Can an Absent Father Take Child Away from You

I have been through family court for both custody and child support. I can tell you that it is VERY difficult to get either parents rights removed from the child. It is even harder for a mother to have her rights restricted. What you do need to do is open a custody case. You can prove abandonment since he had no contact for over one year, and if you have a good lawyer you should get sole custody. His threts are empty. No court would take your son away unless you were an unfit mother. One peice of advise I can give is get a lawyer that you have employed. Do not use a court appointed lawyer. Until the court says otherwise he is the father of this child and has the same rights as you. My case took about 14 months to close. In the end I got sole custody. He had supervised visits that I had to supervise for two hours a week. I got my child support with no problem. After a few months he realized the visits were a pain to deal with, and he just walked away. I still get my child suport since his wages are garnished. Don't let him and his bully ego scare you.

Document everything that you can remember. Write down approximate dates and what you remember he said and from now on keep every written word from him. If you don't have it already, make it so that you can record what he says to you over the phone. If you aren't able to do that, write down everything that he said in as close to his words as possible. Date it.

If you can afford an attorney he may be able to make this end quickly. If you can't afford one go to Legal Aide and ask for one. If they don't do domestic cases, as I've seen said on this site, they will be able to refer you to someone who can help you. The office at which you filed for child support may also be able to tell you where to get an attorney you can afford.

What is important is to be as calm and unemotional as possible. You are fighting a legitimate battle. It is highly unlikely that he can get custody tho he can get required parenting or visitation time. And he can drag out the process if he chooses to do so.

Sounds like he's a bully and would feel satisfaction over making you squirm. Don't let him see your anger or your anxiety. When you have to talk with him, be calm and assured in your tone of voice. You are in the right with child custody. He is wrong. Remind yourself of that while you're being as casual and unconcerned as you can be. Another advantage to having an attorney is you don't have to ever talk with him. Give him your attorney's phone number.

Do not let him bully you into not following thru on getting child support unless you decide that you want him out of your life forever and that support is not worth having him around. Unless you're receiving public assistance you have the right to not ask for support.

Money is a BIG deal when it comes to dealing with the court system...unfortunately!! My sister was in an 18 month legal battle with the father of my niece. He was gone for 2 years, not a word then shows up demanding through the courts a DNA test. (My sister has sense married and her husband was raising my niece as his own).

His parents both doctors were financing his fight for FULL CUSTODY...as they wanted their grandchild (he had married and found out he couldn't have kids with his wife).

My sister and her attorney (paid for by my parents) at the very first court appearance offered him typical visitation (every other weekend, split holidays, and 30 days in summer). He said NO, he wanted full custody and they drug this thing out with multiple court appearances...I think we went like 8 times to court....at one point the judge threatened to pull my niece out and put her in foster care until they could reach a decision. Finally they (bio dad and family) asked for a JURY TRIAL to determine custody.

My sister's attorney (a friend of my parents who was charging a lower fee) told them if it went to trial that her fee and court costs would probably end up over $100k. The other side could afford it...we couldn't, but my sister showed up to set the date for the trial because if she didn't the other side would "win" by default and be granted custody. Bio dad decided on the court date to set the trial date...to agree to typical shared visitation. What my sister offered 18 months previously on the very first appearance.

So 18 months and $35k later in attorney fee and court costs (AND all the stress and suffering about losing my niece)...they settled....for NOW, he can still go back to court and start this all up again when the next date to review custody comes up in (I think it is every 2 years).

If you can avoid going to court...do so at all costs...get an attorney to draw up the papers to terminate his rights and offer to stop seeking child support if he will terminate his rights. You do not want to fight someone who has money in the court system you will lose because if you can't keep paying your attorney they will win by default. And good luck with legal aid...my sister called them and was told if you were not an illegal alien seeking citizenship they couldn't even schedule you for an appointment.

I agree with Brenna' response and wanted to add to it. I went through a nasty custody battle for years, so I'm speaking from my experience. If I were you, I'd forgo the child support and have your ex sign off on your son. Your ex can make this battle go on for 18 years. Seriously, consider cutting your losses now and supporting your son yourself....you'll bet better off in the long run.

You need to get a lawyer asap that specializes in child custody.

It's unlikely that he would be awarded full custody. But yes, he can start receiving visitation if he says that he is now interested in being a part of your son's life. Unless he can prove you are not fit (drug use, instability, neglect etc) he wouldn't be able to take your son. But I don't know what judge wouldn't be open to a father building a relationship with his son, and that will typically include some type of joint custody or visitation schedule. He won't admit in court it is so that he doesn't have to pay child support - he will just present to the judge that he wants to be a part of his son's life.

So, any communication you have had that you have in writing with the father you need to give to your lawyer. Anytime he told you he wanted nothing to do with his son and/or wouldn't pay child support. All of this will help your case.

Custody battles are expensive. If the father has money it will help him because his lawyer can stall paperwork or send things back or drag things out and that will drive up your costs. However, the fact that he has money won't help him take your son away - a judge doesn't really care who has what amount of money, as long as the parent wants to have a healthy interest in the child. But he can make things difficult for you - it sounds like he already is making it difficult.

Good luck.

Honestly, it depends on HOW much money he has. If we're talking several million, so he can dump a couple hundred grand into lawyers and/or other methods... the answer is yes. Very easily.

If, however, he's just normally successful... it would be a very difficult task. I would *absolutely* get the best lawyer you can AND save each and every single thing he's saying/writing/doing to threaten you into dropping your child support case.

DON'T let him intimidate you into dropping your case. And know... $ and visitation have NOTHING to do with one another.

Do you really want to deal with this man and have him around your son? I think maybe foregoing the money and getting him to waive all rights would be a much happier outcome for you, rather than having this man have power over your son's time with even partial visitation rights, which I think he'd have if he pays custody unless he is proven unfit. You will still certainly have the choice to let your son see him at your discretion.
Your fiance will be your son's father figure.
If you don't really need the money, I'd try to move away from this (legally, not physically).
Please check with a lawyer to make sure this is correct, but I'm pretty sure.
Best of luck
S.

This is just an idea because your ex sounds like such a winner! Get his rights terminated and have your fiance adopt him. I think in this case I wouldnt want my baby around his bio. This is a win win situation, bio jerk does not have to pay anything and you do not have to share your son!

absolutely not. unless he can prove you're unfit or providing a dangerous environment there is no way he can get sole custody.
He might be able to get visitation or partial/joint custody... but usually it would have to be supervised by a court appointed guardian or therapist, at least for a while, since your son wont know him.
sounds like he wouldn't even try for that though if he has no actual interest in getting to know his son (or supportng him), i think its just scare tactics!

either getting a custody order (so he cant play games with the amount of access he gets to your son)... or like many said, see if you can file abandonment, weither you're at a point where you're ready to have your fiance adopt him or not, at least your ex would have no claim to your son! you wouldn't get child support but at least you'd be rid of your ex!
good luck!

No, he cannot take your child from you! Don't let him scare you!! Talk to an attorney in your state. I agree with the others who have said to have your fiance adopt your son, if possible. The bio dad would have to agree to the adoption, of course. But if that frees him of child support obligations, he may just agree to it.

Best wishes and good luck!

There have been some very unjust cases where the father had a mother that was home all day and they were able to make a case that the grandmother was a more suitable caregiver than a daycare provider, so the father would be the better primary custodian. But I know those type of cases have made big headlines and I don't know how many judges would be willing to be that unjust.

I've seen this EXACT scenario many, many times play out in the lives of my daycare moms over the last 24 years. Not one of them have lost their children to the ex. It's usually just a scare tactic. However, you need to decide for yourself if there is any dirt in your closet and just how much money does this man have?

First off what state you are in and what are the definitions of abandonment? I'm not sure if The Tender Years Doctrine is still in effect. That means that basically the court awards custody to the mother when the child is under 4 unless it can be proven that you are a danger to the child.

IF he has not seen or paid a cent for your child, he cannot take him away through the court. He is threatening you so you will stop the support issue. Has he signed an Acknowledgment of Paternity paper? Is his name on the birth certificate? Do you have anything recorded or in writing that states he doesn't want anything to do with your child?

I'd check with an attorney, but I'm pretty sure your fiance' can petition the court to adopt your son on these grounds and you can have the ex's parental rights stripped as well. If you don't have a custody order already in place, I would do so IMMEDIATELY! Without a custody order, he can get your son for a day and not bring him back legally. Then you would have to petition the courts to get him back. Messed up right?

You need to decide if you want the ex's money or if you want the full time father already there.

Feel free to send me an email if you need more information. I've been in this situation before with my oldest son and am currently in a similar one with my youngest daughter.

Nanc

He could unless there is a court order or he has signed away his rights he is still the dad. Why not ask him to waive his rights. Sure you won't get child support but is it worth it you've made a year already without his help.

A.,

Who signed the birth certificate?

Realistically, money does talk, but unless you are an unfit parent and it can be proven, the absent parent doesn't have a leg to stand on. He's probably trying to scare you. Don't buy it, get a restraining order on him and make it clear that he's threatening and harassing you and your family.

Child support has NOTHING to do with visitation,

Blessings.....

no. but he could get joint custody - 50% time.