My 3 Year Old Son's Father Is Requesting a Speech Therapist!

He sounds like he's doing just fine and developing normally to me. Is there a possibility he could be color blind and thus colors are more of a challenge to him? Both my sons are color blind that's why I ask.

If you can video record him on a typical day to take with you to the session or before a judge that would be ideal, especially if you're concerned that he'll be too shy to speak to a therapist. However, they are trained to know shy for inability and can usually coax things out of a child. My inclination is to let him be seen by a therapist and one you both agree on and if she/he proves you right, then it looks better for you.

I'm sorry you're in the middle of all this. BTW if he can recognize his numbers, the color blind test uses a method where they have a tablet or device and they are asked to put their finger on the number and trace it. If they are color blind they most likely can not see the number. There are some online things too but the ones in a doctors office are far more reliable.

A., I don't see the harm in allowing your husband to take your child to a therapist for a consultation. He is also his parent and has the right to do so. If, as you mention above, he has mastered all these language milestones then you will have nothing to worry about. Try to look at the bright side that he is showing concern and paying attention and wants him to excel. I'm sure there are underlying power control issues here, and as you mentioned possibly divorce? Don't let this become a huge deal with everything else you have going on.

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I would let your attorney know what your soon to be ex is demanding. If it were me I would not object to letting your son be evaluated by a licensed speech therapist. I would want to be present (even if it is in another room where you watch and your son does not know that you can see him is perfectly okay.) I would walk in with him and introduce him (if he does not know this person already) and I would talk to him about what he can expect and try to help him feel comfortable. Even if they do find that your son could benefit from speech therapy - it does not make you a bad parent. If they don't find anything it will look bad on his father and if they do find something then you should be the loving parent that you are and want to do what is best for your child.

I would definately speak to your attorney. I would also contact the local school and see if the speech therapist there will give an evaluation. My son received speech therapy from the public school as a pre-schooler. It is a state-funded program. That way, you will also have evaluation. If they come to the same conclusion, you may want to seek help. If they are different, at least you have something to submit as well. It also shows that you are attempting to be cooperative with the boy's dad and want what is best for the child.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with those kind of tactics from your son's father (i'll pray for your family). I don't have any experience with that, but my 3 year old has been evaluated for speech problems (which he did have) so I'll weigh in on that. I'd say go ahead and have him evaluated. That way you cut the dad's feet out from under him if he planned to say you didn't care or get things taken care of, but I'd consult your pediatrician if possible to go through someone he/she suggests. If it's a properly trained speech pathologist the evaluations (they usually require a hearing evaluation before doing the speech evaluation to rule out contributing factors) are set up as a playing session. They also are set up to take into account shyness or uncooperativeness for other reasons. Also any good pathologist is going to have the parents (and probably the daycare teacher/daytime caregiver) fill out a history and info on speech patterns which is part of the evaluation. If possible I'd be the parent present at the evaluation though--or both or you if he insists on coming. Any good therapist will require and/or do these evaluations before starting any actual therapy so there's no harm in getting him evaluated. If anything it may backfire on your ex. The results don't just say yes they do or no they don't have a speech problem, it breaks it down and gives what age equivalent they are ranked for each of several categories and things. So if your child comes back ranked even higher than his age then it could be used to validate you know your son better than he does, or the dad puts unreasonable expectations on him. Do me a favor though PLEASE don't ever sink to his level of trying to keep him from having joint custody unless it really would be better for the child (i.e. he's physically or emotionally abusive or puts the child at risk). In all honesty many great parents have concerns about their child's speech or other developments that turn out to be unfounded...worrying is part of parenthood. Plus how much beter will you look than him when you defend yourself yet say you care more about your son having the chance to have his father as involved as possible in his life than making things easier on yourself by minimizing your contact with someone so vindictive, dishonest and self-serving. Hope it all works out. (BTW even if he did turn out to have a speech disorder it wouldn't have anything to do with your parenting abilities. about 10% of kids do and getting early speech therapy he'd likely overcome it very quickly)

A., if you trust your attorney, speak to them first. If not, let him try it. It won't hurt. It is just an evaluation of where he is now. The therapist will be able to determine if there is a problem or not. If she is a good therapist, she can get him talking, as long as his dad is not in the room.

I hope this helps.

I totally agree with those who say it cannot hurt to have your son's speech evaluated, and videotaping a discussion between you and your son is a great idea. However, you also should know that trying to get custody is one of the more miserable "tricks" up the sleeve of HIS attorney -- make you look bad, make you feel unworthy even worse.

If at all possible, INSIST that you be present during the evaluation since you WILL be (just say it, even if you don't believe it yet!) the custodial parent and in charge of your child's mental and physical well-being both now and after the divorce is final. Please don't have this "discussion" within earshot of your child(ren), for the sake of his feeling that what will happen eventually will have been his fault.

Been there, done that!

what harm does it do to have him evaluated? its 3 hours out of one day (ive done it) if anything it shows that you do care about your son and are not an unfit parent by getting him the care he may or may not need. tell your lawyer from there just get it done and have the report sent to the lawyer to put in your file for the court date. dont get bent out of shape sometimes its hard for a mother to see issues with her own child (not that he has them) good luck!

A., it sounds as though Dakotah is doing just fine and is developing right on target. I'm guessing he doesn't spend as much time with his dad and would further deduce that this is at the root of the perceived speech problem. Many people, especially, as you well know, children, simply do not readily warm to strangers. And, even though this is Dakotah's father, if they do not spend a lot of time together, Dakotah may not have established a comfortable relationship with his dad and, therefore, simply is not as chatty with his dad.

I think Brenda's idea to record your son while reciting his ABC's or talking to grandma might be a good idea. But, is there also a possibility that, while Dakotah seems like quite a bright little 3 year old, you may be too familiar with his speech and not cueing in on indicators? Is it possible that, while you believe his enunciation is excellent, others may not find it so easy to understand him? It may be possible, particularly if you, or anyone else around your son is a smoker, he may be subject to ear infections which can, ultimately, lead to obstructed ear canals which, in turn, can lead to poor hearing and, that, in turn, can lead to poor speech habits.

There is really nothing wrong with having him checked out by a speech therapist. Let his father understand that, while you do not believe Dakotah has any speech problems, in order to assuage his father's concerns, you will consent to an examination by a speech therapist. Make sure you are at the appointment so that you can hear, first hand, (and get a written copy of any documentation) what the ST's assessment may be.

Good Luck.

Get a tape recorder and tape your son talking. Go through his ABC's, his colors, the animals he know, everything. You can take this tape and recorder to the appointment. This way if your son does not want to talk to her, you have something she can hear. You make sure you are present at all appointments that the father makes. You are the mother, you have a right to be there. The more professional people who sees you and your son interact, the more it will work in your favor. On some cell phone, it will record the conversation. You can tape the conversation between your son and your mother. I know that radio shack also sell a recorder that will record phone conversations. It plugs into the wall jack and cost around $80.00. If the father is trying to deem you an unfit mother, I would tape all my conversations with him. It is not against the law as long as you (the person tapeing the conversation) is taking part of the conversation.
I had to do this with my EX and his wife due to the lies they continued to tell. It was a long, hard, ugly road, but I finally have full custody of my son. I use to tell my son when his father would talk bad about me in front of him on his visits. "You can't stop people from talking about you, but as long as your actions do not match their words, it is easy for others to see who is being truthful." I wish you the best!

Since there is a custody battle going on, consult your lawyer. Do not keep them in the dark, they need to know what is going on with the father. Your lawyer needs to be involved with anything the father is trying to do. There will possibly need to be expert testimony for this and the speech pathologist is going to need to know this. If they have to appear in court, there will be a fee. You also need to know who is paying for the evaluation. You may need proof for reimbursement from the father, esp if your insurance denies it because of legal issues. You want all your t's crossed and I's dotted. You don't want to give his father any amunition in this battle that you would not cooperate.

Also, you may need your doctor to refer you for the evaluation.

It could be possible that the speech therapist will let you know that nothing is wrong. I would suggest that you are the one who takes him. Tell them the truth, what you think, why you are there, etc. If they feel he needs therapy, do it. It would only help him and shows you are the responsible parent for taking him to his sessions.

Good luck.

As long as the specialist is one used to working with children everything should be fine. Take him in and let them evaluate him. If everything is fine like you suspect then you have proof. If there is a problem then your child gets help. Win-win situation there. The therapist will be a specialist who knows what to look for and has had plenty of patients who are shy and do not wish to talk much. THey will be able to handle it. Good luck.

I can understand where you are coming from and you might very well be correct that your son doesn't need it and it is just a tactic. However, tactic or not, it is best to tell the father, okay, if you feel there is a problem then we should definitely seek professional help. This way during a custody the custody hearing your husband can not say that you refused or didn't want to cooperate. I think the best thing you can do is show that you too are concerned that there is a communication problem between your son and his father. Also, speak to your lawyer and perhaps a child counselor so you can help your son.

I agree with some of those that have already posted...I think you should do what the one said about having the school therapist look at him as well, not because he needs it, but because it will help your side of the case. I would video tape (instead of just recording his voice) him talking so there is no doubt in anyone's mind that he is the one doing the talking. I know my neice never would talk to anyone she didn't know, but was a chatterbox around those she did. And I know that my son doesn't always respond to the therapist for the first meeting, he has to warm up to them (he sees speech and physical therapists and will have an occupational therapist come the fall when he enters the school system). Now I'm not saying your son needs those therapies as it sounds like he is doing more than what is considered on track for his age, but it is better to let him go and have the evaluation than it is to fight it and give your hubby ammo for the custody case. Also, always document everything with your attorney.
Best Wishes,
T.

A.~
sadly, custody battles upset children. If the dad doesn't hang around much he doesn't know what he's missing; plus your son may be thinking that he can't stop you and daddy from leaving or fighting, but he can have control over whom he decides to speak to or listen to. That is called "selective" hearing or speech. Maybe he is mad at dad. He doesn't need another doctor or therapist. He knows he has his mommy. She understands him and apparently his grandmas understand him. Maybe, dad isn't listening. My oldest grand daughter did this: she would not talk in school and the teachers thought she coldn't speak. She would not answer veerbally any questions, just nod her head. So her mom tape recorded her jabbering to her and to her other sistera and brother. They came to the conclusion that her mom and dad fought alot! Kayla could not stop that or have control of either parent. So she would control who she would talk to and what she wanted to hear.! Believe me, they out grow it, in fact she jabbers in phones, texts, emails and plays music and sings every song she knows. She is healthy young lady now 19. So don't worry, it all will be ok. Keep in touch. Maybe record his voice so dad could hear him talk to others. Tell dad to chill and become a little boy again and reach down to his level, instead of towering over him like a mean old giant.lol. Have a blessed day.
A. g.

Good morning, A.! Sounds to me like your son is doing fine. I am surprised that a ST would even be able to evaluate your son without an order from a doctor? I was an Occupational Therapist in the state of NC and we NEVER eval. or treated anyone without a doctor's order, and I can't imagine that would be different anywhere else. If you and your ex are not on the best terms, you may consider speaking with your att. about it. Seems to me that you, as the custodial parent would be the one to oversee medical care. As far as deeming you unfit b/c a child may have a speech delay, I hardly think anyone would think that. Wish you and your son all the best!

He sounds a wonderful, intelligent little guy. I think, from wha you say, he is right on target.

Consult your lawyer, seems uncalled for. He is obviously not comfortable around his father.

Not all children progress at the same speed. From your descriptions, it seems to me that your son is completely normal and doing just fine in his development. If he is around his father and not interacting as much, it is likely because he is in unfamiliar surroundings. Any good therapist would be able to see that there is no problem, and one session is not proof of anything. The problem is, how do you know it is a good therapist he is going to see? Yes, I would suggest consulting your attorney about this. Good luck. Divorce is never easy, and especially difficult on the children.

I always think that you should always tell your lawyer about everything that is going on. Keep a journal about how much time and how his father interacts with him and has in the past. Ask yourself why he is wanting custody and who really is the best for your son and right that down. Good luck.

Talk to your lawyer, just in case there is some legal wrangling going on behind the scenes that you're not aware of, but he would recognize. Probably since your pedi. doesn't say anything is wrong then you have (legal) confirmation that you're not "an unfit mother for ignoring his speech problem." I'm going to guess that your son will be going to a speech therapist, and everything will be fine. Surely if the therapist is used to working with children s/he will recognize the difference between a child who will not speak and one who cannot speak.