Moving with a Toddler

I wonder rather than setting up his room exactly as it is now, if a completely different setup would be better. I know it seems strange, but that way he may not feel as though you are trying to "replace" his old room and surroundings that he is so attached to.

A couple of really good ideas are to if at all possible, after explaining that you will be going to live in a different place, that you take him to see it LOTS and if at all possible allow him to choose which room will be his very own. You could even let him help you set it up that way he feels as though he has had a part of the whole process. Also, after he has chosen which room will be his (or after you do if you can't let him), a new, really neat toy surprise waiting in his room might help to embrace the change. Those are both things (choosing room and toy)that I have read in parents magazine and a few other places. when we moved with our son, we could not let him choose his own room for safety reasons (didn't want him ont he street side of our rambler house), so I bought an entire bathroom set and did up the front guest bathroom just for him. My son adapts to changes pretty easily though...and we were moving from a one bedroom apartment. I would go over the change lots with him and try to get him to embrace it as a good thing...focus on the benefits (I know he's kind of young ot understand all that)...'what's in it for him'. Perhaps if he is exposed to the new place enough times before the move date, it will not be so hard on him.

I have 2 boys ages 12 and 6. Unfortunately, we moved a little more than what I would have liked in the last 4 years.
Wait to pack his room till very, very last. Trying to set up his room the same in a new place is a good idea, if the room is the same shape (windows and closets are always in different places). Having the same bedding, pillows, and bed is important to them at this age. Getting a new bed is not the thing to do. It's tempting, because you are moving into a new house, but don't do it.
Talk to him about how exciting this new house is going to be, and how wonderful the new house is going to be. Talk to him about how this is an adventure (boys like the word "adventure" and "journey") If you have to move into an apartment, try to make that fun and exciting too. The tone of your voice makes all the difference. If you are stressed out (and I'm sure you are) then he will get stressed out. When we moved with my 12 year old (he was 3 at the time) he was unpacking what I was packing, and was distressed that we were moving. I had to pack from the time he was asleep until I couldn't pack anymore-which was 1:00-2:00am. My friends told me to hold off on his room until very last, and it helped. Packing at night helped, and I got a ton done in a short amount of time because I didn't get any phone calls or interuptions throughout the day. Then, I focused on my son when he was awake.
Once we go to the new house, his room was unpacked, the house was getting unpacked, he was fine.

Good Luck!

Hi M.--I feel your pain! We moved last April with our 2 year old daughter who also really liks routine. Then, 4 months later, our 2nd baby was born, Then, 3 months after that, we moved for the 2nd time! (We rented a duplex while we finished our house.)
All the changes affected our 2 year old daughter mostly at night and naptime. We did just like you said and arranged her room the same and kept the same routine. Both of those things really helped because she usually seemed pretty peaceful during the day. It was just sleeping that was difficult for her.
I am not one to encourage co-sleeping, but we ended up with an arrangement that worked for all of us. Since our daughther needed more reassurance and love at night, we set up a spot for her right next to our bed with some soft blankets and pillows. So, she always goes to sleep in her room in her bed, but if she wakes up and feels nervous or scared, she can come to our room and sleep with us. She will be 3 in a few months, so we plan to start talking to her about staying in her room all night. She does stay in her room now about 1 night a week and she always stays in there for her nap. We have been in our new house for almost 4 months now and she is really doing quite well, even with sleep.
Best wishes to you! It will likely affect him for a little while, but try to make it as fun as possible...like a big adventure!

M.,

I went through this with my daughter when she was 18 months old. What I did was had her stay with my mom for the day while the main moving was being done. As her stuff came in I put all my efforts into making her room look exactly like it did in our old place. It was tiring and hard but I had it done the first day. That night when she came "home" her room was very familiar to her and she was ok. Yes the rest of our apartment was a mess but she was comforted by her room being cleaned, neat and the same.

We've moved 3 times in the last 18 months! Moving is never fun for anyone but can be especially difficult for the little ones. My daughters are a little older than your son, they did okay adjusting each time. It helps that we've always had the girls share a room, even though we had 2 extra bedrooms at one point. My oldest has a security blanket that she's very attached to. As long as she has her "bebe" she's okay with wherever she is. I think it's an oldest child thing, my younger daughter has never attached to an item in this way. I suggest getting your son a doll or blanket that is special that he can start to attach to as soon as possible to help make the transition easier. Maybe even take him to the store and let him pick out the item himself. Maybe there's a special blanket you already have from his baby days that you could give to him. Tell him stories about how you used to wrap him in it to make him feel safe and snuggled. If he's started to get into super heros you could tell him the blanket has special powers to keep him safe.

Also, he's an oldest/only child. This means that he will by nature take responsibility for grown-up things that are totally beyond his control. Make sure he understands that you and Daddy have everything under control and that if he has questions it's okay to ask. Explain to him some of the preperations that you and your husband have made to take care of the family. Help him to feel like your family is a team and that he's a part of the team, but also let him know that you and Daddy are in complete control of the situation. Even share with him some of the reasons you are moving so that he understands it's not a random happening but there is a purpose. You might also look for a book or two about moving.

My most important advice, make your son's room the last room you pack and the first one you unpack! It will mean a lot if he can sleep in his own bed and see all of his belongings as much as possible.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Make sure to take some time for yourself, it's important so that you can react with calm when things start to really get hectic!

Good luck, J..

M.,
You are on the right track already, with keeping his room the same and keep the daily routine the same. One thing I did when my son was that age and we moved is go to the new house several times before moving in, bringing lots of his toys, and let him just play there and explore. That way he was already somewhat familiar with the new space. Wherever you go, make sure his space and toys and things are unpacked and ready FIRST, so there is always something familiar. There are some good kid books about moving; try a trip to the library and ask a librarian to help you find a few to read to him. EXPECT some upset; it is age appropriate and normal, so plan on some extra cuddles and support for awhile. He may also be reflecting your stress level to some degree; moving is tough on everyone :-) So try to keep your own life calm and stable as much as possible. He may even feel better sleeping on a mattress in your room at first, for more security. Good luck with the move!!!
E.

my family moved across the country a few months back. Our son was about 19 months. He's not so sensitive to changes, but I was still worried about the move. In the weeks before the move, I would draw pictures of our little family going through the changes. I drew us in our old house (it doesn't have to look like it, they'll take your word), in our car with the dog, then some of the things we'd see on the drive along the way, then a new house. I'd just keep drawing different variations and hyping it up. When we got to the new house, he was real excited, telling me to 'come on' as he checked out all the rooms. he immediately started playing in the closet, playing peek a boo with the sliding doors. good luck. i think the visual explanations helped my child, hopefully they can help yours.

Leave your child with your sitter while you move.
Then position your furniture in the living room just like your last living room as accurate as possible, same with the child's room. (The rooms that they spend most of thier time in). Even if it doesn't look good! Same goes for tha apartment.
Give him lots of attention to make him feel secure. Favorite foods, tv shows, activities, etc. and hugs and kisses!

Sounds like you are doing all you can do. I would talk to him about it (I am sure you are) every day. Talk about the fun new stuff (bigger back yard? room for pet? park nearby? etc) that he can look forward to. Listen to him if he trys to voice his concerns and tell him how much you will miss this or that but always end with the good stuff. My son picked up stuff really early so we had to be really careful about voices concerns to others while he was in earshot. Make sure he isnt around when you vent to a friend or family member in person or on the phone. Good Luck, Jen

My daughter is just as sensitive to change as your son (when we rearranged furniture, she wouldn't sleep either!). When we moved, we told her about it 2 or 3 weeks before, because she does better the more she knows about a new situation. I took pictures of the outside of our new home, the park nearby, all the rooms, and pictures of our old home including a symbolic one of her closing the door to our bedroom. I then made her a book with the pictures about moving. I included saying goodbye to our old house, being sad about moving, the layout of our new house (with emphasis that Mom & Dad across the hall from her and that all of her things would be in her new room), and the fact that everybody still loved her, we are still a family and that even though we would be farther away she would still see her grandparents. This seemed to help; she actually did WAY better with the move than I expected, about on par with us just moving furniture around! I did make sure to put everything in her room exactly the same the very first day, since that is important to her, and that seemed to help a lot.

We moved in october and our three year old just stopped asking to "go back home", she thought our new house was a hotel! No change is easy with toddlers. We did buy her a special toy that we put in her new room and let her help decide what color to paint her room and where to put things in the house, which gave her some sense of control over her new surroundings. And let her sleep with us until she was familiar with where the rooms were and the bathroom. I've read about buying some dollhouse type furnishings and a truck and playing "moving day" with kids too. Good luck!

When we did this with my son, his bedroom was the LAST thing to be packed up. I took him out of the house while my husband packed his room up. Then my hubby took everything to the new house and unpacked his room before our son and I even got there. (We spent the night at my mother's and drove out the following day.) It was still quite an adjustment, but it was a huge comfort to be able to walk into the room and see all of his familiar stuff!