My 3 Yr Old Daughter Is Acting Outaggressivly W/my Boyfriend! HELP

Your daughter's response to your boyfriend is completely normal. It appears that your relationship with him has gotten much more serious, and that threatens her in a couple of ways: 1) she is no longer the primary focus of your life; and 2) she really likes him, and is afraid that he'll leave too, just like her dad did.

For the first, you need to spend separate alone time with your daughter, that has nothing to do with your boyfriend. Until he's your husband, what's he doing over every single night? You might not be able to change that and go backwards, but you do need to have special "mommy and me" time with her, when he is not around at all.

For the second issue, he's a grown man, and all he needs to do is continue to reassure her that he likes her. If he has trouble not reacting to her distress, then you need a few sessions of family therapy to work on this. Your daughter doesn't need therapy by herself, that will only reinforce that she's the odd man out here and not really part of this family. If you're serious about making the three of you into a family, you'll need to do some repair work first with her, and then with the three of you as a unit. If he's not that committed to go through this kind of emotional process, then he's not ready for a real relationship. That will be a great lesson for the next time - go slow when you're a single mother, because everything you do has huge ramifications for your child.

Good luck!

Maybe your child is in need of more attention from you and him. She might be feeling left out of your life. Maybe you might want to paint, draw, play music, sing, write, play, etc. with her more. You may want to look into the books on Indigo children and Crystal children. Most of us are prodigy level or advanced, we've just experienced limitations, such as allergies and satellite brain holds.

Be well.

N.

You have a 3 year old that NEEDS your attention. You should think more carefully about a boyfriend of only 5 months sleeping over at all with her, much less every night. She is your first, and most important concern. She wants time alone with you - not with your boyfriend and you as a pair. Think more of her. Of course she has hostility!

Get RID of the boyfriend.

Hey E.. Sorry you're going through this. Since you're kind of at a crisis point, why don't you try having two nights a week that are just for you and your daughter. It sounds like you have a good handle on what's going on with her and why she's behaving this way. You can make those nights special, plan to do things she really likes, and see if you can just really focus on her. After she's in bed you can always talk to your boyfriend on the phone, check emails, etc. I would also talk to her a lot about how you love her and you always will and that nothing will ever change that. I'd also talk to her about how you love your boyfriend, and that he really loves both of you and is going to be a part of your lives. When the three of you spend time together make sure to do things that she'll really enjoy, and maybe give them some one-on-one time, too. (I'm not saying you need to leave the house, but maybe just be busy for a while so they can play). I would also hold the line and let her know it is not acceptable to be aggressive physically or to say mean things, and that if she does she'll get a time-out (or whatever works for you).....I would name what she's feeling when these things happen "I know you're feeling angry right now (or sad, or frustrated, etc), but it's not okay to kick or hit or say mean things so I have to give you a time-out until you're ready to be calm". Also, if your boyfriend is really the right guy, he's going to weather the storm with you. I'm sure it's hard for him because he's trying and she's rejecting him right now, but she's three and he's a grown man, and has really got to do his best not to take it personally. This is normal behavior on your daughter's part and it will pass. By the way, my parents divorced when I was three and my mom dated a few guys before she found the man who became my step-dad. It's not easy for anyone involved, I remember. If things don't get better, you might consider talking to a therapist to help you figure out how to help your daughter feel more secure. Good luck with all of it, and hang in there!!!

pehaps she feels like the relationship with him will threaten the one with her biological father..

I would start with some extra mommy time w/out your boyfriend. Maybe that is what she needs. She's old enough for her to tell you what's wrong, maybe you should try talking to her about all of this. I would also see a therapist for suggestions. If your boyfriend is being driven away because of this, let him go. I mean, your child is more important than him. He probably wants to give you some space. If he really loves you and your daughter he'll be back. But if he really can't take her anymore, he doesn't deserve to be around you anyway. Just my opinion.

E.,
She need counseling, she is scared to lose you to him and maybe she needs a little more love and time from you. Maybe he shouldn't be spending every night at you house. She needs reassurance that you will be there. Was she the product of a divorce? Take care of your little girl and get her some professional help. Good luck

Get rid of the boyfriend. Daughter needs you and doesn't want to share right now. Please respect that.

I have two separate thoughts that I want to share:

#1 My daughter adores her Daddy, but she still wants to get between us whenever we hug. We always bring her in for a group hug when she does, which she enjoys, but I've noticed that it is me that she wants to herself and will sometimes shove her daddy away.

#2 I was 5-years-old when my mother remarried, and I cried at her wedding. It was a very real fear for me that he would take my mother away.

You are your daughter's whole world. She may not want to share that world with anyone. Obviously, it's not realistic for her to have you all to herself forever, but she isn't wrong in thinking she is losing bits of you when you share your wonderful self with someone else. Three is really little. Hold her tenderly and assure her over and over again that she is the light of your life and that you will never leave her. Your heart and life will expand to include other people, but she is your first love, forever and always.