My 1 Year Old and Breastfeeding

My daughter just turned 3 years old. She loves to sleep in my bed and since I am a widow I don't mind. I did think she should know how to sleep in her own bed also, so we compromised. She takes her naps in her toddler bed in her room, I put on a lullaby CD, which I have played for her since before she was born, and I sit in a rocking chair next to her bed. After 1 or 2 minutes I get up and leave, sometimes she calls me back and wants me to rock her, but mostly she goes to sleep.

I hope, eventually she will sleep in her bed at night also but I am not going to rush it.

ps she still nurses at night and in the morning...

Hello.......I too breastfed. I thought it was the most beutifull thing in the world to do. My last child I breastfed until she was 15 months. I weaned her off the breast first during the day, Laid in her bed until she fell asleep and went to my own bed. After awhile she got used to the sippy cup and slepped all night. All children who are with the parent all day have that conection that they NEED to be with that person because that is thier security (blanket). Let's meet and when you are compfortable with leaving your child with me then have a day out to do a mommy thing. I too live in Mt Morris and I am not working at this time. I have 5 children and I always get my neices and nephews plus my live in B/F has custody of his 2 kids. Let me know what you think. I have that mommy magnet so come see for yourself.

The world average age of weaning is 4.6 years, so keep breastfeeding as long as you want. Her immune system won't be fully mature until she hits adolescence anyway and you are supplementing hers by breastfeeding her. I do understand wanting a little freedom though. It can be very draining to have a child attached to you 24/7. Pushing her away is probably not the answer, and will likely only cause her to cling harder. Give her some very focused time, likely maybe an hour, then try getting away to do something by yourself or with friends to refuel your energy.

As far as sleeping with you goes, I would not try to get your out of your bed and wean her all at the same time. I would try to do one or the other first. It will probably work best to try her own bed first because if she is in your bed, she will likely end up nursing through the night. I don't really see any reason why children should be taught to sleep alone though. People want to be with other people. Generally, people sleep with someone else most of their lives. Children, especially have a biological need to feel protected. In the wild, they would sleep with an adult and their biological instincts are telling them that's what they need. Remember that children do not develop the part of their brain used for rational thinking until around age 6. So, before that, their ability to do so is very limited.

just what i did in response to your question!
i nursed my daughter until 9 months because she did not want bottles or breast after that! she did it herself, but before this happened, i nursed her constantly, but what saved me was introducing a once-daily or nightly bottle feeding with either pumped breastmilk, or gentle soy formula when i wasn't able to pump while she was weaning (your doctor would be able to help you if you can't pump very much, but you probably can!). every night, "daddy" would do the bottle feeding, so she got used to the bottles being associated with other people, not "mommy". it took a few times, but this worked, and i got a couple hours off every night, mostly just to bathe, but if i'd had a social life i could've gone out as well!
hope this helps at all, sorry if it doesn't. good luck!

Hi, just a quick message as my 16 month old is wanting me... The American Association of Pediatrics adn with LLL recommends to breastfeed your children for 2 years. Longer is fine -- ofcourse your baby should be getting most of his/her nutrition from solids. I would recommend, just leaving your baby with the dad and he can just deal with her, she *will* get used to it. Same for the bed, now she may understand a little more about being a big girl.... A great book to look at is Loving Discipline. Just put her in her bed, let her cry, if she cries longer than about 15-20 min, walk in the room and reassure her that everything is ok, it usually just talks about 3-4 nights....

this was posted quite a while ago, so i may be really late in replying. are you still nursing and cosleeping? I breastfed my daughter until she was 14 months old. It wasnt as hard as i thought getting her off the breast. I just stopped nursing her and offerned her a sippy cup when she wanted boobie. She also coslept until she was 18 months old. (shes only 20 months old now) The way i got her to sleep on her own, is i moved her up to a big girl bed. I put a queen sized bed in her room (cause we had an extra one) and showed her the big girl bed, she loved it right away. I put the matress and boxspring on the floor so she can get in and out of bed easily. and i lay down with her until shes asleep and sneak out. Lately though, i have been sitting at the edge of the bed until shes almost asleep then leave. Shes doing really good. and loves her big girl bed!

L.,

I know exactly what you are going through. I nursed my son until he was 1 as well and I thought it would be very hard to wein him as I thought I would be giving up that bond that we shared. As it turns out it was actually a great deal easier than I thought it would be. I quit a little after his 1st birthday. I did sneak off into quiet rooms to nurse after I had told me husband I had stopped every once in a while during the first week but after that I felt completely satisfied knowing that my son no longer needed the nutritional advantage that I had provided as he was now getting everything he needed from milk. He adjusted very easily to this. Good luck.

Personally, I breastfed my daughter for 22 1/2 months. We also have co-slept for a majority of her life, in fact sometimes she'll still want to sleep on the couch with me instead of my bed. Now she either prefers her crib or the couch and not mine and my husband's bed (thank goodness, it was getting pretty tiresome). But when my daughter turned one, I stopped pumping at work and only breastfed her in the evening before bed and if she woke up and if she wanted to be nursed in the mornings before I took her to daycare. Breastfeeding never hurt me like it does some people but towards the end it started to get uncomfortable and I decided that it was time. I definitely breastfed past my "comfort zone" for the sake of my daughter (she'll be 2 in 2 weeks) because I thought it was best and that's what her doctor and her allergists said to do. It is a wonderful bonding experience for both you and the child, but if you're no longer comfortable doing it, you should stop before you begin to resent having to do it. On the sleeping thing, let her play in her crib - if there's a toy or something that she wants to bring to bed - tell her not in mommy's bed, but she can have it if she goes to her crib. Sometimes I will sleep on our big couch with my daughter, and there are times where she goes to sleep in her crib, and then there's always putting her down in her crib after she falls asleep....There was a while there where she woke up every night at 3:30 a.m. and want to come to bed with mommy and daddy, and that was fine with us, but now she's just ready to sleep on her own (of course, she wants me to sit with her until she does fall asleep in her crib - we'll work on that soon). But just do what feels comfortable for both you and your child is what I'm trying to say. It takes time (and some nights with little to no sleep) but it will come eventually. And for the separation anxiety - daycare worked wonders for my daughter - she didn't want any one except me (which stunk for my husband who stayed at home with her during the day while I worked for the first 9 months - he worked nights at the time), but she really began to better socialize after being with other children after the first few months. It was hard. Sometimes it's still hard, but there is hope ~ I just spent my first weekend away from her and my husband in New York City with some friends and she did wonderfully. So I wish you good luck.

L., I think you are my twin!! That is, word-for-word, the story of my life. Only I have a son and he is 2 years old. I still breast feed and he still sleeps in my bed. I've never tried the "cry it out" thing cuz frankly I was too freakin tired to stay up all night and listen to him cry. He has ALWAYS nursed himself to sleep. Since the day he was born...literally! That's just the way things were. I'm the same age as you with friends that wanted me to go out with them EVERY weekend. (They're a funny bunch of girls!!) But that was never possible. My son refused to go to sleep if I wasn't there. He would stay up and cry until I came home. Things are different now though. We're sorta making progress. He still wakes up a few times during the night and nurses, but they aren't as many as they used to be and he's sleeping for longer stretchs. We've moved a toddler bed into our room. He'll nurse to sleep then I'll move him to the bed and he'll stay there for about four hours. When he wakes up, I bring him back into our bed. I just went back to work full-time about 3 weeks ago. He stays with my sister-in-law during the day. Do you know what happens at 1pm everyday? He crawls into a chair in her living room and falls asleep. Just like that. But at home it's a whole different story. And since I've gone back to work, he only nurses when I get home from work and at bedtime. I had my wisdom teeth removed recently and it was impossible to nurse because of the pain killers. I realized that occupying him with whatever I could think of really helped. He would come to me and want to be nursed. I would gently tell him no, he would cry for a little bit, but once he realized he wasn't going to get his way he left me alone. He would go play outside with dad or did whatever kept his interest. At night I would keep him in the bed, but once he started crying I would hold him and hum lullabyes. It worked for a little while but I was losing too much sleep. Once I was off meds I went back to nursing him whenever. Now that your daughter is getting older and more independent, she might just wean herself. Like the other moms said, cut back on one feeding a day. Replace it with a favorite snack or chocolate milk or whatever she loves. Make that a "special" treat. Cuddle with her on the couch while she has her treat. I think they are attached to the comfort and security of mommy's arms, not the milk or breast. And don't worry! Just like everything else kids do, it won't last forever. It'll just seem that way! Thanks for letting me ramble! I hope this helps. Good luck!

I know exactly what you are going through. I nursed all my kids, but the oldest 2 for only a few months. Then emily came and she loved to nurse, and sleep in my bed. I tried to put her in her crib to sleep and soon as I put her down she would screem. Any way I nursed her untill she was 2 and she weaned herself off.I tried to wean her off at a year and it didnt work...but I have to say looking back I am glad I did not push weaning her. I dont have any advice an the weaning or sleeping in the bed with you...just wanted to say that for me, although tough at times, I do not regret leting her nurse and share bed with us for a little longer than others thought I should. A little tip though, we did put a toddler bed in our room, and she would sleep in that for part of the night anyway. good luck.!

Oh boy! I read some of the responses and was very surprised by the amount of women breastfeeding toddlers. I personally bf till she was 4 months old then she weaned herself. She coslept with us till the same tima. When she was weaned there was really no reason for her to sleep in our bed or in our room, she has her own.

One of the responses said the globally the average age of weaning was 4.5, where did she get that stat, I am taking a class and we actually just went over htis and the average age is 3, in my opinion that is still to long! If your child is old enough to go pee in a big potty he's old enough to get off the breast. Weaning ages vary culturally and I am very close to your age (25) and am kind of surprised that someone our age nursed that long (props for you) but yes you are still too young to give up your life completely and not have a mommys day out ( that's what I call them) No, you should not quite cold turkey, I asked my pediatrition this question so I could give you better advice, cut aout a feeding avery 3-4 days, start with daytime feedings and the one you cut out either give a bottle of breastmilk or formula/milk. Because, believe it or not, breastmilk CAN cause bottle rot. Breast milk is sweet and if your child is not getting the nutrients from whole milk they are lacking on the fat intake that is required for proper growth and weight gain.

Every person is going to give you a different answer and evry book you read will say something different because they are all based on individual beliefs and practices.

Just ask yourself this: When was the last time you went out as a 23 year old? When was the last time you had quality time with your sig. other? Do you want to be one of those women who were in the paper sitting outside of a Victoria's Secret nursing their 3-4 year old toddlers on the sidewalk in protest? I don't mean to sound rude but you ARE ONLY 23 and if you don't get some alone time soon you WILL burn out!

Yes it is ok to nurse past a year my son is 17mo and up until a few weeks ago we co slept with my boob in his mouth all night long . I started weaning Jack from all extra nursings you know the quick snacks that last one minute and they run away. Then I would nurse him at nap time and put him down in his crib and let him cry it took 3 days. Now he naps alone a few weeks later I put him to bed at night when he woke up I comforted him and then let him scream the first night it took 35min it was bad but the next night it took 10 min and the next 5 min and now barley a wimper. It was awful but he still loves me and in the morning he gets his reward boob. we are all alot more rested in the morning. Good Luck

Oh boy. Big mistake letting her sleep in your bed even once. Even when my kid is sick I don't let him sleep with me.
You have created a very tough situation for yourself. Don't get mad at your daughter. Get mad at yourself. And remember...baby steps.
You have made her completely dependent upon you. No wonder she won't go with anyone else. That doesn't teach anything healthy.
You need to build her confidence from scratch, as if she is an infant.
Oh, and by the way, this behavior has nothing to do with breast feeding. I breastfed my son but always put him in his crib for sleep.
Don't take away both at once. Let her sleep on her own, but continue breast feeding. When she is used to that, then decrease the breast feeding.

I think it is wonderful that you have the bonding with your child. Do you want to wean the baby from the breast? If so then replace a feeding with the sippy cup. And slowley work that way till she is no longer nursing. Break her of that first. Then I would start with a bed in your room. Let her fall asleep and then put her in her bed. Once she is staing in her bed all night every night then you can put the bed in her room. Do one at a time and slowly you don't want to do both at the same time it might be to much for her. As far as her dad try to let them spend more time together she is so close to you that she has not had time to bond with her dad. Go out he can handle it and its good for all of you

I breastfed my son for 13 months and would have been longer - but I got a serious bladder infection and had to take some powerful drugs. So my son had to stop cold turkey. He was only nursing at night. But for a few days it was hard. I am a stay at home mom too and I know about wanting some me time. Try stopping the breastfeeding first - and then go to having her sleep by herself. Does she sleep alone when she takes naps? I wouldn't do it all at once - be patient and good luck!

I weaned my daughter at 13 months. We still co sleep. There's nothing wrong with breastfeeding over a year (there's actually benefits) but for me, by 13 months, I was getting annoyed with my daughter at my breast. I wasn't Mommy, someone she could play with. I was Mommy, the boob. Since she wasn't nursing so much for nutritional purposes (mostly it was for comfort, to go to sleep, or because a boob was there) I just cut her off. I thought it would be SO HARD but after a day or two, she didn't even try to go for it. It wasn't as difficult for her as a expected. She still, at 2 1/2, likes to stick her hand down my shirt when she's tired. As for sleeping on her own, I'd rccommend doing it gradually. Maybe even bring her mattress into your bedroom and get her used to sleeping on there first. Or sleep in her room and gradually move your way out.

My 1 year old also co-sleeps and nurses. They most most babies wean themsleves by 18 months, so I am planning on continueing breast feeding and see what happens. That being said, once I get the go agead to introduce milk from my doctor I do plan on cutting back on some of the nursings. At night I let him nurse, but when I am done (he would nurse all night if I lt him, I pull away until he cries, then let him nurse again. I do this a few times and he gives up because he is too tired to fight to nurse. My plan is to bring his bed or pack and play into my room and gradually move him from my bed to his own bed in my room, then move him down the hall. I read about this in the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" but haven't tired it yet. I still love having him sleep with me.

My son was also in the mama-only stage, which hurt my husband's feelings and wore me out. My advice is just leave her with her father occasionally. I left my son for 2 hours and ran errnads and now he goes willingly to his dad. If you are always there she will always prefer you, but if you leave, she will learn that daddy can comfort her too. Good luck!

Hi!
First of all, it is more than ok to breastfeed past a year. In fact it's wonderful! But don't feel any guilt if you are ready to stop. You have given her so many benefits already :)
Like many of the others have said, try not to wean and stop cosleeping at the same time, though.
Also, you have not made ANY mistakes by letting your daughter share your bed and don't let anyone try to tell you differently. You have created a beautiful bond. I totally understand your need for space. We coslept with our daughter for a short time when she was younger. I found that I (or dad) could put her to sleep at first in her crib. If she woke up during the night I would then bring her back to our bed. Eventually it got longer and longer until she was sleeping through the night in her own bed. Like I said, she was younger, so that might not work for you.
Other ideas (as suggested by previous posters) 1. transitioning her first to a bed in your room, then eventually to her own room or 2. sleeping in her room with her. You could put an air mattress (or just a bunch of blankets) on the floor and sleep in there until she falls asleep, then slip her into her bed.

When you do decide to wean, I suggest stopping the daytime feedings first. My daughter gave these up rather easily around 1 year. I continued to nurse her at naptime and betime until 14 months, then just bedtime until 15.5 months. You don't have to do it THAT gradually, but it helps not to do them all at once. Try cutting out one feeding every few days or 1 a week. Give lots of cuddle time and playtime to replace it!

Good luck to you!
E.

It's def ok to nurse past one. Really it's what you are comfortable with. My son weaned himself at about 11 mo. I'm hoping my baby will go for a full year this time. Does your daughter take a sippy cup or bottle? If you wanted to wean I would do it gradualy and replace one feeding with a sippy cup every week or so.

I wish I had some advice on how to get her to start sleeping in her own bed. I think that one will be tough. Once you decide to do it stick to your guns - I'm sure there will be tears from all :( My sister let her bpys sleep with her and as they got older she didn't enforce them sleeping in their own bed so they still get in hers in the middle of the night and they are 5 and 9 yo! That alone made me avoid the cosleeping!

Good luck - hope this helps some!

You are free to breast feed til you feel the need to stop or if your daughter shows interest in stopping. As far as weening her just supplement with a cup and feed her less by breast. I never did the family bed thing so I cannot tell you how do fix this problem. T.

Relax!
I breastfed both my boys until the age of 2. Slept with them, like you. It's no big deal. When people started nagging me about weaning, at 9 months of age, I simply said, "Well, I'm NOT going to go to college with him." They looked shocked and shut up. The time to yourself will happen when she is 18 and leaves home, which will feel like you only had her for such a short time. Enjoy the closeness now before she turns into a teenager, and never wants to be around.

I found a lot of wonderful information about parenting that I enjoyed in " The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. He advocates the family bed and breastfeeding. If I remember correctly, there was information in the book about weaning, etc... I did nurse both of my children for 1 year each and at times they slept with us as well.

Just keep in mind that this is all she knows. This will not happen overnight and both things will be a huge change for her. So patience and love will be the key.

Blessings.
M.

I am a mother of 4 and have nursed all my children till about 18 months when they self wean. They also sleep with me until they do so. It is okay and it does create a very solid realtionship between mother and child. Just do what feels right to you. There is no right or wrong answer! I recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. It is the best book I have read on sleep so far!

Best of Mothering, Michelle

I too breastfed EXCLUSIVELY for 14 months....my son refused a bottle of any type. I had to wean his daytime nursing at about 1 year old because I was returning to work. He had no problem dropping those feedings - since I did it gradually, dropping 1 feeeding each week. He easily took a cup. The last feeding I gave up was the bedtime nursing session. That was a little bit harder, but, I just had my husband put him to bed while I was out for 3 nights in a row, and we were done! Granted, my son was a 'binkie' addict until he was 2 (at which time we weaned him off that!).

As for the sleeping, my son refused to sleep in his bed, so we started sitting in his room until he fell asleep. Then, we reduced our sitting time in his room to 10 minutes, then 5 minutes, etc. He had a hard time for a couple of nights when we refused to sit in his room, but we reassured him that we are 'right here in the other room'.

My recommendation is to stop the cosleeping first....since your child is still nursing. It's very easy to control them when you have something they want! Perhaps nurse her in her bed and lay with her for awhile, then leave after she is sleeping. And then the next week, nurse her in her bed and then only lay with her for 10 minutes, reducing the time each week.

Good luck.

Hi L.! Unfortunately as far as the getting her out of your bed phase at this point will entail a lot of crying on your daughter's part and a lot of consistency/difficulty on your part. Have an evening routine (i.e. bath time, reading time, filling snack, etc.). When you put her to bed have you tried to put a shirt or something that has your scent on it in the crib with her? It is alright to continue nursing her passed a year. I nursed my daughter until she was 16 months old. I had to wean her at that point because I was about 7 months pregnant with my son. There is no "required" time frame. When you do decide to wean her cut down your feedings to three times a day. I.e. moring feeding, afternoon/nap feeding, evening/bedtime feeding. When she wants to nurse distract her with other things like juice or going outside or something else she enjoys doing. It will probably take a few days (or maybe a week) not respond with crying. Continue this for a couple of weeks or until you're ready to move to the next phase. Then you cut out another feeding like the afternoon feeding....followed by another feeding a couple weeks later...and then the last feeding a couple weeks later. I know it's this stage is tough. I'm sure you've heard it a million times, but this is all only temporary. It goes faster than you realize. Good luck!!

A.

It is okay for you to continue breastfeeding as long as you and she want, but you sound like you want a little freedom so definitely work on transitioning her to a sippy cup (don't even bother with a bottle at this age). Maybe start with breastmilk in it if that's all she knows, or else whole milk(if she's been okayed by her ped for that) or water. As far as sleeping with you, you definitely want to end that quick. It will be hard to do both at once, I would recommend transitioning her sleeping first. Where does she nap during the day? If she's napping with you too - I would start there, if she's already napping in her bed then you're off to a good start. The process will definitely involve some "crying it out" but be strong, find a book on sleep habits for babies and follow the steps - it may be easier than you think. Also, make sure you leave her with other people - especially her Daddy - for some time period every week. Leave her at home with him while you go to the grocery store. She needs to learn to cope without you around and she needs to learn to trust Daddy! It's so easy for us to want to give them everything they want -especially when it's just us, but in the long run they need these coping skills, like learning how to sleep alone, as older children and adults - think about it - do you want your 13 year old daughter in bed between you and your husband? Good luck!