My 15-Month Old Won't Stop HITING and BITING Everyone!!!

There are two articles in the January edition of Parents Magazine that addresses this issue. One is called "Me Mommy You Toddler" and the other is, "Let's Play Nice." http://www.parents.com/parents/story.jsp?storyid=/templat...
You may find a few tips there... they're pretty good.
Here's one more on their site that might help:
http://www.parents.com/parents/story.jsp?storyid=/templat...

I can't speak for hitting, but the little boy I nanny for went through a biting phase at about the same age. It was terribly embarrassing, but we were very firm with him and eventually he stopped.
We noticed that he would only do it to younger kids and only if they has exposed skin (it was during the summer.) First I tried just getting down to eye level, lowering my voice, and saying "no" firmly, but he kept doing it. One time he drew blood - it was awful. So I started to watch him like a hawk (following him.) It got to the point when I would see this crazy look in his eye and know he was about to do it. At that point, I would run over and catch him right as he was grabbing the kid and about to bite. He would only do it in group settings (mostly at Gymboree and the park.) So as soon as he would do it or as soon as he would try, I say "no" and remove him abruptly from the group. Then I would explain to him that if he hurts other children then he has to go home. After a couple weeks of leaving playtime he figured it out and stopped, but it took a while before I figured out that I should do that. It took me being totally embarrassed and shunned by the other Moms and nannies before I figured it out.
I assume that this carried out consistently would work for hitting as well.
Hope that helps - good luck :)

Try to be patient. She will grow out of it. I don't think that she learned to hit from anyone...it's a phaze all kids go through. My son is 16 months a hits when he gets mad or frustrated. Keep up the time outs! Try explaining to her why we shouldn't hit and make her appauligize for her actions to the person she's hitting. She may learn to be simpathetic to others feelings by doing this. Good luck and hope this helps!

I'll be frank with you. I apologize if I sound harsh, I don't intend to be mean, but to me, it's the truth. The only reason she acts like this is because you allow it. Sometimes it takes more than a time out, such as toys taken away, or other consequences. I am a mother of 4 children, 3 boys, one girl & I am firm with them because if I don't teach them to respect me, or themselves, they will struggle all their life with it. Others will not want to be around them and they'll be in horrible marriages simply because they do not respect their partner or themselves. Of course, I'm talking in extremes here, but sometimes the extreme in the mind needs to occur to get the control reversed in the home. It may be a battle, but it's one you need to win. You can do it. Trust yourself. You owe it to her & to yourself to get it under control. She's acting out for whatever reason. The goal is not to get to the reason, that can come later. The goal is to teach her self control and self discipline. Yes, it can be done with a 16 month old. Kids do not take initiative themselves. That's why they have parents. Good luck to you & I'll be praying for you.

I felt like I should add a few more things. I really hope you don't take this to mean that you are a bad mom, because I don't think that, and you aren't. You care enough to ask for help. Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mom. I'll share my own experience. My first son, who is now 10, was a terror when he was that age. My doctors told me he was going thru his terrible two's early and that meant it would end early. Needless to say, they were wrong. It tried my patience day in and day out. I nursed him, and then stopped when I went back to work. He wouldn't sleep, screamed all the time, and would throw things & hit others. Of course some is chalked up to he's a kid, but I really struggled at having a child that was mean. I had to learn how to teach him self control, and disciplined him with something that worked. He hates it when his stuff would get taken away. So that's what I did. It was nothing short of hell, but now I have a much better behaved son, hormones and all and I am still firm with him, teaching him discipline as I do all my other kids. Just remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel & you can do it. I taught him sign language like please, thank you, and yes mom. That helped a lot at developing his confidence, our communication and taught him to use his manners also. Maybe try that??

Give her lots of attention, and teach her how to express her feelings (frustration, anger, etc) via other methods and words - discuss with her and let her come up with one idea you all think would work, and reward her for each time he/she is successful in doing so. It may take time and lots of repeating and test of your patience, but it's definitely worth it and persistence usually succeed.

In my limited experience, kids act up for a few reasons: 1) their way of getting the attention they want - so immediately give her/him your full attention as soon as you notice something is up - but make him/her say some words to notify you he/she is ready to hit or bit; 2) frustrated with something and don't know how to deal with the frustration effectively - this is why you two will discuss and find a way together. But please discuss this while he/she is in their best mood and is reasonable; 3) food they eat is making them feeling anxious more than usual - yes, this may sound weird, but this is true for many kids diary and sugary food and perhaps other things they are eating can cause behavior problems - keep an eye on what's eaten and how it might affect mood. I have stomach problems myself, and I definitely notice (as an adult with self-control and self-awareness) that I get short tempered if I eat something that bothers me - but kids can't make the association, so you might want to observe.

Good luck,

W.

We went through something similar until we reinforced using words, not pushing. We were instructed to practice phrases like, "Please stop, I don't like it when you... or I feel scared when you do..." Then, as parents, we'd use the same phrases when he did something wrong. He learned that we had feelings too and we needed to respect each other. Talking about what upset him defused the situation, instead of him trying to control things physically. Also, monitor your own reactions. Sometimes kids want negative attention so try to stay calm while explaining it is never ok to hurt others.

I have a granddaughter and she slap me in the face once, twice, three time's when she was about 1 year old and I bit her little finger's and she never ever again slap me again she did lift her hand to slap me a fourth time but I made eye contact with her and like I said never again. What I've taught her is with both of her hands is too rub my face and say nice (wela)and that is grandma in spanish and from now on that is what she has been doing ever since. I tell her to be nice and she rub's my face or any of the relative's especially her mama!!!!!! Good luck

My daughter used to hit and bite me and my husband too. The timeouts and stern "Do not hit Mommy/Daddy" didn't work either. She would laugh at us when we told her that. So when she'd hit or bite us, we pretended to be hurt and sad and pretend like we were crying and tell her that that wasn't nice. She immediately would get sad for "hurting" us and give us a hug. Shortly after, she stopped hitting.

My sister's daughter was always getting in trouble for biting the other kids at daycare. My sister bought a book called, "Teeth are Not for Biting" and would read it to her all the time. I don't know if it was the book or my niece just grew out of it but she doesn't bite anymore.

Hopefully when your daughter starts talking more, she'll be able to express herself more with her words vs the hitting and biting.

Good luck!

I 2 boys - my 1st was definately more aggresive and he is now almost 5 and is still rough BUT he did out grow the above. My second is not like this at all. It is very hard being the parent of "that kid" BUT as long as you are not just letting it slide, you are making all attempts to correct her. I doubt that she learned it from Grandma. Other kids can be an influence but now that I have two - I see just how different they are. And I realize we can not control their personalities. Good luck! I know this is tough but you will get through it

I don't know what to tell you other than hang in there and be consistent and your daughter will learn.
Stay strong! You aren't the only mom going through it!

Try encouraging her to "use your words", "tell momma what you need...." Keep telling her "please don't hit/bite, that is not nice", "no biting, thats not acceptable". It also seems as though she needs a lot of attention. Try paying more attention and talk to them at their level (on your knees or sit on the ground, and look them in the eye).

Try the bestselling books "Hands Are Not for Hitting" and "Teeth Are Not for Biting" -- they're VERY helpful.

Both of your posts make me think that you are under alot of stress with your daughter.

First, most babies don't naturally wean that early. It is only in this western society that we put that much pressure on our children to wean. Sucking is soothing and a wonderful bond that our children need. Maybe your daughter is using it to create a space for you two to bond? Parenting is a choice. If you choose to wean then you have to just do it and be firm, even hard-nosed about it. If not, you need to surrender to your choices and know that you are doing the right thing without fear of what others say. Either way, you must feel in your heart you are doing the right thing and only you can know that.

second, your child's hitting may be a result of any tension you feel. The more you resist and have inward tension and stress from her behaviour, the more she will react. It sounds like you are doing the right thing with not hitting back, but she needs to feel the calm center from you and your family. Time out is not just setting her in a place, but in feeling that calm center of "OK, this is how it is" with no stress, judgement, anger. Babies will reflect the emotional attitude of the environment. Also, she probably doesn't have the vocabulary to express her emotion vocally like you can.

Just my two cents, good luck with it all. It's gets easier with more experience, which will come in time.
T.