Mother-in-law Problems

Sorry that you're going through this tough time Anastasya, but I have to clarify one thing for you before I go on.

Grandparents DO NOT have rights to see their grandchildren, it's a PRIVILEGE. Secondly, you should put the welfare of your child above all others, so if it were me, I wouldn't have her visit that house anymore as I wouldn't want my daughter exposed to that kind of nasty attitude which could influence her character for many years to come. Lastly, you're not welcome on her property, well neither should be your daughter as she is a part of you. If she can't accept you she cannot accept the family.

If it were my husband, I'd be giving him a serious talk. How could he believe this would blow over in a couple weeks when she has clearly behaving this way for years? He needs to buckle up and stand by his family. I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, but you and your family should be of the utmost importance for him and he needs to defend that. As for your MIL, she really needs to get a clue.

I hope things work out for you soon.

-S.- mum to Breanna

I disagree, grandparents have no rights. She is toxic and will teach your child that it's okay to disrespect you. Personally, I would cut her out of my and my family's life until she's shown a correction in her abominable behavior!

WOW! Your mother in law is something else! She's obviously got severe mental issues, and control problems. Although writing a letter in return, documenting all of her flaws and time-lining her visits and rules about who can visit, would be tempting, it would only serve to engage you more. There are times in life when you just have to see things for what they are. She is who she is, and to hope for her to be different, or to think she would change, is futile. She is NEGATIVE energy for you, your child and your husband.

I think it's time YOU put a rule into place, and that is for you and your child to not have contact with her at all. You can simply say, "You clearly don't like me, and so I'll be sure that we stay away." Sadly, she seems like the type that (if she had visits alone with your daughter - say your husband brought her) she could put a negative spin on your daughter about you. I think your husband needs to defend more than his country - he needs to defend you as his wife, and protect his daughter from her as well.

His mother is likely to get upset for more perceived lack of control, but let her stew. She's ultimately created this rift, and is spewing her own insecurities about marriage, etc onto you and your family. Your husband will hopefully grow tired of your mom's nonsense and come to the same conclusion to stay away as well. Let her be the martyr, it may be all she's good at.....

Find peace with having the positiveness of YOUR family, and let the rest go. Making peace with knowing you didn't do anything wrong, is key. She is ill mentally, and there's no reasoning with the unreasonable.

Best of luck!

your mother inlaw sounds impossible. you know, some people just can't be helped. sounds like you are a great person and your husband has a good idea how is mother is...i have had my own problems with a few inlaws, i finally came to realize...if they don't like it, TOO F___IN BAD! this is your life too, and you only live once...from the words of Cher "this isn't dress rehearsal" your daughter will figure out soon enough that grandma is "grumpy" it's her (grandmas) loss! some people are just meant to live miseralble lives, my mother told me once that my husband would never love me...my mother has never had a sucessful relationship that she didn't mess up...hang in there. i know my husband loves me. my mother has came to except that, but the things that htey say will last forever...just always remember, never to do those things to your children...because we know how it can effect us later. keep your chin up and live YOUR life! you have a beautiful child to love!

how does that old saying go... "a daughter's a daughter for all of her life... a son is a son till he takes on a wife" I feel your pain.. I thank God my mother in law lives in Texas, and I have only seen her twice in the 4 years my husband and I have been together. Save that letter in case she tries for her "grandparents rights" that is MENTAL ABUSE to you and your daughter. Your husband needs to put her in her place. and now LADIES: if you have a son... remember this as how NOT to treat your daughter in law if you want to see your grandchildren.

Anastasya,
Your husband needs to stand up for you. He needs to be the leader and explain to her that when a son gets married, his wife and his family become number one, not his momma. And although he still loves his mother, what she is doing is wrong. Maybe he should make out a list of all the things he loves about you, and state that who he chooses to spend the rest of his life with is not conditional on her approval. In addition, he also needs to explain to her that by her rejection of you, she is ruining her relationship with him, and the possibility of a good relationship with your daughter.
Maybe spelling it out for her, by him is what is needed to nip this in the bud. Or he can say, if you can't respect my wife, and quit badmouthing her and putting her down.....then our ties will be cut, and you will not have the opportunity for a relationship with anyone. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to your daughter, because she will end up being put in the middle and either having to listen to her, or defend you...later on down the line. NOT ACCEPTABLE, if his mother had any regard for what is best for children, then she would not be doing this to you. Your daughter will be the one who ultimately suffers....but then again, she's got 4 kids from 4 different marriages/ dads so....maybe her perception of what is best for children is a little off. I'd have a few choice words for her if I were your husband.

Good Luck with that! Tell your husband, it's his responsibility to do something about it, if he loves and respects you. He should demand that for you.

It is good your husband understands the situation and he is with you. I can only advice to keep distace from your mother-in-law for awhile. Like don't go visit her with your daughter for the meantime. She is having a hard time dealing with her son getting married and having a family. It seems unfair not to visit her, but you are right, your daughter is seeing how your mother-in-law is treating you and it is not advisable. Give it a time. Maybe when you guys stopped going there for awhile, then she might realize that what she is doing with you isn't right anymore. I almost had the same situation but it was with my mom. She used to treat me differently and tried to manipulate me when i was still single. but when I got married and moved out from their house and limited my time visiting them, then she started to change. She started to give me my space and respected that i now have a husband and will start a new family. with ur mariage, PROVE her that you are WORTHY for her son.Don't get affected with what she wrote to you. With your daughter, explain to her why she can't see her grandma for awhile. explain the situation in a way that she won't see her grandma as a bad person. I hope everything goes well. My prayer is with you. God bless.

Well, I had similar issues with my in-laws but not to the extent that you have suffered with yours. I think it is important that you have your husband's support on this matter so that it doesn't drive a wedge between the two of you as it seems that would be ideal for your mother-in-law, and probably her goal; hence she would win. I think you should stand your ground with the negativity surrounding your child and inform your mother-in-law that due to her feelings and the fact that she has no respect for her own son and his happiness that she is no longer welcome to cause futher damage in your lives. Explain to her that since she has never had a long running relationship that she cannot understand your husbands loyalty and the stability of a strong marriage. I would not ignore the letter or simply allow things to blow over; without confronting the issue you will always have a lingering feeling of anger and sadness and eventually this will pose issues for your marriage. It is important that your hubby stay in contact with his mom, and see her this way she cannot claim that you are the reason that they have no relationship because that too will eventually cause harm to your marriage and the last thing you want to do is cause any level of resentment in your husband. I would explain to her that until she is able to respect your husband and his wishes and you as his wife that she is not welcome to place a negative influence in your relationship and is not welcome to be involved in anything that involves you or your daughter since she is the result of your husband's love for you....if she doesn't respect the marriage and all parties of the marriage she should not benefit from the circumstances; hence a relationship with her granddaughter.

M.

The whole situation is terrible. But, if i were in your situation, i would right her back. Let her know that your husband is welcome to visit anytime and you have no desire to get in the way of their relationship. On the other hand, if she continues to degrade in front of you daughter she will no access to her grandchild. Period. I know that sounds harsh but you should not have to put up with that and she needs to understand that you are a huge part of her sons life and aren't going anywhere. This is what i would do.
Jess
if you would like to just vent you can e-mail me at ____@____.com

Anastasya - Your MIL is right on one thing...your husband DOES need to open eyes...but not in the way she thinks. When two people get married, they create a new family, one they've promised to love, honor and protect over everything else. It's up to your husband to stand up to his mother and let her know that he's made his choice and she can either accept the choice (you) or not. If she decides not to accept the choice, he should break off contact with her after explaining to her that he will not stand for her disrespecting you (by disrespecting you, she is disrespecting him as well). ESPECIALLY disrespecting you in front of your own child. This will not blow over, not if it's been going on over 6 years...and she obviously harbors resentment if she is capable of the chart thing. He needs to stand up for you and the family the two of you have created once and for all...

I have a wonderful MIL. In fact she was the only one from my husbands family that came to out wedding. The rest of the family is the problem. Mainly his grandmother. MY FIL is an only child and a big Mamas boy. He does everythign for his parents and now that his dad died he does more for his mom. not my business. But she has always dangled money in his face and he isnt what we could say very productive. My sweet MIL has medical problems but she is usually the only one that brings in any money for bills. He sits at home and reams up this get rich quick ideas that never materialize. so anyway when I first went to meet the family when my husband and I got engaged, it was thanksgiving. I wish my husband had told me abotu how his family flet. I never would have gone. I had a wonderful reception at my MIL's house but then we had to go to his grandmothers house for dinner. The house was cold but not as cold as the reception I got. I was helping clean up after dinner and she told me that there was no way my husband was going to marry me, just like that out of the blue and with a sweet smile on her face. that sent shivers down my spine cause when we went back in the dining room she was so sweet again. when we went back in the kitchen she said she would take my husban out of the will if he married me. I stormed out of the house and started walking down the treet in this town i didn't even know. my husband came out and asked what was wrong but i wouldnt tell him. i just told him i wanted to go home. i didnt tel him for several years and then he admitted that she had told him the same thing before we went there. so we get married and no one comes to our wedding except my MIL cause they were afraid of losing their inheritance i guess. two years later we go back and she comes over to my MIL's house for christams. she cornered me in a bedroom and told me that as far as she was concerned all Indians are alcoholics, ueducated and on welfare. then she walked out to the living room and was her sweet self. I caught up to her in the kitchen and told her that for her information, i had a college degree, that i made more money than anyone in that house, and that she kept stringing everyone along with her money but that i would never need any of it and for that matter, she probably only had two quarters to rub between her fingers and everyone thaought they were getting money for her. i asked her how much education she had? and she didnt answer. i know she only went to elementary chool. and i aslo told her that educated people dont treat people like she does . then i went to the liquor store brought back a ix pack of beer and sat and drank beer in formt of her. needles to say. christmas was over. his dad took her home and i was the bad guy cause i made poor grandmother sad but i proved my point and i have heard for the rest of the family so many times how they wish they had the guts to stand up to her.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Personally; if this woman forbids you to go to her home then she shouldn't be welcomed to your home. And you husband needs to stand up for you and if that is the way she wants to be to severe ties and let her take you to court if she wants to see the grandchild. Your daughter doesn't need to be around that negativity and neither should you. I can tell you that this is a serious matter and if your husband isn't on your side 300% then it is going to!! cause friction in the marriage.

There is a family your are brought up with and a family you make! If she was really family and respected her own son then she would bite her tongue and be more respectful to your marriage!

My heart goes out to you! My father has forbidden my husband to enter his home and constantly tries to convince me to leave him so I know exactly this situation feels! It is a strain on anyone but if you and your husband love eachother enough you can work through anything! Good Luck and Keep me updated! And if you ever need to talk I am only a computer click away!

I think that you and your husband need to be on the same page about your MIL. Then the two of you need to talk to her or write her a letter telling her how you feel and what your boundaries are. If you go off on her, you might end up causing problems between you and your husband. And that is just what your MIL wants. Maybe that is the whole point of her letter to you. She needs to know that you and your husband are united and that she cannot and will not come between the two of you. As far as the other children in her home, if you want a relationship with them, then have them over to your house. But, make sure that they know that you will not tolerate them being "spies" for their mother.
Good luck to you all.

Wow! I would like to offer some advice but I honestly don't know how some mother-in-laws can be so mean. My mother-in-law loved me from the very first time his son called me to tell her that he had met the woman of his dreams and I talk to her on the phone all the time just like I would talk to my best friend. It really makes me sad that some mothers don't care that their sons are happy, just want to raise hell for their daughter-in-law for no reason at all. My sister is in the same situation and she's not married yet! I believe my best advice would be to also write her a letter telling her how you feel and how you don't understand why she is trying to complicate your marriage because she's not happy when it's obvious that her son is happy because he decided to marry you. By disrespecting you and your daughter, she is disrespecting her son as well and if she can't get the picture then please keep your daughter away from her and her ugly comments until she can act like the grown-up she is and she can get some professional help because she seems to have some deeper issues that are causing her to act this way. I wish you the best and e-mail me if you want to get together. My husband will be leaving soon to korea and I need to hang out with other military wives. I'm trying to get in contact with the family support center at DM since I'm coming from Holloman in New Mexico. E-mail me at ____@____.com

I dont have any personal advise to share but I can tell you need help so I wanted to tell you about a website that helped my sister out alot with er mother-in-law troubles which sound like yours. Try www.motherinlawstories.com , that and counseling helped my sister deal with how her monster in law treated her. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful mother and wife to me and it is so sad that you have to deal with such meaness.

I just want to say how sorry i am about what you have to go through. No one deserves that. especially in front of children. I think your husband really needs to get after her. She is his mother i know but if he really gets mad at her and tells her how she is making you all feel than maybe she will realize how hurtful she is being. I can't believe how she treats you. that is uncalled for. But thats my opinion, Your husband needs to get in there and lay it out on the table. and if she refuses to listen then she is missing out on a great growing family. good luck with this.

OMG, I have had the same problem with my life...when me and my husband met, I had already had a 1 year old, right after we got together I ended up pregnant (mother in law claims its not his, she just turned 3 we have been together for 4 years), after we got married, we had another, HE (my husband) has always claimed all 3 as his, he is their father...etc....we have been together for 4 years now, his family does not accept my 2 girls, just my son...they proved that this weekend. I have tried everything I can to get along with them for my husband's sake, but after sunday, there is no more. I am fed up, and it took my husband 2 years to realize what his mother was doing (said all the same things to me that your's says to you)....he quit talking to his mom for almost a year before my son was born, that is the thing that started us all talking again, and now, because she has chosen to do this to us, he wants nothing to do with her, and maybe that is what it is going to take for your mother-in-law to grow up and accept things for the way they are. I'm sorry you are going through this, I know exactly how it is. I am here if you need to talk.

Have you ever heard of the biblical term "pearls wasted on swine." Something to that order...You are obviously a very insightful and compassionate young woman and mother and wife. It is clear by the tone of your letter and your efforts it trying to understand this mess that THE MIL has created.

I truly believe you have done far more to establish and nurture a relationship with her than she has with you.

The point I want to make to you is that your MIL is mentally unstable. Proven by 4 broken marriages and sickly wishing and wanting this same pattern on her son and you. She is playing everyone around her into caring for her and her alone. What's this 'stay off my property' threat about? I doubt you or your family have ever threatened her. It sounds very paranoid and once again unstable and distorted.

My advice - STAY AWAY. STAY FAR AWAY. YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HER. SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER LIFE CHOICES. SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER CHOICES. You and your husband and your beautiful new family need to focus on your lives and your future. SHE IS SO TERRIBLY UNHEALTHY SO PLEASE DO NOT INFECT YOUR CHILDREN WITH HER BY BEING AROUND HER.

I also want to add that I speak from personal experience and hardship. I have disengaged from my own family for safety reasons and the chronic negative manipulation. The blessing in disguise is that my children have a healthy new beginning separated from that sickness. Your are 100% right and accurate in sensing your daughters ability to understand your MIL's negative comments. Those comments are totally and never OK . I would have left right then and never gone back. And your husband should tell her until she can keep her comments nice and supportive you'll never come back...BUT with that said, back to my original point - don't expect any change. The only person you have control over is you, not her.

I hope that this response was not too rambling...you sound like such a dear A.. Please, Please follow your motherly instincts - because their good.
My best to you and many, many thanks to your husband and his service to our country.
Jennifer

First, I would recommend that you start recording conversations that you or your husband have with her, and make copies of anything that she sends to you. Unfortunately, things could get messy for you in the future. Have you ever heard of Grandparent's rights? Oh yeah, they exist, and the courts usually favor the grandparents. I pray that you can work this out with her, but it sounds as though it's not going to. I wouldn't press the issue or try to contact her unless she calls. Try to let it blow over. Listen to your husband because he knows his mother best. If our husband gets deployed again, you should try to find somewhere else to stay other than your parents', somewhere away from your mother-in-law. Prepare yourself for the worst, but don't let it take control of you; it will wear you down. Try to live your life as normal as possible, and love on your daughter and husband always!!! They know the truth about you-that's why they love you so much. Good luck!!

I'm new tothis community and this is my first response. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and always for your learning experience. Sometimes we simply have to change our thoughts in order to thange our reality. You can't change anyone else, and your mother-in-law- should know that. You can only change yourself. When someone points their finger at you, they are really pointing at theirself. What your mother-in-law is saying about you, she is saying about herself. Don't take it personally ! ! She's not thinking of your sone and allowing him to make his choices - it's a control habit of hers. Think of some good things about her. Don't make it a battle between you. One has to lie down to be walked on. None of us ever do anything, but by choice. Consder that there are only 2 words - yes and no. Have you heard of The Secret ? The law of attraction is always working, whether you understand it or not! That which is like unto itself is drawn. Go to www.thesecret.com or just type "the secret" in search. You can be, do and have what you want. "The secret" would explain what is going on in your life in many ways. relationships, money, health, etc. I have referred a lot of people to this site but have been studying the Law of Attraction for many years and bought the DVD so that anyone can reveiw it when they have the need. Don't know if I know how to get back to you in this community, but I will give you my email address which is where I keep a lot of information. It's ____@____.com Now I have to learn more about this community. It looks interesting. I'm not a yuung mother. I have experience being one ! Blessings, ~A. C.

Grandparents do not have absolute "rights" to see their grandchildren. If one spouse is deceased, then the grandparent of the deceased child (parent) may be able to go to court to obtain visitation rights of the grandchild but since both of you are alive and healthy and not abusing your child, she has no legal right to see her grandchild.

First, I feel for you. I honestly think that at some point, after telling your husband what you plan to do, go see your Mother-in-law alone. If she will simply sit down with her, tellher you mean no disrepect, but you must insist that she no longer speak illy of you. Especially around your daughter. She is fully intitled to her own feelings, however she has no right to force those views on your child. Tell her you understand how important it is for your daughter to have her grandmother as a part of her life, however you feel this time with her grandmother is quickly being tarnished by her unkind words. If she protest, you have every right to then explain to her that you will gladly bring your daughter to visit, however if she insists on talking bad about you, that you will just have to gather her up and leave. And make sure you do so at the very first ill word of you or your husband. You must assert yourself, and show her that you will protect your child at all costs. I'm sure you would rather have them upset for a short time, than to have your child treat you bad because of all the things she has heard. Just make sure that you aren't rude when you leave. Simply stand up and say well thank you for the visit, we must be going now, and leave. If she protests, tell her you will try again at the next visit, hopefully the next will be longer. Then wish her a good evening and leave. I wish you the best of luck, and please remember that this is only my opinion. You know these people best, use your best judgement. I do feel you have every right to be respected in front of your own child.

Don't let her cause problems between you and your husband. He won't choose you or her out right thats his Mom. He seems to have a pretty good idea what she is doing. As far as you and your daughter are concerned you are a package if you and your family are not welcome there then your daughter should not go she is your responsability to protect and that means from any kind of bad influence. Let your husband go if he wants. He knows he loves you and she can't change that.

I have a strangely similar situation. My husband was even stationed overseas while we were engaged and then stationed at White Sands (spooky similar). Oh, and we have been married a little over 3 years. Anyway, my mother-in-law remarried a convicted murderer and we won't allow him to be a part of our child’s life. She doesn't understand and likely never will. She has also said that she will not visit our baby if her husband cannot come along (even if we pay for her flight and hotel). It is a little different that your situation in that my mother-in-law actually loves me very much (and I her), but we both have mother-in-laws that are more harmful than good. We decided that she can not be a part of our son’s life if she insists on bringing her husband.

I think grandparents have rights to see their grandchildren only as far as they do no harm to the children (which includes emotional damage). If your MIL is saying derogatory comments about you to the children, it is within your rights to refuse to bring your daughter over there. I don't mean to sound callous, but there are plenty of children that are raised without grandparents. A happy nuclear family (i.e. you and your husband) are much more important to your daughter’s well being.

I know how you feel, believe me. In my in-laws eyes nothing I do will ever please them. After my husband and I were first married, they would come for visits and stay from 10-20 days with us in our home and while my husband was at work it was my "job" to entertain them and all they would do is complain and degrade me so much to the point that I almost attemted suicide once.

When I was pregnant with my son my husband and I put some ground rules into place about visits and their behavior, some of them being: they are no longer welcome to stay the night in our home, Holidays are to be split between my family and his (before this they would come every Christmas and complain when we would go to my familys home for presents or dinner. They felt that my family was trying to "steal" my husband), their disrespectful attutudes must come to an end and absoulutely no parenting advice or critical remarks. After these rules were set into place we were both sent a 5 page letter, the same letter, that said how much they were disappointed that their son could make such a horrilbe decision in marying me and that I was evil and they would have nothing to do with me, that me and my family were always trying to dominate holidays or my husband. They also sent that letter to my parents by the way. My husband and I together responded by saying, "We're very sorry that this is how you feel and that this is the path you are choosing to take. We stand firm on the rules and you are welcome to visit as long as those rules are followed." They didn't talk to us, email us, nothing for 5 months until my son was born then they wanted back into our lives and so far there has been a small improvement, nothing dramatic but they know where we stand.

You and your husband need to be on the same page, you both need to respond. You have to remember that this is her issue, that she is the one with the problem. You cannot please her-stop trying. Be a good mom and wife and that means keeping your daughter away from people who can harm her even if it is emotionally. I also agree with on of the other responses-it is a privelage for grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren, they have no legal right. It is your choice to let her see her grandchild. Don't take what she says to heart, that's where I went wrong, she is just trying to break you down by insults and demeaning you it makes her feel better-don't let it get to you.

I think so far you have handled it well and now you and your husband need to stand as one against her. Unless your husband is part of the solution, it will never get solved. She needs to know that he feels the same way you do.

Please feel free to email me if you want to talk more, ____@____.com. I know this is hard-I am still struggling with it. Good Luck

R.

Hello, my name is M. and i feel that your mother in law is the one that is manipulative. Your husband needs to tell her that she needs to respect u and your family or to stay out of your life... Even if you and your husband had a bad relationship its still not her place to interfere. She will destroy your marriage if your husband doesnt stand up for u and your family(your parents)..or you will end up leaving because you just cant take it anymore.. I think she is jealous of your family thats why she doesnt want to be around them.. She sees that they are family oriented and she hates that.. I feel that if she wants to be a grandmother she should be making the effort to pick your daughter up and or go visit her.. I dont think you should be taking your daughter to see her.. If she doesnt see her that much thats her doing and she shouldnt be telling your daughter anything negative about u.. if she does than your daughter doesnt need to be around that.. I dont think that you have a leash on your husband, but i do think she needs to pull the nipple out already and let her husband be a man,husband,and father... Your husband needs to be the one to stand up for u and speak up... Its his mother and like i said earlier u do not need to make an effort to take or make sure that your daughter has a relationship with her.. (she can stick her chart up her *$@.. That is something she needs to do herself if she really loves her granddaughter she will make the effort...I tell my husband that if his family says or does anything about me then its his job to say something in my defense because if i say anything it will not be nice.. and if my family does or says anything about him its my job to defend him... it causes less drama that way because its not the other disrespecting the other side of the family.. you said she has to other boys well maybe when they get married she will be to occupied trying to ruin there relationship and stay out of yours.. but i really feel sorry for all her boys because she is going to do that to all of them when they get married... its her way of controlling,munipulating she wants to come first.. i would not trust that woman with my any of my kids, one day she may snapp especially if your child looks like u she may take it out on her and then knowing the love that u have for your child and to get back at you for taking her son away from her she might want to take your daughter away from u... i dont like to think that way but these days i see it all the time on the news with grandmothers,mothers,fathers, etc killing there grandchildren and children its sad but true...all because of jealousy,control and other reasons... I dont want to scare u.. but talk to your husband..

WOW lots of advice for you!!! :o)
I had a MIL very similar to yours. Be thankful your husband sees her for who/what she is and agrees with you!
I would like to suggest a few things...
I think it's great you think it's important for your child to have a relationship with her grandmother. It's always been our philosophy that no matter how we feel or what we think about our parents, we needed to let our children develop a relationship with them. That being said, it is also important for you children to feel free to love and respect their parents. Anyone threatening that needs to be addressed. It's obvious your MIL wants a relationship with her and your husband, so set some rules. Your husband AND you together, need to have a conversation with her. Tell her she's made it clear how she feels and you understand. However, IF she wants to continue a relationship with her son and your daughter she needs to show respect for you both in front of your daughter. If she cannot do that, she cannot see her. Yes, there are "grandparents rights" but a parents right to rear their child how they see fit usually overrules especially when the grandparent is undermining the parents. That is why you need to keep documentation of dates, times, conversations and events ~ both good and bad. Show your attempts at encouraging the relationship, and the results of each attempt.
I'm so sorry there are so many of us who have to deal with this, and that you are one!
I could tell you lots more and if you want to talk, feel free to e-mail me, but that's probably more than enough for now. ;o)
Good luck and stick to yer guns!
S.

Dear Anastsya,
Oh my..girl. I feel as though you have really tried to get along with your mother-in-law and she just kept stepping on you every chance she got. Sounds really familiar. She is one of those mothers who wants her son to have her come first at all times, and everything else is second best. It also sounds like she is trying everything in her power to discredit you, and to cause trouble between you and your husband so that he will divorce you. She's doing this to where it doesn't seem this way. I know because I have one of those mother in laws. I'll explain that in a minute. I'm disappointed that your husband won't put his foot down sternly and tell her that she needs to respect you and his life with you, or she doesn't need to be in it. As far as your daughter goes, granted it's best to have children know their surrounded family, but since she continues to disrespect you in this way, your daughter does not need to be exposed to such harshness towards her mommy. Your mother in law will eventually try to turn your daughter against you. I can so see that coming if you continue to take her there. Instead of being grateful at the fact that even though you all don't get along, you still respect her enough to allow her to have time with her granddaughter, she pulls these stunts. While it's stressful enough for you to go thru this, it would be even more stressful to know that your daughter is going thru this as well, especially since she'll be understanding and more vocal here soon, and you sure don't want her to repeat, or to aquire her grandma's feelings towards you. Because I assure you, she will try and convert your daughter to feeling the way she does. I dispise mamas-boys, that don't stand up to their mothers in order to command respect for their own lives and wives. My first marriage was to a huge mamas boy, that put his mother first before me, that put his best friend before me, and allowed his mother to treat me badly. She once said that I was a _itch and that all I was doing was taking her son away. With my ex standing there, he did not say a darn thing to correct her or defend me. There were other things said and done as well...but I won't go into that at this time. Now for my second marriage, my husband is a wonderful man who got manipulated into taking care of his mother when his father passed away in 86. He was around 19 years old. His mother was quite capable of taking care of herself, but my husband got a job, and helped with rent etc. and hardly had any chance of socialization. When I met him, (thru match.com), I learned that no matter what he did, he had to tend to her needs first. Like getting her lotto tickets, and taking her to bingo. She wouldn't make any friends and always depended on her two son's to be her friend/companion. His brother moved out and my husband was left there to do it all by himself. He cleaned, paid all the bills (even though she had money), took her places (because she gave her car to his brother), and made her self reliant upon him. He couldn't stay passed 10pm at my apartment because she would holler at him about it. She did not like him spending so much time with me. She tried everything she could to discredit me in his eyes. I finally gave him an altimatum and said, you either live with your mother for the rest of your life, or you make one of your own with me. Of course he chose me, and we've been married for three years now. There's more to it, and I'll explain more if you'd like...just email me at the address below if you would like to chat more about what you're going thru and I will let you know more of what I went thru as well. To this day, she still tries to get away with indirect comments like the one recently...I'm a Certified Pharmacy Tech and she quoted the Bible on Revelations 21:8 which states that all whoremongers, liars, and sorcerers will be burned in the lake of fire. She was stating that I was a Sorceress because I distributed medication. Which I did my homework and sent her the correct explaination of the word sorcerers. My husband was absolutely outraged by her comments saying that I needed to change my career. She put it vaguely too, to where it didn't seem like she was pointing any fingers. I knew better though. I know her game, and she will never ever break us up. Anastasya girl, hang in there. Talk with your husband about your feelings towards how your mother in law is treating you and your concerns about what your daughter will learn if you continue to take her over there. He should stand up for you and his daughter and tell his mother to straighten up or GOOD BYE! My mother in law has never seen my son, nor will she if she continues to do this. And of course she does, and of course she will never know about her grandson. I won't put up with it, and my husband won't either and we will not expose our son to such synical ways, hateful comments, or just plain meanness. I wish you the best. Email me if you would like to chat more about this whole thing. I would love it! G.
____@____.com

I don't get why people feel their kids NEED to have relationships with people. Your children need to have relationships with people who will have a positive influence on their life, period. I have no guilt what-so-ever about keeping my kids away from anyone who has a negative influence on them.

That being said, this is not your problem, it's your husband's. I have been with my husband for 12 years now, and if there's one thing I've learned, family issues stay within a family. No matter what you say, she will not listen. She may not even listen to your husband, but it must come from him. She may think that you are the one pulling the strings, but it still must come from him. I am assuming that he's not planning on visiting her, without you, and taking your daughter with him. I am also assuming that your husband plans to stand by you and how you feel about all of this. If so, simply don't go and see her until she gets herself inline. If she wants to know why, then your husband simply needs to tell her that he doesn't like the way she is treating you and that he doesn't want you to be around her. She also needs to know that it's everyone or no one. She doesn't get to choose to push you out and still have access to your child. It doesn't work that way. Good luck.

WOW all I can say is WOW
feel lucky that your husband sees it your way in a sense. she seems to be a bitter old woman. and she probably is not that old LOL. stick with your gut and limit your daughter to seeing this negativity as often as possible---