My 23 Month Princess... Not Sleeping in Need Advice!

Updated on July 21, 2009
J.D. asks from Huntingtown, MD
10 answers

My daughter is on a new kick. She wakes up everymorning at 3-4am and will not go back to bed/sleep unless I get into bed with her. We have tried to keep her up later. She is ready to go to bed at 8-830pm and IS tired. Daycare has limited her to an hour nap during the day. I am 27 weeks pregnant and struggling with fatigue and sleeplessness as it is... we put up a gate at her door to prevent her from getting out of her room, but she will just stand at the gate screaming and crying for mommy or daddy to come. Any Ideas??? *** I should add that I leave for work on most days at 0430 am... so when I do leave (when I sleep with her) she wakes crying/screaming and makes it hard to leave and makes it very difficult for my husband to console her.

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So What Happened?

Ok... now its even worse... she is waking up at 1-3am and screaming and crying. When I go in to check on her, she grabs on to me and sweetly says "snuggle me". We have tried to let her cry it out, but this goes on for hours and we both work full-time. She screams and cries... Lately, I have been caving and just laying down to snuggle her until she falls asleep so I can get an hour or 3 of sleep. Then she wakes up again at 430-500am with the same regimen. She plays so hard and is always on the move, so I cant figure out how she doesn't sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. We have tried to keep her up later, but she is ready for bed at 830 pm. I hope this resolves when the baby arrives, but I would love to hear your thoughts on the solution before the new baby arrives... we even bought on of those Sun/Moon nightlights to help teach her that when the sun comes up its time to get up and when the moon is showing, its sleep time. No luck~! SOS

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H.L.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter did the same thing but did not require us getting in bed with her. First, i would suggest not getting in bed with her - even if it means letting her cry it out. We struggled with her waking up every night for the last 9 months and finally, we have almost solved it. she has a favorite pair of shoes and she is not allowed to wear them unless she stays in her bed all night. on the rare occassions when she does, we make a REALLY big deal out of it and she is so proud. so, it has really worked. I feel bad for you, i know how hard it is.

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M.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Look I am never one to get into peoples spiritual lives....but heres my story. My son started doing the same thing once...and I was up several times during the night to comfort him....and I worked...it was exhausting....being a spiritual person....one night...it came to me to pray for him in the room...so after I comforted him, I stood in his room and (becasue I worship the God of Israel ) I said...in the name and the power and blood of Jesus I command any deamon(or neg. energry) to leave...NOW....I did this several times...and you know what...He was never distrubed again....I know it may sound weird to you but really what can it hurt? Good luck
M.
about me:
I a now a "sexy-grandmother" my son is now 22 and my daughter 24...we have a beautiful grandaughter now 3....

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D.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I agree about trying earlier bedtime! Also, Brazelton recommends waking a child at 10 to disrupt the sleep cycle and says "most" children that age can then sleep 10-6 am. I never tried it, but thought about it a few times. Good luck!

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

my son went through this and I tried sleeping with him, we were both exhausted. The pediatrician recommended re-ferberizing him. I would let him carry on and check on him every 30 minutes. We had to lock the door because he kicked the gate down, but every night the crying subsided more and more until there was none. I find he cries more when he is overtired. If your daycare won't let her nap longer then you may have to more her bedtime up. My son took a 2-3 hour nap at that age and still went to bed at 630. An article I read recommended putting several pieces of masking tape on the floor. the door is open to the farthest one and then every time they open the door it is moved one space in until the door is closed for good. The theory is that once kids see the door closed once they stop carrying on and sleep. I read it long after we went through our trouble. He also can carry on in the mornings until we are ready to get him up (and it can be disrupting to the rest of the family but that is the way it goes teaching sleep habits.) Good luck and happy sleeping

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

The issue may be that she's not getting enough sleep. It may sound counter active, but perhaps trying to get her into bed 30 mins or even an hour earlier can make the difference.

Also, if she's not napping L. enough during the day, that could be leaving her over-tired at night. Many children at that age still need a 2-3 hour nap.

Maybe try a white noise machine or playing a cd repeatedly to drown out the noise of you getting ready in the morning.

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A.J.

answers from Washington DC on

Ohhh, I was right there earlier in the year - 3rd trimester and 2 year old daughter would wake up and come in our bed. Had to kick that habit before the baby came. So I took a couple days and told her how it was going to go down. When you wake up and come in our room, I'm going to take you back to your bed and you'll sleep there. The first night was terrible. I sat in the chair next to her bed while she cried "I want in mom and dad's bed" for 2 hours. Next night wasn't so bad, though she did sit out on the steps crying the same thing to one of our dogs (such a sweet patient dog And then it was over. She sleeps in her bed, doesn't get out.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

It could be that she is hearing you get ready in the morning. One thing we do is go through the whole routine again. Bathroom, hands, drink, snuggle time, back to bed.

Another thing you could try is letting her watch you get ready or watch tv while you get ready, and then she has to go back to bed.

M.

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E.T.

answers from Washington DC on

Is it horrible to sleep with her?

My daughter's sleep regressed when I was pregnant and I largely just sucked it up. When baby arrived, she ended up sleeping better than she ever had before.

She knows things are changing and is trying to get in her mom-time.

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

It's hard at that age. They are trying out tricks to see what they can get away with. I am sure she is genuinely upset, but she is also being manipulative. Assuming she isn't having teeth or ear pain that is waking her, I would just try to be firm, let her yell it out after occasional reassurances. Give her some strategies, like "Mommy is sleeping, but you can read a book." and then tucke her in with a book and leave.

THe thing tha treally bothered me is "Daycare has limited her to an hour nap during the day" ??????????? That is just wrong and bad and crazy. Find a new place. My oldest took 3-4 hour naps until she was three!! Sleep is so important. They might very likely be srewing her up at home and making her overtired. They sound incompetent. My 17 month still takes two 2-hour naps. You must tell them to follow HER schedule as you are paying them to. If not, find a new day care. My oldest was in day care at two different facilities, and what you are experienceing is not normal or appropriate.

Good luck with the new baby (and a whole second sleep pattern to deal with)!

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K.N.

answers from Norfolk on

My son tried to do something similar when he was younger. We would pick him up and rock him and usually this would take a while before he would go back to sleep. Finally a doctor told us we needed to stop picking him up because he was just looking at this as a reward for his crying and waking us up. So we would come in after that and just pat him down and tell him it would be alright and to go back to sleep. We would not turn on any lights or snuggle with him or pick him up and we would get out of the room as fast as possible. It was tough for a few nights but then he started sleeping all night long. If you feel that your child's room is properly child proofed and that she cannot hurt herself, I would tell her to go back to sleep and briefly try to sooth her but do not go in her room and if she insists on screaming, tell her you are going to close her door and if she still continues then do so. Continue to check on her occasionally but let her know each time she needs to go back to bed or you will keep the door shut. By getting in bed with her I think you are only reenforcing the behavior. It may be hard but I went through the same thing as a child when my Mom married my stepfather. Up until then, I was used to sleeping in her bed. They did not have a baby gate so I would run up and down the hall screaming and end up sleeping outside their door. My Mom said it was torture for her, but to this day I do not even remember it, and she said it did not take long before I slept in my own bed. I do not see any harm in comforting your child but the more attention you give them, the more they will continue. Good luck!

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