My 3 Week Old Baby Won't Let Me Sleep!

My youngest son was that way. The only thing that worked for him was to let him cry it out. I could not let him cry the whole night. I did it in stages. The first night I would let him cry for 5-10 mins then go in and pat him on the back and let him know I was there. Then I would leave the room for another 5-10 mins and if he continued to cry I would rock him back to sleep and try again. After several night I would extend the time I would let him cry. True: he got worse for a while. I know you don't want to hear this but it took me a month to get him to sleep for an extended amount of time. Some people tell you that if you pick her up when she cries then it will make it worse because she learns that if she cries enough then you will come. I say that is what we are suppose to do! My youngest was 1 before he slept all night. He is two know and will kiss me and put himself to bed; so, it doesn't last forever! I would try letting her cry and nap time first so you don't have to lay awake at night and listen to it. :) Let me know if this helped.

Hello well first congratlations on the new baby.I'm sorry to hear about the sleep.I just had a baby about two months ago and he was the same way.I tryed a good warm bottle and a really soft blanket nothing around his face just around his body while I held him.Then i put him down.I hope things work out for you.T.

I kind of had the same problem with my daughter. The only place I could get her to sleep for any length of time, other than my arms, was the boppy pillow. I would put it on the love seat and put pillows all around it and put her in the "dip" of the boppy so that she would be embraced by the boppy. Then I would pull the love seat closer to the sofa so it a sort of twin bed and I would sleed on the big sofa while she slept on the love seat. My daughter did very well in a bouncy seat with out it vibrating; I would bounce her with my foot. Just try to be inventive and if all else fails: let her cry, it won't her to wail for a bit and once she learns that she will not be picked up for every whimper life will be a lot easier on you and her. Good Luck.

Hi N.,
First I must beg you do NOT let your 3 week old cry it out, She is 3 weeks old and needs to hear your heart beat and feel safe. She is a tiny new person in a big world, and YOU are needed by her side for the first few months. I use a sling with my son and we love it, I don't know what I would do without it. (i love my Over the Shoulder Baby Holder).She will fall asleep while you get things done around the house, and it is an easy transfer to keep her in the sling and put her down while she sleeps. Co-sleeping is a wonderful bonding experience at night, and lowers the risk of SIDS. It also increases both of your chances of sleeping longer!
Please keep in mind that every other country on this planet co-sleeps and carries their child. As does every animal in the animal kingdom; it is Natural for a little one to be against the mother and hopefully instinctually it is for you too. Please go to AskDr.Sears.com for video examples of crying it out vs. his method should you choose to have her sleep on her own. Crying it out method has also been linked to lower I.Q due to the oxygen loss of crying that long and hard (oxygen levels decrease when crying hard) and lower self esteem due to not being able to trust the mother to keep them safe.also, take naps when she does, after a few tries she will learn to sleep next to you and not on you, my son did not like the swaddler, but it sounds like that may be a good idea as well.remember she needs warmth, and a heart beat make her feel safe and secure. good luck!

Hi N.,

Have you tried co-sleeping? When my son was born, I spent a month sleeping on the couch, with him in my arms, and it was hard on ALL of us. However, one night I tried to nurse him while I was lying down in my bed, and he fell right asleep. Sometimes just feeling comforted by mommy's nearness can help a baby. If you do try co-sleeping, there are a number of relatively inexpensive baby beds that fit in the bed or attach to the side of your bed to make it safe. Good luck!

Theres lots of things you can try and the key to getting any to work is to be consistant in w/e method you use. Wether ur adult OR child routines will always hold as long as it's consistant. There is a lotion that helps soothes baby's at bedtime..it worked with my first AND second, it's not a knock out pill but if you put it in with a rountine bath and the rub down after it will tell her it's time for bed and the lotion does help sooth them..I have tried it myself. You could also get a co sleeper like the other mother suggested and buy one of those zip up swaddlers that keep her feeling snug. Also, try not holding her or allowing other people not to hold her so much during the day...daily rountines also play a part in night time routines as well. Some say to add cereal and such to the nighttime bottle but I've tried that and to no success not to mention doctors don't recommend giving cereal in the bottle. But w/e you choose I will assure you that if you stick to it for a while she will catch on. Like the other mother, I disagree with the letting them cry method but if you choose to try and lay her down and let her get use to it on her own then go in there every 5 to 10 mins, pick her up rock her a min and lay her back down and repeat until she goes to sleep. It will be hard at first but if you can just stick with it she will adapt.

N.,

She is really little.Remember only 3 weeks ago she was sleeping all cuddle up and being moved around all day long, is all she's ever known. Try to bundle her with blankies, I hope they showed you at the hospital that will keep her snuggled and confortable. She needs to feel you.Is really too early for her to sleep throughthe nigh. althaoug you may get lucky at 4 to 6 weeks.try the suggestions in the post before mine, they are really good ones. She will grow up fast but right now, in my opinion, is too yound for the "let her cry" approach.
A.

Have you swaddled her? For the first few weeks, my son would only sleep if he was tightly swaddled. You might also want to try putting her in a swing. That was our other alternative. He slept in that the entire first week after we came home from the hospital. Just put her in and let her swing to sleep. I hope this helps!

C.

Try putting a small pillow next to her. She was in your stomach for 9 months and had all the security there. My daughter was like that and the pillow worked.

HI N.,

Welcome to Motherhood.. You have been given lots of good advice from several Moms probably closer to you & your daughters age group. Though my kids are now 24, 18, & 4, I learned the hard way, not to allow the baby to dictate its sleeping habits. It seems or may sound cruel, but babies learn very quickly as to how you want to handle this situation. My youngest liked to be held alot too, but I just followed what I did with my first 2. I have a rocking chair in her bedroom (same chair I used with my first two)and then would transistion into her bed when she fell asleep. If she woke up and started crying, I would rub her back and sing a few lullaby's. Then she'd drift off to sleep. It is ok for them to cry if they wake up. You will learn the difference of their cries. 15 min is long enough, and repeat the process. With in 2 to 5 days of consistancy the baby will start sleeping better. Just keep in mind that those first few day's may be hard on you and the daddy, but a few days of discomfort is better than years of bad sleeping habits. Of course all of my kids love to have their back scratched and rubbed still on occasion. It is the one thing they all seemed to remember and enjoyed in childhood. Anyway, Nip it in the bud now. Car rides are good too, it was the one thing I had to do with my oldest.

Good Luck and let us know how things turn out and what worked best for you.
Suz

A few things to try;
Swaddling her really snug.
When you are holding her & she falls asleep but a blanket around her, then hold her a few more minutes & then lay her down w/ the blanket still under her. That way she won't feel a difference when she is in the crib.
Try a heating pad on the blankets in the crib just before you lay her down, so that the blankets you are laying her down on are warm & not cold, noone likes to lay on cold blankets. :)
Also, try putting one of your shirts that you have worn all day in the crib with her, that way she can still smell you & think you are nearby.
Sometimes white noise helps. For example, a fan, or humidifier, something that makes a hum or even soft soothing music.
I hope this helps & I hope she is sleeping for you soon. Just remember, this is a stage she will soon be out of. And one day you will long for the day when she will let you hold her & rock her to sleep. :)

N.,
I think it's pretty normal for a 3 week old baby to want to be close to you all the time. She did just come out of your body so she's accustomed to your warmth and hearing your heartbeat, etc. My first daughter stayed very close to me like that until she was about 3 months old. At 3 months, I went ahead and started transitioning her to the crib so she could get used to sleeping on her own. I didn't want her to end up sleeping with me forever! It took a couple of weeks to get her used to it, but after that, bedtime was a breeze. When they are brand new, they just want to be close to you--enjoy it! It doesn't last forever. Congratulations on your new baby.

Hi N.,

I had the same problem with my daughter as well. I tried everything, but she just wanted to be under me and my husband. I mentioned my problem to an older woman in my church. This is what she told me. She said that the baby is use to your scent. Put something like a t-shirt, gown, or something with your scent under her while she sleeps. It worked for me. Also have her check out by her pediatrician to make sure all is well. FYI. Have someone come over to watch her while you catch a few zzzzz's.

I hate to say it, but your very smart lil girl is training u!! You may just have to let her cry!! Or you will never get any sleep!!! I would put her in the swing and let her fuss it out during the day and maybe then by the time its bedtime she will have caught on that your not going to hold her while she is sleeping..,it is hard and it bites but if you don't you will never get to sleep in your bed!!
I do remember with my daughter, I put whatever shirt I had worn all day in the crib with her near enough for her to smell it, not get caught in it...it seemed to soothe her and she didn't "miss" me...espically if your breastfeeding ..I guess they sense your near if they smell the familiar "mommy" smell, and pacifier's saved my life!

GOOD LUCK, and remember ear plugs are cheap! :0)
judo

She's used to the soothing sound of Mommy's heartbeat, so maybe a ticking clock in the crib in between the mattress and the rails will work. Just make sure the alarm does not go off. Whenever I had this problem with the two little girls that I babysit, I would turn on soft soothing music in the background. Then I would hold them and rock until they reached the sleep where their head falls back and their mouths fall open. I would slowly lay them down with my arm or face is still on theirs. If they awoke, I would stroke their cheek or arm until they fell asleep again. This usually takes a few days to work, but it is the routine of it that gets baby comfortable. You also may want to try a bassinet by your bed. That seems to work, because the baby can sense your presence and she will know that if she wakes up you are right there, not coming from another room. God bless!

Ooh sweetie I feel for ya- and have been there! A lot of things can factor into early sleep issues amd a lot of things can be done to fix them! I am a trained Doula, both labor and delivery and post partum amoungst other things and am a mom of soon to be 5. I am on the way out the door but would love to speak with you! Here is my e-mail if you send me your number and a good time to call I will!!!...M. Bare ____@____.com

I have four and it happened with all of them you will be suprised where you will learn to sleep and a cat nap will be your best friend for a few mths then she will start to sleep thru the night . just be patient she is used to being inside of you she loves the sound of your heart beat you could go get one of those heart best cds i chose the classical route myself they knew what time it was when the cds was put in the player. congrats on the baby and it will get better I promise.

I always used to let my daughter sleep on a pillow when she was really small. Only if she is sleeping on her back though. She would sink right into the middle and feel snuggled all night. I would suggest while you are doing this to put the crib either next to your bed or get a bassinet, that way you can check on her. Just remember, she will probably be waking up about every two to three hours for awhile still to eat.

I see you already have 39 other responses to this request, but hey, what's one more. ha! My daughter started sleeping through the night (6-8 hrs without waking for a feeding) at 2 1/2-3 months. Before that she was just like your daughter and she woke up every couple hours, would wake up if i laid her down, would NOT stay in the swing for nothing, only wanted to be held. She would even cry if i sat down with her! So i feel your pain. But there is hope, give it time and you will get there. You will slowly see a progression of her sleeping habits and she'll be sleeping through the night in no time!! Some babies are more dependant or needy in that area, so my best advice for you if she hasn't gotten any better in a couple months, by about 5 months i'd start trying to get her on a schedule and let her cry it out so she knows she cannot be held all the time.

Hi! I remember when I was in this position. The only thing that worked for my daughter was letting her sleep in her carseat. I put her carseat in her crib so she would get used to her room. I strapped her in and she slept in there very well. This may not be the best solution ever but it worked for us, and its better than mommy and baby not getting any sleep. Good Luck!

Hi N.-

I used the swaddle blankets that can be purchased at babies r us. I also used the positioner and would put Kelsey on her side and move the velcro positioners snugly to her belly and back. I had a cradle right next to my bed but sometimes I would put the positioner right in the middle of the bed. This way I was able to sleep without being worried about crushing her. You could use a noise machine that has the white noise..kinda sounds like a vacuum cleaner.

3 weeks is still really young and as she grows a pattern will develop where she will take naps and sleep better at night. Don't get discouraged and if you are too tired ask for help. Sleep when she sleeps if you can.

Good Luck!

Try putting her in her car seat. My little girl slept in her car seat for the first four months. We would give her, her bottle put her in her car seat and sit her on the dryer turn the dryer on and she would go to sleep and then we would put the car seat in her bed and she would sleep all night. We were worried that it might hurt her back but the doctor said it was fine. Make sure if you try this to strap her in. let me know if this works for you my email is ____@____.com.

One of the things that worked best when my son was born was to swaddle him. When they are in the womb they are accustomed to being snug. When they are born and out of the womb, the limitless reach of their arms and legs is foreign and unsettling to them. Ask your pediatrician to show you how to swaddle if this description does not help. Take a flannel receiving blanket, lay it out flat, fold one corner down about 6-8 inches. Lay the baby on the blanket on her back with her head along the top of the fold. Fold the bottom point of the blanket up over her feet with just enough room for her legs to stretch out straight. Take the left point and wrap it across her torso and tuck the point underneath her body snuggly (but not tight). Take the right point and wrap across her torso in the opposite direction and tuck it into the fold of the opposite flap. Make sure that the blanket is away from her mouth and nose.

Secondly, try to be patient as best you can and accept help from any family and friends. Perhaps they can take care of her for a few hours while you get some much needed sleep.

N.,

Three weeks is still pretty young. I would just let her sleep in your bed if that gives you more sleep. The best sleeping arrangement is the one in which the most people get the most sleep! My daughter slept with us for almost 2 years, and never had a nap of more than 20 minutes as a baby. It was exhausting. She's 12 now and no, she doesn't try to sleep with me. They do grow out of it.

Well honey she is only 3 weeks old, how much can you expect from her? Plus your coddeling her doesnt help any either. My daughter is a year and 3 months and she still has to cry herself to sleep. Its part of being a kid. When shes about 6 months old she'll earn to hold a bottle and eventually drink a bottle until she falls asleep, it helps but then you have to break them of that too. Just give it time, and if sleeping on the couch helps, then looks like your going to be sleeping on the couch Momma, lol. Welcome to parenthood.
-N.

I had the same problem with my daughter 30 years ago. I found that the swing worked some of the time but mostly she wanted to be held. I bought a pouch so i could strap her to me and at least I could function some during the day. I would like to tell you there is a solution but I never found one. Just know that it won't last forever and try to enjoy the time with your baby / she will be grown up before you know it/av

swaddle & get a placer ( the thing you use so the baby doesn't roll over, and it keeps her in position - $10 if you don't have one)....whatever you do don't let her cry it out...she's too young. My son and daughter never could sleep on their stomachs as is recomended....they would cry and cry....they only slept on their side and I used the placer.

There is a book called "the baby whisperer" that nanny knows everything! get that book now and sleep in 2 days! good luck.
PS: i breastfed, and for the first 4 weeks he fed every hour on the hour for 24 hours. it took about 45 minutes to feed, i got 15minutes of sleep every hour. i lived. you'll e ok, even if you feel like you may be dying right now.

I absolutely don't come from that Cry It Out school of thinking. Keep putting her down. Get her to sleep and put her down. Start all over again when she cries again. If she's crying, it's because she needs something. She's only 3 weeks old and can't tell you what that is. Have you tried swaddling? Can you lay her in her crib and sooth her until she falls asleep. If you don't have anything against them, use a pacifier. If she's fed from a bottle, try propping up one end of her bed with a towel underneath. Put her head on the high side and feed her with the bottle while soothing her. Sing to her. Read to her. Play music for her. Try a white noise machine or something like an air purifier that makes a noise.

If all that fails, she is only 3 weeks old. Talk to your pediatrician at your next visit and see if he has any better ideas. My all around favorite book on babies is The Baby Book by the Sears couple.

Good luck!

I spent many nights, both on the couch and in my bed, with my son sleeping on my chest. I think a baby just wants to be attached to his or her mother still, and three weeks is very young. If you fell asleep with her on your chest in your bed, then at some point rolled her over to where she's next to you, but still touching you, do you think she'd stay asleep? My son stayed in bed with us for several months, then started sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed. I worried that if he wasn't right next to me, I wouldn't know if he stopped breathing or something. I liked being able to just roll over and check on him or give him a little kiss during the night. Anyway, I would enjoy the time that she wants to be that close to you, and give her a little time. As she grows and becomes more independent, she may want to stretch her limbs and sleep in her own space. My son now sleeps spread eagle, with arms and legs out in all directions.

The first few weeks are hard and though, it is rough on you, just remember she is still getting used to the outside world and right now it is not near as comfy and cozy to her as your belly was. My daughter was kind of the same way. I could only get her to sleep in her car seat, after we went for a ride. I know you shouldn't let your babies sleep in them often, but in the beginning whatever works, do it. Another trick that worked for me was laying kinda upright or propped up in my bed with her head on my bare chest with a blanket over her, tucked under me. I have never been much of a back sleeper, but when you get tired enough you can sleep just about anywhere and I think the secure feeling of her next to me and listening to my heartbeat helped soothe her. It will get better I assure you of that and though it seems frustrating and like you can't go on, just hold her and love her. The more you do it, the more secure she will begin to feel and the easier things will be for both of you.

Try swaddling her tightly. Babies that age have very jerky motions and wind up waking themselves up a lot. That's probably why she sleeps well while being held. You can use any blanket, just make sure her arms are in it tightly. I used the Miracle Blanket for my daughter and she slept great.
Good luck!

Hi N., I am new mom to a 6 month old and when she still wasn't sleepimg at night at 3 months I thought I was going to lose my mind! Two people told me their babies were sleeping through the night at 5 weeks (around 7 hrs.) I was desperate for help. I took their advice and started the moms on call schedule. After 2 nights of beginnig the schedule she has slept throught the night since. After about 2 weeks of the schedule and consistently every night since she sleeps 12 hours straight. She also naps during the day! She seems so much happier during the day and she has a much happier mom too! I had a consult with Nurse Laura on the phone and bought her books. They are very inexpensive and well worth it! Good Luck! www.momsoncall.com P.S. Per the other suggestion: Never put a baby to bed with a bottle due to baby bottle tooth decay!)

N.-
my daughter just turned 3 months and has been sleeping through the night for about a month and a half now. in the "beginning" it was a little rough as she, too, would wake up as soon as she was placed in her crib but i found if you rock her in a place closer to her bed, the less likely she was to wake up during the transition. but... the best purchase i have made so far is her womb bear!! it was $10 or $15 at walmart and has made all the difference! in fact now, no matter where i place her in her crib, she will find her way right up to the bear's legs and sleep there all night long! it's comforting to her to hear the sound of a heartbeat so close. it plays for about 40 minutes and is pretty easy on batteries, too. i suggest you try it and see- couldn't hurt, huh?
i also bought a little cd player and play classical lullabies all night long. she loves the music and quiets her right to sleep if she does happen to wake up.
let me know if the bear works out for you.
____@____.com
hope you get some sleep soon.
H.

Sounds like my second daughter. She slept well her first few nights, then did not EVER want to be put down. In our situation, it turned out to be acid reflux (aka GERD). They put her on an oral liquid medicine, and she was sleeping through the night within 72 hours (she was 5 1/2 weeks old). Remember she is really little, and I believe that letting her cry it out won't help. Good luck!

Three weeks is too young to let her cry it out. I was a big fan of the Ferber method, but not until at least 6 months or so. My second child was a bit like this and I let him sleep with us for the first few months. We all got a lot more sleep. I also used a front carrier (baby bjorn) a lot during the day and he liked that a lot. White noise also helped a lot. I used to put him to sleep in his car seat or bouncy seat in the bathroom with the fan on! This will pass.. hang in there!

My first child was the same way! I did what you are doing now - I held her. Big mistake. She is now 3 and still has to be held to go to sleep. She will sleep in her own bed for about 2 hours now, but then wakes up and wants to sleep with Mommy holding her.

With my 2nd child I did it totally different! Yes, I rock him to sleep every night. When he is almost asleep or right after he falls asleep I put him in his crib. He used to wake up right after I'd lay him down, but I let him cry himself to sleep. Now if he does wake up, he looks around, wiggles a bit and lays down and goes back to sleep. As a sidenote, if he cried (or wakes up and cries now) for more than 15 minutes I go in and get him and start the process over.

This was recommended to me by our pediatriciaion with our first child, but I didn't listen, and now I'm paying for it.

You might want to ask your pediatrician what he/she thinks you should do. You can always call and leave a message (they should at least call you back by the end of day) or if you have a visit coming up very soon, ask then.

Good Luck!

Hi N.. I know this is hard, but you have to let her cry. Try doing it during the day, if possible. I went through this with my yongest daughter, and it was just awful. She always wanted to be held, and I needed to so other things, like pee, or get some food. At night was the worst, because I felt like I had no free time. I started during the day puting her down for her nap. She would cry, and it sucked, but after a few days, she got used to it. I just kept letting her know that I was there by talking to her when she started to cry, but I would not pick her up. I also would take a shirt that I had worn that day, or the day before, and put it in the dryer for a few minuets, then put it next to her, or even cover her with it so she could still smell me. Hope this helps. I also hope you get some restfull sleep.

Have you tried swaddling her in a baby blanket? That helped my daughter sleep when she was a newborn. The only other thing that worked was a paci. Hope it helps!

I know this will be hard but you just need to let her cry. The longer you keep holding her while she sleeps - the longer it will take you to break her of this habit!! It's very heart breaking at first but it's for the best! Good luck!

What you're experiencing is perfectly normal - frustrating - but normal. My second child is four weeks now and just getting to sleep in his bassinet pulled right up by my bedside. And even then, it's a happy, rare moment. His sister took about a month to be set down for an instant. Some say to let them cry it out, and that's a personal decision. However, babies this young DO just want to be held. It's scary to go from a snug, warm womb to this big, cold world. She also likes to hear your heartbeat, which she'd been accustomed to. There are little bears and things that can simulate the womb noises for her in her crib while she's swaddled tight. A few times this has worked for us: we swaddle him, put an extra blanket on him tucked in around his body, and let the fan run near his bassinet. Even then, I can't expect more than a forty minute break! But take heart, it won't last too much longer. I know you're tired. And you don't want to hear this, but she will grow sooooooo fast, and you'll long for her to curl up on your chest again. Good luck!
PS - tending to her needs, whatever they may be right now, is what will help her become more secure. In the long run, it's probably better for you to hold her now. She needs to know that you're there for her.

N.,

I fortunately didn't have this problem with my son, but my friend did with hers. Our ped recommended a special "swaddle blanket" and she said it worked like a charm. Here is the description from Babies R Us and it comes is 3 different sizes.

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SwaddleMe Adjustable Infant Fleece Wrap by: Kiddopotamus and Co

The SwaddleMe Adjustable Infant Wrap (Small) helps soothe even the fussiest babies. Swaddling is recommended to help calm babies, including those with colic. The SwaddleMe is designed for ease of use; contoured shoulders and adjustable self-fasteners assure optimal fit. Luxurious, lightweight microfleece is soft and comfortable.
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