My 3 Year Old Son Makes Me Crazy!!!!

This is just how (most) three year olds are. I'm sorry. It sucks. All you can do is be consistent with him and show him the right way to react to things. Give him choices, but don't overwhelm him. Keep a firm schedule that will be flexible on really bad days. Let things go around the house to keep your sanity. Maintain a regular bedtime routine. And mostly....remember that this too will pass. He will adjust to the baby, you will get a full nights sleep.

Kids act out because divorce separates kids form their parents, (kids want to be with their natural parents, they don't care that you guys couldn't make it work) then parents remarry and they get less time and less time and attention. Then more half brothers and sisters come along. Very often I find divorced kids are virtually forgotten. It's a sad thing. Just remember your kids happiness comes first, not yours or another adult.

I realize with his dad in Afganistan, there is so much you don't have control over anymore, but your kid is healthy and his outbursts are normal. And - My 2.5 year old has two parents happily married with a stay-at-home dad and she drives us nuts sometimes, too!

You could make sure that your child has lots of one-on-one time with you but I realize this might be tough with a new baby. You might have to get creative and get some help or put in him in a class (gymnastics?) or two.

Also I suspect you have been through so much in the last three years as well. Maybe you need a little counselor time or some mental relief from it all?
Good luck!

Christina said it perfectly.
Be consistent.

Give him some choices. Then Praise him by saying "Good Choice" when he makes a choice.

Teach him the words to his feelings. "You seem frustrated," You seem Angry".
Acknowledge you own feeling without screaming. "I sure am frustrated that it rained today, but help me think what can we do instead." I am so disappointed that I dropped my favorite mug, Oh well, I guess I can use this other mug instead."

Keep a schedule as much as possible. Give him a heads up with each transition to a new activity, 'When this tv show is finished. You need to put on your shoes so we can leave for the store". In 5 minutes, you need to put your trike in the garage, it will be time for dinner."

Make sure he gets as much outside playtime as possible and lots of good sleep.

He seems to be perfect for a 3 year-old. We always hear about the terrible twos but seldom hear about the 3's which are MUCH worse.

They're more vocal, more demanding and are trying to exert much more independence. We're closer to 4 with our son, and it's made a huge difference from a few months ago.

Do you have any support or anyone who can give you a few hours off each week to decompress since his Dad isn't around?

Good luck! I hope this phase passes quickly for you.

You answered your question when you say he's " been through a lot for such a young child." Yes, what he's doing is normal when you have a new baby and especially when his dad has a new wife and baby.

He's lost his dad. Love your little boy up, really try hard not to let him make you crazy. I know it's hard, but one day when he's grown you will realize how little he was at 3 and your heart will break for all he had to go through.

Just love him, love him, and try not to let him see you sad. You have to be the strong one. He's too young to carry that burden.

By the way, my Navy ex-husband dumped me for someone else when my boy was 1, so I can relate to your situation. Take it from me, it will get better.

Did I misunderstand your post when you said dad has a new wife and new baby as well? Are you and dad split up or not? None of the other moms are answering from that perspective, so I wonder if I misread your post.

I think it is the age because my sweet little boy wasn't so sweet after he turned three. The language and phrases he uses are awful..thankfully he doesn't know any swear words. He is defiant most of the time and wants everything he wants instantly and has crying tantrums when I say no.

Hang in there I think it will get better!

My oldest son is very much the same way and he is 8 years old. Sometimes he is the sweetest boy and then other times he is driving me crazy! One thing I remind myself at bad times is about the good things my son does and that does outway the bad things... I think we expect a little too much from our oldest children sometimes and forget they are only children. They are trying very hard to show their independence. I am finding out that it is also part of their personality, not being bad but the way they deal with things going on. Hang in there and remember the good things your son does at bad times, your not the only parent with a son like that! -C-

He's super smart and often sweet. He really wants to do the right thing and be happy. He has emotional needs and sometimes feels confused. He needs to have his feelings acknowledged and guided in a more positive direction.

This takes lots of thoughtful attention from you, and it is exhausting. Of course, the alternative, not dealing with it in a positive way, will end up being much more exhausting and nerve-wracking for you.

I strongly recommend the terrific book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can read part of this really practical guide to communicating with your kids here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081.... I think you'll be impressed with the possibilities.

N.,
Don't take it personally, it's the age. When my daughter turned 3 and her baby sister was brought into the house, she changed into a different child. Tantrums, screaming fits, angry at every mishap. It was horrible and I hated being in the same room as her. Things have calmed down to some degree, but the jealousy is still there and it has been almost a year. What I have learned is to try your best to be calm (which could take a miracle). Getting angry makes them worse. It's almost as if their fit feeds off of your anger. Keep your chin up, it sounds like you have a wonderful little boy who is a bit confused right now. As long as he always knows that you love him, even if you can't do what he wants when he wants, he'll be okay. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - just hang in there. I'm glad I did. Best of luck.

First of all I'm sorry you're having a rough time! It's not easy. I have a 3.5 yr. old and a 20 month old and am newly divorced. My 3 year old just went through a really tough phase. And my Mom friends assured me that the terrible 2s need to be renamed the terrible 3s. So, what your pre-schooler is going through is completely age appropriate. However, there are strategies that help manage difficult behavior.

There is a book called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan that my friends love. I have found that immediate consequences and time-outs are working. And increased choices to make him feel like he is in control more of the time help too.

If you want to email me, feel free. I don't want to ramble but if you have specific scenarios that are driving you to the brink, I am happy be your sounding board.

Good luck - don't forget to breathe

A lot of moms have given some great answers already, and I would have to agree that this is common for 3 year old behavior, especially with a new baby in the picture. Perhaps he needs a little more time and attention, now that dad is out of the picture and mom is busy with baby, and he is acting out because of that. Meanwhile, you are probably feeling overwhelmed because you feel alone and managing a baby while disciplining a young child SUCKS. You are not alone, there are a lot of folks who would understand and be happy to lend a hand. He is not a "bad boy", just doing what a frustrated 3 year old does and coping in his own little way. This is all just temporary and will pass in time. You can do it!!!!

I think sometimes we all feel this way...when our kids are sweet and loving they are the greatest and when they are naughty and mean they are downright evil! LOL

I agree that 3 is a very difficult age. And that you have the compounding effects of being a single parent, having a baby AND have to deal with/explain why Daddy is no longer in the picture and has a new family.

I agree that you need some time off or a break. What about putting your son in preschool next year too? I think it's a good experience for kids to get away from home to learn what other adults expect, how to behave in a classroom full of kids and also get out some energy - physically, creatively and have play time with peers.

Also, on those "bad days" - consistency. Discipline is important to young children as they WILL push your buttons, test limits and see what's gong to happen IF/WHEN they misbehave. The key is for you to be consistent and to let him know that YOU are the boss. I've learned a lot about "logical consequences". It helps you to discipline your child without being the bad guy or yelling and screaming. Basically it's that every behavior has a logical consequence...so if he doesn't do what he's told, maybe he gets a timeout. It's not that YOU are giving him a timeout, it's that HE made the bad choice to NOT listen, so HE got a timeout due to HIS behavior. Then once his timeout is over, he can walk right over and do what was first asked of him.

I know it's hard with a baby on your hip. But I do think that maintaining control in your household is an investment in your future.

By the way, fabulous name! And I used to live in VT also. ;)

Wow, you have a lot to deal with! My kids were 10 years apart.

First of all, realize that your kids pick up your moods very easily. I was a single mother for years, but I had a lot of support from my family, emotionally and financially. Do you have a support network? If not, is there a mothering group you can join in "real life?" The first thing to do is to make sure Mom (that's you!) has the support Mom needs. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. You can't deal with all this unless you have support. Does his dad pay child support? Send videos over the computer? Anything like that?

Do you have access to counseling? I have been to therapy off and on, as needed, for certain troubling events in my own life. It can really help to have someone neutral listen to your problems. Even a kindly minister. As long as whoever it is doesn't judge you, but just listens to you and validates your feelings (if not, fire them! I have fired a therapist before, at least twice, and then found one who I liked, so remember, you're the customer and it's their job to provide you with excellent customer service.).

My son used to get very angry when he was little. My babysitter finally pointed out that he seemed embarrassed. For example, when Sean fell down and scraped his knee, my first instinct was to pick him up and hug him. He would push me away and scream even louder! My sitter told me to leave him alone for a few minutes, as long as he wasn't seriously injured, of course. That was really hard for me to do! My daughter loved it when I hugged her after she scraped her knee.

Well, one day when I was picking him up, I was in her front hallway by the door, and Sean fell down outside, where he was running around with the neighborhood kids. Sandy, my babysitter, said, "now wait, leave him alone." I did, and then she said, "look."

Sean was sitting on the top step, surrounded by about 5 or 6 little girls, all asking him if he was okay, LOL!!! He was lapping it up, too. Sometimes boys need their moms but also need their moms to let them learn how to work out their own problems. After I left him alone for a couple of minutes, keeping an eye on him out of the corner of my eye, he would come up to me and say "uppy, uppy!" That was when he was about 2 or 2 1/2.

Just watch him around your microwave oven. I took something out of my microwave once, and Sean grabbed the glass plate that the food rests on, and winged it onto the floor. Glass everywhere! I don't know why he did that, I think he just wanted to see what would happen, but it scared the heck outta me! LOL. I picked him up to keep his feet from getting cut, and put him on the couch while I cleaned it up. He loved Rugrats, and Raffi and the California Grapes on tape to go to sleep to. He would say, "more music! more music!" and I would flip over his tape and he was usually asleep by the time the 2nd side was done playing. Usually. LOL.

You sound like a great mom, just a bit overwhelmed. Try not to worry so much, and do look for help and emotional support from family, friends and neighbors. Just make sure they are true blue friends and not busybodies who try to put you down, okay? You can do it, Mom! ((((hugs))))