My 19 Year Old Is Disreapectfull, Ignores My Instructions

Simple, she flunks out of college. She moves out and lives on her own until her attitude changes. She is old enough to get a job, and if she does not appeciate college, let her live on minumum wage. Then she will grow up fast when she get the taste of the real world.

IMHO, if an adult child is living at home then they have to meet certain expectations. It is now a priveledge and not a right. In my home the minimum standard would be a 3.0 average. If she's not focusing on school then it is time to move out and find a job (not in that order, lol).

I agree with all! She needs to "shape up or ship out." I agree with the 30 days, and tell her you will help her out.

I've always thought the parents and kids stop getting along sometime in their upper teens/early twenties so that the kids have a reason to move out and the parents have a reason to let them go! Your daughter is trying to assert her independence. So let her be independent!

Just to point out, my uncles never moved out. They lived with mom and dad, and when their dad died, with mom until she died. When she died, they were 50-year-old "kids" who had no idea how to take care of themselves.

I know you don't want to hear this from another young person but I'm 19 as well turning twenty in November I had issues with listening to my parents for the longest when you put more stress on them the rebel but if you don't say anything they do what they want anyways and I'm sure it's frustrating but just remember it's a phase and it's normal . Don't stress out about it she will grow out about it .

I Have my 23 year old son and my 21 year old daughter still at home, and my husband and I along with them live has 4 adults, so there is not a lot of rules, other than picking up after yourself, and letting the family know when you leave to go some where, every time my husband and I go some where we tell them where we are going, and they do the same for us, it's about curiteousy not rules. J.

I come from a military family so my advice would be to take her to an Air Force Recruiter. I joined at 19 and by the time basic was done I was a new woman. I loved the four years I served and now my education is paid for. Not to forget to mention if she goes to college while she's in it's free. The colleges come on base for the troops. Also, my brother was a little rebel at 18 and was in the USMC right after. I married into a non military family and when my husbands little 19 year old cousin started acting up and was about to be kicked out of her parents house I took her to the AF recruiter. She is doing well and actually graduating basic training this week and will be stationed in California! Sometimes people have a misconception of our armed forces and don't realize how beneficial it actually is. If you need anything else please feel free to message me. The life style of a young airman is exactly like college life but with the best medical insurance and a paycheck! Good luck!

Does your 19 year old live with you? If so then have a frank discussion that they have exactly 30 days to straighten up their act or they are out and they pay for college on their own. Sounds like time for some tough love.

The good news is that it's your roof. What you says goes you should not be losing your mind over this young adult. It might be time for a belated birthday gift of some luggage at the end of your driveway.

Since your daughter is now a legal adult, I would have a discussion with her about living together as adults. This means that she needs to behave as a courteous and responsible grownup - it also means that you need to treat her as an adult and not a kid. Usually adults don't give "instructions" to other adults. When an adult child lives at home, both the parents and the kiddult need to work on what the expectations are and adjust to their new roles. good luck

I have one of those. I wish I could tell you how to deal with her.Mine is a son. I just stopped giving directions and waited it out. He does work and took some classes, did poorly, and dropped some. I made him pay for his own after he completely stopped going to his first class and lost us money. Just tell her to drop the class before she starts with a really poor grade average. And if you are paying for it, perhaps offer to not pay again. (like how I put that?) I enjoyed the post about giving luggage for a birthday gift. Hmmm... my son's birthday is coming up soon...

so kick her out... it may not be that college is her right avenue. Give her military recruiting info, the apt rental and help wanted ads and a deadline. Tell her very calmly, you have until X date to find somewhere else to live. We love you but living here is not helping you or us, if you go to college and get a B average or better we will reimburse your expenses, but only after we see a good report card. I am sorry you didn't earn our money or our house by following the rules of the house.

I know it seems harsh, but it's the right thing to do. Trust me I have been there as a sister to a teen like that.

Tell her if she doesn't like it at your house then she needs to move out. She's 19, so she really needs to move out anyway! If you're paying for her tuition, then tell her to shape up or she can pay her own way. I'm unclear as to what your "instructions" are -if you're giving her rules and whatnot to obey like she's still in high school, that won't work, but ultimately she needs to move out.

Your house, your rules. She doesn't like it or can't live with it? Time for her to move out and live her live the way she wants to. Oh, and she can pay for her failing grades too (if you're paying for her college).

The brutal reality of being forced to act like a responsible adult might shape her up really quickly. Taking away that comfortable roof over her head, having to work a crappy no-skills job for minimum pay in order to eat and pay rent - that might make her appreciate what she has and want more from her life than being a brat.

She is an adult. If she can not be respectful and follow your rules, she can get out and take care of herself. Sometimes and little tough love is what is needed to get these "big kids" straightened out.

About the time you start treating your 19 year old the way she is treating you - her feelings would be hurt and she'd be plenty upset.

She's one to two years out of high school. And doing poorly in college is not an option.

Sounds like she needs to get some concrete plans for herself and her life. She's not a kid.

She is old enough to have a job and have her own apartment. Maybe that is what she needs to do until she can decide what she wants to do with her life.

And Shanna K - disrespecting your parents is not a "phase" and not "normal". It's wrong, a sin, and shows a lack of understanding and concern for the people who love you the most and want the best for you.
Some 19 year olds just need a good old fashion whupping.

Give her the power over her own life. Tell her that you understand that she wants to live by her own rules and that you respect that so you are going to help her do that. Then tell her that she has a set amount of time (a month tops) to figure out how she is going to do that, i.e, find a job that pays enough for her to live in an apartment, maybe with a roommate, and she will have to pay for college herself. Tell her this is not punishment, but that you are giving her the tools to become a productive, respectable adult, and that you just know she is going to do great. This way she will be learning responsibility, and you will not be in a power struggle with her. Set her free, she is an adult.