Mommy Etiquette

Found this article which may be helpful:

http://ezinearticles.com/?Mom-Etiquette---10-Things-Every...

Babies don't play with other babies.
They might like to look at baby faces, but cooperative play does not happen till they are preschool age (3-4 yrs old).
I wouldn't worry about socialization with other kids yet.
Interaction with parents and caregivers is important, keep TV to a minimum.
They are picking up language and learning so much (walking, crawling, picking up, sorting, etc).
We never really got into play dates, but my son had plenty of interaction with kids at preschool and school.

I say do whatever works for your family. Our eldest son didn't get all that much socialization before he was 4 years old. He saw age-mates at church, and had a 2 hour group playdate with them maybe every other week (for about 9 months) when he was about 2 years old. Other than that, he was home with me. We spent a lot of time (husband got frequent vacations and we had no family nearby) traveling to visit extended family and he spent sporadic time with older cousins for a few hours each time we visited... but that was about it. Except for adults.

He learned how to behave with adults (me, my husband, our friends, our extended family), and really... what a great thing! He didn't pick up "bad" habits from other kids learning to navigate their impulsivity. He learned to speak well and speak up. He learned not to be intimidated speaking to an adult. He learned good grammar. He learned REAL words (not things like blanky and baa baa) and spoke in complete sentences, because that is ALL HE EVER HEARD.
He is a teen now, and one of the most well-adjusted young men and easily makes friends. He is very empathetic around others, and enjoys younger kids as well (younger cousins). He orders for himself in restaurants and is fine interacting with adults. And he is still a big old kid when it comes to play time, lol.
There is no harm in not pushing the socialization agenda onto your child. If you WANT to do it, great. If not, no reason to worry.
We enrolled our guy in a private K4 class to learn how to participate in groups and behave without Mommy around constantly, and he did great! No issues because he wasn't a "daycare kid" or a "play group kid" or whatever.

As far as etiquette, just use your common sense. If your kid is sick and has been around others, or is invited to something, let the others know so they can be prepared (or maybe don't go to the event to avoid spreading it). There are so many childhood illnesses/viruses that just run their course. It's nice to know that somebody has 5ths Disease, so when your kid gets the slapped cheek look, you know what is going on, lol.
If you don't know what is expected: ASK. "Do I need to bring anything?" "Will food/drinks be provided?" "Do I stay or is it a drop-off situations?" etc. Just ASK. Can't go wrong that way!
Good luck.

well, I'm on the other side of the fence: I truly believe that it's never too young to start socialization...both with peers & with other adults!

Stranger anxiety comes in spurts, typically 4 months....9 months...& usually around 18 months. It can also happen anywhere in between, & can occur in multiple rounds. That said, the more you get your child out/about, the easier each transition becomes!

Why doesn't your nanny host/attend play dates? What's the issue? It should be a part of the job description!

& as for the pink eye situation: kudos to that mom for giving you a head's up! Kind & considerate....

Sooo, moving on to your questions:
1. yes, yes, yes....get your son out/about. Whether it's your nanny doing it....or whether it's you. He needs to expand his circle of comfort. I took my kids everywhere. They were both highly-social & verbal to boot! Simple trips to the grocery store, to the local library....all of this helps in socialization. When he's closer to 18 months....consider using a daycare with preschool curriculum. He's with a nanny, so there's not much difference between daycare/nanny!

As other moms have said, at this age, children do not play together. Instead they do "parallel play"....meaning they do the same activity, side-by-side...not together. At age 2, this changes. Proof positive of this phenomenon would be the two 2yo's in my daycare. They've been together since age 1 & are fantastic together!

& your comments about the mess/noise....get over it, Mom! That's actually the joyous element of children playing! My very dear departed MIL taught me that at an early stage...& 25 years later, I'm still embracing her mindframe on children & play.

2. as another mom said, "the Golden Rule" is the best policy to follow! Be kind & considerate. Be giving, think of others....& all should be well. It also helps if you & the other moms are "like-minded" when it comes to parenting.

**you know a lot of your post boils down to you & your parenting skills! It's up to you to decide how you want to raise your child. In order to achieve some of the things it sounds as if you think you need to do for your son, you are going to have to change your own mindframe when it comes to the basics of childhood. Kids can be noisy, they can be messy, & they have to be around others to become socialized!

So here's my final suggestion: RELAX & live life! & all will fall into place!

These are good questions! We do lots of play dates (but my kids are 4, not 1, so they request them). At 15 months we almost never did play dates. It was just too much work, and the social interaction was more for me than for my kids. I think you can totally wait until summer since you're already doing a mommy and me class.

When you DO start playdates, the etiquette that I follow includes: don't go if you or your child is sick. Even if you have to cancel at the last minute, that's better than exposing someone else's kids. Call if you find out your kids did get sick after the playdate so the other parent can keep an eye out for symptoms. Bring a snack for the kids if you're invited to someone else's house. Once you do regular playdates with someone, you don't necessarily do this but it's nice the first few times. Set expectations on how long the playdate will last. My girls are in school, so most playdates are pretty short, 3:20 to 5 at the very latest. There's nothing worse than politely trying to get someone out of your house so you can make dinner and they just aren't getting the clues. Well, the only thing worse is realizing that you're the one who overstayed the welcome.

Hmmm... what else. If you like the other parent and want to keep in contact, reciprocrate on the playdates. If they host one time, you offer for the next.

At 15mos, I wouldn't worry about the socialization too much.

But you could suggest to your parents that they take him to the library for story hour, to the playground or sign them up for a baby music/gym class. I can't see any issue waiting until summer to do this. We did this kind of thing with my oldest at that age. They don't really play together at this age, just side by side.

My son is two, and he just stopped taking a morning nap, and still takes an afternoon nap. Time for going to classes, etc, is at a premium. Lucky for him he has an older sister.

Yes, your quiet, tidy fashion play idea is a pipe dream. But if you don't want them in your house, try meeting at a kid friendly cafe or the park, etc. When you do have kids over, limit the amount of toys they play with.

No tips on Mommy etiquette. Just follow the "golden rule" and you should be fine.

I agree that it is never too young to start socialization with children and adults.

Of course, it is your family and you do what is right for your family.

I don't understand why your child care provider does not participate in helping your child socialize.

We had a neigborhood full of little ones about the same age and we got together all the time. We took turns at each other's houses so no one got the brunt of all the extra cleanup afterwards.

i pick up that you don't want playdates because you don't want to get your house messy or hear noise. Children do make noise and they do make messes.... it is a part of being a child.

Yous son will grow up so fast right before your eyes.... your house will still be there when he flies from the nest. You can keep a tidy house and enjoy children.

He needs to see you modeling socialization so he feels more comfortable in socializing himself. No matter how you put it... you give off "vibes" that he picks up and he knows if you are uncomfortable with others and in turn he is that way too.

Yes, we always told each other if a child came down with something so the other families could be prepared and be on the lookout.

Try to lighten up a bit and get out with him. Go to parks, playgrounds, rec centers, join more classes, do something to engage him with others.

Good luck

Call some local Methodist Churches and find out if one of them hosts a Mothers-Day-Out program. We have a couple in my town and one does M-W-F 10am-3pm and the other one does T-Th 9am to noon. They are inexpensive and you don't have to pay if you don't go, they are able to sometimes even do a drop in child if they are not already full.

It is a wholesome, loving environment. I took the girl each and every time the 3 day week one was open, they close for breaks during winter and spring break like the schools do but are usually open during the summer for regular hours. The boy went 1-2 days per week when he got old enough just so I could have time to go do grocery shopping or make doc appointments that he did not need to go with me to.

I don't know about formal etiquette rules, but here are some things I always do: bring several snacks and share with others, bring our own sippy/travel cup, watch and step in if my kids get too possessive or physical, have my kids (and me) help clean up before we go. I'm sure there are more, but essentially, I try not to burden my hosts with anything, even food for my kids, and I always try to leave the place as it was before we played. I figure that however I would like others to act at my house is what they would appreciate from me!

If your mom/manny is watching him each day while you work, why don't they take him out a few times a week to socialize. In most places you can go to toddler story time at the library or toddler music time (here it is at the library and also is free). We have a local environmental center with a free toddler/preschooler time (craft, story, hike or activity) each Monday. We also have a family center where parents/grandparents can take young children to play while the adults can sit and socialize. They also have a free toddler music class and toddler/mom yoga class. After we moved here it was at these events is where we met other parents with kids the same age as ours and eventually got to know them well enough to set up a playdate. I invited a couple mom's over one morning for coffee while the kids play. They reciprocated. In the summers I meet up with some of these people to hike on local trails. We all have babies/toddlers/preschoolers so no one expects it to be a major hike. It's just fun for the kids and we adults can chat. There are also classes you can pay for like toddler gymnastics and swim classes. I will now meet friends on Fri mornings at the pool to take our toddlers swimming in the therapy pool. As for rules...I just make sure my child is taking turns and sharing properly. I remove her and make her say sorry if she hits or pushes. I give her a time out if she needs it. I bring a snack and sippy cup. When I host a playdate I offer drinks and snacks around. If my child is sick I cancel so as to not get anyone else sick.

Awesome question FB!

I don't think its THAT important at your son's age for him to be socialized. I remember at 2, my friendly happy kid could care less about playing w/others. Playdates were more for the mommies to have at least 5 min of adult chick chat. Kids are still in their own world at 2, so at 15 mos I think its okay he doesn't seem comfortable around others. As long as he doesn't scream or pitch a fit everytime someone looks at him, he should be fine.

I always appreciate it when moms tell me when their child was just sick or had a fever the night before, and if it was ok to still get together w/them. That gave me a choice if I wanted my kid to be exposed to anything. I further appreciated it when a mom would cancel a playdate b/c of a sick child.

If I pull out a snack at my house, their house or at a playland or park, I ALWAYS ask the moms around me if anyone has allergies. As inconvenient at it is, I don't ever want to be knowingly responsible for any kid going into anaphylactic shock b/c of me.

As for my house rules, when kids were old enough to be dropped off for playdates, I always tell them before the parents leave "If you are not allowed to do anything at your house, then you aren't allowed to do anything at mine." This has worked WONDERS.

hth

We had outings, but I don't think we did actual play dates until around 2. And both of my kids were really reserved around others until three. In fact my daughter turned three in October and still has to "warm up" to a new crowd. It's completely normal. Your guy is still pretty young and it's ok for him to get frazzled in a crowd. Slowly along the way you will connect with a mom or two and set up play dates and it will grow from there.

I enjoyed taking mommy and me classes with both of my kids. It was a fun way to be around other kids and could qualify for socializing in a "tidy" fashion :). I always went through the rec centers, the classes are much cheaper and always seemed smaller which helps with my shy kiddos. We LOVED the swimming classes at our local rec center. I also did mommy and me gymnastics with both of my kids. The classes are structured ways to get used to a group setting. All the moms help with crowd control. It's a nice way to spend time with your little one. And a way to meet other parents and their kids.

As far as play dates. I like to make the first few at a neutral location. So no one is "hosting". Make sure everyone is getting along (squabbles will happen). Playgrounds, lunch dates, story times, etc. When I host a play date I usually try to have a snack for the kids...I always ask ahead of time if the kid likes it or is allowed to eat it. Maybe coffee or sodas on hand to offer the other mama. I usually pick up the house and lock up our dog (she's large and loveable, but her size makes many nervous) and I try to have stuff in the living room area for the kids, so we can keep an eye on them while we chat. As they get older, the play migrates to bedrooms, but it was a while for that.

I don't bring sick kids over or kids who have just gotten over being really sick. If it's something as simple as a runny nose, I usually tell the mom ahead of time and ask if we need to reschedule. Some moms really don't care and some do, they will usually tell you. Like the pink eye incident, I do call if something shows up afterwards. This just gives everyone a heads up. We hosted a slumber party in Nov. One of the kids got strep throat. Three other kids also got it. Since they knew their kids were exposed to strep,they took them to the doctor ASAP instead of waiting it out to see if the sore throat would pass. The information helped.

Other than that, don't over think it. Common courtesy rules. HTH!

Hi F. B..
Yes that was good mom etiquette of hers. And others here have posted some other good ones. I agree with all of them, nothing much to add, just to confirm that you have no issues yet! He's 15 months old. After age 2, but really once they're 3 and 4 they'll start playing with other kids rather than just by themselves near other kids.

I have a 5 1/2 yo, a 4 1/2 yo and an 8 month old. I do some playdates at my house, some at friends houses, and plenty of outing meet up playdates, like meet at the children's museum, or go to the zoo together, or the library, or the bookstore, or the park, etc etc etc.

Check your local library for activities that your caregivers could take him to.
Check a local gymboree for classes.
And most of all DO NOT WORRY!

I also, would not want a lot of younger kids (not potty trained, more messy) at my house. The 4 and 5 yo's while they are a bit rambunctious, are really not bad at all. My daughters usually do alot with their friends on their own and then they need me only to serve snacks, or if I'm giving them all makeovers, or we're baking something together. Otherwise they usually are having tea parties, playing dress up, dolls, mommy and baby, etc.

:-)

.

I love your etiquette question, because I struggled with this for a long time and I will be interested in people's responses. What I found was that different groups of parents will have different etiquette. After some false starts I have found a group of people whose "etiquette" boils down to common sense and mutual support, which works for me and my child.

Re: noise during playdates, I am the same way. However, my life has been enriched by the presence of these other children in it. I don't plan to have more than one child and it is such a blessing that through my daughter there are other children in my life. I just adore them. So it's a trade-off, and for me, the benefit of having relationships with these other kids (not to mention of course my daughter having them!) definitely outweighs the noise and mess and frazzle. I hope that will happen for you, too!

Look for ways to expand his horizons. Could someone start taking him to the library? The kiddie section is usually a great place for kids, and you can pick out books. He can play next to other kids (at this age they don't play cooperatively very well.) I met a couple of good friends when our kids were in the play area together or when we went to the mall play zone. Libraries also have song/story times for free, and it might be good to have another outlet there.

You can consider joining a parents' meet up group for new people to meet, and new ideas for things. I find that the parents I see at the same events over and over are at least friendly faces and sometimes we even become friends outside the meet ups. If you all take your kids to museums, chances are YOU all like museums, follow?

Every area has it's own quirks but in general:

I notify new people about my house (gates, no gates, how babyproofed, what animals are around) before they decide to come over.

I always tell people about my DD's apple allergy or any other food-related things and ask same. One child may have blueberries or grapes cut up but another is fine. I usually make sure DD has a snack cup and a sippy cup in case it is needed.

The more you interact with other kids, the more you will need to figure out a labeling system - we use Mabel's Labels (2+ yrs and still kicking). mabelslabels.com I put them on her snack containers, cups, jackets and special toys (tag mates are great for dino bellies).

If my kid is sick, I let the friend decide if we should still come over. Sometimes they just don't want germs, or don't want to share their germs with us.

I also like having an expectation on timeframe. That's why a first playdate at a nature center or playground may be a good idea. You can leave (or they can) when you need to and there's likely to be something for the person staying to do. You don't have to kick anybody out. Many of our meet ups run about 10:30-lunch, whenever lunch is for that child. If it is going to run longer (say a trip to the zoo) then we talk in advance about packed lunch and meet somewhere to eat. Often that's still toward the end of the outing, though, since a lot of kids your son's age still nap.

I would wait on the outings until about 2 or so, thats usually when small children start to become social. You can go to the park and meet other moms or meetup.com to find a group near you. If you already know some then host your own playdates with a limited amount of children.

I am not sure of any cardinal rules other then to keep sick kids home.