Most Selfish Man alive...Oy, You Know Me, This Is Going to Be Long

Divorce is not an option because????? Truly, Z. --- I respect, honor and revere integrity and keeping ones' word--- you really need to read your letter once a day, every day- and ask yourself why you don't file for a trial separation. If he lived away from you for a year - think of the divine peace - think of his lack of an excuse for his vile temper --- think of how nice not to tighten up when you hear his key in the door.

Z.- you deserve more - and your little boy is learning how to be a man--- he needs a different model.

Not telling you what to do - just ache with your pain.

Blessings,
Old Mom aka--J.

Dear Z.,
You seem to have so much self confidence, so why did you allow yourself to end up with this man. If he doesn't appreciate you and doesn't appreciate your son, then why does he hang around at all? He won't go to counselling... won't act like an adult. What are you teaching your son? How will he assume that a dad/husband/man should behave when he becomes an adult.
You only really have one choice... you either get out with your dignity and your son's dignity intact or you stay and risk losing your self worth. I was raised with a dad like your husband... though not quite to the extreme that you have in your situation. I wish I had known that people didn't have to be so grumpy, sad, self loathing. I wish I had my self esteem... my dad took it from me, and I'm still searching for it.
Please seek counselling for yourself and your son.
Love
T.

you sound like an intelligent person. Can't divorce? Can't get counseling? It's not possible for other moms to help you through this. You either need professional help or you need to leave the marriage. You have an obligation to protect the man/husband/father your son can become one day. It won't be easy, but you have an obligation to your son not to raise him under these conditions.

best of luck!

I hear you saying that you can't divorce him, but the rest of your post basically is describing how you already have, just not legally. If divorce isn't an option for religious reasons, there's still no reason you have to continue to live together. Do what's best for your son and get you and him out of there. If money is the issue, figure out what you can do without in order to give your son the life he deserves instead of just one that is tolerable.

Dear Z.,

Your story breaks my heart. I'm not sure if your reason for saying that divorce is not an option is for religious or personal views, both of which I appreciate and respect, but there comes a time when you need to make the better of the two decisions. Putting yourself aside, your son should NEVER have to deal with that kind of behavior. By continuing to stay with your husband, you are only teaching him that it's ok to act that way AND that it's ok to be treated that way. His self worth will go out the window. The serious damage that is being done to your son is not only affecting his present life, but it will affect his entire future. You as a mother cannot allow this to continue. You have to be strong and show your son that you can and SHOULD protect yourself and HIM.

I know I'm coming across a bit strong here, but you have to realize the seriousness of the situation. You live it, I know, but sometimes living in it doesn't allow you to really see the whole picture.

He will most likely beg for you back and swear that he'll change and say all kinds of things, but the chances are very rare that he would change. Even if you think to consider that he might and want to give him another chance, at least seperate and make him prove over time that he really has changed, before you take him back. (Though unfortunately, I doubt he will, and I think you know that too.)

There are so many support services and groups out there for you and your son. You can do it. You can make this happen. And though part of it will be sad, and your husband will probably beg for you back, you will feel so much better about yourself if you stay strong, and you will be setting an amazing example for your son. Please consider what I'm saying. Move on. You will be so much happier.

I wish you and your son all the best in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

Divorce him - asap - life is to short i was in a miserable, miserable marriage and let me tell you he put me through hell and back but i would not change a thing for the serenity i now have in my life , home and my child .....nothing can compare to living one more day with this man
you deserve to be happy go there.. Be there ..live it, i promise your life will change for the better no matter what is this what you want your child to think a happy marriage is like????? It will haunt you the rest of your life if he grows up living his fathers morals

My solution to being married to the most selfish man alive (I had one too) was divorce. It was terribly hard and even after 35 years I still have scars. I won't tell you about them.

I divorced him to protect myself and my kids. Interesting effect happened because he decided to fight for joint custody and then was responsible for the kids 8 days out of 14, he became a much better father. Responsible and engaged. Something he was not when he was married to me.

Divorce may be your solution--good things happen from it.

I wish you safety and peace.

Please get out of the relationship!!! For you and more importantly, for your son. Why can't you divorce him?

Z. - I'm very sorry to hear that you and your husband are not in a loving relationship. I can only give my advice from my Christian perspective; I wouldn't divorce my husband either unless he was unfaithful or deserted me. I don't agree with the "you need to be happy at all times with your spouse or else break up" school of thought. Love is more than an emotion, it's a commitment and an action. Having said that, it also needs to be coming from both sides for the relationship to work.
If I were in your situation, though, I would separate from my husband for a time while you try to work things out, because even though divorce wouldn't apply, protecting yourself and your son from his behavior is necessary. He is a terrible example for your son right now, and an unnecessary stressor to you.
I would recommend the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. You can't change your husband, but God can - even if your husband doesn't believe in Him.
And I will pray for you.

Not sure why you can't divorce him, but it sounds like if you don't make a big change, nothing will change. Can you at least separate for a while? Ask him to move out? I fear your situation won't change otherwise... Sounds like your husband needs some sort of wake-up call.

Can I ask why divorce isn't an option? Live is waaaaaaaay too short to live with what you're living with - for you and for your little one!

Ouch, I'm so sorry to hear your story. Why isn't divorce an option...sounds like you and your son would be better off. Short of that, my husband had some issues and I asked him to go to a series of anger management classes. He reported to me that they weren't very helpful. But that was six months ago and he hasn't had an episode in all that time. He's like a changed person. I don't know what they told him and I don't care, but whatever is was woke him up. Get online and find something similar in your local area and see if your husband will go. Good luck!

why can't you divorce him? You sound like a perfectly intelligent capable person who is able to handle a child, job, and household on your own. Maybe you would even meet someone nice to share those things with.