Mom Wants to Work 80+ Hours per week..Doable?

No No NoNo Noooooooo
Formative pre-teens need mamma on the best of circumstances, much less autistic, adhd, dyslxic. Who will help with homework? Who will answer life questions? Who will be there to hug and kiss them when they've had a bad day. Not a good thing. Very very selfish. I woul gladly be in debt till the day I die in order to be there for my kids. I work a full time job and dad works 2 jobs, so, I'm not anit-woman working. But it's a juggle under the best circumstances. You have to prioritize the kids every chance you get.

I think that this will end up being too much. Her girls are really too young to be at home at night by themselves, they need M. home - especially with their medical issues. They are also at an age that they need M. around. She needs to stick with one job if at all possible.

Well, if her debt is more important to her than her health, her marriage and her kids I guess. I don't think she can last though. I mean, how long is she thinking of doing this? 6 months? Years? If her debt that enormous, she needs to consolidate it, cut up the credit cards and pay it off more slowly. She can't just pretend she doesn't have a family and focus every living breath on working off "debt". Sounds like she has other issues with wisdom and logic.

I am thinking that the reason I had kids is to be there for them. Your kids are only young once and grow up too fast as it is. Our society is geared more toward getting ahead financially then giving our family what they deserve.

I think she's crazy. She will be able to do it for a short period of time. She is going to burn herself out very quickly. There are better ways to become debt free.
Remember...no one ever said on their deathbed.....I wish I worked more. They all wish they spent more time with their families.
She's giving up way too much in my opinion to become debt free.

Doable? Yes. But with the consequences of quick burn out, housework not being done, kids possibly running amok, and no down time. I think it's not worth it. It always sounds more smoothly than it actually goes.

Doable if she is M. to a cat.

While I find it admirable that this family wants to get out of debt, and I agree that it's very important to work hard to do that, there MUST BE BALANCE! Teen and pre-teen girls are very VERY impressionable. Who will they be learning life lessons from while M. and dad are gone, TV, internet, other "friends"? None of those options are good choices for young impressionalbe children. What happens when one of the children needs to have medications changed, altared, or needs to go to an appointment? What will they do when the girls aren't getting along?

Children need love in the form of attention and affection, if they are not getting that from home they will seek it elsewhere. I'm not insinuating that this M. doesn't love her children, I think she does and that's why she wants to get out of debt. But the harsh reality is that her children will suffer. She needs to spend a certain QUANTITY of time with her children. It's not so much the quality of time that she spends with them but the QUANTITY of time, because that's when quality time happens. If the quantity isn't happening the quality isn't going to be there because there will always be anger, hurt feelings and/or resentment maybe even feelings of abandonment.

I'm glad you're looking out for your friend and her family.

It's doable, but it's wrong. It would difficult even on children with no known special needs. Is getting out of debt more quickly so important, that you she risk the happiness and stability of her children? If so, that's incredibly selfish. Sure, wanting to get out of debt is great. Actively working to get out of debt, even greater. Your kids suffering,because of it...just stupid. She needs to get on a plan of a few years and pay it off, so that her kids don't have to suffer from her mistakes.

Are you sure she's worried about debt? Not to sound too harsh but it sounds more like she's trying not to be home with her family! I know children with autism, ADHD and Dyslexia can be a handful and it sounds like she's trying to avoid them. I think she's going to burn out real fast if she really does go thru with this schedule and she will regret not spending the time with her family. Sounds like a very sad situation all around. I wish her luck!!!

It is doable but it is only a matter of time before she burns out. The problem with burn out is in the long run you end up less productive than if you had a reasonable pace.

I don't think the reward of being debt free quicker is worth the sacrifice.

I did a schedule much like that when I went to school at 18 hours a semester and 40 hour work weeks. I lost four years of my kids lives that I will never get back. I also had two adult children living at home while I did this. Kind of like having two husbands that you controlled their allowance. They watched the younger two when I couldn't be home.

Your friend will pull this off most likely too long and when she crashes it is not going to be pretty.

It's doable, but it won't work. She will have no life and will burn out. Her children will not function well - this wouldn't work with kids that didn't have any special needs. I worked similar hours for a seasonal job when I was single and had no children and it was exhausting.

Is she looking for a way to escape debt or to escape stress at home? I think seeing a debt counselor and getting strategies in place to do this is a better idea than working yourself to the bone and spending no time at all with your family.

Wow! I would never put my family in this situation. My kids come first in my book, and I could not imagine never seeing them. I would be afraid my kids would feel like I was rejecting them in some way. I have a 10yr. daughter with ADD and her entire world would come crashing down if I tried this. She is a very needy child, and would feel so abandoned if we never spent time together. I could not imagine not sitting down and eating dinner with my girls. Warming their dinner in a microwave every night is not good for them. I think these kids will grow to resent their parents, be at a higher risk for teen pregnancy, and at a higher risk to get involved with the wrong crowd. These girls are still so young and if they feel abandoned and unloved, they will look for it in the wrong places. Who is going to be watching these kids after school until M. gets home? Dad sleeping all evening is not watching these girls at all! I feel so bad for these girls because I can't imagine the lonliness they will endure during this time. I really hope M. rethinks what she will be doing to her kids. I would rather be in debt than to risk the well being of my three girls!

Doable but with a short burn out time. It's really hard to juggle two jobs. If the entire family is on board to try it out tho, and they work as a team, she might be able to make it work for a time.
Makes me want to go take a nap just thinking about it!

This is a recipe for soooo many disasters!!

I understand wanting to be out of debt but there are other ways of going about it besides sacrificing your relationship with your spouse and children. Not being an available mother to your children and bringing stress on yourself and everyone in the household is too high of a price to pay..even higher than the debt load they carry.

This schedule is just plain wrong and it turns everyone into roommates existing in a home instead of a warm and loving family centered environment. Oh how sad that this family will not eat meals together but the girls will reheat dinner and eat alone...just plain sad. I think of all the wonderful conversations lost, and questions unanswered and not asked because adults are not there. So sad!! Even when she is home she will be playing catch up on housework while exhausted and not available to her kids.

I would suggest talking to a debt counselor...consolidate debt and come up with a plan...it will take longer but worth it. Have a family council and get hubby and kids on board to scale back on expenses. THis can bring a family closer together when everyone takes a role in the solution to the family's problem. Kids can choose not grumble when they are having beans and rice and salad for dinner day after day or simple bag lunches at school. Kids can choose not to grumble when Holidays are spent a little more meagerly. Parents can make the bigger financial decisions of maybe selling a home or car and cut back on other items. Have a yard sale to get rid of items not needed. THis WILL NOT pay down the debt but get the FAMILY on board to work together to cut back. A yard sale with a purpose is a life lesson the parents can teach and model to their kids so the cycle of debt does not continue. Examples like these will teach better than M. leaving and being gone round the clock and exhausted and unavailable physically,emotionally and mentally checked out when home.

I wish your friend the best. Debt is a horrible black cloud following you around constantly. It is one of the top major reasons couples divorce...it is a constant stress. Take this time to teach the kids how to NOT get into unnecessary debt. We teach these lessons all the time. Our only debt is our modest mortgage. We pay off our one credit card payment each month..never carry a balance. We plan ahead for big expenses and only pay for an item if we have the money. We buy sales, eat home cooked meals and rarely go out to eat.

I really hope your friend does not choose this work schedule. THat is no way to live a life. She will regret one day when her kids are grown and gone and thinks back on all those lost moments. She will regret it when her kids look back at that time and feel anger and resentment that they were left alone. Her kids have very big special needs that need constant overseeing and monitoring and teaching. But the one special need all kids have is a M. or dad there to help teach and guide. Or it is replaced with friends, t.v., computer "friends"(which are sometimes very "helpful" predators), food for comfort, sex, drugs and alcohol. Also, when children feel lonely,abandoned, afraid, sad and lost then they usually act out in ager,resentment and rebellion. This can intensify with the special needs that she deals with.

Oh..I sooo hope your friend comes to a better solution to their debt dilemma.

Good luck and best wishes!!

Doable - probably, for a few months.

A good idea - NO WAY.
1. You can not live on only 6 hours of sleep for a long period of time. How is she suppose to get home at 11:30 and be asleep by 11:31?
2. Her children need her, her husband needs her. They need to have quality family time.
3. She will get sick. Keeping this type of schedule will wear her down and wear down her immunity system.
4. Her children will not understand why mommy is never home, and why mommy doesn't love them anymore.

This will actually put her into deeper debt than she is now.

Doable for 1-2 months, after that her physical health will suffer because she’ll be burned out and her immune system will be diminished. Her mental health will also be affected and will probably get irritable and depressed.
And that’s just her, her kids will also be affected, especially if they have disabilities; kids need M. around and when you’re burned out, even when you’re with your kids, you tend to be irritable and less patient.
That’s just my point of view. Good luck to her!

I have worked the 80 hour week before and it is so hard on the body, mind and spirit. It is nothing like a person expects it to be. She can do it, of course she can but at what cost to her children. They need to do other things first. Being debt free is nice but it can wait until the kids are out of school and on their own.

Her children will begin to have reports from school that they are acting out, having behavior problems, falling asleep during class-time. These children are not old enough to be put by the wayside so M. and dad can get control of their spending habits. If these kids were in high school or college then I'd say go for it. But they are at an age where they need an adult at home, awake and paying attention to them.

She will have to hire someone to clean her house, cook her meals, wash her clothes, etc...why work the extra hours so she can hire someone to take her place.

She has two special needs daughters who aren't old enough to begin with to take adequate care of themselves, and there's no planned time for her or her husband to actively parent or take care of these children. A parent being present but sleeping is not adequate supervision. I have two typical daughters and a special needs daughter, and I simply can't even nap without another adult being in the house ready to pick up the parenting slack.

Is it doable? Physically, yes, but she'll end up running herself ragged and get sick without enough rest or down time. She'll end up spending more money than she anticipates running the house and likely on childcare, or she'll have to quit because the set-up won't work for her children or her husband. Less money than she anticipates will go toward their debt.

Her family is still very young, and considering the fact that her children have Autism means that she must spend the time with them now while they're still so young. They take more time than typical children, especially with the qualities about them that make it seem like they have an extended toddlerhood. They will likely regress with things that they've been doing well or better with. Their routines will be disrupted and that will in turn cause disruptions in their sleep patterns, eating, and school issues. As a mother with special needs children she ought to realize this already. These are the most formative years her children will ever have and that makes them the most important. They have to be her priority over debt that isn't immediate and beating down her door even if she feels as if it is.

Your friend may not appreciate unsolicited advice and having you ask this question and printing it out. She may very well need to try it and see for herself, and realize that this isn't something that HAS TO BE done.

Could she bottle some o that energy and give me some??? I can barely get through my 40 hours...

I understand her wanting to be debt free, but just how much debt does she have? It might make better sense to take a few years to work a little less/pay off debt than to basically abandon her family while she works. Then she'll be debt free, but at what cost?

She has children who have difficulties--difficulties that make parenting more prominent and more needed--who need their M. around while they're still young and growing and when being around and being a parent is going to really pay off, in a real and big, good way. How will she know what they are doing in school, what they're doing for homework, if she's not there to watch them as they do their homework? Who is going to help them with their special assignments for school? The grandparents? They've already raised their kids; these girls need their mother to raise them. If they were older and almost out of high school--or out of high school, that would be one thing. But they are still very young and haven't even hit the turbulent teenager years yet.

She may think she can do everything right now, and think she's Wonder Woman because she hasn't been sick. But working like she plans to do--with probably not eating or eating substandard (read fast food or processed food) because of her work schedule/time constraints is only going to hurt her in the long run, not to mention not having enough time for good restorative sleep. It is very easy to run down the adrenal glands and deplete the immune system; once that happens, it takes a LONG TIME to build them back up again (trust, me, I KNOW what I'm talking about on this one.)

I think never seeing dad or M. (if M. plans/decides to work that much) is going to alienate the kids from the parents, is going to cause lots of friction and strive in the family, and is going to cause way more heartache than she can possibly imagine. When you decide to have children, you are a parent to those children. End of story. Change your buying and spending habits, see what you can do without, manage your money better, maybe get one job that doesn't interfere too much with actually being around for your children (it would be helpful if the father was around more too)--whatever you need to do to relieve your money worries but also allows for you to be with your family.

If your (money/financial) situation is still dire when they are grown up, then think about killing yourself working a huge number of hours then. But please, don't do it while you still have young ones in the house.

I worked similar to that with my first 8-5 job after college/moving 18 hrs across many states. I worked a second job bartending several nights per week/weekends. So for 3 shifts M-F, I worked 8-5 then changed clothes and drove to a new job to work 6 to about 11pm (sometimes later). I worked Saturdays and Sundays. I was a grouch and resentful....I was in my 20s and my husband/then boyfriend and our friends were having a great time while I was at work on the weekends. My goal was to become debt free as well...and it worked after about 1 year. I then quit the second job. However, we had a cat then, no dogs, no children. I don't think that schedule would be fair to a dog let alone two children. Her children deserve her time and being debt free is not worth the no time she is thinking of giving them.

It may be doable but is it worth your health? We are not made to be super human. Your children will soon be grown and gone and you can't get those precious years back. You can be debt free by doing without the little things as they add up..Cup of coffee at Starbucks, even at work or thru the drivethru. Making your own cost nothing, use a thermos. We have so forgotten how to do without and it has it's consequences. We have too much stuff and too little time. Couponing has saved me money without doing a whole lot. I don't hoard items just find coupons for things I already buy. Like putting money in my pocket. Good luck if you decide to do this. I know I wouldn't be able to..

I think she is going to burn out quick...but some can be so determined they make it work.My husband did many years of working 12-13 hours a day working physically laboring job. But he only worked 4 days a week.

I don't see how anyone could physically do this even without having kids.

I understand wanting to be debt free, but the kids can't raise themselves.

I think they could probably make it work in the short term (no more than six months) for the purpose of paying off debt if the whole family is on board.

When will she spend quality time with her daughters and husband and on herself? I think it's doable, but crazy for her health on so many levels. You don't have to become debt free overnight by sacrificing so much at one time. Family comes first to me, and this would be a big no in my opinion. I think she'll end up resentful, tired, and overwhelmed, and how is that being a good wife and parent?

RU kidding??????????? What is she thinking?!?! I vote for NOT thinking, sounds like she wants to escape from home, even IF this were a viable do, what about being M.??? Sounds as if her girls have enough things to deal with just growing up, growing up w/o a mother will just add to the mountains they are climbing.

I think your friend is romanticizing about the "debt free" part & not being realistic about the rest. Sure it looks doable on paper, but in reality, I don't think it will work.

I think she's going to burn out, and her family is going to suffer. Who is going to give those kids the attention they need? Doesn't she think they'll miss her & be affected by this? What about her marriage? Everyone will take a back seat just because she is obsessed with being debt free.

She can still be debt free, just do it in a manner that won't affect her health & family so much.

I'm sorry, but I think she's being a little selfish in this plan. It's just money. It's not worth the almost certain negative impact it will have on her family. Sure, she thinks it will work and will be debt free soon, but the price she'll have to pay is not worth it.

For a few weeks as a younger woman, while married to a man here on a student visa (so was not allowed to work), I worked two full-time jobs. It nearly killed me, and I didn't have children to care for – just a childish and spoiled husband.

Your friend can possibly do this for a while, but since she also has children with special needs, I doubt she'll be able to do it for long. If she tries this, I hope she'll do her best to stay aware of the effects it has on other family members, and also her own long-term health. The goal is admirable, but probably not worth the cost.

In most families, the M. is the one who manages most of the emotional and domestic issues. This would be much harder to do if so much time and energy is spent outside the home, unless she has really extraordinary support from extended family.

As far as leaving her kids alone for an hour after they are in bed, I actually have less trouble with that, having had a period as a divorced M. during which my daughter was a latchkey kid after school till I got home from work. This used to be a common situation, and most children handled it well, becoming more independent and responsible. But it's not ideal, because emergencies can arise, and I wonder how a child on the autism spectrum would handle waking up from a nightmare, or feeling sick. It strikes me as problematic at best, and possibly dangerous.

Frankly, I don't think it's any of your business - it's your friend's business. Personally I think we all do what we have to do, and it's not the kids' fault that they parents got deeply into debt although the kids will ultimately suffer a little from it, but if your friend feels like she's able to do it then you should be supportive as a good friend, and not say "I told you so" if she fails or discovers that you were right.
I'm sure everyone here is well meaning but seriously if it was me, I'd tell you to step back and let me run my own life. Let her try and succeed or fail on her own. That's what friends do.