My 10 Year Old Is Having Difficulty Making Friends

Do you all invite any of the friends over for playdates or to just hang out? That is what we did when our daughter was in a class that she did not know any of the children. It worked great.

You could also start a mother daughter book club. Invite all of the moms and daughters to join and see who shows up.. Have snacks..

The more you interact with the moms, the more they will encourage your daughters to be friendly.

Or host game nights at school, get all sorts of families to participate, order pizzas..

I highly highly suggest Michael Gurian's "The Wonder of Girls" for thinking about your daughter and her life. My daughter had a really hard time last year; since I had a hard time making friends as a young girl, it hit me really hard, too. So this book helped me see where my fears were my fears which I needed to address. And it helped me put in perspective this time of life and what a girl really needs (loving support from her parents, gparents, church, community - not so much peer friends) in order to navigate the 10-18 year old window. I've read the book with my 9 year old and she has benefited from what we've read - and has loved the time together with me.

I am having exactly the same problem with my 9 yr old daughter. There are only 11 girls in the entire grade level (the school splits the girls in 2). My daughter does all kinds of activities. Unfortunately for us out of the 11 girls there is a click of 4-5 girls who do everything together and do not include my daughter at all. She did have a best friend, but now that girl became friends with another girl and ignores her when the other girls is around. It is so tough. We have tried all sorts of activities (including a mother/daughter book group). However, it is tough when the moms behave the same as the girls!!! Depression runs in my family, so I worry about that too. I have noticed my daughter's self esteem slipping. Spoke with guidance counselor who has met with her...but really has not done anything. I've thought about having her talk to someone (therapist??). I am curious to see the suggestions you get. I wrote this just so you know you're not the only one going through it!!!

I am having the same issues with my daughter as well. She's 11 and we live in a small town. Before we moved here she had a lot of friends (we have been here 2 years now). Everybody seems to like her. We have lots of little parties and things and everyone comes. I have just noticed she doesn't seem to have alot of close friendships. I asked her about it and she gets kind of defensive saying that she has lots of friends. But, she doesn't seem to interact with them much when we see them around and she seems to be getting more and more self conscious also. I have been worrying about this for over a year and I am hoping that when she gets into middle school next year she will find a group that she has things in common with.

T.,
We could be talking about my son as well, he is 11 and it is hard for him to make friends. The good thing is that we (my husband and I) are always talking to him and letting him know how important he is in our lives and in God's sight. But he has always been like that. In kinder he only had one good friend. I've noticed that now that he is older he likes to look good, and it is proven that if we look good, we feel good. So, since our funds are limited and I have two other children, I try to get him some shirts and pants that I know he'll like. Old Navy is my friend when it comes to prices, but there is a thrift store not too far from us and there is a website called freecycle.org where I have been able to get some clothes in good shape for free. So if you can, reaffirm to her how beautiful, and important she is to you and your family. Don't give her any chances for her to be depress. Try to get her maybe one nice shirt, something she likes and what makes her happy. So when she looks at herself in the mirror she'll like what she sees.
Not everything is materialistic either, she needs to be told how special she is, that's why God made her :)
And pray for her, pray for God to send her way friends that will build her up, cherish her, love her and appreciate her. You can also try to invite some of the girls that are involved in sports over to your house for a 'girls night' or pizza, or even for just a movie. Try to open doors for her, that otherwise she won't open.
But most important, be there for her. And don't ever stop praying for her.
At least she is involved in sports, my son isn't, so I keep on praying :)

T.,
I agree with other posts about inviting the girls over for a pizza/movie night. The more time she spends with other girls the better relationships she will build. I would think small groups would be best at first. See if your daughter is interested in that. If she's not, you may want to take her to speak to someone. You know the signs of depression. If you suspect that may be the case the sooner you get her help the easier it will be. I have the same issue, as I also suffer with depression. I always worry that my girls will end up with it as well. They are only 6 and 3 right now, so I don't have the other issue yet. As a mom I worry about it though. I remember what it was like to be that age. I try so hard to build my girls up. To emphasie healthy relationships and activities. Hopefully having a healthy attitude/self image will help when they get to that point. I am thankful that I know the signs of depression. I will watch for them in my girls and be able to help them before it gets out of control, hopefully. I feel your pain. It isn't any easier being the mom, than it is for the girl going through that awkward time. Wishing you the best.