Mommy/wife Downtime

I go out at least twice a week, either solo or with friends. Also hubby & I have weekly date nights. I also exercise most of the week. Running is my my personal stress relief. I feel ZERO guilt for making myself happy. If mama ain't happy, no one is happy!

Jogging clears my head, helps me organize my thoughts, become energized fro the day ahead. I think those feelings of guilt for taking time off are common in the beginning, the more you do it, the more entitled you will feel :) Enjoy!

Since I don't have much time nor do I take much time for myself, I have
tound ways to do that "inside those parameters".
I, too, do not have much money to spend on myself.
First of all, don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself. You need it to re-group. A healthy mom is a happy mom. Similar to taking care of yourself first so you can better assist your baby, on plane flights when they are explaining the oxygen mask they always say "Secure your oxygen mask first before that of your child's". I remember always being appalled at that but now that I am a mom, I get it. It's so you CAN help your child.

So these are the things I do:
-go to a library for peace & quiet to read or peruse a magazine
-hv magazine subscriptions (the cheap ones) for a quick read w/my child
around or under foot) & get creative ideas
-yoga tape to try & get centered
-exercise tape (I bought a cheap one. Checked one out from the lib to be
sure I liked them.)
-take my child to the park (he plays & sometimes I get to read or surf on
my phone)
-take my child to the library (free, quiet, we go to reading time, I let him
pick out a book & we both read for a bit. Ahhh, quiet. One library even
has toys for him to play with.).
-I go to bed when he does so I can get rest & be rejuvenated when he
wakes up early esp if I am the only one home.
-Or when he goes to bed, I have a glass of wine.
-I check my email
-get craft ideas on Pinterest
-make my Christmas gift list to buy for people
-organize my home
-de-clutter when I'm stuck at home
-return phone calls
-write letters
-make a list of 3-5 things I am grateful for that day
-watch a show that I like
-buy myself some cheap flowers at the grocercy store (cheers me up
each time I look at them)
-organize my printed pictures
-surf online for ealy Christmas gifts
-do isometric exercises at home (push ups, tricep dips, wall squats, planks)
-go to a cafe. I get a coffee, he gets a sm scone
-the mall to walk around burning off energy plus they have a playground
-I do a couple of crafts myself to give as gifts (jewelry, trivets)
-touch up paint on my walls and doors
-re-decorate moving things around
-look for things to repurpose
-have a garage sale
-take my child to a toy store to get ideas for gifts & let him play w/some of
the toys they have out to demonstrate
-do a crossword
-take him out for a cheap lunch (a change of scenery helps me a lot)
-hv a playdate so I can relax while watching them
-write a poem
-write a short letter to an old friend or family member
-garden
-pick up a new hobby for myself
-let my son do crafts
-play cars or a game w/my son
-sell things online to de-cutter my home & make $
-color w/my child
-paint a canvas for my home (cheap at Wal-mart)
-plan surprises for friends' b-days that don't cost money
-do a puzzle together

Just my two cents, please don't hate me.

You work full time and your child is in school. I imagine that during the week, you are both busy and don't have much time for each other...husband included. It's a typical busy week.

You OUGHT to be "on" in caretaker mode for the weekend...what other time do you have to fulfill that role?

I get my alone "me" time at night, when my children are in bed. I work on my crochet, read, snack, watch TV, play video games...whatever it is that I want to do that I can't get done during the day, because of two children and caring for my husband.

Recharging away from home...well, you could take your son to a park to play, and sit on the bench and read a book. That way, you are still sort of together, HE'S getting something out of it, and so are you.

You are another person to reinforce my personal belief that moms have been sold two lies: you can have a career, be a mom, homemaker and wife and you will be happy and/or that you have to work to survive. Too many women have too much on their plate. So, in order to deal with it, they have to spend more time away from their family to take care of themselves... It breaks my heart.

I think the guilt comes from not being there for your husband and son. If you were fired today, what would you be forced to give up? I think people look at stay-at-home moms and feel sorry for them if they don't have a car, cell phone, or cable, if they have to make all their own meals and coffee, don't have new clothes, can't have their hair and nails done and can't go on vacations. But I bet their kids are happy and if the husband is treated well, he is probably thrilled as well.

I agree with finding downtime in small doses. I am with Krista on really enjoying running errands by myself. But it's not just being able to go to the store and not entertain someone at the same time - I get to listen to my (not kid-appropriate!) music on the radio or MP-3 (go ahead and take the music into the store with you!), and I get to stop at Starbucks or Sonic and get a treat for myself.

It's also sometimes just as simple as having the TV remote. We only have one TV in the house, and downtime for me can be getting to watch WHATEVER I WANT! Put the kids to bed, pour a glass of wine or make a coke float (without the kids begging to have their own ice cream!), and watch whatever you want!

And, there is NO rule that says I have to go to bed the same time as Dear Husband. He turns in early, and I get a hot bath, an equally steamy novel (brain candy - nothing serious allowed), and a cold bottle of water. Chances are, the bath water and the drinking water are the same temperature by the time I get out.

Otherwise, if you are really wanting to get out - find a girlfriend and go out for appetizers or find a bar or restaurant with live music (chances are, she needs a break, too). On your own, get your nails or hair done (as my husband says, a good hairdresser is a whole lot cheaper than a therapist). And, I love the idea of spending a couple of hours at the library. Hmm - maybe I'll do that on my next day off.

The weekends are a tough time to find down time because there's so much to do! What we have started doing (for both of us) is running errands without the kids. If a Target run is needed... I go by myself. I get a cup of coffee and take my time figuring out what we need. If a Lowe's run is in order... he goes. It's not much, but it works for us!

I take a 30-45 minute run with the baby in the stroller every night. It's not "alone", but it's quiet and nice to be working out and outside. My husband will lay on the couch and watch something on the History channel at night after the kids are sleeping while I'm making lunches.

Squeeze the time in where you can and remember... down time is a good thing, but it's not something that should cause you stress or guilt. Find ways to unwind at home. Start small... warm bath and a glass of wine with a decent book. Sitting on the back patio with a cup of tea. Leaving the house for an extended period of time won't always be an option!

I know you want to get out of the house to decompress, but might I suggest getting up early? Say you have to get up at 6am to get ready for work, how about getting up at 5 instead? That wayyou can ease into your day, get things ready if you have to, and not have to worry about driving anywhere. Everyone will be asleep, the house will be quiet and you won't have any interruptions.

I get up around 4am every day, my husband gets up around 6 and my son around 6:30. So that gives me 2 hrs in the morning to myself and you would be surprised how much I get done...or even just sit on the porch and relax with a cup of coffee.

Sorry, but Liisa G's answer could not be more off base. My kids are happy and well adjusted, even though I've been working full-time for the past 7 years and recently completed my MBA. My kids are 9, 7, and 6. Her answer makes me think she has nothing and is jealous of those who do - sorry, but that's how I read it.

My husband and kids are very well taken care of and lack nothing from me. Fortunately, I am off of work every other Friday. That is my ME time. I get the whole day to myself. Sometimes I grocery shop, read, nap, walk, get my nails done, go sit at our local "beach" and just think, whatever. My husband and I are making sure to get more time to ourselves as a couple and we are happier.

I enjoy my time to myself, my time with my husband, and most of all my time with my kids. But I also enjoy working and providing for my family, putting my degrees to use, and showing my kids what hard work provides for them.

Maybe you can add one more day to your away time during the week and just visit a bookstore. I know that I can lose my sense of time in there. What do you like? Do you have girlfriends? Maybe you can schedule a regular lunch or dinner with her/them. (I have a monthly dinner with a cousin.)

If you have the kind of job where it isn't too difficult to take time off, maybe you can just take a day off while your son is in school. Hang out at the house or wherever. Have your husband take off for part of the day and reconnect with you.

I don't feel guilt for "stepping away". I just remember that my little one spent months in my belly, and I was "on" all the time. For his first few months of life, I was glad to have it be pretty much just me. Even now, I don't turn it off (and I don't want to because I am always his mother, even when I'm away), but I can leave the immediate bulk of the responsibility to his father. That wasn't as much of an option before, but now it is. We are equal parents to him, but that usually happens in shifts. He's two years old and completely into his father right now, and I take advantage of that time and do some reading or whatever, while they're just in the other room. This is his father's "shift".

I also work full time and have 2 kids around those ages but don't work out or do anything personal during the week. It's home from work asap 5 days a week. On weekends, I usually get an hour or two when my husband takes our kids out. We also let them watch some TV in the mornings so we can sleep in. I too feel guilty about much time away given I work full time. This isn't helpful I guess but if you're working out 4 days a week, that means a lot of the weekdays you're not seeing your son much unless you get off work really early or something. So likely you should be really involved on weekends. Your husband can take your son for an hour or two and that should be enough to recharge. One thing I find helpful is to have playdates. Then I"m home with my kids but they're pretty busy playing so I don't have to be so engaged. Taking the kids on errands also is effective bc then I get things done but am with them without having to play make believe games which I find draining. How about a date night on Sat's? I can't really help with the guilt though. There are working moms who take all sorts of time for themselves but I've never understood that. It doesn't seem fair to the children. I think my kids see now that I am not always off working out or having me time and they appreciate it. I just watch some tv to decompress after they're in bed.

The key seems to be figuring out how to shut off the guilt rather than finding places to go.

Do you trust your husband? Is he a competent father? If so, consider how your own guilt can create a negative impact on his position in the household. Think about getting away in terms of doing something good for father-child bonding, rather than 'mommy is being selfish'.

Also encourage your husband to take your son out. I love having alone time in my own house! He and your son can go see a movie together, or go to the park, or whatever. You can stay home and chill in whatever way you feel like.

Do you have health benefits that cover massage? Mine cover 80%, so I go to a massage therapist in a hotel spa so I can take advantage of the whole spa experience and make a day of it. I love yard sales and thrift stores, so I often go when I don't have the kids with me and I can browse undisturbed.

I work full time, and feel guilty doing something other than laundry, clean the house, cook, grocery shop or take care of the kids.... Like someone else had mentioned, you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others. I've noticed...when I get some "me time" I am a much nicer person to my family....
I dont do anything "fun" so to speak (cuz I cant afford to lol)... after the kids go to sleep(around 8.30, I:
watch some tv(HGTV, Friends,Everybody loves Raymond...etc.),
de-clutter
catch up on phonecalls
browse on pinterest
take a bubble bath
paint my nails
organize my pantry...and around 10...my husband and I watch one of our recorded shows together(Revenge,Deception,Suits etc), and call it a night...so everyday(or just about) I get an hr to "myself" and then an hr with my husband. it has made a world of a difference!!!
Some things I would like to do when I get some money....
take a cooking class, cake decorating class, photography class, basic sewing.... they're not too expensive...just time and money I cant splurge just yet...Oh like someone else said...I LOVE having the house to myself, but that doesnt happen more than once or twice a yr for me :(
Good Luck :)

Taking responsibility for the happiness of others is a control issue. Did you know that?

I didn't either...until my own husband (who has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy) explained it.

Why do you feel the need to be in control of everyone's happiness? And how is that affecting your own well-being?

Check out the book "Codependent No More." by Melodie Beattie. An excellent read that will help you to let go of your need to always be "on" and in control.

I have been looking into joining a 'book club'...maybe something like that?

I am the same as you, with the guilt....but I love to read and I figure there shouldn't be that much guilt associated with anything having to do with reading, I mean it's healthy and it's READING for crying out loud! Ha!

I am having trouble finding one that enjoys the same genres as I do though.

Sorry, sister...that's all I got!