. If he is mean to daddy, he doesn't get to go fishing with dad etc, and it might mean you are stuck home for awhile.

It is very important that you do not raise your voice to him and be sure to always say please and thank you and that was very nice of you, etc. I have disciplined my children very angrily with the words "You will please do as I ask now".

Hopefully when he is being mean he will at least be polite about it.

As for the rest, could he be spoiled? try "ChildWise" books for help at this age too.

I am not sure what else would help. I look forward to hearing how it works out.
God bless your little guy, C.

It sounds like his "currency" is YOU, not the computer or the T.V. or even his time. Mine (17 months old) is like this to a certain extent. He preferes me and his Papa. When this happens (because he wants only me) I explain that his behavior is unacceptable, he can be angry*(see below) but he may not be ugly and disrespectful to others. I explain that as long as his behavior continues that 'I' will not listen or help him with what he needs.

*encourage him to communicate to you what he is angry about. ask him specific questions. reassure him that he is not being punished for his feelings but for the negative behavior that he has had. remind him of the other's feelings and how his actions have hurt them and encourage him to appologise.

Good luck! I know it is hard when you want them to like a family member and they act that way. It is hard to not be embarrased. Just keep trying and stay consistent.

Hello E.,

Maybe for the next few weeks you should carefuly coordinate when he comes in contact with them. Make sure he's not tired and that he has a snack. talk to them about how nice they are (of course, work it into the conversation). I'd say, play psychologist and with some figures, play showing him a nice encounter with grandparents, parents, etc. He's 4 so he wants what he wants when he wants it. Maybe after a few positive encounters his behavior will change. and by the way, I can almost bet you that at some point you've been mad at one of them and your son picked up the 'vibes' for lack of a shorter explanation. My kids did it and I wonder if kids are 1/2 psychic. LOL...
next time bring some cookies or something to share w/ every one. Have him help you distribute it.
you can also play roles and you be the grandma/grandpa, etc. I know my kids did it and right now I don't remember when they stopped doing it. good luck! ~C.~

Oh, bless your heart! I am a big fan of Supernanny, when I get to see it, and will give input from her perspective:
I would not do the TV/Computer withdrawal necessarily, because they are not related to what he is doing, which is disrespecting family members. The "naughty chair" has to be used very consistently for it to work. The child does not get up until there is an apology, period. Use it! Bad habits are not broken quickly! I work at a daycare, and know this.
You might try a role-playing game (when he is not in trouble) that will give visual emphasis to the teaching that must occur. Perhaps have pictures of each family member on a poster,(garden theme) with an empty flower pot under each face. Have a number of popsicle sticks with flowers glued on them in a "holding bag." (he could help prepare this with you) Each time he makes someone feel special with his words/actions, he gets to add a flower to their pot. Even better, let the person who received the nice behavior come to the "garden" to plant a flower with him, so he associates his actions with their smiles. (You might need some very ugly bug stickers to bring out when he is being nasty, because bugs eat flowers.) Make an appointment to check the pots on a regular basis, so he can see if he is spreading the love around as he should. If his garden grows nicely for a period of time, make a date to do something special with some of the previously mistreated family members. Go to the garden shop and get real flowers!
I just made this up, but I hope it helps!

I got this great book for $3 at half priced books called "Back TAlk" You should get it. It is at the Preston store near Gattitown. Good Luck.

Make sure your son understands that what he is doing is wrong and be sure to explain in a calm but firm way that he wouldn't want someone treating him that way. [Stress empathy] A good idea is to make him apologize for being "ugly" to whomever he has been "mean" to. Also, the next time he is "mean" to someone and you are there to hear it....go to him immediately, get down on his level and firmly ask him "why did you do/say that?" and then tell him that it was very rude and/or inappropriate. Then make him apologize. Also, make sure everyone around him is setting a good example. If someone is yelling at him (say during discipline) then he will be confused why it is ok for people to yell at him but he gets in trouble for doing it. [That is just an example]. So always be calm when he acts up and just explain why he is in trouble. Don't let the act upset you - your son isn't mean - he just hasn't learned yet what is appropriate and what isn't. Good luck.

I would say your son's behavior should not be accepted by you or any members of your family, whether he is hungry or tired. You might consider therapy for him, seems like he has not learned how to control or deal with his emotions properly. If left without some sort of help to learn how to deal with these, he may end up hurting someone.

Just a thought.