Mother Tornen Between Work and Home

I find that when I am torn between two different actions, that making a list helps. I make a pro and con list, asking myself the hard questions.

There is more to consider than just the physical needs or wants, there is also the emotional. No one can weigh the benefits or the costs better than you can. Sometimes seeing it on paper helps to make those hard decisions.

If you are working- work and save you dollars. You might get to stay a home sooner than you think!
Here is A little humor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pqFVqlMX2o

If you can survive without the extra money, don't do it. I find many women do not take pride in the fact that you take care of home, husband, and 4 kids. There is something to be said about raising a family which is hard work by itself - especially if you're doing it without help. I think the feminist movement did us a disservice where a woman's value is based solely on $. Your kids need you. Once the youngest is in school you'll have the whole day to work. No amount of money or position could compensate for the currency received for putting your childre first in word and in deed. If you really need the money, be creative. Work at nights or work from home. Work around your family's schedule, don't make them work around yours. Good luck as I know it's hard position to be in!

Stay home with your children! They are still too young to be at home alone if you are worried then you should be with them-life is to short and if anything happens you will never be the same again-so it is a short time before they will tell you they don't need you to be there anymore and then there will be plenty of jobs you can do without worry! I promise Mom this is really the best way for all of you. I did it and I know how hard it is and how tight money is but thisis the most important thing to be with your children. Hang in there. do some crafts and/or scrapbooking things for sale at fairs or yard sales or even church happenings. Surprizingly you can make some cash doing things you like to do and then it is not hard work so smile and hug your darlings and find things around your house to work on.

I would want to know the ages of your other children before I really had a firm opinion on whether they should be left at home.
I think my first thought would be to try and find a friend who also has or wants to have a part time job...see if you couldnt trade baby sitting with her so that neither of you need to pay a babysitter.
Even though you have tried to get this job for a long time...the financial picture wont look a lot better at home if you end up paying as much for babysitting as you are making at your job.

In your situation I think I'd try and find another mom working part-time to trade care with. This way neither of you is paying for child care. If you were willing to do nights and or weekends, you could trade with someone that is a waitress just a few nights per week. Since you like your job I think you should be able to keep it. You are not gone that much time. It's just hard for most daycare providers to accommodate such short hours. If we lived closer I'd help out. In this day and age we all need to stick together.

You might post some signs at a college if you have one close by. A lot of moms take just a couple evening classes per week and it can be really hard to find someone to watch their kids for just a few hours.

Suzi

Best way to figure if working out of home versus staying home with your 11month old and getting money for babysitting, figure out what you will be making a week from the outside job and then figure in gas. Now figure how much xtra money you will make by doing babysitting jobs and not have to drive anywhere.

Only way you will be able to decide once you figure in everything.

Good Luck

S.,

I think you are very wise to rethink your employment outside the home. after all, out kids grow up fast and they will never need us like they do now.

The Avon shows you have already thought about working from home so you can stay at home and help out with a little more income. How is that working out for you?

12 hours is not like 20 or 40 hrs away - why not work for 3 months and if it is still causing undue stress for you and/or other family members - then maybe reconsider the cost.

As a health and wellness advisor I know that our individual health is dramatically affected by stress - so be mindful of the cost to your health and/or your family's health.

I hope this was helpful. S.

a little about me - I have been my own boss for 15 years and will not work for someone else. I like living in the Land of AND - have a good income and the time to enjoy it - being able to make a difference and save a lot of money in the process. I was totally disabled in 1994 and today I feel better than I did some 30 years ago.

You wrote: "I find myself babysitting to make money to pay for the childcare for my 11 month old."

Maybe I missed something, but if you have to take on another job to pay for childcare so that you can work at the first job... how is that leaving you any "extra money" to help out?
If the library job does not cover the cost of transportation and childcare, AND leave you some left over, then you ARE working for nothing.
I agree with others who posted--you first need to figure out whether you are making any money at the job. Of course, count the cost of childcare, but don't forget other expenses, too. How much more do you spend in gasoline each week to get to and from your job (including taking your child to daycare)? Do you spend more on convenience foods because you don't have time to make dinner on the days you work? If so, count the extra expense. Do you have to buy "work" clothes, or can you wear what you already own? These are just some examples from my own experiences.
You might find that you are actually spending money to work, or that you are making a much smaller profit than you thought--or you might find that you're making more money than you realized.
You might also want to consider non-monetary things, such as whether this job may lead to better-paying ones and/or more hours at some point (a career rather than just a paycheck); whether you are working just for the money, or because you enjoy it; and whether it may be better to hang in there for a while longer or to quit now and try again when your youngest child is a little older.
Once you have weighed the pros and cons, you and your husband can decide whether you should continue to work, or whether it would be better for you to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom.
When we had our third child, my husband and I sat down and wrote out our expenses, and we found that my job was now actually *costing* us about $10 a week! Since he was involved in the process, my husband could see this himself without my having to try and explain it, so I didn't feel like I was playing the "I don't want to work" card. It was right there in black and white in front of us.
We agreed that my staying at home was the best choice for us. And lately, since I've also found additional ways to save money while at home, my husband says it's almost like I'm getting paid to stay home! (Too bad all jobs can't be like that, lol!)
;-)
HTH! Good luck!
--A.

Good Morning S., I agree with you dear, you are working to pay for child care only. There can't be much bring home after the child care is taken care of. I would either ask for more hours or look for another job in your off time.

I cleaned houses for extra money for years. If the boys were little they went with me. When they were in school it was easier. Then I did new construction for many years. The boys and hubby would go with me at night if need be to help out. Jobs right now are hard to come by also, keep your eyes open and see what you can do. Maybe have a day care in your home for other working mom's.

Hope you get some better advice to help you out S..

God Bless you richly
K. Nana of 5

Only you know what's right for you. You have to weigh out the pros and cons...if it's more important just to have some time to yourself, consider that when making your decision. If income is more important, then look at what you're making vs spending in daycare and obviously spending time with your kids is important so consider the time away. It's tough...I recently went from working full time, to staying home and now work part-time at our church. I hope you'll find the right balance for yourself as well. Good luck!

Remember...it doesn't matter what others think of your decision. You do what's right for you and your family.

If you are only working for the extra money, put it on paper.
On the left side of your paper, write the amount you are bringing home between your two jobs (library and babysitting).
On the right side write down all your expenses that are specifically due to working. Childcare, car expenses, clothing, take out food, etc. Everything you can think of.
Now subtract the difference between the two, and throw in the anxiety of worrying about your children being home alone.
Is this amount worth it all for you ?
If yes, then keep on working and relax.
If not, then rethink your situation and how you can change it.
I wish you well !

I sell Avon but I'm just a Rep. Being an Advanced Unit Leader doesn't bring in enough extra income?? I thought you get a check from those under you who do the selling? Anyway, I recently quit my job to come back home and focus on family and going back to school. It was a great idea, but now my husband got laid off, so now I don't know what to do! But what I do know is that family is very important, and if we really think about what we need vs what we want, we can figure out a way to make things work. Your children need you, all of the maneuvering you're doing to work at a job just to pay someone else to care for your child is not right. Focus on your family, what does your husband think, and remember they will be big kids in a blink of an eye, so enjoy them now while you can! God bless you in motherhood!

Hi S.. I understand completely how you feel. I have been a stay at home Mom for many years. I have had some part time jobs in the last few years and I am an Avon Sales Rep. My avon does not bring in enough money though, especially in these tougher times. It is hard for us Moms to enter back into the work field. We feel guilty if were not working and guilty about leaving the kids when we are working. You have been there for the older three while they are young, they will survive and maybe learn more responsibility. Yes a babysitter for the 11 month is expensive and hard to find for part time. I cant give you the answer, if you can afford to stay home with the little one, thats great. Maybe more time spent on your Avon for right now. Your letter really caught my attention because I have been trying to get a 12 hour position at the library in O'Fallon. The hours would be good for me. My children are 10, 14 and 17. I just got a letter from the library telling me the position has been filled, thanks for applying and we will keep your appl. for 6 months. I have not read Mamasource in months, something told me to check it out today. I would like to hear back from you. From one concerned Mom to another. T. W.

S., you didn't mention WHY you took the job. Was it to get out of the house? Was it for more money? If it was for money, then you picked the wrong job because nearly everything you make is going to go back into the childcare. If you are looking for a break from the kids...then you seem to have a nice little job to just have mommy time. You also didn't mention the ages of your other children...have you spoken with them about how THEY feel about your return to work? Chances are they are enjoying the freedom of your not always being around. It doesn't necessairly mean they are going to get into trouble (especially if you've instilled good values in them) but they need to know the rules and boundaries for when they are home alone and what is allowed and what isn't. My mom was DEATH on NO ONE (i.e. my friends) in the house when she wasn't there. But I could watch TV or anything else I wanted to do (outside of course burning down the house and running up long distance bills...lol). It was wonderful coming home to cookies and conversation but it was also liberating to occasionally come home and be on my own. Sometimes she would ask me to start dinner or do some prep work to help out but not all the time...(I was probably in 4th or 5th grade when that began happening).

I think you need to re-evaluate why you want the job and what you hope to get out of it. Then you need to have a talk with your husband as well as your kids about how they feel about it and expectations of them if you decide you are going to keep the job... perhaps, you could find a local college student or upper class high school student that wouldn't mind coming by the house a couple of days after school to watch the kids? Surely that would remedy the problem of feeling like your own kids don't have enough supervision and have someone to take care of the baby all wrapped into one. Plus having someone come in also means that you aren't forcing one of your eldest children to assume a more parental role of disciplining his/her younger sibblings...had a cousin that was often put in this role and had a hard time getting out of it...she still trys to mother her younger sisters (even at 37). Good luck with your decision!

Not this will help you too much, but I was thinking...have you tried just a mother's day out at a local day care center where they only charge by the hour, not the day? Maybe this would help you out a little if you decide to keep your current job and don't have anyone else to watch your kiddo. I do know that some daycares also just provide care by the hour as well. Good Luck.

it's up to you but I was so relieved to find out in my psych class that part-time mommies (work PT) have super happy babies! My child loves me but also enjoys being away from me for a few hours a week. I am much more happy and free when I am with her after being away for a bit too. Plus, maybe this job will expand after you've been there awhile.
Enjoy life-say no to guilt trips!! :)

S.,

I know you have received a lot of advice. I sell Home & Garden Party and have supported us for the last 3 years on that as my husband has health problems and cannot work. If you are interested I would love to talk to you about it. It is easy to do and we make a wonderful percentage of what we sell. Feel free to go to the company website, my link is: http://www.HomeandGardenParty.com/Home?WebId=lindashgp

I recently helped my daughter-in-law who was in a similar situation as you are and she found very quickly that she is making better money and not being gone from her kids as much. You can also email me at ____@____.com

Whatever you chose to do just keep your family foremost and you won't go wrong!!

Hugs,
L.

It sounds like a great job, but it really isn't worth it financially, and it sounds like you feel guilty for leaving your children. I think that's reasonable. Even though you like it, I suggest you quit. Another opportunity will come along when the timing is right.

Why don't you just work form home u can work part or full time and make great money. I didn't want to eork just to pay for daycare so i found this company that allows me to work from home and have my kids with me all the time. If you want more info go to www.workathomeunited.com/JPonzar and i will get back with you ASAP.