Mom Vs. Grandmom

I'd say let most of it go. Grandma can never ever even begin to replace you so don't feel threatened. Be grateful you have such an awesome support system. We live thousands of miles away from grandparents and so we all miss out on all that love she's showering on them. It doesn't conflict, just complements. I know when I lived close to my mom I was very insecure as a parent because it felt like she knew she could do everything better. It certainly wasn't intentional, and I just needed to get secure with myself. The toys beneath their developmental level are not going to make them stupid, and if she gives them silly shoes that are ridiculous to walk in you simply make those the dress up shoes for only at home. There's enough love to go around, and there's no such thing as too much of it. What a blessing these granddaughters have come into her life since she never had the joy of daughters, there's no way that her little enjoyments can take away from the richness of life you enjoy with them as your daughters. Enjoy!

Having the first grandchild in our family I had similar issues not with my MIL, but with my mother. We had a talk about how important certain things were to me and how different they are from when I was a kid. I also made it clear that I had very specific ideas about how I wanted to raise my children and what I wanted them to have, watch, etc. and how moms these days always ask each other before giving gifts or doing activities. I kept the conversation about me and my concerns, not about her mistakes or differences. Now - if she wants to give my son anything, she runs it by me first!

Oh, how I feel your pain! I am told all the time that I should be thankful that my mother (yes, not even mother in law!) is such a loving and involved grandma, but it drives me crazy! My mother does live 6 hours away and it has gotten to the point where I do not like to visit. She was telling me, not asking, when she would be coming to visit. She told me that she was going to take my daughter camping the night before she arrived. When I told her that I already made plans with my daughter, my mother became very upset and expected me to cancel the plans. Anytime I tell her that I do not want her to do something, she thinks I am insulting her parenting skills. I wish I had a good answer for you, because I certainly want a magical solution to help my mother understand that she is appreciated as a grandma, but I am the mother and my wishes must be respected. So, I guess I am offering validation.
I know I am farther away from my mother and my sister had twin boys a month ago, so it is not as bad for me anymore, but my husband often points out that my children are going to be the ones to suffer if I alienate Grandma. I definitely pick my battles, but I also stand my ground as a mother. Good luck!

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, WRONG, OVER SENSITIVE OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF!!!! i'm sorry to say that you are going through this.... but know you are in good company. you summed up my situation with my mother, only i think ours has gotten more out of control than yours. i wish i had an answer for you, but i don't. the only thing i can say is you are the mother, they are your children, it is your family, not hers. you have to set boundaries and follow through with consequences just as you would a child. it totally sucks, but hopefully it helps. we are getting ready to have a "boundaries" meeting with my mom soon so i totally understand the sensitive nature of the issue. we always think we must be wrong when she's around and so loving, but the truth is the issues are still there. good luck!

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. All I can say is pick your battles. My mother in law paints my girls toes all the time and I cant stand it. But I realized that its not THAT big a deal. I did how ever set the boundary that I do not like finger nail paint on little girls. Even then she pushes it. She probably has no idea that what she is doing is bothering you, but if you pick your battles and then stand up for the boundaries you set, she should get it. My mother in law gets them things that are in appropriate all the time too. And never believes me that I know what size shoes they wear. She always gets them a size to small. So now I just say, "that was very sweet of you to think of them,but you didn't happen to save the receipt? These aren't allowed at her school" It may take a few times but she'll get it.

My mother in law found out I was having a girl and went out and bought her all these beautiful clothes, She pulled each one out one by one and laid them on her bed and then told me that these were the clothes she would keep at her house and I was not allowed to take them home. Maddening! My daughter never even wore them. I was real mad at the time but I realized that this is her issue, not mine. The fact is YOU are the mother. Just keep sweetly and politely reminding her. She should get the point.