My son goes to a school/daycare every day. We are having problems with two of the children consistently biting him (5 times with bruising in less than a month). He LOVES his school. It is breaking my heart that he is being bit for what seems to be natural behaviors at almost two years old (wanting a toy another child has, etc.). We are at a point where I am going to have to make a decision about what to do. One of my options is to move him up to the next class early. I was just wondering if anyone out there have been through this. I don't want him to feel like he is being punished but, also don't want him being bit anymore......
Thank you all so much for your responses. I have had several meetings with the Director and spoke with both of his teachers. It turns out that the biting was happening mostly during transition times. They have made some changes to the schedule and environment and things seem to be better. Thanks again!
Tell him to bite them back. And hard too. People have a right to defend themselves against bodily harm.
Be sure the daycare provider is aware. They should talk to the parents and if it does not stop, the daycare should remove the child. Most daycares require an agreement to be signed by parents. I know my daycares agreement states they will remove a child if their behavior does not improve after the parents have been warned 2 times.
Hi S., I remember going through this with my older daughter. She came home with a few "ouch" notes from preschool, having been bitten by other kids. This is incredibly common at this age, because for the most part kids can't verbally express themselves, and do not want to share toys with other kids, etc, so the natural result is some kind of physical retaliation. Of course I always thought my daughter was a little angel who would never do such a thing... until one day I arrived to see her slapping her best friend! (I don't just mean little slaps, I mean she was winding up from way downtown and hauling off and smacking this little girl with all her force!!) So... it happens.
That being said, the preschool will probably not tell you which child is biting him, but I think you could ask if it is the same child every time. If so, maybe you can ask that your son and the other child play apart from each other for a while, or at least that the teacher keeps a close eye on them if they really like to play together. (Also most preschools will eventually ask incorrigible biters to leave.) The best thing you can do for your son is to teach him how to "use his words" to express what he wants - saying to the other child "I don't like that!" or "Ouch, that hurts me!" rather than hitting or biting in return, so the situation doesn't escalate. The good news is, this is a pretty quick phase from what I've experienced with both of my kids. Generally speaking, once they hit 2.5 the kids don't feel the need to bite each other out of frustration since they can express themselves in other ways.
Hi S.,
I am so sorry to hear about your son being bit! I was wondering if you had spoken to the child's parents about the biting and also the teacher--- they should be able to help you with watching the children more closely and reminding them not to bite. That must be awful to have him come home and tell you this. Also, how does your son handle conflicts-- maybe you could help him be more assertive in setting his boundaries with other kids and letting them know that its not ok to bite him! The daycare should be able to get the biting under control and if you speak to the parents-- that should help too. Good luck!
Molly
S.,
the rules vary from daycare to daycare. However, the teachers/caregivers should be writing up incident reports. It documents when an accident or incident occurs with children. If the same child repeatedly show aggressive behavior like biting or hitting, the parents should/need to get involved. Our school policy is that after 2 repeated incident, the child has to go home for the day (the child that is biting). We have asked parents to fork up the money to hire a shadowing teacher for their aggressive child or else they cannot continue to come to the childcare center.
I have been on both sides. My daughter had a biting problem at one preschool she went to. We tried everything to figure out why she was doing it and how to stop her. We ended up having a family member spend a day at the school to see why and when she did the biting. I learned was that my daughter was biting because some of the other kids were hitting, pinching and kicking her (she was the only one getting punished). One of the worse offenses that the family member saw was a child being hit over the head with a heavy metal truck. We took her out of that preschool and she NEVER bite again. I don't think that this was a normal situation (at least I hope not).
My son on the other hand has never biten anyone. One day at his preschool a child bite him on the face very close to the eye. It was a really bad bite and the school was very concerned. They actually called the parents and made them come pick up the child for the rest of the day.
The one thing I learned from both situations was that the school needs to be very preactive. They should tell you what was the biter's conseqeunce and what is being done to prevent it from happening again. My son's preschool kept a close eye on the biter for a while and she has not biten anyone else since then. I think the drastic measure showed the little girl that biting was bad. They took her to the director's office and then she had to go home where hopefully her parents explained why she should not bite.
I feel bad for the parent of the biter. I know how it feels to try to explain to an almost 2 yr old why they should not bite. I also know that the most important thing is to make sure that your child is safe and in a happy safe place.
Sorry this is so long, but if you need to talk or have any questions please feel free to ask.
Don't you hate this? My then almost 2 year old son was bit 8 times in 8 months. I had 8 injury reports to prove it. Most of them left pretty nice bruises. I went to the director of the school (with all of my reports) and quoted their behavioral problem policy that if a child repeatedly had behavioral issues they may be asked to leave the school. I told her if she or her staff cannot get this kid or kids under control, they need to leave the school. If it happens again, I will be considering other alternatives. Not only is biting horrible but it teaches other children that it works. The biter gets the toy. The director and staff need to take responsibility and the director should be having some conversations with the biters parents. After this conversation, my child was never bit again. Not sure if he/she was expelled or if they started paying attention to my son during play time. Good luck
Hi S.,
My daughter is now 2 1/2 and she went through the same thing when she was about your son's age. She started biting back to defend herself. At that age, they can't express their frustration with words and that's what they do instead. All the kids at the center went through a biting phase. It stopped on it's own, but the daycare provider was diligent about telling the kids "no biting" and putting them on time-out. Is the teacher doing anything about the problem? The school is responsible for making sure your child is safe. If the other kids don't stop the biting, their parents need to know what's going on and if it still goes on, then THOSE kids should leave, not yours. If it is a licensed facility, you can always file an anonymous complaint with Community Care Licensing, because poor supervision is an indicator of other issues.
I hope this helps, and good luck!
Hi,
i went thru this with my 1st son, he was bitten 8 time in 1 day from the same child. After speaking to the daycare facility they did not do anything, for what ever reason and I decieded to take hime out.
The daycare did not dicipline in any way so it was for the best in our decision.
Good luck.
Christina
