Working Mom with Husband Who Travels

I strongly suggest communication with your husband. My husband travels a LOT and not as much as he did when our now 15 yr old was a baby. Date night has always been a priority with us... (EVEN with a husband who travels a LOT) You NEED your couple time. You NEED "YOUR" time and Family time. It is a balancing act. Date night is one thing we never compromised on.... we are going on 22 married yrs, 25 together.

Most of my time has been SAHM/assistant to hubby. Now that our daughter is older, I am doing more WAH(CFO of ourcompany/volunteer duties/daughter schedule and it is HARD for me to keep things together when I supposedly have the "time".. I balance the housework, volunteer work between the job I have with running QuickBooks, AP/AR Invoicing, etc.

You do not have an easy job. It is VERY easy when a spouse travels to get into a routine and then when spouse gets home, it upsets your routine. That is normal because you are running your everyday routine based on you and your child with spouse on the road.

As for dinners, when my hubby is away, I make the favorite dinners daughter and I like that we know hubby does not care for. Meatloaf and any meal with ground beef is a hit because hubby ONLY likes ground beef as a hamburger or in chili. When hubby is to come home, I make sure I have a couple of his favorites on hand.... my pan seared prime ribeye or tenderloin is a favorite.

Appreciate the time he wants to spend with you when he is home. God Bless Him....Many hubby's would prefer to take their down time on the golf course, fishing, hunting, etc.

YES, you deserve YOUR downtime. Use this as an opportunity to allow hubby to have alone special time with your daughter.

It is hard but it can be done. Just ry to balance things as best you can and make sure you do have some time just for you.

is there any church run day cares that run hourly?

Dinner wise can you make something large and then reheat?

I was in a similar situation, I get the economy and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. But maybe he can keep his eye out for something else to come along or contact a staffing agency that can help him find something in the area. If you just have to get out of the house but still feel bad maybe have him drive you where you need to go then he can hang out w/ baby and you both get in your extra time while driving around

You have gotten some great advice so far! I completely agree that a cleaning person would help a ton, if you can swing it. If it's not an option, it might be helpful to make a "schedule" -- try to do just one or two things every day to keep up. Also, try to keep up on your and your daughter's laundry during the week (a load every other day) so you only have to worry about his laundry on the weekends. I understand the guilt you may feel about getting away a bit when your husband is home, however, it sounds as though it's an important necessity for your coping with the situation. At the very least, I would do the grocery shopping ALONE when your husband is home - that, in itself, may take a load off! I also agree that it is important for you and your husband to be sure to have a date night at least every other week to reconnect. Hang in there!

as a single parent after my divorce-had to work full time-you need to prioritize an organize-on your days off from work-cook up a bunch of meat-portion an freeze-pull out for dinner-dont feel guilty for taking time out for you-your hubby does it 4 days a week-if you dont take care of you-your worthless to anybody-because your fried mentally an physically-and it wouldnt hurt your hubby to help with the chores...but biggest thing is prioritize an organize your time.

Good advice all around. I didn't read through all the responses, but I definitely think you need to sit down with your DH and explain the situation--you are feeling overwhelmed already with various responsibilities, and something has to give. So he needs to step up to the plate to help solve this issue.

If you don't have family/friends that can give you a regular break for downtime or to get stuff done (and definitely schedule both!!!), hire a babysitter or mother's helper, or dog walker, or housecleaning help. Whatever it takes. You can try trading instead of paying if money is an issue; for example, for grocery shopping, offer to do the grocery shopping for an elderly person while the person is watching your child in a safe environment for a couple of hours; or trade babysitting. If you don't have contacts for these things, ask at your church or post an ad at the local high school, or ask in your local mom's group, on craigslist, etc.

You have a lot of different things that are demanding your time, but I have a suggestion for the "what's for dinner" portion. Have you tried doing something like Let's Dish? Most everything you need to make a dinner is all in the package, so you just pull it out and cook it up. Makes that part simpler, and it's really not that much more expensive than buying ingredients. My husband and I have done it a few times, and we went together to put the meals together, which made it a date for us. Not super exciting or romantic, but it was fun nonetheless. The food is delicious too.

You are very fortunate to drop your schedule down. My husband works away from home Monday night through Saturday most of the time - he's home Sunday and Mondays. I work full-time and take an evening class. It's definately an adjustment and very hard. I am a very independent person but I have to keep busy to keep my mind off the fact he's not home and missing out on my daughter's life. I have a 14 year old and a 3 year old so many nights I am overwhelmed but I just keep plugging along and my 14-year old helps out a lot, otherwise, I'd go insane probably. I used to feel guilty leaving to spend time with my friends so I make sure I make time for them when he's gone. I'd be very happy if my husband only worked Mon-Thursday away from home instead of the 6 days. Get some help from friends and family if you can to have time for yourself or sneak away while your husband is home for only a short time -like a couple of hours so you don't feel too guilty. That gives him a time to spend with your daughter alone as well. Hope everything works out

My husband does this but only sporatically. Honestly, if you can afford it, a cleaning person will certainly help. I have one every other week for only a few hours but my husband said he noticed a complete change in me when we agreed to this. With both of us working I felt I needed to maximize my time with my son. Otherwise clean at nap times on the weekend, both of you. I also highly recommend a date night once a moth or 2. As far as meals, we like homemade pizzas on tortillas, I make a lot of those steam in the bag veggies and some of the frozen pasta/rice dinners but add some more meat for protein. Sandwiches, salads and roll ups are always good too. My son loves turkey roll ups and even eggs for dinner! Good luck, it is tough at first but you'll get into a routine and it will work out.

You sound like me five years ago. My husbands occupation requires him to travel. Been married 8 years and he has always traveled. Gone 7 to 10 days at a time. When we had our son five year ago, I thought, there is no way I can do this, but you can!!! I now have 3 children and work full time and with that I mean around 50 hours a week. First, it is near impossible to get all of your duties done, but don't sweat it. Prioritize, I do as much with my kids as possible, we run the errands, do the grocery shopping etc. The cleaning I do sparingly, but mostly try to do with the help of my husband when he returns. I make sure the house is picked up every night before the kids go to bed. Set a menu for the week. Do your shopping on the weekends. THis way you don't have to think about dinner. My kids don't eat everything either, while I try to take that into consideration, I stopped catering to that a long time ago. It will get better the more exposure and variety they recieved. Make sure your daughter has a set bed time. All of my kids are in bed by 8 at the latest. This gives me time to decompress, read, watch tv, news whatever. This is MY time. I also used to feel so guilty when he came home because I would just want to be alone. You can't, it is for your own well being. He get's a lot of alone time while he is gone, which is why he doesn't need it when he returns. I usually try to go to the mall, or schedule a dinner with a friend. With your marriage, make sure the lines of communication are open. You cannot resent him, you must support him and your daughter must see that pride and support from you. My marriage has never been stronger but we have gone through a lot of valleys to get it here and even now it is hard. We talk on the phone everal times a day, just to talk about the mundane details of our day, but it is necessary to still have these conversations regardless of his loacation. Trust me it gets easier, just when you think you can't do it anymore, you realize you can. My life as single working mother is the norm for me. It will get easier. Your post has hit home with me because this could have been me writing it. If you ever need to vent to someone, feel free to shoot me an email any time. Jess

This is where "the village" should step in.

Do you have family, friends, or neighbors nearby who can help you out? It's OK to ask for help. Can a neighbor walk the dog? (Can you get rid of the dog?) Can a family member pick up your daughter from day care? Can you afford a grocery delivery service like Coborn's Delivers?

If you can't afford a cleaning person, can you lower your standards? Or can you take the daughter to a neighbor's house while you clean or run an errand? If you say you have no family, friends, or neighbors that you like who live nearby, then you have bigger problems that can't be answered in a Mamapedia post. We are not meant to live in isolation.

Yes, your marriage will go into a downward spiral. I'm resenting your husband already and I don't even know him! Don't know what to do about this, except keep sacred those telephone conversations. Consciously think of something positive to say (about him) in addition to your litany of stress and complaints. Good luck, kiddo.