Motherly Instincts or Just Being over Protective?

Have you asked the teacher if you son is having any problems in class? If not, you should tell her that he seems to be having some adjustment issues that he did not have last year and you didn't know if she could shed some light on it. See what she has to say.

Depending on what she says, you may want to talk to the director next. But you need more information before you do.

It is perfectly normal for her not to allow kids in early.

I usually go with my gut when it comes to my kids so even if I am wrong I know I have done what I believe is best for my kids.

All I want to say is that I have some very, very fine christian people in my family who have had day cares, worked at the public and private schools and sunday schools as well.
What your son may think of as being mean might only be someone who is trying to have a more structured class.
I know you only took him 5 minutes early, but unless you scheduled a time to talk to her, she may have needed that 5 minutes to get the class prepared.
I have friends who are teachers and they love, love, love their kids. But, I also know it's stressful for them juggling all the parents and different dynamics on a day to day basis.
Try not to compare last year and this year, this teacher and that teacher.
Start off with a fresh slate and schedule times to talk to the teacher about any of your concerns. You may be taking her as "cold hearted" when really that's not the case at all.

Schedule a time to talk to her or to sit in on the class instead of just showing up. My friends daughter kept telling her mom that the teacher didn't like her and was mean to her and yelled at her all the time. Mom observed and the teacher wasn't in the wrong in any way. Time to put crayons away made the child feel chastised when it didn't bother the other children.
Schedule an appointment before you assume the worst.

Best wishes.

you can't really be mad because she does not want to take him early. she has a right to make the children come in right on time. she may need those couple of minutes to get in the right frame of mind. but sometimes a child needs that firm hand especially if they are extra active. some times you have to understand that every one is not going to cater to "your baby" just because they are your baby. he may have a strict teacher every year after this and you can't always run in and save them or make it right.

Always go with your gut. My only caution is- if you overreact about your kids, just make sure you have proof before you go accusing someone of treating your child badly. Also, I wouldn't have asked your son did she treat you nicely or mean? It would be better to ask how was your day? what did you do? what was your favorite part of your day? What didn't you like about school today. That way he can tell you specific instances not just a generalization. Good luck!

Molly

I don't think you have to set this up as an either/or – how about you are having valid motherly instincts AND are perhaps a little overprotective?

As wonderful as the special relationship between your son and his last teacher was, it sounds like this new teacher will not provide exactly the same thing. She may not be as warm or patient, she may be determined to give equal treatment to all the students, leaving your son floundering a bit with his expectations and hopes for a repeat of last year. Whether or not she is actually "mean" might be nothing more than comparing poorly to Ms. Warmheart.

There's a wonderful technique taught in How To Talk So Kids Will LIsten, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, in which the parent casually throws out a comment like, "So, you didn't enjoy your time at school very much." Then let the child ponder and say whatever he can say about the situation. This may be tough for your son, but perhaps you could help him complete this thoughts without "leading" him toward your own conclusions.

Kids can reveal the most amazing things, like "I hit Jack before the teacher yelled." Or, "I pretended not to hear when she asked me to sit down." Or whatever.

Even if they were innocent of anything except being themselves, you can then move on to problem solving. Ask the child to help you brainstorm all the ways he might respond to the situation. Write them all down, including some of his ideas. He'll be impressed you take his reasoning so seriously, especially if you have to work with him to figure out what he's saying. Then help him choose a couple of things he can do to make tomorrow's experience better. He'll own the solution, and so he'll try extra hard to make it work.

This technique and many others fill this wonderful little book. It's a goldmine – I strongly hope you'll add it to your parenting library.

listen to your instincts and maybe make a surprise visit or start "random" surprise visits, just to see how things are going for him. Something could be going on. talking to the director is a VERY good idea.

honestly i had this problem last year. i say if you took him early by 5 minutes so what. normally teachers have to be at the school any where between 45 minutes and a hour before school starts. my oldest boy his first teacher was upset about me taking him in 3 minutes early BUT i lived 20 miles from town and when i HAD things to do i.e. doctor appointments, vehicle maint. i took him in early. she was also used to 3rd and 4th graders. not head start/preschool. his teacher last year was awesome. she seemed to enjoy kids more. this year he is in kindergarten and his teacher seems decent again this year. i say go with your gut feeling and if you want drop in one day unexpected. the reason i say do it this way instead of calling and setting up a time to observe is the teacher has no prior warning and won't be on her BEST behavior. if some one has a problem with you for doing it then in my opinion they are trying to hide some thing.

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Hi S.,

Always trust your instincts. They may be wrong but it is always best to err on the side of caution. You don't have to accuse anyone of anything but it's your responsibility ALONE to care for your son and you have to feel good about who has him in their care. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on how to care for your son and you really know him well. Trust that!

M.

S.,
Your posts says your son only has a speech delay. Mine has an autism spectrum disorder, and he was going to school just fine, he loved it and was super excited to go to school everyday, he didnt even want to leave. Now this year it has been a struggle!! he cries almost everyday, and he said that his friends scare him. I sent a note to her teacher and she was super worried, and she immediately addressed the issue in a way that was satisfactory to me. My point is request a conference with the teacher, ask her why your son would say she gets him, and look into her answer, if it is something that makes sense, you'll be calmer, and feel better that the issue has been addressed, and if you dont like what she says, just transfer him to another school.
I hope you find this helpful. Good Luck, and a Kiss to your little one.

I would suggest you listen to you instincts as well as watch how you son reacts to her. He is old enough to understand that he's being treated mean. Good luck.

If you have the time I suggest chatting with the teacher next time and asking if you can observe for a while b/c your son seems to be really nervous about school this year. Ask how he's interacting with other kids and how she thinks he's doing overall. Really she has to let you observe so either stay right then or set up another day to come back. You might want to do it another time and let your child know you'll be there but you are just watching and you don't really want him talking to you, hanging out with you, etc. You want to see him interact with the teacher and others, not you, but then again, if you truly are concerned, it may be better to just stay right then.

As far as the early thing...5 minutes isn't a big deal but I have to play devil's advocate for a minute and say that if she let's it happen then it could easily snowball with other children and then the time could slowly creep into 7-9-10 minutes early, etc. I'm sure she's prepping and preparing the room and her lessons up until the last minute. Yes, she probably could have and maybe should have done it for you, but cut her a little slack on that.

I do think it's something to be investigated with a 3 year old doesn't like school. It is sad. :( But, like I said, check it out...try and observe quietly (maybe even from outside the room) and find otu what's really going on first.

Do you tend to be overreactive when it comes to your kids? Do you tend to assume the worst? If the answer is yes, you may need to be careful (you don't want to assume the teacher is mean without any evidence). But in general, except in cases of parents who overreact regularly, I am a big advocate for going with your gut. We know our kids best, and we have that motherly instinct when something is wrong. So if you're not the type to blow things out of proportion normally, pay attention to the signals you're picking up now. They may be the only signals you'll get that something is wrong. Good luck.

I don't know if I'm being paranoid but when I read shes mean and she gets me out of his mouth (from your post) I translated she's mean and she hits me. I'm very cautious with my daughter. Even if she isn't hitting him if I were you I'd find another school because her indifference towards him is a bad sign. Usually teachers that act like they don't care about the students lead to tragic events... usually. To have a change like that in comparison to the previous year is strange. My dad has told me many times always listen to your child. When my older brother was about 2ish they dropped him off at their FRIENDs house, she babysat, and the next time they took him there he screamed and they didn't leave him there (didn't drop him off at all that day). Long behold years later their friend confessed that when her husband came home, he had no patience for kids so she locked my brother in a closet, ugh some people!
Anyways listen to your child when it's something serious like that. He doesn't seem like he's being a drama king or anything. It's cool you love him so much and your concerned, I love children and when they become news headlines I wish I could have 5 mins in a room with the person who hurt em.