My 2 1/2 Year Old Getting Picked On

He's 2!!!
Toddlers don't play well together .
You don't say how much older the other boys are.
Self defense classes for a 2 yr old don't make since.
You are both over reacting.
Just teach him to tell the other kids to leave him alone, or to leave the area.
Take him to a different playground but really this is typical little kid behavior.

The problem here is that kids this age do not play together well.
It's when they are about 4 that the social skills and interactive play with other kids starts to take off (and even then you have to referee a bit).
When you've got a toddler, when you go to the park or play ground, you stay with your child and make sure there's no pushing/bullying.
Self defense at 6 is ok (4 is still a bit young) but at 2.5 yrs old - he needs you and/or Dad with him.

I agree totally with B. Encourage him to explore on his own, but stick closer to him to head off the problem. The problem with telling a 2.5yo that it's ok to hit is that he'll carry that with him, so when he's 4, 6, 10, etc and in school, he'll think it's ok to hit because Mommy said it was ok.

I think defending yourself is very different than just hitting, and it's up to us as parents to teach our kids the difference. I'm also a mom who has no problem whatsoever with verbally disciplining other kids, ESPECIALLY if I see no parent around. I would never touch a child who is not my own, but I see nothing wrong with firmly telling the other child "Don't hit/push/punch/grab/kick/etc" or "That wasn't very nice." Then, I move my child to a different part of the playground.

I also don't like the term "failure to thrive." You're setting him up for ridicule and teasing down the line. The term is SO SO SO negative. So he hasn't conformed to the growing chart. So he doesn't grow as fast as other kids. So what if he's small for his age? We need to be positive with our kids, and your son could learn low self esteem if even his parents are calling him a "failure to thrive" child. My son wasn't termed that, but he was still in 18mo pants at 2 and almost 2.5. He just has short legs; inherited from his short parents :)

The older boys are an issue, but the 18 month old was just being a baby. Self-defense classes will be totally useless. First off, he is only 2 1/2 and can not follow the class. Second, unless the kid is really good at martial arts and in a specific class that teaches real world situations, he will call more attention to himself as he unsuccessfully tries to do karate moves on the bullies. Of course you want to build his self-esteem because even if he is little, if he carries himself with confidence, he is less likely to attract bullies. I would just watch him carefully when out and also like the previous moms said, organize play groups so he can learn to work out situations and make good friends.

No need for self defense. At this age kids are still learning how to play with each other and what their boundaries are.
It's COMPLETELY appropriate for you to react and respond to other childrens' behavior on the playground (unless their mother/caregiver has already done so) get down on their level, make eye contact and firmly say, "we don't hit our friends on the playground" and then try to redirect the play, as in "how would you like to climb on the ladder with Max?"
These are things your son will learn at preschool, if he goes. If not just work with him yourself, role play, talk about what it means to be a good friend and what to do when someone is mean. He needs to learn to stand up for himself, how to say, no, stop and I don't like that. He should learn to walk away if a child continues to be mean, and he should absolutely learn to find an adult if the situation escalates.
Again, these are all skills he will learn in preschool :)

Yes, it's kids being kids. They are little babies, don't make too much out of it.

He's too young to be in a self-defense class. He can start at 4. In the meantime, that's what you parents are for, to protect your son. When you see a toddler "picking on" him, just remove him from the situation.

Tough situation.

Our son wasn't small for his age, but these crappy kids across the street would literally run across the street and push our son over. Our son took it. We never condoned hitting in our home, and one day our son went to hit him and my husband grabbed his hand from hitting him, as instinct. My husband regrets that to this day that he didn't allow him to defend himself.

One day, the kid was at the top of the slide, turns around, grabs my son's hair and proceeds down the slide almost taking my son with him. I went crazy. I told my son that if anyone ever tries to hurt you, you hit him. You have my permission." My son started fighting back and they backed off.

He's almost 10 and has been in taekwondo since he was 3.5 yo. He goes 3-5 days each week and tested for his black belt last year. He is not a violent person, at all.

Our 2nd son cried when his feelings get hurt. He's 5 and just started taekwondo. He wasn't ready to start it until a few months ago. We are giving his skills, so he doesn't just go off when he finally gets pushed enough.

Stay by your sons side at the park. Change parks to find a friendly one. If another child does anything don't jump in and grab your child unless absolutely necessary. Just use the "firm" voice and ask the other kids to "be nice," or "no pushing." Etc...

You might consider starting a playgroup with other kids his age, or younger. He may be too young for these groups. Give him a little more time to grow before exposing him to these older kids. Little kids do sometimes hit. That's why you have to be close by to correct them quickly.

I disagree with the "remove him from the problem". He's not the problem. The other child is. So, you need to be a bit closer to your kid so that when you see the other kids being kids you can step in with a "play nice!" or "don't hit!"
I have a son who is actually on the taller side, always has been. He would get picked on too! It drove me and my husband nuts. An older kid would push him and he would just hang his head or cry. My husband desperately wanted to put him in boxing so that he would fight back....it's just not my son. He doesn't have that kind of "fighter" instinct. He is tenderhearted and smacking someone never was in his makeup.
Now, as a 9 year old, he has tons of friends, he's very much into sports and gets picked for the teams. He is friends with almost everyone. Why? Because he is a NICE kid.
Your son just needs you to stay a bit closer for a bit longer.
L.

You've gotten a lot of good responses, so i won't duplicate. I will add, though, that they teach the kids in my daughter's daycare to "stand up for themselves" by saying "NO, I don't like that" and to walk away. I don't know how much your 2.5 yr old is talking, but you can certainly practice it with him. Mine has been using this since she was about 2.

I think it's hilarious when my daughter tries to use that on me when I tell her to do something she doesn't like/want to, though. :)

It's kids being kids. If the two in the first scenario were 5 or 6 or older, then yes, they should know better, but other toddlers don't know how old your son is and are just learning things themselves. He's far too young for a self defense course! As he ages, teach him appropriate responses like saying loudly and firmly, "Leave me alone!" "Stop doing that!" etc. teach him to take up for himself and not to start fights but at some point he may need to fight back and defend himself. That shouldn't come for a few years though.

I appreciate the response by Mamazita - playing together are skills kids learn in preschool, hopefully. I do encourage you to talk with the other child. At our pre-school we say things like, "Look at Max's face" "He looks sad" and then to the kid who was hit, "Max what could make you feel better" "What do you want to say?" (he might want to say something like "no hitting" "I don't like being hit") -I understand you're feeling concerned because your boy is smaller than other boys his age. Do your best to teach him the social skills he'll need to stand up for himself and look for a pre-school that teaches social skills and problem solving/conflict resolution rather than just trying to minimize conflict between children and have adults manage conflict (forcing kids to apologize without resolving problem, etc). He'll have skills that he'll need in life. I had no skills in this area before participating in my daughter's preschool. I really felt uncomfortable when hitting/mean words started happening -but I feel like I've learned some helpful skills from our preschool.

That is kids being kids. But your husband has a wonderful idea. Martial arts teaches respect and self-defense but they are also taught self-control and NOT to fight unless it is absolutely the last resort. If your son were to take martial arts and his instructor found out he used his skills to start a fight, the instructor would have some consequences for your son. They do not advocate violence; they advocate self-control and respect. Fighting is always a last resort.

Your son may have to wait until he's 3, but I think it's a good idea. By the way, my GD was about that size when she was 2. She was very, very small and light. But as soon as she hit 5, she caught right up.

My kids learned no hitting at 18 months because we were very strict about it. Alas, the parks and day cares are teeming with little hitters and their "nice hover parents" who don't effectively teach the kids NEVER to do that, so I see this type of behavior a LOT.

I had to teach my son to hit back at age 2 1/2 when he was getting hit EVERY SINGLE TIME he was in my gym daycare by the SAME bratty kid (that kid was three). I even let his mom know, that if she couldn't discipline her son, I'd have to let mine defend himself. My son was getting scared to go in and crying when I said I was going to the gym. I took my son home, practiced with him about how to hit "back" and never "first". I told my older daughter to watch him, and I let the daycare lady know. The next time the kid hit my son, my son pushed him down. That kid cried like crazy and left my son alone after that. That kid later hit an infant in the head with a toy truck and the infant's dad FREAKED and the kid and his mom quit coming to the gym. All the while she did nothing more than time outs for the aggressive behavior. So one day her son will have to learn the hard way form someone else not to be a bully-because he will hit the wrong kid one day-and there is only one logical consequence when that happens....

ANYWAY. My son is now 4 and almost a yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do. None of my kids would EVER attack another child, but they all know how to yell "NO, STOP" and to hit back. My older two now understand to tell an adult, and we tell them to always go to the side of kids being hit and to yell at kids who are hitting.

It's all you can do, but don't panic yet. Your son is not destined to be a victim forever just because he's not naturally aggressive like these brats. Just work with him and give him permission to yell and fight back. One of the kids in my son's class in TINY for his age, and he's one of the toughest kids! My son's Tae Kwon Do had age 4 as minimum age, so I think he's a bit young for self defense class, but you can teach him.