Money issue...pleas Help!!

I would demand that my husband hand the finances over to me and I would give him an allowance. I would also demand that he get help for his gambling problem. If he can not or will not, then I would be better off without him.

Stop giving him money no matter how he yells.
If he gets violent, call the police.
Have your paycheck direct deposited to your own bank account and don't tell him about it or give him any access to it.
Spend it on food, the dentist, necessities, etc and then you just don't have any to give to him.
He's a gambling addict and he needs help but it won't happen until he admits he has a problem and wants to get better - and he may never do that.
You might have to divorce him.
Talk to a lawyer - you want to protect your assets and not be held liable for any gambling debts he runs up.

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/

When you give money to an addict, it just gets blown on his addiction. Don't give him any money.
If he won't get help, get out.
I've been married to an addict who couldn't/wouldn't quit. It doesn't get better, it only gets worse.
Even kicking him out of the house wasn't enough of a wake-up call for him. It wasn't until I actually divorced him that he decided to get serious about getting sober.
It doesn't matter if his addiction is alcohol, drugs, or gambling - it works the same.
Just hiding the money from him isn't enough. If there is no cash, he will find a way to get it, whether it's pawning valuables or kiting checks.

You are married to an addict.
You need to get out and get help.
Do not give him any money.
Set up a bank account for yourself. Put your paycheck there.
Get your kid and get out!

You don't have money issue, you have an addiction issue.
If you made 500K per year, you still wouldn't haveoney for bread at the end of the month.
Find a GAM-Anon group in your area and GO!
Good luck!

(For immediate action, buy groceries in advance and FREEZE for the month!)

You don't have a money problem - you have a marriage problem, and your husband has a gambling problem. You would have the money if he did not gamble it away and he's using emotional blackmail to get you to give him money and keep you under his control. I would insist on him getting help - attending marriage counseling together and treatment for his addiction. Otherwise I would be looking at getting a divorce. Some behaviors are just deal-breakers in my book and any kind of addictive behavior that he would refuse to get help for is one of them.

Unless your husband gets help for his gambling addiction, you can't solve the money problem. You'd financially better off without him, so I suggest you think about a legal separation. With any luck, it will shock him into facing his problems. If not, you can learn to live without him.

For today, separate your bank accounts if you share. Make sure he does not have access to your paychecks or savings. Don't give him any money.

I know this may sound harsh but I would leave him. Are you going to deal with this forever? I'm sorry you are finding this out about him now, but I think seperating yourself and your money is a great idea. Good Luck. Just if he were hitting you or cheating on you, you don't have to put up with it. Unless you want to try to get him help but then how long is that going to take.....years.

Tell him that your money is gone, that you paid the bills and there isn't any money left. Hide it in a new account if you have to. Make it where you have to go to the bank to make a withdrawal, no card, no checks, nothing he can find that is tangible proof there is a secret account.

This is the only way you will be able to survive. BTW, as long as you allow him to control you this way the longer you have to live like this. An addict is out of control and is only interested in that next fix, they don't have the ability to make any good choices. Their addiction will always intervene and take over.

You have the choice to live like this or choose differently. Hide your money from him. Pay the bills so that he doesn't ever see a penny of the money. Make him responsible for bills you can live without. You pay the house payment or have it taken out of his paycheck before he gets it. You pay the utilities, you pay the groceries but make him think there is no food money. You make him pay his car payment but make your own. Same with car insurance. This way if he doesn't make the payment it's his car that gets repossessed. If he has a wreck it's him that doesn't have insurance. He makes the choices to gamble and he's the one that pays the consequences.

Tell him you don't have any money and have the receipts to show where it went. Any money at all left over goes into the secret account. It's a cash only account so he can't trace it. You'll slowly build that account to where you'll have a cushion.

M.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

Are you afraid of your husband?
Does he hit you when he doesn't get his way?
Does he hit your child when he doesn't get his way?

You need to leave your husband if he won't quit gambling. I know that's harsh. I don't easily recommend or advise someone to leave their spouse, however, when the spouse is an addict - and they refuse to get help? You need to do what you need to do to keep your child and you safe.

Find a Gamblers Anonymous group near you. Then ask them if there is a support group for spouses and children. You need to understand that you cannot help him. Giving him money for the river boats is NOT going to help him or make him better.

I would start by finding a shelter that I can go to with my child. Then start learning to do it on my own. Find an apartment. Get a lawyer for divorce and start proceedings.

I would make sure that ANY valuables I have were in a safe place - like a bank safe deposit box. I would NOT give them to a family member or friend as if my husband was that desperate, I don't want him going off on them and possibly hurting them.

Your husband needs helps. You cannot change him. You cannot make him do anything - like any addict - he HAS TO WANT to stop.

Good luck!!

Once my wife or I pull the handle once on the one-armed bandits, we cannot stop until there is no money. I don't know what your husband's addiction is . . . slot machines, blackjack, 5 card stud, strip poker (JK!), the only way to stop it is to keep away from it. My wife and I occasionally go to Vegas for the shows, but we NEVER walk past the slot machines without watching out for each other and we don't carry any change.

Get your husband help from one of one of the many gambling addiction organizations. Then don't give him the economic ability to gamble. Set money aside for the necessities (doctor, dentist, gas, groceries, utilities, etc) and don't give him any gambling money. Its like an alcoholic . . . one drink is too many and 1000 drinks is never enough. Its the same with gambling.

Good luck t you and yours.