Moving Dilemma

That's a tough one. On one hand the stern parent in me would say that your son needs to abide by your decisions and go with the flow. On the other hand, my loving parent side of me understands his feelings and wants him to feel comfortable at this very weird and ownderful time of his life.

Maybe you can break the difference. Maybe look at houses with your son and let him be a part of the process. The first year is the one where they make all their friends. Can you do an activity that would allow him to hang out with his freinds when you move to the place that would service you best? My mother did that for me when I moved schools, admittedly earlier in my life. This is a rough choice no matter what you do becasue 14 is going to be mad whatever you do. I still think that he has to go with what works for the FAMILY not just him; even though he is an important part that should be taken into great consideration.

I dont know if that's helpful, just my thoughts.
A.

I was young when my parents moved me into a new school, from private catholic school to a public school. It was great at first, then got difficult as the kids learned where I was from. I was strengthened by it. I got to know some really great kids who became my true friends and I am still friends with most of them 10 years after I've graduated. I always grew up in a house where children could not help to make grown up decisions. My desires weighed very little in decisions. I play to take my children's wants and desires into consideration, but not let it drive my decisions. You have two other children to think about. I do not know your financial situation, but nicer for less always worked for me. It is ultimately up to you. My opinion is to move, and help your child learn about how to deal with changes. Who knows, he may like it better, I did.

My Dad was in the military and we moved often. Of course, we were never asked how we felt since we had no say. High school is a very hard time. If he's happy and doing well, it's a hard call. Since he plays sports, he's most likely to make friends easily. Move before school starts. I had to move half way through my junior year from a school I was doing well in and didn't do so well after I moved. But, everything happens for a reason. I'm extremely happy with the way my life is now and wouldn't change it.

Oh man! I would hate to do that to my kid also, but you need to consider the rest of your family as well. And the finances. If you're going to be in a better place for less money, that seems like a no-brainer. And the schools there will be better for him and the little ones coming up? More no-brainer.

So it depends on how well you think he could handle the change. Is he really going to go off the deep end or is he a normal kid who'll adjust? It could be worse. He could be a junior and you want to move before his senior year! Tell him at least he's not a military kid and has to move around every two to four years! And he's not too far from his friends and can see them occasionally.

Just make sure he knows that you and your husband know how he feels. Point out the good things about the move for the whole family, including him. Tell him you're genuinely sorry it has to be, but it's best for the family.

I think you should make the move. Sounds like a whole lot of regret if you don't. If you can't get your eldest to Northwest, (it IS just down 270!?) he'll just have to handle it. Just don't verbalize it quite that way to him! Be as gentle as you can!

Good luck! -S. Kav

Interestingly enough, we talked to our children about changing schools. They are 14 and 16 and going to be 9th and 11th. We discussed it at length, made a pros and cons list for each kid and each school. We "manipulated" so that it was there decision. We suggested that if they went to school A, we could have extra time to do XYZ together. We talked forever about it and ultimately they "decided" and they are going to the school my husband and I wanted.

It depends on how much change he's been through lately. If he's been through a lot, then I'd try to consider a move in the same school district so he wouldn't have to change schools. If not, maybe he can try to adjust.

When out lease was up on our old apartment, we went looking. We focused on the same area, so our kids could stay in their school. We found a house across the street for the same rent but triple the space. We decided to keep our focus narrow because we moved to MD from NJ the year before and the year before that moved once in NJ (also requiring a school change). They needed some stability and we did the best we could.

All things considered, though, from a parent perspective Wootton is pretty hard to walk away from.

From a kid's perspective, leaving his friends behind can be one of the hardest thing a 14yo can do.

Maybe a compromise can be reached? You know what's best for your whole family, 14yo included.

Good luck and God Bless you!

If I were you I would make the move. My family moved around a lot when I was school age. The summer between sophomore and junior we moved to a different state. My brother and I were not happy about it at first but it turned my life around. The area we moved to was beautiful and we made lots of new friends. If you aren't moving very far away there is no reason why he can't still see his friends. I grew up in a single parent home and I saw and experienced how hard it was for my mom to make ends meet. Your whole family shouldn't have to sacrifice having a better life just for one teenager. Life isn't all peaches and cream after high school so it wouldn't be bad for him to learn to adapt and to compromise. Best of luck to you and your family.