I was thinking about this a lot, partly because you really do remind me so much of my father, but I was trying to think about WHY she's refusing to eat. If she's hungry but is telling you that she doesn't like what's being served you need to find out WHY if you don't already know. What if it's not just about "picky eating?" What if it's not just a power struggle?
I don't know why I didn't suggest this before, but many people that are labeled as problem eaters or picky eaters are Selective Eaters because they don't have a choice in their finickiness and they can't control it. And Selective Eating can be due to a number of things, which include being a Super Taster or having tactile sensory problems in the mouth. Foods she used to like may taste horrible now. Changing hormones can have a hand in this. Ten years old is the beginning of hormone changes even if you can't see it starting yet.
I really think that your daughter needs a completely different approach to food from you. And I think that maybe you should talk with her and let her know you're concerned about HER and not about the food. Ask her what the problems with food actually are and listen to her. Tell her you were thinking about getting a specialist to check her out to see if she's having sensory problems. ESPECIALLY since she has ADHD. Sensory Processing Disorder is very common with ADHD... and maybe she also has a touch of ODD (Oppositional Defiance). If she sees a pediatric neurologist for the ADHD and medication management then ask the doctor to evaluate her for Sensory Processing Disorder. Just a thought.
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My father approached meals as you do, and I became anorexic in high school and college. Since having ever-progressive digestive problems with my Fibromyalgia, I've been having problems with the anorexia again. Because it's easy to relapse and not realize I'm even doing it. Except as an adult, since I don't get enough fat or calories, I can't lose weight easily. I need fat and calories and when I get enough food... food I enjoy that doesn't exacerbate my digestive issues... I go back to a healthy weight (and that's what's happening now. I'm losing weight. I know that my ability to ignore food without even thinking about it... my ability to ignore hunger for days sometimes... is directly related to my dad's approach to food which, as I said, is identical to yours.
It kills him even now when an adult or child alike doesn't "clean their plate." If he puts it there, it must be eaten whether you like it or not.
Now. I expect my children to eat what I make for meals but I always make sure to include things that I know they like. If there's a new food or something I anticipate that they won't like then I make certain there's something they will like that they can choose. I do expect them to try the new foods, and I expect them to taste test the foods they claim to dislike in case their tastes have changed (or I've prepared the offensive food differently and that's the way they decide they like it).
If they're not hungry at meal time, I do not prepare them a plate. At meals I let them prepare their own plates. I warn them to take smaller servings than they think they can eat because I'd rather they finish that and go back for seconds. I encourage them to take small portions.
But if they don't eat at all, or they eat only what they like, and are hungry later then they know that there are healthy options that won't need to be cooked later on. I don't whip out the plate that has old food on it unless they're the ones that wrapped it up and planned on eating it later. I'm trying to avoid disordered eating for them. {in other words, no clean your plate rule. I want them to eat until they're full, I don't want them to ignore the full feeling and teach them to overeat. That teaches a whole different disordered eating that leads to obesity and diabetes}