This may seem like an odd request(and kind of embarrassing), but are there any more mature in age women/moms who would be willing to sort of mentor, or be a "Mom" type to someone my age(mid/later range 30s)?
A little background: my mom passed away when I was 15, and I think I miss having a mom to depend on for advice, a shoulder, a sounding board, to give me her unsolicited opinion, a kick in the pants, whatever. Even if mine was alive, I don't know that she would have been good at this. Let's just say that when I got my period at 12, I didn't know what it was, and thought I was dying when blood all of a sudden started coming out of me. She had never explained any of that, and when I was hysterical because it started(honestly, I had NO clue), she did nothing to help me except to give me a pad and tell me to go to bed, that it would stop soon. I don't even remember how I learned about periods. She began to get better as a mother figure a couple years later, but by then, she was sick and then she died.
I haven't had a mother figure for over half my life, and I miss it(I think?). Someone I can ask advice from, someone I can just talk to, ask if I'm doing the right thing, if there are problems I need help solving, about life in geeneral. Friends are wonderful(!), but sometimes I think I need a wiser, older person to talk with, if that makes sense.
I have older sisters, but none of us talk to each other(long drama filled story), and my MIL and I don't talk since I found out something horrible she did many years ago. Plus, she's not exactly, "all there." I don't trust her as far as I can lift her. Both my grandmothers are passed away as well.
I'm aware that this may seem a little off-beat, but I'm hoping someone out there can understand.
Honestly, I just wish I had a mom to talk to sometimes like other women do. Maybe I just need therapy lol.
First of all, THANK YOU for the wonderful replies!! I'm trying not to cry, but I have this weird feeling in my chest right now, like my heart grew two sizes today lol. It does my heart good to know I'm not "alone" in the world.
Having friends and a husband and kids, it's all wonderful, but not having a mother--well, those folks lucky enough to have one cannot ever know how much it hurts not to have one, and how that one place in your life, heart, or wherever, is just somehow not quite right(not for all of us, but some of us).
I imagine there are some things just as bad, or worse--loosing a child or a husband. My heart goes out to those who have dealt with those things, and the others that make you grieve.
I know there are other things in life to cherish and be grateful for: family and friends, and I *do* appreciate all of them, and love them more that words can express, and am sometimes still just bowled over at how lucky I am! There are times, however, when friends or family cannot help with, or fill that....need, I guess. And sometimes, the family is something that i really wish I had a mom's help with(not babysitting or a place to stay, or anything like that). If there is a way that need can be filled or ignored, I don't think I realize it.
To let you all know, I don't work anymore(I didn't change my pro, yet), but I am looking again. Right now, I fill the days trying to get the house in order, getting the kids ready for school, trying to figure out my mystifying oldest daughter, reading, and trying to train the puppy--not always in that order. ;o)
Patty and Amanda, ladies, I'm sorry for both of you, but Patty, I'm VERY happy for you that you have found a way to be happy despite the way your mother is. I hope I can be too. Amanda, would it be okay for me to email you? Perhaps we could get together and talk about it sometime? We're not far from each other.
Elizabeth and Jennifer, wonderful advice(from everyone), and I will try each suggestion that I can try. I would definately love to keep in touch with you both. I would never turn down the opportunity to make new friends.
Thank you very much, ladies. I will PM each of you, soon.
Have a wonderful and relaxing weekend.
K.
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E.A.
answers from
Seattle
on
Hi K.,
You've crossed a hugh hurdle to openly acknowledge that you're missing a "Mom" type figure in your life. I'm 51 and it wasn't until I was in my early 30's that I realized just how important it is to have my Mom be an intergal part of my life.
Just from the bits you've told us it seems you have a lot on your plate. A full-time job, Mom to 3 kids and a wife. Do you have time to yourself? Attend church, part of a women's group, bookclub? These are some of the places where you'll find, when you least expect it, a friend who can grow into a mentor.
I'm moving up to Tacoma in a couple of weeks. Email me if you'd like to start chatting. Once we're all moved in perhaps we can meet for lunch at Steeped in Comfort on Gravelly Lake Drive. E.
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A.K.
answers from
Seattle
on
Hi K..
I am in a similair situation...lost my mom 16 years ago and so often I feel like a circle, trying to fit into a square world. It's very hard to be out there by yourself, but it sounds like you have a wonderful family of your own.
I find that it's especially hard to not have that motherly advice and time to vent to others, when you're raising children of your own.
I also think that it's hard to make lasting friendships with anyone these days. I've recently moved to the area, and left all of my best friends 2000 miles away. It really seems that people are just too busy these days to spend time building relationships with other people.
Church is a great place to meet motherly types, or a book club since you read a lot. The problem, is that a lot of women just can't be bothered. I hope it all works out for you. If not, just know that you are not out there alone. Best wishes.
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J.S.
answers from
Seattle
on
God Bless you in your search for new friends.
Make a list of the qalities of a "Mom" that you are looking for. What does the perfect Mom look like on paper, and keep yourself open to let her come into your life. Try doing new things, going to church events, or even doing things with your kids, I find quite often when I do things with my daughter there are grandmas doing things with kids too. Your "Mom" might be at McDonalds or the library. You just need to know what you are looking for and open to let her come to you. I found a friend at the library this way, she and her daughter were the perfect pair for me and mine. And ask people for other activities to do to make friends, you will make a lot of acquantances and you just might find the Mom type you are looking for, and maybe several.
I noticed you are in Lakewood, I am in Gig Harbor my daughter is 2 1/2, and I am 40, not what you are looking for but if you want to make new friends ... maybe the kids could play together, or I would love to pamper you with a makeover. I sell Aloette and pampering people is my passion. An maybe we could both come up with ideas for where to meet more people in the area.
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P.C.
answers from
Seattle
on
Hi K.,
I feel your pain.I am 10 years older and have a mom still living that could not be there emotionally for me.Drinking problems and just unable to cope. For myself I joined Alanon which helped me heal and accept her for who she was.You need to put yourself out there and meet more people.It sounds time is a problem for you.You sound like a busy lady.Over time having this mom in my life is not as important as it use to be.I am happily married 18 years and have two great sons 71/2 and 6.Hang in there.
P.
